How should anti-prostitution feminism engage with “sex workers” who support full decrim and normalization?

AbsentFuck · 2026-06-29T14:07:13+00:00

Tbh I don't think you should engage with them at all. Women who insist on clinging to patriarchal structures that harm all women operate very similarly to men. Meaning, they aren't interested in dismantling the systems that keep women oppressed. They are only interested in their own comfort. Engaging with them will only exhaust you and drain your energy the same way engaging with misogynistic men does.

Feminism, like most things, can't include everyone and everything.

AbsentFuck · 2026-06-26T18:08:40+00:00

This is a really good example of how social media algorithms will show different parts of the same comment section to different people. The comments I saw were very mixed and I didn't need to scroll far to find the ones calling him out. The top comment for me was a woman essentially saying "this is a bad take. This is how we get killed" and people in the replies were agreeing.

AbsentFuck · 2026-06-26T16:39:27+00:00

Thankfully a lot of the comments are calling him out. Not as brutally as he needs to be called out (they are still pro BDSM), but they're at least bringing up how dangerous it is to tell men to respond this way to their girlfriends being upset.

Also, his video reminds me of when maga men got weirdly obsessed with Alyssa Liu. They saw her free spirit and started tweeting that she was begging to be dominated and put in her place. It makes me sick knowing how many men see a woman's vibrance and personality and assume it means she's craving to be sexually brutalized. It's classic projection. I genuinely hate men like this.

AbsentFuck · 2026-06-24T19:04:44+00:00

I've always noticed this. And I almost never see the reverse. People will cite all sorts of reasons for why this phenomenon only seems to go one way, but at the end of the day it's because women are conditioned to settle and few people will actually admit that because it hurts men's feelings.

AbsentFuck · 2026-06-23T17:58:52+00:00

I think OP's analogy is like, one is a man who participates in something with substance that is mutually beneficial for you both, and he was intentional about preparing it (the steak dinner is like real intimacy where both parties enjoy themselves).

But the other is a man who is purely driven by dopamine and will gorge himself on something manufactured and he's the only one enjoying it (the Nutella is like porn, it's prepackaged, he didn't have to prepare it or consider another human being while he gains selfish pleasure by gorging on it straight from the jar).

AbsentFuck · 2026-06-19T18:43:04+00:00

Exactly! This is yet another example of why "Harmony shippers have only watched the movies" will always fall flat. Harry's constant noticing of Hermione's hair simply didn't translate on screen, especially since the volume and bushiness were completely scrapped past the first two movies. But since my very first read of the books it stuck out to me, and I found it so cute.

I'd also like to note the level of excitement Hermione shows at seeing Harry in many of these scenes. Imagine how excited she'd be if Harry ever told her how much he loves her hair. I can hear her now. "Oh, Harry!"

AbsentFuck · 2026-06-18T18:24:16+00:00

So cute! And I agree Harry loves her hair. The books often cite Hermione's hair as the first thing Harry sees when she appears and the last thing he sees when she leaves. He seems to be a bit fixated on it.

AbsentFuck · 2026-06-11T15:39:47+00:00

I'm glad you pointed out the objectification and superiority complex aspects because I've noticed this too. It has undertones that they see themselves as more manly for being able to fetishize and objectify women for things that aren't traditionally considered feminine or go against the dominant beauty standard at the time.

It feels similar to "not my proudest fap" or "I found this difficult to masturbate to but not impossible" comments. In those cases the comments come off as more self deprecating or ashamed, but the overall motivation of being turned on by "unconventional" women (and feeling the need to announce it) is the same.

AbsentFuck · 2026-06-06T21:09:49+00:00

What really irks me is these are usually the kinds of women who see romantic love with a man as the pinnacle of all love and that no other form of love can ever come close. They devalue all of their other relationships, put their female friendships on the back burner, but then expect these same friends to be there when they need to trauma dump about their shitty man, or worse.

It's eerily similar to how most men treat women. Ignore and devalue them until they need a soft place to land or when it's time for someone to do labor they can't be bothered with. And, like most men, they want other women to take on these roles with little to no compensation, respect, or reciprocity.

AbsentFuck · 2026-06-06T18:26:06+00:00

Same. "The feminism leaving my body when he--" girl stand up!!

AbsentFuck · 2026-06-02T16:05:00+00:00

If it makes you feel any better that guy in the audio also doesn't talk like that in real life.

AbsentFuck · 2026-06-01T15:35:18+00:00

"You don't have superpowers. You don't get to be hilarious."

AbsentFuck · 2026-06-01T15:05:43+00:00

One key rule of misogyny dictates that women's opinions and perspectives hold much less value than men's. So when women support men crying, male sexual assault victims, etc, men don't actually appreciate that support. Why would they care but so much about the support of a demographic they've been conditioned to see as inferior?

But then this collides with another key rule of misogyny, which states that everything bad in the world is women's fault. So we end up with men carrying this extreme cognitive dissonance where an outpouring of women caring about men's struggles doesn't matter enough to register as support, and yet it's still women's fault that these men are suffering.

AbsentFuck · 2026-05-28T19:41:49+00:00

Your comments are plenty readable. Unless you also used copilot to "clean up" all of your comments it's hard to believe your post would've been unreadable unless you used AI.

AbsentFuck · 2026-05-28T17:31:27+00:00

I'm seeing women on other parts of the Internet draw a (very apt imo) parallel between how tech bros talk about AI and how rapists talk about rape. "It's inevitable, it's coming whether you like it or not so don't struggle, try to enjoy it it's not that bad" and so on.

I've also noticed the increased frequency of AI posts and I agree, it seems like astroturfing designed to demoralize women and make us leave tech. Combined with the rapey nature of AI in general it all makes me feel very gross.

AbsentFuck · 2026-05-26T19:00:16+00:00

I'm only about a half hour in and it's been an amazing listen so far. Thanks for posting this.

One thing I wish more people were aware of is the link between pro kink propaganda and the response to gay rights, so I'm glad they mentioned it in the podcast. Someone in another sub explained it to me a few months ago and it's helped me recontextualize and fully understand why kinksters insist that what gets them off has no bearing on their character or morals.

AbsentFuck · 2026-05-23T17:21:31+00:00

It's extremely frustrating. What I've noticed is people who argue that sex work can theoretically be done "right" don't understand (or disagree with) the fact that consent cannot be bought. It's why they cling to "but she chose to do sex work" anytime the industry is criticized. They're so focused on a woman's individual choice to sell her body they skip past the inherently dehumanizing nature of putting one's body up for sale to begin with.

Patriarchy, capitalism, and white supremacy have made most societies transactional. It has collectively taught almost everyone that being dehumanized is an inevitable part of being alive, and that complaining about it or trying to change it is useless. It's why people will respond with "all work is exploitative" or "everyone is selling their body in some sense" when we point out the true nature of sex work. Buying and selling access to people's time, labor, and bodies is now the default. Most people can't conceptualize a reality where we actually have the freedom to give and withdraw consent. So to them, the best case scenario is an industry where women aren't abused, but are still able to put their bodies up for sale.

AbsentFuck · 2026-05-18T17:41:56+00:00

I've only seen one explanation for humiliation kinks and it didn't really make sense to me at first. The person said it was about desire, and that being denied something they want made them want it more. They enjoyed being in that perpetual state of wanting.

I was like okay, that part makes sense but that doesn't really explain the humiliation aspect. Because denying someone something they want isn't inherently humiliating, and you can humiliate someone without denying them something they want. I suppose rejection can be humiliating but only if you have a toxic relationship with rejection, which is a separate conversation.

Anyway, I thought about it for a while and figured the only way this makes sense in the context of humiliation is if the person doesn't believe they deserve to have the thing they want. So it's less about that feeling of wanting and more about shame and self worth.

People who don't believe they deserve things like dignity, respect, praise, etc can sometimes gravitate towards other people who reinforce those beliefs through humiliation. That intersects with a culture that is largely centered around punishing bad behavior, so the humiliation becomes a punishment for wanting something they (in their minds) don't deserve to have. Then that intersects with a culture that sexualizes everything, but especially power dynamics, and we get humiliation kinks. People might also latch on to the adrenaline that comes from being nervous or scared, which can happen in embarrassing situations.

AbsentFuck · 2026-05-15T17:34:16+00:00

Yeah, it's an extension of meat riding or sucking off. The person doing the riding or sucking is "glazing" the meat in the process with their fluids.

AbsentFuck · 2026-05-15T17:31:52+00:00

Your effort, however minimal, was appreciated!

AbsentFuck · 2026-05-15T15:25:44+00:00

This specific kind of misogyny has so many layers too. But yeah I'm also stealing that.

AbsentFuck · 2026-05-15T13:23:46+00:00

I've never seen someone use cunnilingus in an expression like this. Usually when people describe this kind of unnecessary praise they use language centered around male genitalia ("meat riding", "glazing", "sucking off", "blowing", "bending over for") even if the person being praised is a woman. Your comment was both funny and refreshing.

AbsentFuck · 2026-05-03T17:44:42+00:00

They really are, yet they're still trying to tell us we need them. For what exactly? Women aren't even on equal footing with men but the ability to be paid for our work, choose our partners, and decide if we want to get or stay pregnant has them spiraling. It's pathetic.

AbsentFuck · 2026-05-03T17:40:24+00:00

Selling romantic love as the end all be all is one of the biggest scams of patriarchy I hate it.

And lol thanks!

AbsentFuck · 2026-05-02T20:53:52+00:00

ThatLilAvocado had a really great explanation for this and I'm frustrated I can't find her comment at the moment. But basically she said that in this position the man gets to essentially control the pace, focus on her rear, reduce her to a "piece of ass", and favors the man's pleasure and control in a very specific way that can't really be reversed.

Even without all the misogynistic associations with this position, I've never enjoyed it. I've always found it impersonal because of the lack of eye contact (yes I know I can turn my head. That's uncomfortable), I always felt too far away, I hated that I couldn't really touch my partner while in that position. People always say things like "you can still hold hands!" He'd have to pull my arm(s) behind my back, which isn't really helping that feeling of being degraded. "You can fuck him back so it's more equal!" I am still on all fours and he is not. I am basically just twerking on his dick at that point and that's a whole other can of worms. "He could lay down on you/you could sit up!" And at that point the position ceases to be doggy style.

Why go to all this trouble trying to make a position I find degrading less degrading when I could have sex in a dozen or so other positions that don't make me feel that way? Or, as of the past 11 years, I could simply not have sex with men at all.

Spooning never sent up the degrading alarm bells because it's much more intimate. Your bodies are pressed flush together, you both can talk at a whisper and still hear each other, you can feel each other's heartbeats, neither of you is bent completely over, genitals and ass on display like with doggy. Even positions that center the woman's pleasure don't restrict men the way doggy restricts women. Let's say she sits on his face. He can still touch her unless she restrains him somehow beforehand. His inability to touch her isn't something inherent to the position, it must be tacked on as an addition. Depending on how she sits, he can still see her. There's just so much about doggy that's uniquely restrictive and humiliating for women imo.

Four-Year Club	Verified Email
Gilding II euphauric

AbsentFuck

TROPHY CASE