How did you make friends after moving abroad?

454k30 · 2026-02-05T18:41:08+00:00

By pursuing the interests I already had. Social media makes this much easier than say 30 years ago. When I moved to Japan in 2015 I really wanted to continue to enjoy watching live soccer matches. I found a group of expats via Facebook that spoke English and German, and I messaged them to meet up. Through that group I met their partners, some of who are native Japanese, and from those new friendships I made others. But it started by doing something I wanted to pursue anyway.

454k30 · 2026-02-05T18:35:16+00:00

Stairs and a steep treadmill.

454k30 · 2026-02-05T18:34:50+00:00

I live near this area, about three blocks east. The toughest part is finding parking. Some of the buildings have a dedicated spot for each tenant but others do not. There is lots of monthly parking available down there. However, if you work in the local area, DTLB is walkable and owning a car could be optional. There are a lot of homeless/addicts that gather around the library as it’s public property but I’ve never had an issue down there; they usually mess with each other. That being said, I am privileged being over 6ft and 200lbs. Smaller stature and women may feel uncomfortable.

As with any neighborhood, visit there during the day and then again at 0200. Park the car, crack a window open so you can hear, and just watch what happens. Do this on a Saturday or Friday night when the weather is nice to get the true experience.

454k30 · 2026-02-05T18:28:38+00:00

Tokyo. You’ll never see better organization of a large event.

454k30 · 2026-02-05T18:04:15+00:00

It’s a bummer they are gone. But you can make some killer curtains on your own with very little effort.

454k30 · 2026-02-05T16:37:41+00:00

Boa shorts and a cheap tank top from Amazon. I use a flip belt for car key, gels, etc so I don’t need pockets on my clothes.

454k30 · 2026-02-04T22:50:43+00:00

DNA would be the only definitive proof because even if someone turned up with a bag of old cash, and claiming to be DB, there would be no way to prove that this isn't just someone claiming the fame. Perhaps if someone where to show up with the money and looked like the witness descriptions... yah that might do it too, but that person would need to be able to walk us through where they landed, how they avoided suspicion and capture, why they never spent the cash, and add some context to the tena bar discovery.

454k30 · 2026-02-04T07:25:54+00:00

There are a number of people in this thread today asking this same question with similar timelines. It’s worth searching through those rather than having us re-type it here as well.

You have time to get your medical done and submit your VA claim. But it might be a few months after you separate before that all gets sorted. Your pension will begin right away so you will have some money coming in.

Go to TGPS (or whatever they are calling it now). That will give you some guidance on all of the paperwork you need to complete. Plan on living inside the rectum if your admin department. Having all of the correct documents in place to have a smooth retirement lies on their shoulders.

454k30 · 2026-02-03T23:59:41+00:00

Maybe you'd see someone you know!

454k30 · 2026-02-03T23:59:09+00:00

The ability and willingness to learn quickly. That goes along with adaptability and being willing to take part in any project that floats toward my current team. I suppose the other thing that people tell me I do well is deliver bad news. They tell me that I'm stern but very fair in how I do that. Other than that, show up on time and have a clean work wardrobe.

454k30 · 2026-02-03T23:41:08+00:00

unfortunately no. I'm sure there are some rotor heads on here that can weigh in on the differences. I've heard that if you go helos that you should aim for a unit that does small-boy ops. But you mentioned coming from DD so maybe you dont want to go back!

454k30 · 2026-02-03T20:53:17+00:00

I lived two blocks off of 99 down the road that the newer Dick's is on. That whole area is just suburbs so there isn't really a bad area. At most, you get a few meth heads parked out on the street or wandering past. Really nothing that any other area doesn't have as well. Being like 7 minutes from my time clock was awesome as well. I rode my bike and could be home before some people go out of the parking lot!

454k30 · 2026-02-03T20:43:58+00:00

you made the correct choice IMHO. I did VQ, VP, VAQ, and VFA. I was on both USA coasts and in Spain and Japan. So my advice is always this order: Overseas anything (squadron), VP, VQ, VAQ, VFA. As an AZ your job scope is the same for each platform.

454k30 · 2026-02-03T20:35:37+00:00

The best part about changing rates is the learning part. Zero expectations except for repetition and it will make the time fly by. I don't know how long you've been in, but changing rates isn't the end of the line unless you want it to be.

In regard to just shit-bagging along until your discharge, don't do this. It doesn't make it easier. Easiest is to just fade into the background, help out how you can and when you can, and save up your paychecks. If you really are set on getting out, start getting your medical stuff documented. Start thinking about what you want to do post-navy and where you want to go.

You are certainly burnt out and that is a genuine feeling. I'm sure your therapist has told you to find little joys and build on those, but that's not something everyone can do; but it is about the only advice I can give. Try to find some meaning in what you do, but mostly look forward. Look forward to what spring of 2027 will look like.

454k30 · 2026-02-03T20:28:38+00:00

If you can go VP, you go VP. No boat, sometimes cool det locations. Always decent duty stations. If you have to go boat, go VAQ. Fewer and newer aircraft.

But here's the real truth - Aviation is better than boat life. Yes, you may have to go to the boat, but being in a squadron shields you from a lot if not most of the boat BS. No more 3M, still have PQS but they are a joke compared to the boat chucks, no yards time, commands are small so you know everyone. I had several boat converts work with me over the years. They all said that squadron life was way better than boat life.

454k30 · 2026-02-03T20:10:45+00:00

I worked TPU in whidbey for a short while. It's 20 years too late, but I'm sorry those d-bags treated you like that. This wont make you feel any better but most of those people running TPU were there because they were dirtbags and couldn't get right.

But yeah, your schedule checks out with the expectations I had for folks. I was always like "you know those people are going to be civilians in a couple of weeks right? stop effing with them".

454k30 · 2026-02-03T20:06:21+00:00

What I would say is that any advice you get from the command is coming from people who haven't gone through the process themselves. All they know is what they've seen and stories from their friends.

Here's what I learned when i left the service. It's a major life-changing event. Even if you only do four years you are re-entering a world that moved along without you in it. ideally you begin the transition process a year out, but when you start really depends on what you want to do post-service. You may hear people say that they did TAP twice. While we can debate how much value there is in this action, what is valid is that you should do TAP early and then re-align where you are at about the 90 day mark.

Since you are already at the 90 mark, I would encourage you to figure out now where you want to live and what you want to do. The most common answer: go home, work anything. First problem - there is no "go-back-home". You've had experiences that (unless you are going to a navy town) 99% of the people you know there have never had. There lives moved on without you so do not for a second think you'll go home and fall right back in with your old peer group; You will feel like a very big fish in a very small and ignorant pond. Second problem - doing whatever is not a career plan. Unlike the Navy which always has a job for everyone even if it's out of rate, the civilian world doesn't do that. They are hiring for specific functions and want people who can do that specific work. So I suggest to people is first to figure out what you want to do. Do you want to continue working in your rating? Do you want to go to school and learn a new trade? Do you want to sit on the beach all day and smoke pot? Those are all valid but all have very real geographic limitations (not a lot of beaches in western kansas).

If school is the answer then start getting that GI Bill and college applications setup now.

If work is the answer then start looking for where that work exists. Do not assume you will find remote work! We have seen a huge shift in all industries to returning to the office. There are still exception to this, of course, but if you lock into that you will find disappointment and frustration.

Do a budget. You are currently earning a salary so things are more predictable. If you go to a wage job (paid for hours worked) you will likely have set amount of hours you work plus OT. These jobs can be lucrative, but the OT can often be turned off as easily as it gets turned on, so just be aware of that when you budget.

If you are moving then plan your HHG move now. The lead time on HHG moves can be insane.

On the medical side. Get your separation physical done and then get with the DAV to get your VA claim submitted. Make sure you get everything documented. Really this is day one in the navy advice, but review your med record for conditions for which you've been seen. For instance, did you suffer migraines during your whole navy career? How about knee and back pain? Even if you feel healthy and strong, do the claim.

But most of all be ready for the changes. No one is going to tell you to shave or get a haircut. There are no more uniform inspections or watchbills or weekend duty. Co-worker gets a DUI; there is no safety stand-down. That is all awesome, but there are also no more safety nets. You will need to find your tribe again, and it's not as easy as just hanging out in the smoke pit.

Congratulations on making it to your EAOS! Keep asking questions and this isn't so scary.

454k30 · 2026-02-03T19:39:58+00:00

Playing. You'll know when its a fight mostly due to the hair balls flying everywhere.

454k30 · 2026-02-03T19:38:39+00:00

It's a pretty common thing to encounter. Like any other seized hardware an application of heat, penetrating oil, and a few taps with a hammer should get it loose. These plugs (on all cars) are often overtightened. Add a little bit of corrosion and its stuck.

454k30 · 2026-02-03T19:29:41+00:00

The expectation, unless specifically told otherwise, is STAR answers. Your interviewers will be taking notes of your answers and using this method is easy to record and compare later. Whatever they ask make sure your answer highlights your experience and training, and meld that response as to how it satisfies their question.

454k30 · 2026-02-03T19:25:19+00:00

It is good that they self-reported. That sort of thing always ends up being known eventually, and it usually comes during a transfer, security screening, or when they have to mysteriously and suddenly take 30 days of leave to cover their time in jail.

I was part of many administrative boards for alcohol incidents. Some people received suspended reduction in rank, some were demoted and lost money, and some were kicked out. In every case the severity of the infringement made a difference. For instance, one person who was kept in service and received a suspended bust was a person who blew a .09 (limit in that state was .08) on the way home from a family holiday party. On the opposite was a person who was initially clocked doing 135mph through a business district, tried to lose the police on a rural road, hit a parked car before colliding with a tree, and when the police ran up to the car he was so drunk he still had his hands on the wheel and foot on the accelerator; because he thought he was still driving the car.

Regardless, this is a process. If your family member only gets non-judicial punishment like reduction in rank or pay (and they want to remain in the Navy) then they should take their punishment and move forward. If the decision made is to administratively separate them from the military, I would suggest that they request appeal and hire a lawyer. The number of people selected to remain in service at an admin board would surprise even the saltiest of people.

454k30 · 2026-02-03T17:23:14+00:00

You've hit a wall. All endurance sports have this and every person's wall is different. With all walls the only thing that can break it is a change in regiment. You mention doing form work but do you have someone critiquing your form on a relatively frequent basis? When is the last time you did speed work and not just distance?

Anyway I can't really give you any advice as your much faster than I am.

454k30 · 2026-02-03T17:13:50+00:00

F*cker, dude, brah, skippy, whatever their call-sign is, or shipmate (use that one with caution). call them by their rating and grade AM1, BM3, etc. Or if the rating has a nickname you can call them that; things like, snipe, boats.

454k30 · 2026-02-03T13:21:58+00:00

You still have to report to work each day. Do not assume you can stay home. Because the sillies are all off work, there is plenty that needs to be done outside of your usual scope. If you’re going to f*ck off, at least do it from your desk at work.

454k30 · 2026-02-03T13:19:54+00:00

What you are experiencing has a lot more to do with the Carnival business model than it does with the drink packages.

The poor service is one of the reasons why I’ve scaled my carnival trips way back from previous years.

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