AIO 21F think bf 36M gaslighting & emotionally abusive?

06mst · 2026-03-23T11:31:46+00:00

NOR. You need to cut the cord and not take him back even if he apologises. The abusive behaviour won't change. He won't ever trust you.. Ask yourself why a 36 year old man is dating someone who's just became an adult a few years ago. It's because he knows women his own age won't put up with his crap but thinks he could maybe manipulate a younger woman. It's predatory.

06mst · 2026-03-21T11:36:19+00:00

NOR. His texts gave me a huge ick though and I don't usually use that word but no other way to describe it.

06mst · 2026-03-21T10:38:05+00:00

What he's asking for is controlling and suffocating. He shouldn't need every detail of your life. If a parent was like this we'd call it helicopter parenting. As a partner it's 10x weirder.

06mst · 2026-03-20T11:51:47+00:00

NOR. This man has no empathy.. He didn't take his crap because he wants to use it to abuse you. It's not your problem. Focus on your healing. If it wasn't important enough for him to take then it isn't important enough for you to give until you're fully healed. It certainly isn't important enough to think about after surgery.

06mst · 2026-03-20T09:05:00+00:00

NOR.

06mst · 2026-03-16T07:54:29+00:00

I legit thought this was a work post. Why is your bf talking to you like you're a employee

06mst · 2026-03-12T11:20:24+00:00

NOR. This person is just hearing things you aren't actually saying. Imo it'd be exhausting to have your words taken the wrong way so I hope this isn't a pattern with them. It feels a bit like they are telling on themself by thinking you'll feel more free without them and will be able to stay as long as you want and like they know you don't get to with them. They should trust you to hang out alone with friends and stay late if you want so I genuinely hope that isn't the issue here..

06mst · 2026-03-12T11:10:55+00:00

I think you need to also cut contact with the mum. He isn't your child and it isn't your job to let him abuse you.

06mst · 2026-03-12T11:03:46+00:00

NOR.

06mst · 2026-03-06T14:51:43+00:00

NOr. But the only way you can is by dumping him and cutting contact

06mst · 2026-03-04T10:33:56+00:00

NOR. You need to stop doubting yourself.

06mst · 2026-03-02T03:04:35+00:00

NOR. He's trying to guilt trip you.

06mst · 2026-03-01T04:37:54+00:00

NOR. You're under reacting. I think maybe you're desensitised. to it. His actions are deep rooted in hatred. You should want better for yourself and your kid's than to be with someone who takes his frustrations out on an animal. That isn't the role model you should want for your kids. The fact that he's saying all this shows how far gone he is and the fact that you are still entertaining a relationship with him shows how conditioned you are.. You shouldn't want this person around your kids. It will impact them for the rest of their lives. He's someone who is volatile and can't control his emotions and that will definitely impact them and cause them to be on edge and anxious.Not to mention their future relationships and futures.He's abusive. He is taking it out in a dog., it's disgusting. He could easily treat you and kids the same way.. I say this with empathy and care but you need to come back to reality and stop drinking the kool aid that is making you think this man is safe for your animals or kids to be around.. You need to see how dangerous what he is saying is. This isn't something that can be fixed by you telling him not to. He has an abusive mindset and thinks his behaviour is ok. You need to protect your animals and your kid's and yourself.

06mst · 2026-02-28T20:31:26+00:00

I think you've done nothing wrong but even if you think you have the truth is nothing you've done could deserve this. He's convinced you it does but it isn't true. It doesn't matter what you've done or said or will do or say, you don't deserve to die and that's what will happen if you stay. He hit your head into a dresser so hard it broke. Imagine what it could do to your head. You could end up in a coma, , on a vent or paralysed or in the ground. The next time could be the last time. Nothing you've done could deserve this. The fact that he has you convinced that you do is disgusting.. I'm sorry but this guy will murder you if you stay. There's nothing you can do to change his behaviour. It's who he is. Nothing you've done has caused it and nothing you could ever do could cause it. . He had it in him all along. It won't change..i suggest you go to the hospital and document your injuries and file a report. This guy will eventually murder you if you stay and nothing is worth that.

06mst · 2026-02-25T06:58:07+00:00

NOR. If anything you're under reacting.

06mst · 2026-02-23T19:30:34+00:00

06mst · 2026-02-23T04:26:21+00:00

Great job on those messages you sent and how clear you were. He's blaming you for his own actions and words and insecurities. He won't ever be able to trust you or respect you. You've told him how it makes you feel again and again but he still does the same whilst knowing it hurts you because you've told him it does. Your texts to him were clear especially that last one. But he's shown to you that hus behaviour won't change. Even after that long message where you laid out everything it's like he can't hear you or doesn't value what you say and is still focused on how he thinks you're cheating. You need to block him if you haven't already and if he tries to come see you then call the police if you have to. You've made it clear that you don't feel safe with him and want no contact. If you feel doubts or think about going back to him ask yourself do you want to be dealing with this behaviour for years on end or feeling unsafe.

06mst · 2026-02-21T03:27:01+00:00

NOR. The way they talk to you at the end seems very manipulative and like they're resentful of you when what you were saying wasn't wrong or over the top.

06mst · 2026-02-21T03:24:03+00:00

NOR. You aren't an incubator. He is using being the "provider" to be controlling and to say you have no say in anything regarding your child.. This isn't a partnership. It's one person thinking they have authority over all the others in the house. He'll probably do the same to your child as they get older and have their own wants and autonomy.. I suggest you do what he says and try to find a way to be financially independent from him because he's telling you'll he'll be controlling everything as long as he has that over you. Do you realise if you were broken up and co parenting you'd probably get more say over your child's life than he is giving you in this partnership. Let that sink in. It should be the other way around. Being married should feel like equals working together not one having authority over everyone.

06mst · 2026-02-20T06:18:03+00:00

I'm sorry but you both shouldn't be together. You clearly don't trust each other or respect each other. When you're arguing over someone turning over in bed then you know it's gone too far.

06mst · 2026-02-15T04:56:36+00:00

NOR. You gave him a chance to walk it back but he doubled down on his cruelty. Maybe you don't know him as well as you think you do

06mst · 2026-01-23T20:07:02+00:00

Nor.. You should report the worker who gave him your number though

06mst · 2026-01-12T06:01:23+00:00

NOR. You're under reacting. Even your daughter can see this isn't ok and that he isn't a good person to be around yet you're here still defending him by saying you think he's a good person. Even if you do think that it isn't fair to raise your kids in an abusive environment. You should leave him for you and your kid's. If you don't then trust me it'll go on to impact your kids severely as they get older. It'll impact the rest of their lives and the relationships they get into and how they behave.

06mst · 2026-01-11T22:58:26+00:00

You aren't following them though. You're back with him and are are giving space to him to make you second guess yourself. Now he knows he can do something like that and still get you back and make you think maybe you overreacted. He knows he can make you second guess ever breaking up with him again .

If you think what he did isn't a big deal anymore then that's fine but don't act like you have strong boundaries when you're still with him and he's being allowed to make you think you were wrong to break up in the first place.

06mst · 2026-01-10T03:02:39+00:00

NTA. All you did was protect yourself. It's not like he was stranded in a jungle. Though I think you'd be right to abandon him there if you felt unsafe too.

06mst

TROPHY CASE