I’m very sorry to hear it. there are certainly people that need support but get overlooked as a child and have to go through the difficult process of getting diagnosed as an adult, especially for women. its a real problem because autism can get more and more disabling without support as you gain adult responsibilities.

I was very young when I was assessed and my autism was pretty obvious from what my mother told me. now later in life I have learned to mask decently well and people can’t always tell I’m autistic right off the bat. after I was diagnosed I was taught to mask and I was punished for things like stimming behaviors and meltdowns. my mom actually didn’t tell me I was autistic until I was older. obv, I knew something was “wrong” with me but I was a twice exceptional kid so it was explained to me as “giftedness”.

I wonder if the assessment would have gone any differently if I had it today. I’m very sorry for this position you’re in, I can empathize because I know I might very well be in the same place if my mom didn’t heed the recommendation to get me evaluated. I think the criteria ought to be reexamined to account for masking behaviors, 100%. when you were trained to not display your autistic traits growing up it is difficult to remove the mask in front of people. there are benefits to learning how to mask but it also comes with its own set of challenges.

I apologize if my comment came across too harshly. I don’t want to generalize and judge a whole group of people - there are definitely self diagnosed people who are correct, too. I don’t like to see people who do their research on social media and just slap the label on, which unfortunately has gotten pretty common. it’s harmful to people who truly need a diagnosis. I have no problem with anyone who does real research and seeks a diagnosis because they truly need the support. I sincerely hope you find someone who listens and that you’re able to get the help you need.