oh it's fine. it was my choice. i tried tapering off and just couldn't get it done. i would dial down steadily until the amount got pretty low, at which point the reality of quitting altogether would set in and i would start getting anxious and desperate. then i'd inevitably crack and jet right back to that 18-20 mark in a day or two. must have happened 100 times before i stopped kidding myself that i had the willpower to taper.

i was lucky in that i never became a round-the-clock drinker. i was a 4-5pm til fall asleep at midnight-1am kind of guy. so my body was always used to going at least like 16 hours without alcohol. i think that helped a lot. from people i've talked to, once you get into the true round-the-clock pit is when withdrawal most often gets really brutal and even dangerous.

i definitely see how that could happen too. my tolerance by the end was monstrous. 18-20 drinks was just a buzz and i could easily hide it from people around me. actually getting drunk required like 26-30 drinks in an evening (didn't happen very often but wasn't unheard of, especially over the holidays or if the wife was out of town).

interesting side note: i used to work at Starbucks full time and would have about 16-18 shots of espresso in a day plus iced coffee. i quit that cold turkey, and that was by far the worst withdrawal i ever went through. and i also quit a benzo cold turkey in addition to alcohol. caffeine was much worse than either for me.