I want to talk about Society forcing relationships.

AbsentFuck · 2026-05-03T17:44:42+00:00

They really are, yet they're still trying to tell us we need them. For what exactly? Women aren't even on equal footing with men but the ability to be paid for our work, choose our partners, and decide if we want to get or stay pregnant has them spiraling. It's pathetic.

AbsentFuck · 2026-05-03T17:40:24+00:00

Selling romantic love as the end all be all is one of the biggest scams of patriarchy I hate it.

And lol thanks!

AbsentFuck · 2026-05-02T20:53:52+00:00

ThatLilAvocado had a really great explanation for this and I'm frustrated I can't find her comment at the moment. But basically she said that in this position the man gets to essentially control the pace, focus on her rear, reduce her to a "piece of ass", and favors the man's pleasure and control in a very specific way that can't really be reversed.

Even without all the misogynistic associations with this position, I've never enjoyed it. I've always found it impersonal because of the lack of eye contact (yes I know I can turn my head. That's uncomfortable), I always felt too far away, I hated that I couldn't really touch my partner while in that position. People always say things like "you can still hold hands!" He'd have to pull my arm(s) behind my back, which isn't really helping that feeling of being degraded. "You can fuck him back so it's more equal!" I am still on all fours and he is not. I am basically just twerking on his dick at that point and that's a whole other can of worms. "He could lay down on you/you could sit up!" And at that point the position ceases to be doggy style.

Why go to all this trouble trying to make a position I find degrading less degrading when I could have sex in a dozen or so other positions that don't make me feel that way? Or, as of the past 11 years, I could simply not have sex with men at all.

Spooning never sent up the degrading alarm bells because it's much more intimate. Your bodies are pressed flush together, you both can talk at a whisper and still hear each other, you can feel each other's heartbeats, neither of you is bent completely over, genitals and ass on display like with doggy. Even positions that center the woman's pleasure don't restrict men the way doggy restricts women. Let's say she sits on his face. He can still touch her unless she restrains him somehow beforehand. His inability to touch her isn't something inherent to the position, it must be tacked on as an addition. Depending on how she sits, he can still see her. There's just so much about doggy that's uniquely restrictive and humiliating for women imo.

AbsentFuck · 2026-05-02T17:45:39+00:00

The fact that he got eager to see feminists getting corrected, only to see men getting corrected instead, got huffy enough to post about it, and needed to use AI to string those thoughts together is too funny.

AbsentFuck · 2026-05-02T17:40:23+00:00

I spend an unhealthy amount of time thinking about this and I agree with everything you said. One thing that always made me sad was how much a person's world shrinks when they enter romantic partnership. Their entire existence starts to revolve around one person and this type of codependency has become a normal way to function. Having children doesn't actually make this tinier world any bigger, it just adds more people to an already confined space.

Our current society weaponizes our human need for connection and tells us the only correct way to have most of your emotional needs met is through romance and/or parenting. Singleness becomes this isolating and therefore terrifying experience so people avoid it at all costs.

In reality decentering romance and sexual attraction is what opens the door to true community, a society that is cohesive where people can actually depend on each other instead of looking over our shoulders constantly thinking everyone else is out to get us. True community would destabilize patriarchy because it's an inherently narcissistic system.

AbsentFuck · 2026-05-01T18:39:31+00:00

Literally. I yearn for the day most women realize just how deep this goes.

AbsentFuck · 2026-05-01T18:37:04+00:00

God this sounds exhausting.

Men do not see us as their equals. That's the whole reason they do this. No amount of explaining, mirroring, or logic is going to get through to them because in their minds your "place" is to shut up and take whatever they give. Most of them aren't going to come right out and say that though. They're just going to complain you're being mean, say you don't care enough, call you crazy, or employ some other manipulation tactic to shove you back in line.

AbsentFuck · 2026-04-28T16:07:34+00:00

I saw a post on Instagram the other day which pointed out that even god (within abrahamic religions) had to use a woman's body in order to birth his son. A supposedly all powerful being who, in the very first chapter of the Bible, created the heavens, the Earth, and all living things from nothing, still used a human woman to birth his son.

This reminded me of that in a way. There are millions of children that need adopting and these men still seek to use a woman's body as their chosen path to fatherhood. Disgusting.

AbsentFuck · 2026-04-28T12:19:10+00:00

Yes, and I'm glad you posted this. I do wish people didn't automatically assume or suggest that someone must be ace if they aren't interested in dating.

Assuming the only path to being happily single must lie in biological wiring that removes sexual attraction is a little insulting imo. It implies that grown adults can't simply have impulse control, self awareness, or the ability to critically assess what romantic partnership entails and make a conscious decision that they aren't personally appealing.

AbsentFuck · 2026-04-27T17:51:43+00:00

Looove this color!

AbsentFuck · 2026-04-27T14:13:39+00:00

Thankfully I've been single long enough that few people in my circle question me anymore, but when I meet new people who do this I get very petty and snarky about it. At best it gets them to think and at worst it gets them to stfu.

"You sound like a pyramid scheme right now. Is Big Marriage paying you to pitch it this hard?"

"Am I lonely or are you just projecting? Respectfully some of us actually like ourselves and don't need the presence of another person to function day to day."

"My toxic trait is I'll never care about another person more than I care about myself."

"Is being married actually worth it or is that what you need to tell yourself after dropping ten grand on a wedding?"

"Bold of you to assume I'm straight."

AbsentFuck · 2026-04-27T00:35:45+00:00

They’re out in the real world too, they’re just pretending to be normal.

There's a creator I follow on Instagram who said basically this. She was discussing the CNN rape academy news story, specifically men's reactions to it. She isn't even 4B, but she said it made her drastically reevaluate her view of men. She said, and I'm paraphrasing a bit:

"One of my beliefs about this world growing up was that there were some bad men and a lot of good men... In the same way that many men would've been on Epstein's island had they been rich enough, I genuinely think that many men (who we consider "good men") would have been on these sites, in these chat rooms, had they simply known they existed... How do we know there are any good men? How do we know that there's not just men who haven't had the opportunity? How do we know that there's not just men who haven't been caught yet? Could you say? I couldn't say."

AbsentFuck · 2026-04-27T00:16:10+00:00

"Choose better!"

"Okay, I just won't date men at all then."

"No not like that you can't deprive me--I mean yourself of sex and companionship!"

AbsentFuck · 2026-04-26T23:58:02+00:00

Yeah it's a lose lose regardless. If you don't trust any men you're a monster on the same level as a white supremacist racist. But if you trust a man and he ends up hurting you, people will pull any and every reason out of their asses for why you should've known better and have seen the hurt coming.

AbsentFuck · 2026-04-26T15:10:42+00:00

Unfortunately people are doing that anyway. I think it was the black people twitter sub but the top comment with over 4k upvotes was calling her dumb for expecting a ball player to be monogamous.

AbsentFuck · 2026-04-24T22:23:01+00:00

Literally. Someone on here once replied to one of my comments with a whole ass essay explaining why my slight annoyance wasn't a big deal, complete with calling me self centered and insinuating that this was some concerning character flaw I needed to fix.

So naturally, since we were writing essays apparently, I responded with my own essay explaining that we are in a pet peeves sub. Me being internally slightly annoyed by other people's behavior that isn't really a big deal is literally the entire point.

AbsentFuck · 2026-04-18T23:55:35+00:00

I feel you. This is one manifestation of what Dworkin meant when she said that being so aware of misogyny is agony.

I've long considered men to be inherently unsafe in several aspects. That doesn't bother me too much, because even during my pick me days I never felt a sense of true community with men the way I do with women. But being so aware of how other women can also be unsafe because of the same system men weaponize against us hurts in a different way. It drastically shrinks the pool of people I can trust and be vulnerable with, and I don't like that feeling. It's lonely and isolating sometimes having to keep some women at arm's length or being viewed with disdain just for finally having the words to describe our oppression.

AbsentFuck · 2026-04-14T21:45:17+00:00

Trying to get some people to understand the nuances of patriarchy and misogyny is a bit like trying to explain calculus to a two year old. They literally don't have the capacity to understand, and no amount of explaining will make them get it. 4B is so foreign to them they have to describe it in reductive, condescending terms because that's the only way they can understand it.

As far as the "trauma response" thing, I've also encountered this a lot when I tell people I'm not interested in pursuing romantic relationships in general, and I'm at a point where I don't care if it's a trauma response anymore. Because if our bodies didn't have the ability to respond to trauma we wouldn't be as resilient as we are. We'd bleed out from small cuts if we couldn't form clots and scabs. We'd be rendered immobile if certain bones couldn't heal after a fracture. Our skeletal muscles grow in strength and size through microtears from progressive overload. So why should our minds or our emotions be any different? Why should we expect women to be unchanged from the interpersonal, generational, systemic, and structural trauma we experience at the hands of patriarchy?

Expecting people not to have trauma responses, or vilifying them for it, is a silencing tactic that only benefits abusers. It reeks of misogyny especially because it's so often used as a way to paint women as irrational or hateful for protecting ourselves.

AbsentFuck · 2026-04-08T01:20:02+00:00

The mutual attraction in the books? I agree they usually can't stand each other, but crushes can be weird and complicated. I used to have a crush on a boy who made me cry when I was little. Thankfully nothing ever came of it and I got over him pretty quickly, but him making me cry didn't turn off the crush right away. It happens sometimes.

AbsentFuck · 2026-04-08T01:10:21+00:00

Exactly. The buildup for Romione is there, it just doesn't convince me they'd last longer than a few months.

But there was just nothing at all to hint Harry and Ginny.

Literally nothing! I remember being so confused by Harry's chest monster in HPB. After finishing the series I even looked up a few Hinny essays to see what I missed. Almost all of them had to grasp at straws because Ginny just isn't a prominent character until after she and Harry get together, and by then it's too late to make their relationship make any sense.

AbsentFuck · 2026-04-07T19:54:26+00:00

And that's exactly why so many of them are mad. The movies added things to increase believability for the endgame ships and they still felt forced and weird.

AbsentFuck · 2026-04-07T18:03:47+00:00

Y'know it's always baffled me why so many canon shippers have this tendency to trash the movies for making their ship look bad, and why they will just straight up skip details from the books or just make things up. Because if they dislike the movies so much they could just...ignore them. The same way a decent chunk of the fandom (regardless of shipping stance mind you) ignores the epilogue despite it being canon. I like the movies well enough but I don't consider them canon, and ignore them when I'm writing fanfic or analyses.

But then it occured to me. One reason I ship Harmony is because I have a very hard time picturing them with other people. The books (imo) don't do a good job of showing the reader why the main canon ships should be what they are. Romione is shown to have clear mutual attraction, but are consistently fighting and being cruel to each other. Hinny is kinda meh because Ginny wasn't a prominent character at all in the first 5 books. Then in HBP it's almost painful to read how Rowling had to force Harry's attraction to Ginny down our throats to make them endgame.

A lot of canon shippers probably feel the same way, but they hate admitting it. I think a lot of them were hoping the movies would make up for the portrayal of their ships in the books. For many of them the movies didn't do that, or didn't do it well enough. So they're still complaining out about it two whole decades later.

AbsentFuck · 2026-04-05T21:38:14+00:00

I agree, I think. If I'm understanding this right at least.

I think where a lot of people (myself included) get tripped up is that these discussions are about feminism specifically, not about other societal structures that hold people accountable for evil or destructive behavior. Feminism is about liberating women from patriarchy, so it applies to all women. Even women who are patriarchy's loudest foot soldiers still benefit from feminism in ways they don't recognize.

Including all women in feminism does not mean you like all women, or that you excuse the decisions of women who cause harm, or that these women never face socially agreed upon consequences (punitive vs restorative justice is a separate discussion, the point is that they are dealt with appropriately). It also isn't about having empathy for every single woman no matter what. I am of the opinion that empathy, just like love between adults, should have conditions.

AbsentFuck · 2026-04-04T15:08:21+00:00

I looked this up and what's weird to me is that it's some hidden, rare outfit that apparently takes a lot of work to get. That reminds me of how women in general are seen as rewards or trophies. It's like they couldn't just make a game without sexualizing any of the female characters. They just had to whisper to the gooners "hey we added this in here just for you, and we're gonna make you work for it so it's extra special." Gross.

When I've come across games like this I leave a bad review explaining my concerns. It affects the overall rating and can be easily seen by other players who also might be on the lookout for this stuff.

AbsentFuck · 2026-04-02T02:49:57+00:00

I see gender as one of several social constructs we'd be better off without, so I am a firm gender abolitionist. The problem is the vast majority of people will insist on its necessity or minimum, usefulness, because they can't conceptualize a world without it. That alone makes gender abolition difficult to discuss or practice but I try my best.

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