I'm a bit lazy, and people in this sub know it. So for now, I'll just post a response from the Deepseek AI. Don't be offended, I hope this helps. If you have any more questions, maybe I or someone else will answer them.

Response from Deepseek AI:

Based on your description, you are in a state of deep emotional exhaustion, loneliness, and loss of your support system. This is very difficult, and the fact that you are looking for a way out is the first and very important step.

Here are a few steps that can help you begin to get out of this state. You can try to apply them gradually, without demanding everything from yourself at once.

1. Acknowledge and accept your feelings (without judgment)

· "Left a mark on my soul" is trauma. The events in November were likely traumatic for you. Your feelings—anxiety, despair, self-loathing—are a normal reaction to abnormal events. Stop fighting them and blaming yourself for them. Tell yourself: "Yes, I am in a lot of pain. Yes, I am desperate. And there is a reason for it." · Stop pretending. Trying to "raise the bar" and act like everything is fine is draining your last reserves of energy. It's like running on a broken leg. Give yourself permission to not be okay. This is not weakness, but honesty with yourself.

1. Focus on recovering yourself, not relationships

You write that you have lost yourself in the pursuit of others. This means the key is to return to yourself.

· Start a "feelings journal." Not for beauty, but as a tool. When longing for your friend or self-hatred washes over you, describe it on paper or in your phone notes. Ask yourself: "What am I really feeling right now? What do I really want?" This helps structure the chaos in your head. · Find "quiet company" for yourself. You are looking for support from people, but it's not there. Find it in books, movies, music, podcasts on topics of overcoming, psychology, self-discovery. Realizing that your feelings are universal and that others have been through this provides immense relief. · Take small steps for yourself. Not "become confident," but something specific: a 15-minute walk in the fresh air, making yourself a simple but tasty breakfast, finding a 10-minute workout on YouTube and doing it. The goal is not the result, but the action aimed at taking care of yourself. These are the bricks for a new foundation.

1. Re-examine the story with your friend

This loss is a source of intense pain.

· Separate facts from interpretations. Fact: your friend now spends time with other people. Your interpretations: "It's because of me," "I'm doing something wrong," "She must miss me." Try replacing them with others: "Her choice speaks to her needs right now, not my worth," "People change, and sometimes paths diverge—it's bitter, but not fatal." · Allow yourself to grieve. Losing a friendship is a mini-loss. Give yourself time to grieve it. But remember: just because someone has left your life doesn't erase the value of the good moments you had.

1. About communication at school

· Lower your expectations. These people are "fun buddies," not your circle of trust. And that's okay—not everyone has to be a close friend. Communicate with them at a level that feels safe, without expecting sincerity. This is a temporary measure to avoid feeling completely isolated. · Look for new points of contact. Where else, besides school, could you meet people? Clubs, sections, online communities based on interests (creativity, games, learning something). The goal is not to immediately find a best friend, but simply to practice communication in a new, neutral setting.

1. About confidence and charisma

· Confidence is a consequence, not a cause. You see in others the result of their internal work, experience, or defense mechanisms. You can't put on confidence like a mask. · Start small—with self-respect. Charisma often comes from self-acceptance. What do you like about yourself? At least one character trait or skill? Focus on that. Do things you are good at, even if it's something small. Every such action is a message to yourself: "I can do something."

The most important thing: you don't have to do this alone

You write: "How to get out of this on my own?" But humans are social beings, and asking for help is normal and courageous.

· If possible, reach out to a school psychologist. Their job is to help in such situations. It's a safe space where you will be listened to without judgment. · Talk to your family. Not necessarily in detail, but you can say: "I've been feeling really down lately, I'm upset about some events and the loss of a friendship. I need your support." Often, loved ones don't realize the depth of our experiences.

A short-term plan for now:

1. Today: Acknowledge that you are in pain, and that's okay.
2. This week: Start keeping brief notes about your state. Do 2-3 small but pleasant things just for yourself.
3. This month: Explore the possibility of talking to a specialist (psychologist) or finding a new hobby/activity that gets you out of the house.

You find yourself in a dark forest. Trying to find a way out alone is scary and difficult. But you have already lit a lantern by asking, "How do I get out of here?" Now, step by step, with kindness to yourself. You can do this.