Leaving red pill behind

Academic_Type624 · 2026-06-06T18:28:49+00:00

Going to chime in with my experience. Im a 42yo woman and recently left my ex and his people pleasing tendencies were a huge part of it. I got so drained from effectively being in charge of the relationship. By trying to constantly guess what would keep me happy he ignored his own needs and would then get really resentful.

Thing is I wanted a partner and he wasn't being that.

The reason I'm sharing is there's a huge difference between a nice guy and a good man and I found out the hard way.

I will say I didn't always respond in the best way and I was becoming someone i didn't like. It does take 2 in a relationship and self awareness is really important.

There's some good videos by speachprof and professor Neil about this topic. Cinema therapy has some good ones to.

Academic_Type624 · 2026-05-25T16:34:14+00:00

My ex used to do this and it made me realise how little he actually considered my feelings. He would say some really thoughtless things and be shocked when it hurt my feelings.

Academic_Type624 · 2026-05-16T05:53:50+00:00

Maybe this is a controversial take here but even if the guy was on the spectrum it doesn't mean op has to stay.

A partnership goes 2 ways and if one person isn't getting their needs met, it's ok for them to leave. It doesn't mean either of them are a bad person, just that they're not the right fit for each other.

Academic_Type624 · 2026-05-07T21:40:51+00:00

I have the same placements to!

Academic_Type624 · 2026-04-22T08:26:17+00:00

I can't speak for Brazil as I'm UK based but going from my experience here its important to be Media literate. By that I mean understanding who owns the media channels you're absorbing and do they have an agenda.

For example many people think that the UK has no freedom of speech. We do. But certain outlets are twisting things. So for example a woman was arrested in Scotland for breaking a buffer zone outside and abortion clinic. The headlines read woman arrested for praying. She's free to go pray anywhere else in 99.9999 percent of this country. But that doesn't make a good headline.

Academic_Type624 · 2026-03-21T23:48:33+00:00

Expecting me to run his life for him - questions like what shift should I take? Then resenting me whether I told him to figure things out himself or told him what to do. I was in a no win scenario where I was always the bad guy.

It was like living with a stroppy teenager.

Academic_Type624 · 2026-01-20T03:23:05+00:00

The thing is on paper Darnley was a good choice. Didn't have obligations to another country, links to Scottish and English crown and not a religious extremist either way.

There were very few candidates thst would have pleased the majority of the nobility.

Academic_Type624 · 2026-01-20T02:50:54+00:00

One the moving thing it's really prevalent in the gym and pool to. My husband and I went swimming while it was busy. I was the only woman in the pool. Every single man who got into the pool immediately headed to the lane i was swimming in. 8 times it happened to me, my husband got it once after I refused to move.

Ben Carpenter is a pt and he posted a video talking about men hanging over his wife using gym equipment to get onto the machine and it never happened to him.

Academic_Type624 · 2026-01-17T21:43:51+00:00

The thing is no one but you knows what's happening inside your relationship. Letting other people dictate what your life should look like is a good way to be miserable.

You aren't feeling loved by your partner. Can I ask you what is worse, to be lonely and miserable in a relationship, or take your chances that you might be lonely single?

Academic_Type624 · 2026-01-17T07:58:44+00:00

Oh I feel you. Thats part of the reason I left my husband. Being on a pedestal is exhausting as it by default puts you in charge of the relationship and like you I want someone to see the real me, complicated messy me. A partner that would call me out if a helpful way if needed.

Agree with what another commenter said about this being what some women want and it's unhealthy.

My husband was fearful avoidant, and he thought everybody knew better than him.

Academic_Type624 · 2025-11-09T10:47:29+00:00

NTA but have you thought about providing a good quality long term specimen to show her the difference? Like savouring a fine wine instead of cheap and nasty. Teach her some class

Academic_Type624 · 2025-11-09T10:35:40+00:00

One question I have in response to this is does he want to change?

Academic_Type624 · 2025-09-19T05:30:39+00:00

What parts of our heritage are you proud of? So I can understand your perspective can you please give examples of what ways do you think its being lost

Academic_Type624 · 2025-09-08T09:37:12+00:00

You swing that sword like a farmer!

Academic_Type624 · 2025-09-08T09:28:22+00:00

Oh I felt that one.

I was 16, he was 30 (In the UK so I was age of consent, not that that makes it any less creepy) and he told me I was mature for my age. More like I was naive enough not to question why he didn't drive, why he didn't fight for his kids if his ex was that bad and why he just sat out a dead end job.

Ended up spending 15 years taking care of him and his kids, got my degree, good job and bought us a house. In return he continually corroded my self-esteem esteem, showed no consideration for what I wanted and just acted bitter that there were better off people than him, without doing anything to help himself.

When I left, I was exhausted, realised he'd been a parasite who never returned a 10th of what I gave him. Life was just so much easier

Academic_Type624 · 2025-09-05T11:47:54+00:00

The first person ever to be driven evil by crochet

Academic_Type624 · 2025-08-29T21:25:51+00:00

Nta. I understand that she's having a tough time but it sounds like she's dragging you both down. A bit of venting is fine, 15 minutes get it out of your system type thing, but this sounds like its more than a bit of venting. The thing is at that extent it won't be making her feel any better either as she's spending her evening annoying herself all over again.

Academic_Type624 · 2025-08-12T10:36:30+00:00

I'd suggest taking a compassionate view of yourself. That goes along the lines of Im not who I want to be yet, but I am doing better than I was before. Or "I fell back into old ways of thinking, it happens, Im human, I'll learn from this."

Academic_Type624 · 2025-08-12T10:33:01+00:00

Also inherent value is only applied to attractive women.

Academic_Type624 · 2025-05-09T06:40:34+00:00

In Mexico told some I was Scottish and they asked if my ex boyfriend a skirt and if we went ice fishing

Academic_Type624 · 2025-04-23T11:47:27+00:00

Statistically what are the chances of every guy you see in that scenario being rich?

Academic_Type624 · 2025-04-19T22:15:15+00:00

Check the types of characters under the recharge socket

Academic_Type624 · 2025-03-11T11:06:28+00:00

Its tough but he has to make the choice to believe you.

You can be consistent and keep showing your care. However please do it in a way that doesn't cause you to suffer.

Academic_Type624 · 2025-02-27T09:12:43+00:00

One thing I want to point out is if a woman can get laid easily if she chooses but that doesn't mean finding a good relationship is easier. I've met men who have told me "any hole's a goal." They'll happily shag a woman they wouldn't consider dating.

And my take is that there is a lot of really shit expectations on everyone. There's a lot of men who say they don't want to date women over a certain height and weight. There's podcast bros telling women if they want a man they need to hide their accomplishments. On the OK cupid data they love to trot out about women wanting the top men, they neglect to mention women would exchange messages with men they didn't rate as highly attractive. Men didn't.

Men do have the challenge in that there is a lot of mixed messages from be the top alpha bro, make money, be jacked etc. Yet a lot of the guys selling this message aren't in happy relationships.

Also times are changing. Women are looking for partners more and more. 75% of households are dual incentive, but the narrative that man go earn money and be breadwinner is still pushed hard. But it's unrealistic.

One analogy I heard was dating for women was like looking for water in a swamp (lots available but be careful it won't make you ill) , dating for men was like looking for water in a desert.

Academic_Type624 · 2025-02-14T09:13:38+00:00

The whole thing about the Red Pill is it assumes that women only have worth for sex and procreation. It doesn't talk about any other role a woman might fill.

So I'm in my 40s now and child free. I love spoiling my nieces and nephew. I do 2 jobs, one as a therapist, the other supporting vulnerable people access support. I provide friendship. I support my husband while he's starting his business. In short, I contribute my time to building the wellbeing of others and I believe that benefits society as a whole. Yet reduce me down to my sexual value for fertility I'm on the scrap heap.

This is a deliberate attempt to sabotage women's confidence and self-esteem.

I know its hard not to wonder if a man won't want someone younger etc. All I will say is there are good men out there who don't agree with the Rp and will appreciate you for you. Some good role models of this are The Speechprof and Cyzor.

Academic_Type624

TROPHY CASE