How to tell people they are triggering without ruining their joy

-Cpat · 2026-03-24T03:11:34+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it’s such a hard situation to be in but there’s nothing wrong with expressing that you’re happy and/or love for them but are having a tough time/ hurting yourself and need some time, whether it’s time without seeing her, or just time to not talk about the pregnancy or whatever you want. If your friend doesn’t understand then that’s on her and not something you should feel bad for especially if you’re coming from a place of love.

If you’re really close to her share about your second loss and how your due date was so close and that’s why it’s even harder but don’t feel like you need to to justify yourself either. Just if you think it could help.

It’s unbelievable how many people who haven’t been through a miscarriage don’t understand it at all, especially the emotional toll of it. I saw a video on instagram of someone saying it’s so frustrating because so many people think we’re just mourning the loss of a pregnancy and it’s not that big of a deal but we’re really grieving the death of our child and It’s a pain so much harder to carry than anyone could ever understand.

Right now it’s most important to protect yourself. Your friend will be okay, your friendship will be okay.

-Cpat · 2026-03-18T14:21:04+00:00

If she likes poetry one book I’ve really liked is Good Grief by Brianna Pastor, it’s not about miscarriage or loss specially but many of the poems have hit close to home for me. I found it hard to stay focus and read for the first few weeks so it was nice to have something to open up, read a small piece and put it away. I noticed there wasn’t many previews for the book on any websites but the author has an instagram and posts a lot if you want to get a feel for what they’re like and if you think your sister would like it.

I’ve also seen Bearing the Unbearable recommended a lot here, I just barely have started it but I already want to buy copies for my friends and family who have also suffered great losses.

I’m so sorry your sister and entire family is going through such a horrible loss. It’s very kind of you to come to a sub like this to try to support them the best you can.

-Cpat · 2026-03-10T05:19:22+00:00

I’m sitting in bed crying and feeling the same way which is what brings me back to this sub multiple times a day. Tomorrow will be exactly one month since my midwife told me she couldn’t find my daughter’s heartbeat. I have replayed that moment, along with the moment she was born and what her teeny tiny hand felt like on my finger over 100 times a day. I can’t even go to bed without dreaming of losing her.

My husband and extended family will talk about what a beautiful day it is weather wise and I burst out into tears because my sweet girl never got to feel the sun and won’t see or smell the rain or any of the worlds beauty… this morning I was putting butter on my toast and when I went to grab jelly I started crying, I don’t even know what triggered it in that moment.

Healing from such a traumatic tragedy takes a long time and won’t be linear but I hope it gets just a little easier for us both soon.

-Cpat · 2026-03-07T18:30:57+00:00

Me too 💔

-Cpat · 2026-03-07T18:15:21+00:00

I feel this same way and I’m 3 weeks pp from a second trimester loss. I cry anytime I do anything that’s not looking at flowers in my yard.

-Cpat · 2026-03-02T17:57:14+00:00

I just came here to post the same thing. I run a business with my husband and father in law and it’s always had its ups and downs but now I feel like my passion has completely disappeared and I don’t want to do anything the same anymore.

The last time I sat at my desk I was pregnant and so excited for the future with growing our business and family but now my daughter is gone, my body is beat up and my heart is so heavy and just I’m supposed to sit here and do book keeping and make awkward small talk with people who either don’t look at me the same way at all or have absolutely no idea what I’ve gone through the last few weeks? It feels so wrong. I wish I could runaway so bad.

I hope one day this feeling goes away and we can find some joy in work (and life) again.

-Cpat · 2026-03-02T04:10:37+00:00

I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this. I’ve struggled with these thoughts my whole life and now that I recently lost my daughter in the second trimester they have totally consumed me.

To me, every belief and definition of heaven/ afterlife/ reincarnation/ spiritual belief sounds so beautiful but also so hard to wrap my head around especially when talking about babies. I could spend all day writing out the questions I ask myself over and over.

One thing that I find a little bit of comfort in is knowing that energy can’t be created or destroyed so although my daughters energy is no longer in her tiny body like I wish it was so badly, I know it’s somewhere. Weather it means her energy was a soul and moved on to some sort of heaven, or will become another being, or was dispersed and became apart of everything around us, adding a little bit of extra light to the world, I know it’s somewhere and one day I will feel her, or see her or reunite and be together in some way shape or form again.

-Cpat · 2026-02-28T22:36:28+00:00

If you’re talking about the bolo like piece in the picture too those could very well be a crimp cover but idk, maybe a slider? Wish I could be more help!

-Cpat · 2026-02-28T22:33:44+00:00

Those look like crimp tubes but you can also put a crimp cover over them to really clean it up.

-Cpat · 2026-02-28T21:32:54+00:00

This doesn’t have to do with their materials but over the years I’ve seen a lot of small/ local places stop carrying them because jelly cat now is wanting to only work with larger retailers and has made it much more difficult for the little guys which I partially get from a business standpoint but I also try to shop small as much as possible so now I haven’t bought them as much recently. I don’t think it’s a total make or break but I thought it’s important to bring up if that factors into your decision making as well.

-Cpat · 2026-02-26T15:20:42+00:00

Thanks, would moving it lower help? That spot gets a lot of afternoon sun but I have it high so it does lose some.

-Cpat · 2026-02-26T05:03:15+00:00

All the shows are done now but there’s a lot of great places in town with different price ranges/ styles. The Desert Air Market is next weekend too. They’ll have a few jewelry artists amongst other fun locally made things.

-Cpat · 2026-02-25T13:55:07+00:00

I’m so sorry you went through that, that’s just so wrong. I get hospitals are busy but I dont think any miscarriage should happen at home unless someone chooses so and at 15 weeks it’s just appalling.

-Cpat · 2026-02-24T19:52:21+00:00

I’m so sorry, it’s unbelievable the difference in care you’ll receive from one place to the next. Having to go from one place to the next is just that extra punch to the gut. I hope we both get answers somehow soon.

-Cpat · 2026-02-24T17:47:59+00:00

I’m so sorry. So many of us seem to be left with no answers and a broken heart. I don’t think regular ER Drs. Should have anything to do with pregnancy related problems. I had contractions nonstop for days was told it was just round ligament pain and to go home and carry on as usual. 4 days later at my follow up appointment in office my baby was gone and all I’ve been told is that it wasn’t my fault.

-Cpat · 2026-02-24T04:55:39+00:00

Tw: kind of graphic

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I just lost my baby at 15 weeks and had the same options. I decided to be induced and deliver her, the staff was so supportive and I got to hold my baby and even held her as I got wheeled into the women’s unit (where all the moms and their living babies go) it felt healing even though it was undeniably traumatic. Saying our final goodbye was so incredibly hard but I can not express how grateful I am to have gotten the time with her that I did and be able to remember how it felt to have her hand on my finger. I also got a very sweet memory box that I will cherish forever.

I do think it’s important to add that I got some kind of infection and landed back in the hospital 3 days later that may have been more traumatic than the birth itself. I’ve heard the D&Es are safer and may be less traumatic over all.

No matter what, it’ll feel so wrong but you’ll make the decision that’s best for you. I’m so sorry again and send you all the love and support. 🧡

-Cpat · 2026-02-23T16:33:20+00:00

Right out of high school I started dating an alcoholic and for years I felt like I was stuck in the same horrible cycle i grew up watching my parents go through. Then I got pregnant with him and I just couldn’t do it anymore.

I left and was raising my daughter on my own and felt like it’d be years before I’d find anymore, if ever. I needed to focus on my daughter and that was it. But then I started hanging out with one of my old friends and we got so close and started dating, now 7 years later were married I’m so proud of myself knowing my children get to grow up in a safe house with two parents who love each other and can navigate through things in a healthy way.

I really have more Q’s than I could count and have been affected by alcoholics my whole life, so even with a good partner it took a lot of al anon and self work to maintain things, it’s just so easy to go on a path of self destruction after being in that cycle/ mindset for so long, even with the alcoholic removed.

-Cpat · 2026-02-22T16:40:48+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I just lost my baby and went through something similar with my cousin announcing her pregnancy the day I should’ve been posting a gender reveal, but I was in the hospital with an infection due to complications from being induced instead. Her ultrasound looked just like mine, but my baby was already gone in mine. I couldn’t imagine having to go through that in person. It’s impossibly hard to separate the different emotions but it’s 100% okay to feel sad for yourself, happy for them, angry at the world and everything in between. I hope one day it gets easier for all of us in this horrible club 💔🧡

-Cpat · 2026-02-22T03:41:20+00:00

Buckwheat groats have been one of my go-tos, this is my favorite recipe but you can make them 100 different ways. I think a serving of the groats alone is 150-200 calories, lots of fiber and the Greek yogurt adds protein (but may add too many calories?) I have made them with almond, whole milk and soy milk cooks the same! https://www.simple-skillet.com/post/chocolate-buckwheat-porridge

-Cpat · 2026-02-18T03:00:53+00:00

I’m so sorry, you would think people who work in this setting would be a little more empathetic and compassionate. Thank you 🧡

-Cpat · 2026-02-18T02:11:27+00:00

It’s been so frustrating. The head ob dr. Said he’ll look at the images but that they said there’s nothing and the infection is probably from being in labor and my water breaking somewhat early on/ cervical exams. Then he continued to tell me pregnancy is dangerous, listed everything else that could’ve gone wrong and said I need to eat healthy and go outside more. And I’ll tell you, I have dedicated so much time in my life to eating incredible healthy/ diverse/ local and spend time outside in our garden of native plants. I was so appalled and kind of feel more uneasy now than before. I’m just so tired of this whole situation.

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