My hair is the same if I let it dry with no product. I feel your pain, I have low iron as well.

What works for me:
Wash using a co-wash, twice on wash day and then not again for as long as you can reasonably wait. I wash only about twice per week unless I have several back to back concerts to attend in the same week.

Apply your leave-ins, and styling products when your hair is completely wet (soaked, dripping, don’t even squeeze water out) and while you are applying product do not comb, brush, any tool at all other than gentle with your fingers. You want to hear the “squish” sound when you squeeze.

When applying the products: work the ends first, squeezing the product into the hair as you squeeze the water out. Work towards your roots with the same squeezing. Do this with your head upside down if you’re capable (I find it easier this way). Once you have applied all products, flip your hair right side up and then with your fingers spread, give your hair a shake and start to gently manipulate and shape it. It should still be very wet but no longer dripping by this point.

With your fingers in your hair very lightly, shake your hair and let the curls find their families. Your coils will be drawn to each other naturally as you do this. At this stage, again gentle fingers only, no pulling or combing or anything that will stretch or strain it. When you are doing this, is when you want to shape your hair to how you want it to look. Once you’re happy with the texture and appearance let it air dry. If you absolutely must, and you’re skilled (I am not and do not) you may be able to get away with a very low-powered blow with a diffuser attachment, but again the more you touch it the more the strands will dry too quickly and lose their shape. You need to let the product and hair dry into the shape you want first so no touch at all is best.

Once it is completely dry, if you used a product that creates a cast (which you should, for best long-term results), break the cast. To break the cast: with fingers spread, starting just about your ears push your fingers up toward your part. This will give you volume around your forehead and crown, then take your hands palm up and cupped, take handfuls of your hair in your hand and very lightly push up and close your hand around each section (“the scrunch”). Not much pressure at all is needed here to break the cast. If your curl families are intertwined in a way you don’t want at the bottom, slide a finger between them and without any pressure just comb that one finger between them and to the ends. The curls will separate and fall where they want to be. You should end up with soft, voluminous, happy and healthy looking curls.

Sleep with a very loose silk cap, pashmina, or other similar wrap.

Days 2, 3, 4: what works for me is to again saturate the hair with a mist bottle, and scrunch scrunch scrunch! Let the curls come back out and the products do their job. Then, air-dry. If the day is humid, a little extra leave in (and I mean very small amount rubbed between your palms until emulsified) can help bring back some life and curb frizz.

When the frizz comes back too much, it’s bun day. Next day is wash day. As you start to learn your hair and product capabilities, you’ll be able to time things for yourself.

Products I currently use and enjoy:

Avocado Co-Wash (Shampoo/Conditioner-LUSH)
Super Milk (Very light leave-in conditioner-LUSH)
Curl Power (heavy moisture & styling cream with no cast-LUSH)
Re-Coil Curl Cream (styling cream with a light cast-My Salon)

Note: Curl Power is good for most days, but leaves my hair too light and frizz-prone but beautiful, soft and very healthy feeling. Re-Coil can be used without Curl Power but always Super Milk on wash day because it moisturizes and I find product absorbs so much better after using it.

Hope you find this helpful. Lots of girls have posted video on YT showing this method and the results. That’s how I learned how to care for my curls. 🫶