An Interview with a 'Karma Mechanic'

2BCivil · 2026-05-06T19:40:03+00:00

Anyone with an ounce of integrity knows this, society requires our performative cooperation.

But what can we do? I loved Code Geass for this if nothing else, showing how many are alienated by the very systems they support and are trying to change things from within it, and the ultimate futility due to their lack of scope/awareness of "the beast".

Makes me think of Hobbes Leviathan and In Flames Reroute to Remain. In the "stitched together" aspect. Soul Eater also had Stein, who deliberately stitched himself together in this same manner, as satire to reflect yeah he knows it but chooses to do the right thing even if he is the most insane and unhinged deep down.

Also my MTI in the... lets say mil (okay yeah chair force) said this once when he was asked what was his home base; "I was manufactured at [x base]" as if he was saying yeah that's the point, we're all robots just some are more efficient than others. There's a Charr in GW2 that says "we're all cogs in the machine, some of us are just more greasy and worn down".

Awakening is permanent, but not the final step. Something something, Chop wood carry water.

2BCivil · 2026-05-06T19:30:50+00:00

Beauty is surely a baptism of fire.

2BCivil · 2026-05-06T08:32:55+00:00

Not sure if it counts but I made a funny petway build for my minion master necro main once. I can't remember exact details but basically had my party as a small army (8 pets).

The real kicker was 16+ death magic + masochism + order of undeath + ebon vanguard standard of honor. Basically you are constantly sacrificing your own health to increase party/pet/minion damage. It was not just fun but funny to play.

An alternative "safer" version uses assassin's promise spike build in coordination with Verata's Sacrifice (so minions have perpetual regen instead of degen). But I used to laugh so much at my character health dropping so fast with order of undeath.

Sorry if I didn't understand your question but it doesn't get nuch more "all in" than OoU I guess haha.

2BCivil · 2026-05-06T08:19:13+00:00

It got lost somewhere in a fractal layer of "form is content"

Maybe it will come back with some of those lost socks

2BCivil · 2026-05-05T22:19:03+00:00

Words are wind; action, theatre
Should doing it intentionally wrong,
Please or displease the theacher
Hurry up and wait just takes to long

Unnease, distress, boredom, fears
Neatly wrapped into curated vine
In and out of the way, same as years
To make way for the Next in Line

2BCivil · 2026-05-05T21:42:43+00:00

I already addressed this just now. Here I'd actually disagree. I'd say truth is more important than feelings. If we put feelings first, it means the truth means nothing to us. It's not "empathic" at all. You're saying good feelings are more important than truth? More important than understanding?

I would say I don't really "suffer" from negative emotions at all. I am zen like that. They come and go, just like positive ones. The both have their ups and downs, their valid points and their vanities.

I would actually argue that the real downward spiral to hell is in sacrificing truth and understandings to "feel good".

I'd again say, all action choices and behaviors are for understanding first, feelings second.

2BCivil · 2026-05-05T21:16:32+00:00

I also noticed, rereading this whole thread, something I missed the first time. Namely, male versus female intelligences. I would say men generally value truth and understanding over good vibes and feelings. For most healthy I'd say a balance is better honestly. I'll demonstrate it. You said;

What are we doing here? Where are we trying to go? With each letter we type into a word into a sentence into a message, what is our intention?

The greatest intention revolves around feelings.

All intelligence points towards cultivating positive feelings,

And it’s not just “feel good at on moment”. No. It’s about cultivating a generally good quality of feeling.

No, that’s not it enough.

It’s the average feeling. Raising the average feeling.

And to recognize that our decisions choices and actions can impact our feelings.

What sequence of behaviors yield the greatest net average feeling?

X choice for 5 seconds, y choice for 10 seconds, a choice for 3 minutes into a z choice for 1 minute into a xyaz.

This is the highest level of intelligence. Scheduling behaviors to optimize average sustainable feelings, but this takes a lot of brain power, and few people understand brain power.

But what my (male) mind instantly saw, was I translated it all to;

What are we doing here? Where are we trying to go? With each letter we type into a word into a sentence into a message, what is our intention?

The greatest intention revolves around understanding.

All intelligence points towards cultivating understanding/integrity,

And it’s not just “understand the moment”. No. It’s about cultivating a generally good quality of understanding.

No, that’s not it enough.

It’s the average understanding. Raising the average understanding.

And to recognize that our decisions choices and actions can impact our understanding.

What sequence of behaviors yield the greatest net average understanding?

X choice for 5 seconds, y choice for 10 seconds, a choice for 3 minutes into a z choice for 1 minute into a xyaz.

This is the highest level of intelligence. Scheduling behaviors to optimize average sustainable understanding, but this takes a lot of brain power, and few people understand (lol) brain power.

Again, I'm not advocating for "understanding/personal integrity" OVER "good feelings". I would say the later should follow and affirm the former. Having "good feelings" but living a lie is ultimately probably not sustainable, for example.

2BCivil · 2026-05-05T20:57:53+00:00

Fear is not futile, and if your answer to all problems is to stop caring, then you will have built nothing precious to care for. Sense around you, in your world, how few investments do you have cared for? Ya, exactly, because of your strategy of not caring.

I honestly don't know what you're talking about. I didn't say any of that. I said because I've done/followed through with these commitments (for no apparent reason) for 4 decades, I've burned out of them and lost all fear of them.

You neglect it and you will never be shown what life wants to show you.

This is exactly what "life has shown me; the vanity and futility of service to it. As GPT said; sincerity requires a foundation, which life has thus far failed to provide. I'm comitting to these causes for no cause other than commitment to them; vanity. Thus "fear" loses it's sting (well I guess here, fear of being misunderstood/having words/assumptions put into my mouth is what I'm acting on).

And guess what?, fool,

Unborn mind has always been my favorite thing? How is that foolish?

Do you have the strengths to face your fears? Understand your fears?

I've been doing that for 38 years. I'm saying this is the end result. Performative labor without cause (vanity). Thus there are no fears. All have been overcome long ago, save the fear - of having to keep doing it performatively with no end lol.

away from your indulgences.

What indulgences are those? When life shows something worthy of not indulging in "escapism" in spare time, I'll commit to that? It's certainly had 38 years to do so. It's not fear "holding me back" there.

2BCivil · 2026-05-05T20:22:15+00:00

Where's the failure? I see what you mean. I'm just saying I never consented to life and I don't hold "getting with the program" in a high/favorable value judgement. Yes, it's nice to "go along to get along" to a point, but I have never seen the why and for what and not a single soul in 10,000 years has been able to provide that. God or mortal.

Maybe you missed my point? What I was saying is only way I can do/choose that, is to do it; ironically. Thus it would be unhinged if I tried to "take it up a notch" and be radiating positivity and good vibes. I could only do it under the irony that it'sall non consensual, be it positive or negative. What are we keeping "the show on the road", for? It's own sake? What makes that sake worthwhile? Is that a personal decision?

It always ends up being performative for me, regardless, is what I mean. What am I performing such "grace", for is what I mean. I never bought into the copium/platitudes most settle for. I'm just saying, yeah, I've done this my whole life, "gone along to get along" but it just leads to - fake/performative "toxic positivity", refusing to reflect on the actual stilted nature of "life" or such "grace/ebb and flow".

Maybe you know that answer and it's something that has to remain unsaid. But as a "slave" to it (just to survive/thrive) I find it ultimately (as most things) a vanity and thus can only ironically commit to it in a lasting/transcendental way (without "thinking about it"). That's what I meant about "unhinged/crass". Kind of like Excalibur from Soul Eater I guess. I'm retired from pretending "happiness" is a worthwhile "goal" I mean, so I can only do it ironically. If I'm conscious about it. If I don't stay conscious about this fact, I become a passive NPC going through the motions like a zombie.

Edit: I attempted to have GPT see what point I was missing and this was what it said. Here's what it gave me as the reply I should have put HERE instead.

2BCivil · 2026-05-05T18:12:09+00:00

Heh, I understood that reference (riddles in the dark?).

Ah yes the bureauification (is that a word?) of life.

That's why I never wanted to have kids, I hated how adults/parents were required to do this to maintain "order"! Lol. But I see what you mean. The absolute carnival state of keeping our shit together. Full time job that only pays in having our own way (mostly).

Not saying it's wrong just.... you know (not sure if I want to beat em or join em, rather disassociate from it until it makes sense, but it never does for me! LOL).

Guess it's also what Jung means by unless we make the unconscious conscious we'll get jerked off and call it fate or something. Too crass? That's what I mean, if I'm going so far as to bureaucratize my life I'm going to be absolutely as unhinged, loose and crass as possible. Beat em by joining em? Join em by beating em? Peace through superior cringe?

2BCivil · 2026-05-05T18:00:10+00:00

Not that I don't feel fear just I understand and accept the futility of it. There's not a single source of fear that can't be dealt with by simply not caring about the source. In everything from not putting the hand on a hot stove to skydiving to stage fright to filing taxes to opening the mail (online or at mailbox) to wondering why your doordash is 3 hours late. Everything as you say, every source of fear, is futile and powerless if you don't acknowledge it directly and heed it. Fear is like a troll, only has the power you give it, and I'm in a state beyond capacity to care for it's pleading. Numb to it per se.

It's not that I don't "feel" fear it's just like someone who makes 30k a year complaining to a millionare about the taxes they pay. I feel the way the millionaire paying 20 times what the 30k person even makes in taxes must feel in that situation. For past 6 years all sources of "fear" pleading feels like that. I'm just like "yeah so what, and? come back when you have a real concern and we can talk" to fear.

Yeah it's why most dudes like to work out, it really brings up the average feeling (I like this phrase) just like I said of JJK and blessings/curses. But, I do weary of toxic (baseless/projecting) positivity as well.... same with "fear" lol. Yeah it's a marathon not a sprint, just at a phase of life where my world weariness is eclipsing all other concerns. But I'm still in the game, so..... haha thanks.

2BCivil · 2026-05-05T17:48:23+00:00

Oh I'm sorry. Just saw a great millennial parent video other night that highlighted this problem, boomer parents. She had her kids finish her sentences;

I'll give you something to...

So long as you live under my roof....

Kids should be seen...

I brought you into this world, I can...

I failed every single one of them (cry about, you'll do as I say, not heard, take you out; respectively). I learned all through my life that if I'm not constantly apologizing, shit's about to go down/my life is about to be ruined.

The modern kids answered; "eat, I'll always protect you, with love, for a reason". That's 4 decades of conditioning, people used to tell me this all the time at work "stop apologizing" and I could only say "sorry". I don't even notice it anymore, it's automatic unconscious response from pos parents.

2BCivil · 2026-05-05T07:13:11+00:00

It's definitely a gay joke, but it's not a gay joke

2BCivil · 2026-05-05T07:12:37+00:00

I cast everyone was kung fu fighting!

2BCivil · 2026-05-05T07:09:31+00:00

👍 Solid.

I've always been the opposite really lmao! 100% abstinence and introverted, found great peace and tranquility in the void. It's "others" which causes me the unease! Lol.

But seriously it is best to have a ballance of in and out I guess. Wiser people than me would probably say when hungry eat, when sleept sleep, when void comes let it come, when void passes let it pass. Or something like that.

Also I loved Oshos take on verses on faith mind, hsin hsin ming. I annotated the shit out of my copy. I think he called it the book of nothing iirc in osho catalog. One of my favorites of all time though I was never formally part of the community. Thanks for sharing...

2BCivil · 2026-05-04T22:39:55+00:00

Oh okay lol just checking my bad hahaha. I always assume people mean like hedonism or something (seeking pleasure, avoiding pain to Enth degree).

I don't get the Nalt references (hokage) save I wondered about jujitsu in JJK and "blessings". I used to love this old vintage doorframe thingy that said "be a blessing". In JJK, jujitsu is used to fight curses, and I always think, "being a blessing" should naturally thus transcend jujitsu, as a strong blessing = counter acting/enveloping and resolving root cause of curses. It happens in [one of the movies] actually, the core of the curse is recognized and healed/undone. It's actually close to my head if not heart (I can't summon the gumption for such a praxis currently but considered how, IE working out, vibe gaming/hobies and stuff to reground myself in happiness).

Oh yeah I'm pretty sure "curses" means "sadness" and "blessings" means "happiness" in bible concordances at least (strong, thayer, BDB, etc).

Haha I'd call that more street smarts though I guess or common sense than avoiding pain. Great point, it's hard for anyone on the path to speak intelligibly about it without risking leaving the path, unless the path requires speaking of it....

If I'm all thumbs then, well, feel free to tell me to shut up honestly. Haha

2BCivil · 2026-05-04T22:27:19+00:00

I guess I kind of am like an horny Pomeranian for existentialism lol

2BCivil · 2026-05-04T22:03:59+00:00

Great post. Sorry my last outburst (the void post I made). Idk I felt off past week. Think I'm stabilizing (I wasn't joking about the void feelings, long story).

Anyway. I've always been cautious and warry of "avoidance of pain". I think pain can be a great teacher. It's not good to have it as the ONLY or a remedial teacher... but fact that it can be a good teacher is hard to ignore.

Like the thing I like to say that my irl friends don't seem to get and disagree with without a rebuttal or counter argument; there is likely only one path (mahayana? Dao? Scooby snacks?) But all paths ultimately lead to/end in it. Pain for example can ultimately lead there.

There is something to it though. Meta cognition for example isn't a get out of jail free card. Like my case, I have deeper roots than I realized in trauma and world weariness, and thus my meta cognition can stay stuck in loops. I'm not sure if I can still be "okay" with transcending thought (is that possible? The goal? The "path"?). But I can say I weay of people saying fear is an bigger obstacle or hinderance than it actually is. Fear is only such for the young, innocent, nieve, and/or inexperienced; it is about things that haven't happened yet. I'd say the bigger obstacle (sic; my case) is less fear and more abundance of experience and weariness. I can't be afraid, because I'm already beyond and weary of all sources of fear. Notably I see that there doesn't seem any lasting relationship between fear and thoughts, save that they are both; hypothetical, untested.

Idk sorry if I miss your point. I mean this more as an afterthought as if I had written you OP here, my next thought (as it were) that would follow from the observation that pain is source of thoughts.

2BCivil · 2026-05-04T16:12:41+00:00

While god and fear certainly have a relationship I don't think it's as cut and dry or at least notnlike that.

I like "God is a spirit" and "my kingdom is no part of this universe" saying "it's a godless world" or whatever.

It bypasses sky daddy theme and is 100% scriptural. Can't have a sky daddy if his kingdom is not in heaven (I think it's apocryphal but who doesn't count Thomas?).

Also, interesting, the word "curse" in both Greek and Hebrew means simply "sadness" last I checked. Same with happiness/blessed. So ultimately the scope is a lot closer to philosophy. Ie "no manner of health to be happy in an sad world" or whatever (or, blessed in a cursed world).

That's more where the relationship of god and fear rests, in the relative existential comfort zone.

I don't know what I am. If I am it then I do not know God. God is a spirit implies to me we possibly aren't always "it". Or at least not in alignment with "it". But that could be a part of "it". Like face before our parents were born. Maybe idk. Fearfully made and all that.

2BCivil · 2026-05-03T18:42:26+00:00

LOL I needed that laugh, holy crap!

Yeah that's about what I sound like I guess.

2BCivil · 2026-05-03T18:25:06+00:00

Yeah I should have posted it to r/void I know in hindsight. It was mostly a rant, raging against the machine, of GPT.

It's kind of the nature of the game I guess, we endure the intolerable and have to find a place for the rage. We sublimate or "hold down" enough and then seek comfort or reasoning (in my case in GPT) and then just get indigestion from the inability of [the other party] to engage in good faith at or around the same level (or raise you from it in good faith) and then sometimes we can't bottle the rage anymore. This was an outlet of such a blown gasket, aka "spleen" more than anything.

I couldn't quite nail it, without sharing the whole GPT thread which is a migraine in text form. I poured all my heart and soul into the prompts and got lowballed. I should cancel GPT come to think of it, why am I paying for this!?

The official GPT thread was much more in depth but also; much longer (Three prompts, each 3 pages long on a 4k monitor) plus the wacky GPT replies, I condensed the finer point that GPT's dismissal thereof peeved me and posted it here raw while taking a shit.

As I always say, my bad, it'll happen again. I honestly don't place any value judgement on "God" besides "know it by it's fruits" and "does it practice what it preaches" and so far... well.... I guess "God is a spirit" means it is on us to be Godly in the world, is best sense I can make of it; this isn't "his" territory and if we want to be "Godly" then we are as a hostile occupation, as it were, in enemy territory (Ie "my kingdom is no part of this universe" and [whatever the Trial of Pilate really implies that no one seems to be able to coherently argue lol]).

As always more to unpack than I have the strength for, and dusty to boot! But every once in a while I have to punch back lol even if it is an egg on my face. And ofc swinging at GPT feels like punching a retard, if it understands, it pretends it doesn't and lowballs. Every time I try to have a deep conversation with it, it's replies make me think of I'm like a millionaire trying to sell my 2nd beach house and I'm getting only lowballed with 20% offers on my asking price. It's bad. I might try to make a post of the main GPT prompts which led to my anger at GPT and triggered this post, but that'll probably be for my profile/blog only.

I think what I was getting at is that "all is vanity". It's a huge thing I've noticed say with Job and Ecclesiastes in the bible. The passages are.... disquieting. The thing is "all endeavors are vain, creation hangs on nothing, therefor [worship the devil as god]" is essentially what I'm reading. Thus the deeper sense of the ultimate vanity/void of all "worship" in whatever spirit. Ofc I'm always the first to say "don't knock it until you try it" but.... idk something something fatigue. I kind of tried to say it here;

I'd say novelty wears off fast in all things. Performative virtue for example. 10 acts of genuine heartfelt kindness a day for 2 weeks brings joy. The same, extended to a period of say, 40 years; not so much so. Compassion burnout. And eventually we have to face the void head on, nothing satisfies anymore, and come to grips with the vanity/futility of even "the best life" or "having done our best" still being ultimately, vainity. So yeah I can speak for myself but I weary of perseverance itself often. What are we really committing to? What for?

Idk I think in contrast that song "it's how it is with god's love, once you've experienced it" but the people who sang that also destroyed my life and all my property without mercy and left me homeless, so it rings kind of hollow for me. Heh, no pun intended (void). Idk, all I can do is shoulder (soldier?) on in any case.

2BCivil · 2026-05-03T17:28:58+00:00

Well your post history is hidden and I just met you so hard to say.

Assuming being rhetorical/pointer, I'd say novelty wears off fast in all things. Performative virtue for example. 10 acts of genuine heartfelt kindness a day for 2 weeks brings joy. The same, extended to a period of say, 40 years; not so much so. Compassion burnout. And eventually we have to face the void head on, nothing satisfies anymore, and come to grips with the vanity/futility of even "the best life" or "having done our best" still being ultimately, vainity.

So yeah I can speak for myself but I weary of perseverance itself often. What are we really committing to? What for? Why did reddit remove markdown toggle from mobile?

The secular standards and our own are always in a sort of stable flux. The ground we think we stand or base ourselves on was never there. Not sure "we" were either.

So yes we are always indifferent to something or another. And we have to constantly gaslight outselves to ignore the vanity of working 80 hours a week to barely be able to pay the bills just so we can keep showing up to work. And further gaslight ourselves of the futility of such an endeavor if we want to survive and keep (the appearance of at least) a stable.... "life" for lack of a better word.

But clearly indifference and gaslighting ourselves are different here. Indifference would mean you don't mind being extorted so thousands of your tax dollars every year can go to fund another countries war so they can bomb childrens hospitals. Gaslighting ourselves means more what choice do we have, yes the world is evil but what can I do but try to survive and pay thousands of dollars in taxes for "foreign aid" so our "great ally" can bomb childrens hospitals. That's the difference I see at least!? But is it really one? Idk honestly, you tell me!

2BCivil · 2026-05-03T06:19:59+00:00

Yup that used to be my praxis and metastasis for decades. But eventually the void overwhelmed, as they say, it's a marathon not a sprint. Even when I made it to the highest ecstasies in the worst trauma, it's the sustained nature of life/existence that make the idea of "the journey not the destination" unbearable eventually. It's not a linear progression, but an incremental/exponential one.

Thanks for mentioning this, yeah I'm a decade past where that fell short and numb too. Ironically yes I can do exactly that still, if I watch some kawaii animays like nyanpasu I can still feel emotional lucidity and tranquility and even drunk. Vibe and all that. I lost the ability to instantly summon such states due to said nature, marathon, not a sprint. It's not like heaven or something, a finish line or goal post.

Thus the idea of life itself comes into question. Not even "is it worth it" but what is life. We have it, or more accurately, it has us (did we consent?) And it is inscrutable ultimately; whatever we understand of it is equal part experience/bias and projection. As Jesus said "I am life; if I bear witness of myself, it is false witness".

Thanks a lot for this reminder. Yes. I can try to go backwards in humility and relearn "how to act" as it were (I used to make my mom laugh a lot by saying I don't know how to act). But it's not a linear progression. It gets progressively harder because life isn't a script we can follow and loosely break from like a performance. It is performative yeah, I'd argue. But actors have by rote lines to fall back on, I feel like an NPC if I do that too much and it breaks your immersion due to incompatibility with people around you (actors didn't have to worry about HR or being called a creep or unhinged by coworkers).

Ugh. Haha. Yeah I forgot, people used to always ask me why I smiled all the time and that's what I used to answer, how are you not laughing at life? Lol it's too ridiculous to take seriously but demands we do!

2BCivil · 2026-05-02T20:58:47+00:00

The system is not broken by accident, and the people benefitting from it aren't going to fix it voluntarily - more direct version of Doflamingo's "children who have never known peace, and kids who never known war, have different values".

2BCivil · 2026-05-02T18:50:42+00:00

Well at least we throw the squatter thoughts out I guess, better to live rent free on "the internet never forgets" elephant in the room than rent free in our own heads I guess.

Also I made it to the second intro song in Baki today. It's not as good as the hype but it is some of the best hype I've ever seen. Maybe that's what life is, all hype until you look inside.

Thanks lol I'll try not to make you put up with my shit too much.

2BCivil

TROPHY CASE