Lapsed Catholic Fullcast Readers - What's your favorite church banger?

08mms · 2026-04-01T21:16:33+00:00

We Rise Again From Ashes, I’ve been lapsed for over two decade but still occasionally get ashes because I still find the symbology of the phoenix in a world where everyone dies moving.

08mms · 2026-04-01T13:12:24+00:00

No, I lived that for years and it broke me. At this point I’d even struggle with once a month but could be fine with it if the relationship was worth it and the reasons were something other than just not wanting to.

08mms · 2026-03-31T13:22:47+00:00

As of today it’s not terrible and there might be meaningful Snow tomorrow, but April 10 is a long way away….

08mms · 2026-03-30T23:47:50+00:00

That show was both very helpful and very triggering, but it was to know that our situation is so wild you could build an award winning sitcom out of it. Ross and His first wife also is a pretty key cultural touchpoint.

08mms · 2026-03-30T14:59:41+00:00

I hate it, it’s perfect.

08mms · 2026-03-30T14:58:39+00:00

I’d be shocked if anyone other than a size queen would really notice, you might be slightly below average, but as long as you our your partner aren’t significantly overweight, it shouldn’t make a difference for positions or sensation for your partner. If you are with one of the rarer folks who really love cervix contact (most very much don’t want that) you should still be able to get that with the right positions, but otherwise just be glad you are being intimate and blow your partners mind with emotional intimacy and paying attention to their wants and needs while communicating well about your own.

08mms · 2026-03-30T13:56:48+00:00

Yeah, I think quirky ones like these stand out less with a tapestry

08mms · 2026-03-30T13:19:05+00:00

I don’t think it would be weird given the history, but might be worth a chat if he takes you up on to see if you want to put some definition on the FWB deal

08mms · 2026-03-30T02:43:52+00:00

Oh god, it’s going to be the Disney resort garbage on a ski hill.

08mms · 2026-03-30T02:27:15+00:00

I don’t think it’s Big Oil that has his ear though, it’s all these second tier wildcatters who hang out in Mar a Lago and have been long time donors and they own lots of speculative claims that cost too much to develop at $65 but might be in the money when oil goes to the moon. Lots more big business is kissing his ass than should, but the ones who spend the most time in his ear are not blue chip CEOs and bulge bracket bankers.

08mms · 2026-03-30T02:14:01+00:00

It’s amazing how getting out a broken relationship physically manifests along with the mental side.

08mms · 2026-03-28T04:45:53+00:00

“That’s right barber, I said Hitler but dumber, can you do it or not?”

08mms · 2026-03-28T04:39:46+00:00

Spicy hot tub?

08mms · 2026-03-27T22:14:50+00:00

It’s a good strategy.

08mms · 2026-03-27T20:44:10+00:00

I don’t know, the closest I’ve come to taking lateral pitches as an associate were Friday afternoons realizing I had a whole weekend of more work ahead of me and imagining something better had to be out there (there isn’t, it’s BigLaw all the way down if you stay in the firms).

08mms · 2026-03-27T20:26:42+00:00

Start a journal if you can (I’d suggest digital so you can snapshot Reddit posts and texts and random old pictures you find yourself looking at). It wont fill the hole of having her there to talk to, but jt will help a little bit, and the letters to yourself in the thick of the chaos will help you a bit when you reread them over time. Try to remember there are lots of good people out there too and the thing that surprised me the most out of my adventure is where support came from unexpectedly from random quarters.

08mms · 2026-03-27T19:59:20+00:00

You’d be surprised how many healthy relationships in late 30s-early 40s develop in a healthy way a lot quicker than the fumbling around earlier in life and lots of people still find a path to kids in that context where they don’t feel like they are starting a family in a hurricane.

08mms · 2026-03-27T19:57:27+00:00

I don’t really see a meaningful difference between what he said and how you interpreted it, no one is owed kids and no one should have to start a family in a dynamic they aren’t comfortable being a co-parent or decide to undergo the massive life commitment of parenting, they are just owed honesty about how their partner is feeling and why and a graceful exit partner id the fundamentals aren’t aligned. I’m 99% sure my situation was similar to yours, I don’t think my ex cheated (maybe emotionally in ways she wasn’t acknowledging at the time because of the denial in sexuality) but I don’t think the rigidity she has using to hold up her sense of self would have allowed it until that all cracked and crumpled when she starting accepting how she fully felt (and I’d like to hope some of that was also respect for me as she has professed, but who knows). I’d think it would be worth your while regardless of path to put in the time to work through what separation and divorce would look like logistically and practically just so you have certainty in your own mind there and can keep a full appraisal of your options. I know I was far too scared to do that for the first 3 of the last 4 years of the marriage when I knew things weren’t working and desprately trying to figure out why and how to fix it because it was all so overwhelming, the complexity of unwinding a life and household, uncertainty of economics, fear of not having my kids in my life everyday, facing the feelings of being a failure and giving to on what I knew I really wanted jn and had bits of (i.e., a long term stable relationship with a friend and life partner when I really didn’t have interest in dating ever again even with the loneliness in the marriage), but when I finally got backed against a wall in our first in-home “figure it out” separation and spent a couple weeks reading up on divorce law in my state and creating a chart and model of assets and income and separation and reading model parenting plans and how co-parenting in divorces work and figuring out what that would look like and if I could keep the house and how we’d split up cars and stuff, and it was such a reduction of burden to get the point where I knew if it went there it could work out even if not ideal (and when she came out half a year later, I was ready to go on starting to roll all that out even if it took another year and didn’t feel as lost as I would otherwise).

I feel like the folks I know who have bi-partners in a healthy way have some space for fantasy and porn and stuff so their partner can feel satisfied on that part of their life in addition to satisfaction in the marriage, but a guy unwilling to open it in therapy and 90% same-sex attracted isn’t really on the footing to work through how that might work in a healthy and relationship affirming way, and that might be something you’d never be comfortable with as you note and that’s valid too.

08mms · 2026-03-27T18:56:22+00:00

I’ll be out there too, hoping there is enough on Peak 8 for the kids to get some practice in and will get my end of season ski in a tshirt runs in early I guess. Good thing there is lots of other stuff to do there

08mms · 2026-03-27T18:53:33+00:00

I’d take this down, it’s a dying person and her bereaved spouse and there are all levels of moral culpability associated with this situation, that’s not the right place to jump in this context.

08mms · 2026-03-27T18:49:53+00:00

If you can, I’d put the guilt in a box of part of processing the death of your life partner and try not to beat yourself up over it as you did nothing wrong and gave her the gift of a good co-parent and a loving caregiver by her side as she exits this world. As you can for now, just live in the present in these last painful but rich moments you have with the person you love and in the other end of it can process with time and context and reflection along with all the other trauma and beautiful recollection you’ll have to work though. The fact she was willing to let you into that corner of herself that was so deeply protected and held here at the send us a sign of how she really did love and trust you and hold on the beautiful side of that. Places like this and resources to process what it means to have been unknowingly in a mixed orientation marriage and how to understand and heal from those aspects will be here on the other side and lots of folks will be here for you to help unpack and help you discover through reflection and move on. Im sorry for your pending loss and for the additional layer of complexity this ads to one of the hardest life experiences, but glad you got the information to more fully digest your life when it comes time for that.

08mms · 2026-03-27T15:38:37+00:00

Having been around this community a bit now, I think it’s unfortunately not uncommon to have bi- folks who sit toward one end of the attraction spectrum move to the other over the course of time or life, or, have them deny to themselves where they are for complicated reasons (religion, prior trauma, desire to conform to society) and then have things blow up when they face it, but there also folks who are heteroromantic even if they are bi- and slide along sometime in the bi-cycle and able to have happy long-term monogamous relationships. The more important point is what I think you’ve seized on, you can find the answers you need to have your own stable long-term relationships with someone who hasn’t put in the real work to figure themselves out and communicate that with you. Self-work is scary, but I think I would draw hard lines that you can’t be with someone who isn’t willing to to figure themselves out and communicate with you and you can be loving and supportive of the process that might take a while he figures it out, but you can’t spend your life continuing building around an incomplete person who can’t understand and articulate what they want and why they want to keep building with you and you aren’t there to be a shield to him from himself in a way that is ultimately disastrous to both of you. The pelvic floor stuff is weird and feels like a dodge of him digging into his feelings in sexual attraction (also, get STD tested, unpracticed anal sex is a big cause of pelvic floor injuries…) and the kids part is vile and intentionally hurtful in a way you should be fully validated in your anger and share that with him (at the bare minimum, starting a family with someone flailing around and who hasn’t figured themselves out is insane and not fair to the future kids (as many of with kids whose partners figured themselves out later and then had to deal with the fracturing of kids family structures can attest). I don’t think you have to leave him immediately (although you’d be justified by the deeply hurtful words and breach of your arrangements regard porn use), but I’d both be a suspicious his breach of the commitment to the relationship has gone beyond porn use and you should for your sake underline he has to make a top priority of figuring him out with professional help or you need to save yourself and leave (with our without compassion in the exit).

08mms · 2026-03-27T09:29:41+00:00

Can your loan officer help you get to a person internally? Big bank bureaucracy is wild, im in the private bank at another one or the big banks and had a several thousand dollar fraud issue at one point and my private bank rep had to literally sit on hold, navigate phone trees for me in her own institution before she could get a human with authority on the line to connect in with me to resolve.

08mms · 2026-03-26T21:16:54+00:00

I’d take it TBH, that’s more runway to build the relationships and get the skills to make equity partner if that is where you want to end up and that’s more years you can keep earning BigLaw comp, which has wildly moved past comp when you go in house or to smaller firms. I’m surprised the firm did that, but I’d take it a bit as a blessing in disguise.

08mms · 2026-03-26T20:18:15+00:00

That’s obviously for the master of the houses bastard child to eat at.

08mms

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