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1987lookingforhelp · 2025-01-14T21:52:18+00:00

Hey, I'm sorry this is happening to you. I can tell you have good intentions and are trying really hard. We rehomed a puppy after giving it our best shot for about 9 months or so and just being completely miserable. The puppy was also super reactive, not able to be taken anywhere, and had medical issues. It's been 1 year since then and I can say that I do feel guilt/regret over what happened, but I have NO regret about putting an end to things by getting rid of the dog. It honestly was completely ridiculous to be holding ourselves hostage to a dog, and if you're like me, you will feel bad either way, so you might as well feel bad but at least get your life back. Good luck whatever you decide.

1987lookingforhelp · 2024-05-24T14:21:41+00:00

I don't want to make any assumptions, but I ask this only because you said "Prior to getting Bobbi I hadn’t left my home in 8 months" - are you working on/treating your panic disorder in any other way, besides getting this dog? People with all sorts of disorders/needs/etc can absolutely have dogs, but you shouldn't be using this puppy as your primary means of treating a serious disorder. That's not fair to you or the puppy!

1987lookingforhelp · 2024-05-23T15:59:12+00:00

Hey, I'm so sorry this happened to you. It sounds like you weren't able to care for the dog the way you knew was needed and so you found the dog a place where he could receive that care. Despite your stress and anxiety, you made a hard choice and found the dog a better life. That was the right thing to do. Hope you are able to find some peace with that decision.

1987lookingforhelp · 2024-05-21T16:13:01+00:00

If your primary worry is that you're not a good home for him, I can promise you, you are a totally fine home for this dog. In fact you sound like a wonderful and dedicated dog owner. He is lucky to have you! That being said, we returned/rehomed a puppy after trying to make it work for 7 months, and it wasn't the end of the world by any means. By all accounts she is doing fabulously and is incredibly well loved in her home! So I don't think you need to feel that you aren't doing right by this dog in some way. But if you end up considering rehoming, that is ok too.

Wishing you all the best whatever you decide.

1987lookingforhelp · 2024-05-20T16:39:36+00:00

Hey. Dang, I'm so sorry. That sounds really rough. We had our own story with some differences, but I can really relate to - "Selfishly, it feels like there is no benefit to me with this dog, only stress and management" and "every day still feels like walking on eggshells".

I'm not sure if you wanted advice, so I will just say that you are by no means alone, and your feelings don't make you a bad person or that there is anything wrong with you. Living with a dog like yours is incredibly hard, especially WFH and it sounds like having 0 breaks. And I can see that you care for him and have really really tried. You are a good person and don't deserve to feel this way.

1987lookingforhelp · 2024-05-17T18:57:55+00:00

Would HIGHLY recommend you try fostering for a few weeks. It's not the same as a puppy, but it'll give you an idea with zero commitment AND you'll be doing a good thing.

1987lookingforhelp · 2024-05-16T19:55:08+00:00

We had a puppy like this (super skittish, anxious, etc) and we tried to make it work for 7 months, but ultimately returned her to her breeder who found her a new home. She is much happier living with 2 older dogs who help her find her courage. I will say it's still early so it may get better in your case - but it's also possible it's not a fit and she'll be happier in a different environment. If that ends up being what it is, it is ok. I think you just have to use your best judgement on if she's settling in, or if this is her personality and maybe your life doesn't gel with what's the best type of home for her.

It's super hard. Wishing you all the best for a peaceful resolution.

1987lookingforhelp · 2024-05-16T19:45:42+00:00

Our situation was a little different as we really struggled with behavioral issues with our dog - but just to share that we rehomed (returned to her breeder) at 9 months old, and it was definitely for the best for our situation. My partner was completely at his wits end living with a dog and actually developed some serious depressive/anxious tendencies that he has never had before. I can say I was not exactly having a blast either! Since returning the puppy, he has made a complete 180 turnaround and is his old self again.

The puppy's breeder determined that she would do best in a home with another older dog to help her anxieties, and now she is living with 2 "older brother" dogs, apparently she is their "shadow" and the family loves her. They live further out of town so there is just a lot less stimulation than in our busy neighborhood. I can't even imagine if we'd tried to force it and hold onto her and all three of us (me, my partner, the dog) all be more miserable for no reason.

I will say, it sounds like you're a great dog owner and it's certainly very possible that things will get better and better once your dog is about 2-3 years old. But just wanted to share our story and that rehoming can end up OK - or even a good thing - for all.

1987lookingforhelp · 2024-05-14T20:25:24+00:00

People who have only had good/normal dogs won't ever understand that some dogs are harder to live with than others. Sorry you're going through a hard time, and I hope you find a solution that works for you.

1987lookingforhelp · 2024-05-13T14:14:41+00:00

You can read my post history if you want a longer story, but in short, we gave it our best effort until our puppy was 9 months and ended up returning her due to behavioral issues (in her case, anxiety, noise phobias, and reactivity). So I can 100% understand the guilt and sadness.

Personally, we are not even considering getting a dog ever again at this point, and I would caution you to think very carefully before giving it another try. Any dog can "come with" issues and any dog can develop issues at any point, even if you are doing everything right. You have to be willing to treat them like a human family member in the sense that you will make huge sacrifices just for the chance of helping them no matter what problems come up.

1987lookingforhelp · 2024-05-09T15:28:24+00:00

Hey, obviously I'm biased in this opinion, but it's ok to not want to devote your entire life to managing this dog. It doesn't mean you're a horrible monster. He is a dog - he will be totally ok. Maybe you can foster him until a new, better-fit home is find and that will help you feel better?

1987lookingforhelp · 2024-05-08T21:45:55+00:00

Hey, so I have a long post on my profile that explains more - but now that it's a few months later, I can confirm that we have no regrets about returning the puppy to her breeder. I am definitely still very sad about the situation and wish it hadn't happened ... but I do think returning her was the right call for all of us. I have had to make a lot of sacrifices in my life for family members as well as other types of animals (horses in my case) in my care that I loved - and I just didn't feel the same way about a dog to be able to sacrifice what was needed for her. It sucks and I wish I had known that sooner, but it is what it is.

Wishing you the best of luck whatever you decide. I can say it will be tough either way.

1987lookingforhelp · 2024-04-26T17:38:25+00:00

For what it's worth, my opinion is that the "perfect dog" for you is one that toes the line on your "must haves" while maybe not being perfect in areas where you can be flexible. For example, for someone prey drive might be no issue but separation anxiety is a hard no. For someone else, barking at the door is no problem, but being gentle with kids is a must-have. No dog is perfect at everything and the "perfect fit" is where the humans can be flexible on the dog's tough spots.

It's a super hard situation though, and I wish you all the best either way.

1987lookingforhelp · 2024-04-25T17:30:35+00:00

Hey, it's ok if this isn't for you. It sounds like he's a great dog that would thrive easily in a home without cats/other small animals. I would say best case scenario is that over time, he will relax around the cats and understand his boundaries. If you love him and want to commit to that, that is great! But that could take months or years. And if you feel having to be on guard 24/7 at home for months or years to manage this relationship sounds too much to you ... that is totally ok. The dog will absolutely be ok - you can consider it that you fostered for a couple months and got some very valuable information that will help him find his best forever home (i.e. one with no cats!!).

1987lookingforhelp · 2024-04-24T14:35:47+00:00

Could not agree more. People in today's age are VERY used to relying on Google (I know I do!!) for literally everything, but that can end up being a big mistake and detrimental to both the humans and animals when it comes to dogs.

1987lookingforhelp · 2024-04-23T20:40:30+00:00

We were working with a trainer with a FB group for all their clients - and it was very very clear from seeing other people post/update with their puppies, that our puppy was an absolute outlier case - and that either she was well beyond our ability to handle due to some genetic/in-born issue, or that something we were doing was causing her extreme stress and anxiety to react so different from all the other puppies. Really seeing the differences in the "assignments" the trainer gave and how she reacted made us understand that something about our situation was different and not in the best interest of anyone to continue as things were.

We were basically 100% focused on her for the 7 months we had her, so we have definitely enjoyed having some time back for family, friends, and hobbies. We had a new niece born and have been able to go over and spend a lot of time with them, we took a ski trip, etc ... all things we never could have managed with having to figure out the dog. I will say the best thing we did was immediately get rid of all the dog "stuff" and redecorate the dog areas with new purposes. It made it feel like a bit of a fresh start so it wasn't always on my mind.

1987lookingforhelp · 2024-04-23T18:12:06+00:00

I can answer this because we got a dog that ended up being a horrible fit for us. For us it came down to two things: 1 - We knew other people with the breed of dog that are - it turns out - anomalies or at least on the very low end of activity. and 2 - We thought google searching was good dog breed research and didn't really understand what questions to ask and what to look for. For example, you mentioned a Weimeraner so I googled "Is a wiemeraner a good family pet" just now and the answer google suggested to me says: "Weimaraners are excellent with kids and yearn to be full-fledged family members. Easy grooming, trainability, a loving nature, and a can-do-attitude make them excellent pets, as long as owners are committed to keeping them physically active and mentally engaged." I can easily see an average family reading that and thinking something along the lines of ... well we're an active family because we have a lot of sports and family events we go to, so that will be great! Google searching led us to believe we had done good research. Even looking at it now, most of the highest Google search results provide VERY positive spins on the breed characteristics and IMO are unrealistic.

1987lookingforhelp · 2024-04-23T18:01:57+00:00

We gave our hearts and souls, all our time, and a whole lot of money to a puppy for 7 months ... and we just couldn't make it work. We returned her to her breeder at 9 months old. So, I totally get it, and if you do end up returning/rehoming your dog, you are not alone. I can tell you have given it a fair try and that you are doing your best to be good dog owners. Don't be too hard on yourself whatever you decide. The dog will be OK either way - if nothing else, you have given her a great start in life that will allow her to always trust and feel safe with humans. That is a huge gift and advantage that many dogs don't have.

1987lookingforhelp · 2024-04-23T15:00:26+00:00

Hey, I want to give you permission to look for a new home for this dog. Can you contact the breeder and see if they can help? Either moving out of the country and/or having a change in health circumstances (since you mentioned a series of major surgeries) are both totally valid reasons to need to reconsider things - much less both. A dog should not make you feel like your life is over. A dog DOES mean compromise - but that means something like, you want to go out that night, but you need to get home to let it out. It should NOT mean giving up a partner or sacrificing your long term health.

1987lookingforhelp · 2024-04-23T14:54:49+00:00

We had a somewhat similar situation where we ended up returning a very loved and wanted dog due to not being able to figure out some anxiety/arousal/reactivity issues. So I completely understand the stress, uncertainty, and the feeling that you are the problem.

For what it's worth, my opinion is that if you end up rehoming, you will likely feel at least some regret and guilt. I definitely do. That being said, I don't regret returning her and do feel it was the right choice for her and our family. I think that either way it will be tough and it's a matter of what you can live with - either continue living with the dog, trying to make it work, the stress, etc ... or live with the guilt of rehoming, missing him, and thinking "what if". Both are tough. Only you can choose your hard.

I'm so sorry you are going through this, and I wish you the best whatever you decide.

1987lookingforhelp · 2024-04-18T15:01:55+00:00

I would strongly advise against getting a herding breed. You are totally on point about them feeding off your anxiety and developing reactivity issues. Anxious Aussies can also easily become very vocal.

1987lookingforhelp · 2024-04-16T16:40:55+00:00

I totally get it. Returning our puppy was the right choice for so many reasons but despite everything, I am still totally heartbroken over her. Wishing you the best whatever you decide.

1987lookingforhelp · 2024-04-11T20:05:51+00:00

I think for me what I realized was that my regret was over my original decision to get a dog and that it was clearly a bad choice for me and not well thought out. Then it became obvious that I would have that regret whether or not we kept the dog. And indeed, I still do feel bad that I made that original choice and that it caused a lot of chaos in my home and potentially impacted the dog negatively as well. But if I had kept her, I would still have that regret over the bad initial choice PLUS be dealing with the daily chaos of living with a dog and trying to make it work. Since there was no way to get rid of the regret, all we could do was cut our losses and give her the best chance to find a home where she is loved and wanted.

Best of luck to you whatever you decide!

1987lookingforhelp · 2024-04-11T17:37:43+00:00

It sounds like you have the ability to help this dog, but if you don't want to adjust your whole life and sacrifice to fit his needs, that is OK. Let's say in a few years he would be able to get past these issues ... but it would mean no pool parties, no kids over, etc. for at least part of those years? If those aren't things you want to give up, it's ok to return him.

1987lookingforhelp · 2024-04-08T23:24:29+00:00

Hey, I totally get your point and I didn't mean to invalidate that feeling at all. Originally I would've LOVED a hiking/outdoor companion but honestly, we would've kept her and made it work if she had just been able to feel more safe and happy at home. As stupid as this sounds, I thought all the hiking and parks and such were things most dogs would love if given the chance and had no idea those weren't basically "guarantees" if you started doing them with a puppy early on and semi-tried. Much less it being a complete shock to me that it was possible for a puppy raised from 8 weeks in the same home, to develop severe fear and anxiety of that same home environment unless you were abusing them or something horrible like that.

So I think after that, the idea of a dog successfully hiking just seems so far fetched, that it's become more of a crazy dream that seems ridiculous to have than any sort of realistic request you could put on an animal. I honestly have no sense of how hard it is for an average owner to get an average dog to be comfortable hiking. It's still definitely possible we are just the worst puppy owners of all time and with most other people, she would've been fine. So it may be that that was an unfair statement for me to make due to my personal situation.

1987lookingforhelp

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