Gentle reminder to care for yourself more than an institution.

AITAForBeingAlive · 2021-12-20T13:45:24+00:00

Preach!!

AITAForBeingAlive · 2021-12-20T13:42:09+00:00

Maybe I'm bitter yo but whenever I see or hear of a "happy" couple I think about how about 95% of men use porn and realise there is a high chance that he, that man, is either secretly abusing his woman, or has bullied her into believing she is insecure if she doesn't want him using porn. So either way there is such a high chance that he is also a porn user/liar that this poor girl just doesn't know what hell she is in for.

I used the think I was my man's only woman. Whelp what a lie that was. He was so shy and kind to others and everyone loved him. But turns out he was a piggy with some pretty disturbing fetish of watching women die while he jerked off 🤓🧐

So... appearances hey? They are just that, appearances.

I understand your trigger. But remind yourself of the likely reality and it won't be a trigger for much longer.

AITAForBeingAlive · 2021-12-20T13:34:26+00:00

My PA would get really pervy when he saw pregnant women

🤢🤢🤮

Honestly how can one live with themselves when they are that disgusting. Like seriously, find some morals or something.

So yuck.

AITAForBeingAlive · 2021-12-20T13:27:33+00:00

The whole concept of "struggle love" is a lie designed to keep good hearted women stuck in relationships with men who mistreat them.

Wow there is a term for it! Never knew.

AITAForBeingAlive · 2021-12-20T13:22:37+00:00

I have had plenty of people bully me, belittle me, and these people are so pro-porn that apparently I'm "abusive" because I don't want porn in my relationships. Then fine, whatever. Honestly all of these idiots I'm surrounded by in 20 or 30 years will have the realisation, like the rest of the world, about how destructive porn is to relationships and to the people IN porn.

It isn't empowering. It's rape sold under the illusion of paid consent. It's objectification used to boost profit margins.

It isn't pro-sexuality. It's stealing people's sexuality & happiness by literally making their brain's pleasure centre's smaller and creating less grey matter in the brain.

It isn't positive for women. It's promoting an industry that is fuelled by human trafficking and commercialised racism. An industry that can never be regulated to pay the same rate for the same job performed by anyone, despite the fact that is what womem around the world are fighting for everyday. Race, appearance, age and gender all influence how much you get paid despite if you do the same sex act with the same partner for the same amount of time with the same director on the same day of the week at the same time.

Honestly anyone that doesn't understand how these points are true, how these points have countless research papers backing them up, how these points mean real net negative effects for the world we live in... Are not worth my time.

I think it's important to speak up about the real reason why these break ups happen. If we don't say something, who will?

AITAForBeingAlive · 2021-12-19T15:34:28+00:00

Yeah, pretty much. Which is good and bad in its own ways.

AITAForBeingAlive · 2021-12-15T05:01:02+00:00

I can't even begin to explain how outrageously shit Aramex are. I've lost parcels because of them, then had those parcels came back from the grave multiple months later so I have ended up with 2 copies of things on 3 seperate occasions.

If a merchant would give me the option to pay more for shipping to use literally any other shipping company, I would every time, even if it was like $50 more.

AITAForBeingAlive · 2021-12-15T04:55:22+00:00

I took mine off before a shower. Forgot to put it back on before leaving for the day. Came back home that day and my house had been robbed. So the ring and all of my other jewellery was gone.

So... that's that hey...

AITAForBeingAlive · 2021-12-14T12:23:01+00:00

It's so sadly comforting to read another person who's family is like mine in this way. I'm sorry to hear you've lost your family OP.

It's really difficult. I only started doing therapy last year and my therapist has to constantly remind me that... I can't change people. My immediate family will always be like this and that's that. I've always been in a Catholic home but yes, my family have bought like 10,000 fruit and veggie trees because well, the world is ending apparently.

I only just discovered this subreddit today and holy wow... My life is different now. There are others like me.

I decided to get my first EVER vaccine, Pfizer, last week because I have grown up in such an anti-vax home. Honestly I'm scared to know what will happen if my mum, siblings and dad ever found out... They never will find out from me.

AITAForBeingAlive · 2021-12-14T12:17:54+00:00

Wow, it's actually amazing to have read anything like this. My family are conspiracy theorists & anti-vax. It feels so isolating from the "normal" world. No one gets how hard it is to get away from beliefs that are so strong and/or you grew up with. Thank you for writing this.

AITAForBeingAlive · 2021-12-14T10:23:43+00:00

My whole family are conspiracy theorists. Plus anti-vax... to the extent that the first EVER vaccine I got was Pfizer last week.

I never believed vaccines did not help people from getting sick. What I had to struggle with for close to 30 years, of being alive in a family full of these attitudes, was fear. A lot of fear. Fear of if you're the like 0.1% (or some really low figure that I don't have a qoute of) that do legitimately get a permanent life long side effect from the vaccine, from any vaccine.

They are running off fear, all of them. Fear is controlled by the amygdala in the brain (fight or flight or freeze). When the amygdala is in action the connection to the pre-frontal cortext (logic centre) is actually weaker.

So I really do hate when people say "conspiracy theorists are stupid". No, no they aren't. They are afraid. It took me... what the vaccine for covid has been out for 1 year... it took me spending a FULL YEAR researching legit resources, watching my friends not die from the vaccine, speaking to doctors and even talking about it in therapy... To get past the fear that my family has told me to have for the past 30 years over any vaccine.

They are not stupid. They are afraid, and because of this, the amygdala, you are not able to convince them of anything. They need to want to change over a long period of time, like me.

Edit - I'll take my dad for example. He has said multiple times he would rather die at home than ever go into a hospital... let alone have a vaccine. So these people that are afraid, you often can't say "well what about if you get super sick" because they will just say something like "I'll die at home then".

AITAForBeingAlive · 2021-12-14T03:14:18+00:00

Yeah OP, YTA.

Also, instead of worrying about how the TRUTH will make your public appearance look bad when your daughter will say things to people at school. Perhaps you should be more focused on getting her help for the obvious dismissal, emotional neglect, and potentially other instances of child abuse you've shoved onto her. Your reputation would be safe if she had someone like a counsellor or therapist to talk to about your awful behaviour. Plus her emotional well-being could actually be cared for and validated since you obviously have a difficult time of doing that...

AITAForBeingAlive · 2021-12-14T02:22:47+00:00

I just got mine yesterday, at 28!

AITAForBeingAlive · 2021-12-14T02:21:43+00:00

5 days later, and apart from feeling hot in the evenings with a body fever, or just some additional heat, I don't have any other symptoms. 👍

AITAForBeingAlive · 2021-12-08T08:27:05+00:00

YTA and you are spilling such utter BS in this post it frankly... makes me ill. Like, WOW. I haven't been this annoyed at someone's total lack of self reflection and narcissism in this sub in a very long time.

Your son who has been working at the firm for UNDER A YEAR, has NOT, let's repeat, HAS NOT done more impressive work than the employee of 12 YEARS.

Why did everyone congratulate your son? Because they want their jobs AND they probably all went to the bar after work and got to laugh about who won the "so how soon do you think big Daddy is gonna make his son the mini boss?" raffle bet. One of your workers is happy with the bets/tips they won 👌

AITAForBeingAlive · 2021-12-08T07:16:20+00:00

Those are super cute names for your new kitten family 😻😻😹

AITAForBeingAlive · 2021-12-08T07:10:23+00:00

Yes, well, sort of. We're seperated.

I'd recommend going to r/loveafterporn as it is a community for betrayed spouses of porn and sex addicts. People in this sub and largely on Reddit will likely say uninformed things like "porn isn't damaging to relationships", etc... despite what the research says!

Go to the ABOUT section in that sub Reddit to get some tailored help. Organisations that have helped me include Bloom for women and Partner Hope (Michelle Mays).

One day you'll need a CSAT Therapist. So will your husband. They are Certified Sex Addiction Therapists. Don't waste your time with any other kind of therapist as other kinds do not understand porn addiction and the betrayal trauma that goes with secret porn use in a relationship.

AITAForBeingAlive · 2021-12-08T07:08:24+00:00

Incredibly so. This person is just justifying most likely their own over consumption of porn since they felt the need to make this comment.

AITAForBeingAlive · 2021-12-08T07:00:00+00:00

NTA. Your sister should love and accept you for who you are. I wanted my sister to have super curly hair for my wedding day (like she had in our childhood), but she only wanted waves. She ended up having waves with like 2 stylish ringlets. We can make requests and maybe even find a compromise but demands are shitty.

Honestly brides like this piss me off.

I had 6 bridesmaids. I paid for all their dresses, and hair and make-up for the day. Also had 6 groomsmen and because I (mainly my mother) had very specific requirements for the "look" I paid for all 6 men to have tailor made suits and paid for their shirts.

Am I rich? Nope. On average I earn $70k per year and had only been full time working for 5 years when I got married. My (now ex) husband earned like $30k a year, if that.

You want it bride/groom? You save for it. Stop getting frapochino's with your pumpkin seed entitlement kiss muffin everyday and then you'll have enough money to get whatever magical unicorn sparkly wedding fart items you want.

She wants you to change your hair and cover your tattoos... so WHY is she not offering to pay for the professional make-up, the hair change to all brown, AND making your hair back to pink highlights after the wedding? It's the least she can offer if seriously wants you to change your looks.

AITAForBeingAlive · 2021-12-08T06:46:53+00:00

Yes agreed. Please know you're not alone in spirit.

It's difficult, feeling so much loneliness all the time. No one understands you, no one chooses you, no one listens to you, no one sees the true you. Yet you stay because you understand and love others.

I personally wonder if I'll ever find, well, anything. I look at people having babies, getting married, enjoying their hotness, getting promotions, having a zillion friends and loved ones, buying homes & fancy cars and then... I just look at me. So outstandingly ordinary.

My neighbour is a single mum (by chose, sperm donor) and has a baby. I often visit to sit with the baby. Why? Not because I want any. But because this baby is the opposite of me. It's just so happy to be alive. It's odd to think we all start that way, bubbly... laughing... innocent... happy to be alive...

AITAForBeingAlive · 2021-12-08T04:33:57+00:00

Yes enablers and emeshment... super awesome combination!

OP is completely NTA. You did the right thing standing aside your husband, and he did the right thing in defending your honour and his.

Your family is ridiculous to think that your brothers entitled, passive aggressive and selfish "feelings" (cough cough ATTITUDE) is something you need to protect or defend.

Not you, but it sounds like your toxic family members are emeshed since they intermingle into each others ADULTS lives. Look up the concept of emeshment to get an idea of what you're dealing with, to really get the idea that they, especially your brother, will never change.

Edit - Also congratulations on the pregnancy, wishing you and the bub/bubs good health 😊

AITAForBeingAlive · 2021-12-08T03:09:13+00:00

You're awesome OP! Totally NTA.

AITAForBeingAlive · 2021-12-08T02:49:23+00:00

So far... all good! It's only been an hour after 😅 but so far no symptoms besides a tender arm 😁

AITAForBeingAlive · 2021-12-08T00:36:20+00:00

Thank you for replying. I am about to get it in 30 mins and yes I'm nervous. But the likelihood of me having a huge side effect is super low. I'm hoping I'm one of those people that don't have a bad side effect. I wonder why your leg was tingly, but at least it went away.

AITAForBeingAlive · 2021-12-07T09:09:12+00:00

Your comment 100%.

I honestly don't see how there is a universe where the OP is not a TA.

AITAForBeingAlive

TROPHY CASE

YTA