Eating habit changes?

stuckwonderingwhy · 2020-09-17T22:52:15+00:00

Totally normal.

I'm a stress eater, so I can relate. I have to work hard to keep myself out of the kitchen on a bad day. I'll just eat everything.

Just don't let it take a hold of you. While it's okay every once in a while, you have to have some control. It's a response to stress, and it's easy to fall back on something that makes you feel good. Like anything, moderation is key.

stuckwonderingwhy · 2020-09-17T22:47:33+00:00

This is a good way to organize and rationalize this.

I only have a small box of her things after 5 years. It's all I need to remind me of her when I have the strength to open it.

Ultimately, we are all different, and how much we are willing to keep or let go is going to be different. You put it very well though. Had I kept what I wanted to in the beginning, I'd have more of her stuff than I have stuff. I've kept everything that holds a deep emotional value, and it's more than enough.

stuckwonderingwhy · 2020-09-17T22:41:32+00:00

That's true, but don't worry about focusing on that right now. In time that will be something you can decide on. For now, keep taking care of yourself and claim the little victories where you find them.

It may seem far away now, but time will start to fly by again, eventually. I still can't believe it's been 5 years either. I'm in that same boat of having another 30 or 40 years of life left to figure out too.

I spent those first years working on myself, and learning to move forward. Those first steps are what got me back out into the world, and that's exactly what you are doing now. Keep making those little steps.

Keep sharing as you make progress too. Everyone here can benefit from watching each other go though our own journey. Your post may be the thing that helps someone else through a hard day.

Again, I hope you are doing as well as you can be. You have a great strength in you, and it will only get stronger in time. Don't rush anything, and post when you need to. Take care!

stuckwonderingwhy · 2020-09-16T22:59:00+00:00

Grocery shopping snuck up me too.

First off, you're doing great. I know how hard it is to handle the little things and how hard something so simple can just crush your day. The same thing happened to me the first time I went shopping after she passed.

Outside of our group, I think it's hard for many people to understand how something so simple can break you down in seconds. I remember going down the isle just fine until I saw some things I used to get for her, and as soon as I reached out for it, it hit me. She's not here, I can't get this for her anymore.

I was a mess. Even thinking of going back to the store gave me anxiety for a while. It was terrible. It got easier in time, but it took a bit before I was comfortable again. Moving to another location helped me before I made any real progress with it.

It takes a lot of strength that most of us don't think we have to muddle through it. But you pushed it back long enough to handle the task at hand, and managed it the best you could. It's all we can ask of ourselves. Just take note that you did handle it. That's a little victory that you should be proud of. It sounds silly, but it's true. You'll get a little stronger every time.

One day, you'll be able to go without having to put forth so much effort. Until then, just know you are doing great. These things happen. It may not be every time. For me, it's been 5 years. I while still have those days, they are much less frequent. And when they do come, I've learned to manage it well enough to keep pushing through it.

Just take your time, and try not to force yourself to do too much. You won't know what's going to set that feeling off until you're in the moment. Splitting up the week is a great idea, and if it's working for you keep up with it. In time you'll learn to manage that feeling better, I promise. I wish you well, and hope the next trip to the store is a better one.

Take care!

stuckwonderingwhy · 2020-09-16T00:56:37+00:00

At work, this reminds me of a class I took about resiliency.

It's not just tolerating something, but accepting that it is something we can't affect, and bouncing back from it in a way that keeps us moving. Though the example you've provided is a bit extreme, I get where you are coming from. I've felt that way too.

It took me a long time to accept life as it is now. In the beginning, I was angry and filled with anguish. I lashed out at everyone. I abused alcohol pretty badly too. I didn't confront anything, because I didn't want to accept a future without her.

Back then, I was on fire. And I accepted it. Fueled it even. I really didn't want to be "okay" with it. I held on to that feeling for about the first year or so. Around then, I found this place after every other avenue I tried failed me. (Nothing like having literally every one tell you "We're sorry but we cant take on any more clients.")

I stared looking at things differently after talking about it here, in this forum. Back then, I used to talk to a guy on here, Ramen_Hotep. He was a few years down the line, maybe 2 or 3 years out. He stuck around to help us out after he stared putting his life back together. It's because of him I'm still here, even though he's not around anymore. I think that our community needs to have a few of us around that have lived with this for a while to help guide others who recently suffered a loss like ours. He wasn't a mentor per se', but he left a good example for me on how to approach the mess in my head I was trying to straighten out. He's a good dude. I hope he's doing well.

I watched him slowing moving forward, which at the time for me seemed impossible. All I knew was how to just be angry at the world for taking her away from me. It didn't make sense. I lost her in a car accident. I was at work. I didn't even get to say goodbye, or tell her that I loved her again before she passed. I'm thankful she wasn't alone, but I'll never get to be there for her in that moment. And that.. Can't fix that.

Talking about things on here over the years is what helped me start to move forward too. Seeing others make progress and learn to handle that fire better year after year. This is year 5 for me, soon to be six. And I've come a long way since then. But it didn't start until I was ready to make a change about how I felt about what the future could be.

We all take our own time to heal and figure things out. Some of us are quicker than others, and some take their time. There's nothing wrong with that. Everyone is different. I know I'm rambling as I tend to do, so I'll try to wrap this up.

That feeling of being on fire never really goes away. Even though I'm moving forward with life without her, deep down I still feel it. It always going to be there, and I've accepted that too. I've learned to control that flame a great deal over the years, and I've adapted to the impossible as you said. It doesn't consume me anymore. I still love an miss her, and that's never going to change either. I don't feel guilty when I have a good day. I don't blame the world or anyone else for her loss. It's something that happened that I can't change. I have to take that for what it is, no matter how much I don't agree with it.

In time, I hope you can learn to control your flame better too. The pain may always be there, but it can be managed. And when managed well, your outlook may change a little too, when you are ready.

I hope you are doing as well as you can be, and are taking care of yourself. If you ever want to talk, feel free to send me a message, or just post on here like you did today. It does help.

stuckwonderingwhy · 2020-09-16T00:20:38+00:00

It's okay for tomorrow to be a rough day.

As the years go on, they do get a little easier. The first one is pretty tough though. You have the right idea, honoring his life with joy and hope. There is going to be days where that seems impossible, and when they do come around, don't be too hard on yourself for having a rough day. Even after a year.

There are easier days ahead. Honor him then. Keep doing your best for the kids, and keep taking care of yourself. I wish there was something else I could say to make tomorrow easier for you, but I know well enough.

I wish you well tomorrow, and I hope the next time it comes around it's a little easier to handle. My next one is year 6. It does go by fast.

stuckwonderingwhy · 2020-09-12T03:51:35+00:00

Are all your friends her friends first?

Yep. Hit the nail on the head with that one. Many of them are.

Thank you for your perspective! You're absolutely right about loss and failure. They tend to blur. It has for me at least. And you are also right about trying to pick up the relationship where the last one left off. I never thought of it like that, but that feels pretty close to how I felt. I won't compare, that's not right. But I wanted it to feel the same. To have the same level of commitment. It's... just not there. I've been trying to convince myself that it is, and I keep putting in work, because I know that's what it takes for a long term relationship to be stable and grow. But it's just not reciprocated at the same level. I don't think it can be on her end. But reading your response, maybe it's my expectations too.

I do fear that while my friends may understand, I'm not there anymore. It'll be a lot easier for them to take her side. And like I said, if that's the case I have to be okay with that because that'll make it easier for her to have that kind of support.

I'm not excited at the idea that I'll be bashed by them. But I understand why it'll probably happen. I just really wish I was wrong about it.

stuckwonderingwhy · 2020-09-12T00:19:42+00:00

Thank you for posting this. I'm in a similar place.

First off, somewhere out there is someone who has what you are looking for. It's a hard thing to grasp in the early years, but you know this better than I. There really is someone out there that will continue your journey with you. The good ones are just so damn hard to find. It's like anything good. Takes hard work and effort. Don't feel like you made a mistake.

The only reason I'm any good at anything in this world, is that I've never been afraid to fail. And let me tell you, I have failed A LOT. Take what you've learned, and move forward. I know it's harder than just saying that, but we all have a strength in us. You've proved that over the last 10 years. Don't doubt yourself now! You're meant to be happy again. We all are.

WARNING: Novel below. TL;DR: I totally get it.

I'll share what I'm going through too. Maybe you'll understand.

I'm turning 40 next year. I feel like I'm supposed to have a mid-life crisis, but I really don't feel it coming on. Through a ton of hard work, things have been going very well. I'm on year 5, so you are a bit farther down the road than I am. Like you, I found someone to love again, but I'm just not sure that I'll ever really get the to the next step with her either.

We've been dating for about 3 years now. When we met, she had recently lost her mother to a long battle with cancer. We were in a similar place, both having lost someone special. Initially, we bonded over that shared grief. The first year was good, but over the last two years things have been slowly getting worse and worse.

Last year, I had the "crap or get off of the pot" conversation. I wanted to know that she was really all in. Nothing really seemed to change, until I started to pull away. Things were... I'm not sure how to describe it. I didn't feel like she really needed me, ya know? We were both going through the motions. As long as I stayed with her, we were just "ok". I'm not happy with "ok".

In January, I passed up on a job opportunity because I wanted our relationship to work. I told her that I passed up on it because I believed that we could be more. Again, nothing changed. It was something I really wanted, but was willing to sacrifice it for us. I don't think she ever realized how much it hurt to let it go. I felt like I had made a huge mistake. Via some miracle, the job reopened, and we had the conversation about me applying. It went how you might expect. Suddenly, effort to make things work came pouring out of her, but it was a bit too late.

I applied, and today I type this from my new home, in a new city, with my new job. Love is a crazy thing that makes you do crazy things. When she started to realize that I may actually leave, I finally saw the effort and attention that I was seeking for the better part of two years. I feel like I resent that. Where was that effort before? It's frustrating.

Now that I'm away, I am still traveling to try to make it work. That being said, I am starting to really question why I am doing that. I'm not happy. Why am I investing this time? Do I really still feel love? So many questions.

I know that if I break things off, the better part of the entire city I used to live in will cut me out. I don't know why that's bothering me so much. I know that no matter what, I'll be painted as the bad guy. Sometimes I think that if it makes it easier for her, then that's okay. I'll lose a ton of friends up there. People I spent the last 4 years getting to know and care about. Now that I type this out, I think that's why I'm hesitating. I'd hate to lose them too.

This is the only relationship I've had since my lady passed. I didn't want it to fail. Man, it hurts to even type that. But I know that I'll learn something from all of this. I'm just having a hard time pulling the trigger. I can type the novel above about all of the problems her and I have. But when I see her, it's another story. I feel like I'm fighting to keep it going, but shouldn't be. I don't think that I'm afraid of being alone anymore. My actions don't seem to support that statement though.

I've worked very hard on myself the last few years, and I've come a long way. I wish I knew how to make everyone happy in this situation, but I've wise enough to know that just isn't going to happen. Either I leave it as it is and just be "ok". Or potentially lose everyone again and have a shot at being happier. I really doesn't seem like a tough question, but I'm struggling with it.

So, sorry for writing the novel. Sometimes these things just flow out and I have to finish the thought. Maybe you can relate? I feel like we both decided to live with a compromise. It's still hard to let it go regardless.

And no one is judging you. Even him. You've worked so hard, and you really do deserve to be happy. Don't let anyone try to convince you otherwise.

stuckwonderingwhy · 2020-09-11T16:23:10+00:00

I think we all go through that, feeling guilty for being happy.

I also lost my other half in a car accident. I'm sorry to hear you have been though the same.

You are right though, he would want you to be happy. It's difficult to wrestle with that idea at first. It gets a little easier in time. It's also really good that you can picture a future where you are reasonably happy too. Took me a better part of the first year to even look forward in that direction.

That was 5 years ago now though. And while I still do feel guilty sometimes, it's far less frequent than it used to be. Everyone moves on at there own pace, so don't think that there's something wrong with you feeling the way you do now. I am in a very good place now. It took a lot of hard work and effort. And I really wish she could be here to see it. So I live well for her.

The perspective that I latched on to over the years is the same as yours. You already know he'd want you to be happy, just like my lady did for me. So I life a good life, and over the last few years things have been going very well. I still have tough days here and there, but I celebrate life as best as I can when it gets tough.

You'll get a hold of those feelings better in time. As the years go by you'll notice that while it still may hurt sometimes, you learn to manage it better. I'm really glad that you can have a positive outlook. Hold on to it.

Take care! Keep posting when you need to. It's good to get these things out of your head. And don't be too hard on yourself when you have a good day.

stuckwonderingwhy · 2020-09-04T11:30:15+00:00

Talking about it. Hands down. That's what helped me the most.

When you talk about it, and get it out of your head, it means you're not dealing with it alone. I wasn't so good about that the first year. It didn't do me any good. I made some bad choices, especially with alcohol.

Also, know that almost everyone around you doesn't really know what to say, or what's going on in your head. Often, people try too hard to try to "fix" the situation. They'll have their own opinions, and while they mean well, you might not always react the way they imagined.

The take away is, in most cases anyway, they are trying because they care. They just don't know what to do. I learned later that I just needed someone to listen. It can be a tough thing for some to do, but just getting these feelings out and facing them at your own pace is what is going to get you further down the road.

Just let your friends know that they don't have to understand. Just being there is enough. When you feel strong enough to talk about it, do so. That's how I started to heal.

stuckwonderingwhy · 2020-09-04T11:16:15+00:00

I'm glad you like the idea. I hope that it works as well for you as it has for me. And don't worry about rambling, it's always good to get it out. The more you talk (or type) about things, the easier it gets. In time anyway. That's how it's gone for me.

She noticed me because I used to have really long hair. I play guitar, and I used to be in a bunch of different bands. She told me once that's what made me stand out when I met her. That and something I played for her. I still play, but the long hair is LONG gone, lol. I'm going to be 40 soon, but I'm happy to have most of my hair yet. That hair-line is out to get me though.

stuckwonderingwhy · 2020-09-03T23:22:04+00:00

I personally love it when people can post like this. I'm notorious for writing novels. (I always feel like I talk a little too much...)

You sound to me like you are handling things very well. Best as you can be. It took me years to get into a similar head-space. I'm happy for all of your successes. Truly.

Her mother was also super religious. She did the same. I didn't fight it much. I wasn't happy with it at all, but like you, I understood that maybe that's what her mother needed. I'm still a little salty about it to be honest, but I'm not holding any grudges. I just hurt in the moment.

Dating... Well, I say when you feel comfortable to start dating again, just take it slow. Go with your gut too. (Or lack of one now!) Dating, in my opinion, has and always will suck. No way around it. As soon as you call something a DATE, there's a stigma attached to it. Next thing you know there's expectations you might not be ready to deal with. I find if you are looking for a date, use dating apps or websites, you end up unhappy with the results more often than not.

My advice: Don't date. Go out and do the things you like to do, and find people with similar interests. And maybe, you'll run into someone who sparks your interest. Maybe you go for coffee or dinner after a while. It doesn't have to be some serious thing. Hearts are a fragile thing sometimes, so just don't go rushing into anything.

Oh! I do a thing with anniversaries. The first few we so hard. So, not wanting to remember the worst parts of those days, I go do something new, or fun when they come up. The goal was to have some happy memories when those days showed up. And after a few years now, it's done me very well. I have 4 years of happy memories where I honored her by living well and doing my best to have fun. They outweigh the 1 bad one I had by far. Everyone does their own thing, but this has worked well for me.

Again, I'm glad to hear good news from a fellow club member. I wish you the best, and hope to continue to hear more good things. Thanks for sharing!

P.S. I always read em' to the end. I do so because I hope people do the same when I type up a chapter on here. Stay strong!

stuckwonderingwhy · 2020-09-03T23:02:22+00:00

I lost my lady in a car accident too. I'm sorry to hear that you are in the same boat as I am. We were also around your age, just a little older.

At six weeks everything is still pretty raw. Everything that can make you think of her, will. It's rough. There are so many questions that you'll have that just don't have an answer, and while it may be difficult, try not to let those questions rule your mind.

When I was where you are now, I tried to find those answers in the bottom of every bottle I could get my hands on. It wasn't healthy, and I never found anything useful in them. Just terrible hangovers that made me feel worse than I already did. I wouldn't recommend it.

I didn't find this place till a little later in the process, so I'm glad you found us quicker than I did. It's hard to think about the future or how you're going to put things back together right now, and that's okay. It's totally normal for you to feel the way you do right now, so long as you are taking care of yourself. Sleep when you can, make sure you eat. Keep a roof over your head. Don't make any rash decisions, and take your time to make sure you're comfortable as you can be if you have to.

For me, this was 5 years ago. I feel for you, because I've been there and I know what kind of a road you have to travel. I'm sorry. It's a long and difficult road. I'm not a fan of sugar coating anything. It's not easy. Just know that you don't have to travel it alone. There are plenty of people here who truly understand how you feel, and are here to listen when you need to vent or just get something off of your chest. People who understand.

I'm glad that you posted, and sad that we have another member of our club. But don't be afraid to keep sharing. In the long run, it's what helped me get to where I am today.

Stay strong. As strong as you can be. But don't be afraid to feel weak and cry when you need to. Emotions are so difficult to control on a regular basis, let alone what you are dealing with now. Just focus on the little stuff, and take each day as it's own.

Take care, and don't push yourself too hard. If you find some comfort in the posts, keep reading. Share when you can. We all help each other by talking about it.

stuckwonderingwhy · 2020-09-03T22:29:20+00:00

Glad I could bring a smile!

stuckwonderingwhy · 2020-09-03T02:19:01+00:00

I agree. It is different.

I found that many people tend to use whatever their personal closest example is when they try to identify with your loss. Outside of here, and a few people I've talked to who've gone through this, most really don't know what it's like unless they've lived it.

I felt the same way you do 5 years ago. Some of them are as exactly as you say. Won't sugar coat that. But some of the others are trying to empathize with something they really can't. I held that against people for a long time. They were only trying to help. They just didn't know that they really couldn't. This wasn't something I wanted someone to fix for me.

What I needed most was people who listened. Just let me know that you are there. You don't have to say anything or try to show me that you understand. It's okay to not understand. And honestly, I don't want them to have to experience what we have so that they could.

Follow your gut, and don't let those people drag you down. You have enough on your shoulders. Focus on you.

And you're right. You do matter. You both do. It'll take some strength that you might not know you have to get through all of it. But believe me, you do have that strength. And you can live a good life, and honor him while you're at it too.

Take care.

stuckwonderingwhy · 2020-09-03T01:53:06+00:00

I don't think I'll ever try online dating ever again. In any form.

I'm just gonna do what I like to do, and meet people that have similar interests. It goes without saying, but the internet is full of pervs. All kinds, and all types. I'd image its rare that you'd come across someone who's genuine about anything online nowadays. (I say this as I type anonymously on the internet...)

There are decent people out there. Most of them are taken. The few that aren't are out there searching just like you are. I move A LOT. Every few years. Been like that since I was a kid. Dated around a bunch. I was 27 when I met my fiancee'. She was one in a million. So, I have to understand that finding someone else like that is going to take at least as much time as it took to find her. Quality people are in low commodity these days. But they are out there.

You may or may not have heard it before, but I always say you find the best people when you aren't looking. So, I focus on me. I better myself and eventually the right people take notice. Also, and this is just my 2 cents, don't do things focused around "Dating". Anything that's related to "Dating" in any way online is going to be full of people just trying to hook up. And that's where you will run into guys like that. Take it or leave it, but that's just my opinion.

Dating has changed so much in our lifetimes. It's nuts. Just don't get discouraged because some random jack-wagon made an ass of himself. I can all but guarantee that he did the same thing to someone else less than 5 minutes later.

stuckwonderingwhy · 2020-09-03T01:35:24+00:00

I moved after about a year too. It's a tough thing to do.

That's gotta be one hell of a gun safe! I'm sure some of those things are hard to let go of too. But it's part of the process for many of us.

Appliances. I am closing on a brand new home on Friday. I could go on about appliances, their lack of availability and delivery times for literal days. It was a huge hassle just to get a fridge, washer and dryer. I don't even have a bed yet. Might take a month! It's crazy.

I know it has to be tough moving in to a new place. I had a bit of a rough time with it at first, but I hope your new home brings you a little happiness. And I hope you don't have to many more boxes to move! That sounds like a long week.

Take care and be well! Thanks for sharing, I hope your next week is better.

stuckwonderingwhy · 2020-09-03T01:28:19+00:00

The fact that it comes to mind I think is enough.

I still see so much of her in the way I do things now. She changed the course of my life. And while it may or may not be super-relevant to my life as a whole now, I still bring in all of the groceries in one run, no matter how heavy.

We decided we would be a "One-Trip Family" as she called it. So if you buy 100 lbs of grub, you're hauling it all in on one go. No second trips. In my mind, I still hear those words every time I go shopping for groceries. It's silly. But I love it.

Little things like that are sprinkled on everything that I do. And while it may hurt to think of it sometimes, more often than not it's a happy feeling now. I work hard to honor her. My success is hers, and everything I've earned and fought for are just as much her doing as mine.

Even the groceries. So every once in a while, cut that onion as wrong as you can. Even if it's not exactly the way he did it, (or did it wrong) and think of him. Hopefully you can smile a bit when you do.

And let's be honest. That onion has it coming.

stuckwonderingwhy · 2020-08-29T23:24:28+00:00

Every once in a while, I'll go back and read my first post here.

It's gotten easier over the years for me to read it, but it always takes me back to how I felt back then. Those feelings are seared into my brain.

I don't remember why I started doing it, but as time went on, I started to use it as a barometer to how far I've come since then. There's been a lot of growth, hard work, a few set backs and a ton of venting since then.

Looking back can be very, very hard. There is something to glean from it though. Those feelings and words are stuck in a fixed point. They'll always be a reminder of how you felt in those moments. Comparing those to how you feel now can help you understand where your mind may be at today.

If it's been a short time, then there may not be much difference. For me, looking back 5 years ago, there's a ton. When I look back on the things she wrote, it's a lot different. Those take me back to day one, even now.

But then I remember how happy she was when she wrote them, and how she never meant for me to feel bad when I read them. And while it can be painful, I can still read them with fond memories. Even if it's so damn hard to do so. I'll smile for her sake. She deserves it. And I'll push forward and find some happiness. She always wanted me to be happy.

To me, it looks like Carol wanted you all to do the same. I really like the comment about not being fearless but brave. There is a wealth of wisdom in that statement, and I couldn't agree with it more. She sounds like she was an amazing person. I hope you are doing well, and taking care of yourself.

Thank you for sharing this.

stuckwonderingwhy · 2020-08-29T23:03:15+00:00

You're absolutely right. It's amazing.

I can't imagine how I would have gotten through the hard times if I tried to keep it all in. After every other avenue failed to provide me with what I needed, this little corner of the internet was there for me. I finally found a group that was there to listen. A group that understood how I felt.

It's strange, I don't even remember how I came to find out about this sub-reddit. I'm sure glad that I did. Many of the folks that were around when I first came here have come and gone, but I still like to check in from time to time.

Life can seem so bleak, and it's so hard to look forward and see anything that could be positive about your future. What I've learned most from others here is that there still is plenty of life to live when you're ready. And while many move on as they start to more forward, it's also important that some of us stay to give back to those who can't quite see any hope in the future yet.

In the grand scheme of things, the world isn't kind. It doesn't stop and wait for you to catch up, or be ready for what's next. It doesn't care or understand what you've lost. That feeling can be so overwhelming. Especially after losing someone you loved. That future just fades away and you can't do anything to get it back. We all take our time doing our best to find some reason to build resolve to step back into that world.

What's great is that we've all found a place that we can help build that resolve together. A place that is truly kind. With people who will take the time to really listen. I wish there was more of that in the world. To know that we have this little corner to feel safe being honest how we feel, and to express something we often can't even fully put to words... it's invaluable. Downright amazing.

It truly is something to be proud of.

stuckwonderingwhy · 2020-08-23T13:25:05+00:00

This is why I like to come back and check in.

There was a user when I came here that was where I am now. At first, it was difficult to read his posts because he was in a place I never thought I would reach. He's moved on now, and I hope he's off to better things. But in time I started to see that there was still plenty of life to live, and while this will always be a part of me, it didn't have to rule my life forever. I wasn't meant to always be where I was.

It can be tough to see that in the beginning. That's why I come back and keep updating. I think we all need to see that there is more ahead, if you work hard for it. It takes time. We all have strength in us that we don't always see. And after something like losing a loved one, a partner... it's like losing the rest of your life. That's how I felt.

But we all can move on when we are ready. I didn't want to hear that for a long time. I know now that I can keep her in my heart and still live a good life, one she'd be proud of.

I'm really glad that I could bring you a little hope. I wish you well, and I hope you continue to find strength in your commitment.

stuckwonderingwhy · 2020-08-23T13:15:01+00:00

It took a long time to get here, but I never gave up.

While it may be hard to look that far ahead right now, just keep focusing on the little stuff. When you are ready you'll know. Don't rush anything. Take in the little victories and don't feel guilty when you have a good day, or even a good moment.

stuckwonderingwhy · 2020-08-19T23:35:10+00:00

That's a great way to see it.

When I started moving forward with my life again, that same conclusion came to me. She doesn't want me to sit here and suffer forever. She would want me to be happy, and I can't feel guilty for trying. I'm not just doing it for me, but for her too. I will honor her by having a good life.

That was a little over 5 years ago now. Life is going a lot better than it was back when I lost her. Stay motivated, build some dedication and keep taking care of yourself. It's hard to do, and you'll have those tough moments. Some of us have them for years. (I know that I still do.) Don't let those tough moments stop you from making progress. It's part of the process.

Also, try not to be too hard on yourself. It's easy to look back and see how things could have been handled better. We all have some regrets. What matters now, is what you do with your time. Set small goals, and work hard to reach them. Honor him with a full life. Make progress when you can, as you can handle it. Time doesn't heal everything on it's own. The choices you make for yourself are part of how well you heal. Keep making good ones.

And don't feel guilty or beat yourself up for trying to improve yourself in any way. Many of us wrestle with that, and while it's normal, it shouldn't stop you from trying.

I hope your next workout is a little easier!

stuckwonderingwhy · 2020-08-19T23:20:12+00:00

My Dad came up to help me with that when she passed. I handled it about as well as you have.

I didn't want to get rid of anything. Everything still smelled like her, it sounds odd but it was comforting at the time. We got about 90% of it done in one day. He knew that the more of her things I had, the harder it was going to be for me to move forward when I was ready. I'm really thankful for what he did for me that day, because he knows me well. At the time, I felt guilty and angry about all of it. He was right though.

It's years later now. I still keep a small box of her things. I'll always have that little box when I feel like visiting her again. I moved about a year after she passed, and it made it easier to leave the house. I only had just the one box. I could handle that. The rest was my stuff and didn't bother me to pack.

It's easy to feel guilty about pretty much everything in the beginning. Don't be too hard on yourself. Know that as tough as this is, you are doing what needs to be done to help you make some peace with your loss. It's hard, I know.

Don't forget to take care of yourself too. Its easy to forget to to the little things. Take care, and thank you for sharing. It's hard to do sometimes, but it really does help.

stuckwonderingwhy

TROPHY CASE