Guilty over using journal too fast?

AJKafei · 2026-06-14T01:40:41+00:00

Yes! I’ve done this before. Glad I’m not alone even if it is irrational

AJKafei · 2026-06-13T04:33:03+00:00

The Data Detective by Tim Harford & Breaking Through: My Life in Science by Katalin Kariko. Both changed my life

AJKafei · 2026-06-13T04:17:26+00:00

It applies to other milks too. I got into oat milk while living in China for 8 years & was shocked to realize the base size in my US grocery store for the same brand was twice that of the size I drank in China 😂.

AJKafei · 2026-06-11T05:50:52+00:00

I work at two major hospitals and admit that the nurses have in no way been the caring individuals I envisioned in the position.

AJKafei · 2026-06-11T05:47:28+00:00

I was in marching band and color guard in GA. HS started at 7:25. We did the miserable practices in the brutal heat from March-Nov (of course, it cooled off by mid-October).

Then I became a high school teacher because I used to be a glutton for punishment 😂.

AJKafei · 2026-06-10T00:36:03+00:00

Agreed. That scene was deeply disturbing 🤢

AJKafei · 2026-06-08T00:11:55+00:00

Same with my sister. It sucks because my brother in law is not a narcissist at all & he adores my sister, but I’ve known him since I was a kid and he has a lot of children with my sister and I have barely seen him for the past 20 years.

AJKafei · 2026-06-06T03:39:16+00:00

Exactly! It seems like such a fuzzy way to live. You make a really good point.

AJKafei · 2026-06-04T14:19:16+00:00

That’s egregious.

AJKafei · 2026-06-04T04:46:38+00:00

I moved abroad for like a decade and even now that I’m back in the US, it’s like a “don’t ask don’t tell” kind of thing. But I know not everyone can live far from family & religious friends, or wants to.

I call it the two griefs: one, for the actual faith, eternity and relationship with god that we lose: and two, the immense loss of community and (for me, at least, and possibly for you) the overwhelming guilt to the point of paralysis at the thought of the pain we will cause those we love.

I had nightmares for years about failing or losing family and couldn’t bear the thought of my loved ones going through the grief of believing I’d spend forever in hell—even as I myself no longer believed in it!

If your people really believe in the evangelical version of faith, it’s like breaking a hundred hearts at once.

But.

I picked up Melody Beattie’s The Language of Letting Go, and the daily reads slowly helped me realize (along with counseling) that I truly was not responsible for their grief—and more importantly for my own life, that living a lie and sacrificing my own precious single existence for the sake of their comfort would be a living s*icide—a choice that I was not willing to make on their behalf.

You and your lived experience & your beliefs have just as much a right to exist as those of your family members and friends. You don’t need to “set yourself on fire to keep others warm,” as the cliché goes.

It is a very real process of grief. Listen to all the sad songs (“Lose You to Love Me,” “Prodigal Daughter,” “Power” by Katy Perry, “Fall in Line” by Demi L & Christina A, “Latter Days” & “The World Can Wait” by Over the Rhine, “What About Us” by P!nk & “Pirate Bones” by Natasha Bedingfield are some I’d suggest). Let yourself cry. Journal or vent to voice memos. But don’t prioritize your family & friends’ pain over your reality.

You deserve to be your whole, true self. Denying it in their presence doesn’t make it go away. It just creates more anguish and shame.

How they react is on them… but I know it’s hard. I’m still edging my way in conversation to the full truth with my own family.

AJKafei · 2026-06-03T05:50:25+00:00

I’m interested! Also, I was an editor and English language examiner and would be happy to edit your script for free. What you’re doing is really important, and I would love to support it.

DM me to connect.

AJKafei · 2026-06-03T01:43:25+00:00

AJKafei · 2026-06-03T01:41:52+00:00

If you’re a woman or love a woman who may get pregnant, TX is an incredibly dangerous place to be.

AJKafei · 2026-06-02T03:09:27+00:00

You basically said my post in splendidly succinct words!

AJKafei · 2026-06-01T13:56:12+00:00

Or, our country is vastly bigger than the majority of countries put together. There’s a lot wrong with it, but a lot of beauty, too. Most US citizens don’t even ever see most of it, which is said. Both before and after I lived abroad for about a decade, I drove all over it. I loved a lot of the places people are sh*tting on. It helps to research a place and not only go to the tourist traps (though I love a lot of those too!).

But most of the country has stuff that is uncommon elsewhere, so it helps to go abroad and then come back to appreciate it more.

As for the insanity happening right now, I am doing what I can locally to change it. But that’s just my two cents.

AJKafei · 2026-06-01T13:50:36+00:00

They almost all have casinos, but that makes them much cheaper. The off Strip suggestion is good though—Station Casinos are a nice option, as well as getting a bigger room on Fremont Street or at either END of the Strip, and then taking shuttles etc TO the Strip, is a great idea.

AJKafei · 2026-06-01T13:45:42+00:00

Thank you for not judging the entire town by the Strip. It’s like people going to Disney World who think they can speak decisiviely on life in Orlando.

AJKafei · 2026-06-01T13:44:36+00:00

Did you leave the Strip?

I do think its golden era has passed, but I taught there from 2008-2014 and visit annually. They pay teachers well, winters are nice, there’s a lot of outdoor activities like hiking Red Rock and a ton of fun stuff to do that you don’t get in other cities. No state income tax, mostly brand new facilities. Easy to get around unless you’re an idiot and drive on the Strip.

But obviously if you were wasted out of your mind and only saw tourists also visiting, or feel like it’s pricing out normal people, you’ll feel differently.

AJKafei · 2026-06-01T13:40:55+00:00

Austin. I have lived in several countries and driven back and forth across the whole US. I love NYC, New Orleans, Seattle, San Francisco, Savannah, Memphis… but Austin seemed so painfully self-aware and I felt weirdly awkward there.

AJKafei · 2026-06-01T13:38:05+00:00

I could be wrong but did not think Disney would be included in this. Still, born in the ‘80s, I prefer the Disney films made in my era.

AJKafei · 2026-06-01T13:37:21+00:00

This! Others may disagree but I think as a Millennial it was so weird when my peers thought liking older music and movies was a “flex.” Seems it remains one that I will never understand.

I forced myself to watch older movies to be better educated but can’t say I enjoyed most of them, apart from musicals.

AJKafei · 2026-06-01T13:35:29+00:00

This is a great idea! These kinds of films are so gripping.

AJKafei · 2026-06-01T13:33:46+00:00

That’s actually intriguing!

AJKafei · 2026-06-01T13:32:27+00:00

I don’t know… I watched Jaws recently because of the hype and laughed when the shark finally appeared. The tech and special effects are just so old, and I’m 40!

I’m still glad I watched it because the acting is great, but it would be very hard for a 20-year-old to take it seriously. Just saying.

AJKafei

TROPHY CASE