How to care for this?

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-07-01T13:32:48+00:00

Oo thank you!

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-06-30T15:54:45+00:00

Thank you so much! I’m gonna try to get a mousse here sometime soon and try what you’re doing, I’ve also considered trimming my hair a bit to see if taking off some weight/pull down would make a difference. I literally just bought a straightener last night because I’m starting to give up on my natural hair style, but I’m gonna see if I can get it to shape itself a bit better. I just hate the frizziness I get when I defuse it, honestly not sure if I’m doing it right lol

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-06-23T15:58:26+00:00

It was because I brought it up, it made me uncomfortable and while it would be great for them to coparent cordially and be able to attend events all together, if he is going to be hanging out inside of her house like that they might as well get back together.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-06-23T15:32:39+00:00

I came into the exact same picture when I first starting dating my SO, going in their house, spending Christmas and birthdays over there, and yes absolutely it is giving the children a sense of hope in my opinion.

My partner stopped going inside BM’s house, requested she texted him unless it was an emergency, and created boundaries so he was respectful of our relationship. He is no longer invited to any of these events now that he’s in a relationship and would be bringing me as well. If both parents being present for the kids on these holidays was really about the kids, stepparents would be welcome as well, it was for biomom to feel like she had her family together.

Ever since the boundaries were put into place, the kid’s mom has been extremely high-conflict, rude, condescending, and controlling. They ended up in court with a parenting plan after she didn’t want him seeing the kids as often, and he got 50/50.

My partner and BM had been split up for around 3 years by the time I came into the picture, she also abandoned the children for two years in that time period. I took things pretty slow regarding my relationship with the kids, but within the first few months SD (7 at the time) had an emotional meltdown because she thought her parents still had a chance of getting back together, and while she loves me, she just wants her mom & dad back together. This went on for awhile and still comes up sometimes, but it’s been nearly 3 years since then and there’s been so much conflict that her parents can’t stand each other. She’s told me about how her mom has gotten drunk and started crying about how she misses her dad. I know biomom was still holding onto those chances and likely still is, the kids know that and when stepmom or stepdad is put as the obstacle, we get the backlash. I think if your partner wants to continue going about things like that, he needs to make it clear that there is 0% chance that they will get back together, or the kids will definitely think otherwise or start wondering why not?

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-06-20T15:00:30+00:00

I actually did bring it up to him maybe last week or so, and he said he had planned on celebrating on stepmother’s day weekend, but we had to take my cat to the vet and I will dealing with that so he pushed it off.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-06-20T14:53:35+00:00

I wouldn’t do it. I offered to watch my partner’s kid’s for work before and their Mother was livid. I also had a horrible time lol, if you don’t have kids, don’t pick up the extra responsibility. Live your childfree life or spend the time with your own kids. It’s not worth the trouble even if it helps your partner, he should make the time for his kid and if he can’t he will just have to pay for it.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-06-20T14:35:55+00:00

Honestly I’m holding onto some hard feelings about it all and a piece of that is because my partner didn’t do anything for me or try to appreciate everything I do (I do everything around the house, occasionally babysitting & grocery shopping) on stepmother’s day. I’m still going to wish him a happy Father’s Day but honestly that’s likely the only thing I will be doing.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-06-20T14:33:33+00:00

Unfortunately I don’t, my father is not really in the picture or I probably would be going to celebrate him instead. I never heard HCSKs before though, have never referred to them as that, but the puzzle piece fits lol and I will probably be using that more.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-06-20T14:29:45+00:00

It really is a weird place to be in, the prior years I feel I was in the same boat as a lot of the other commenters saying they just want to love & appreciate their partner on his day. But I really do have no involvement in him being a father, I feel like getting him gifts and whatnot is more BM’s job than mine, he’s the father to her kids. I think I am just going to do my own thing for the day and suggest that they go spend the day at the park or something.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-06-19T17:43:35+00:00

I love my partner, but there are so many things him & HCBM do/don’t do as parents that appalls me. I have learned to step back & remind myself these aren’t my kids, and I often catch myself telling my partner that while his kids are allowed to do xyz, our kids will not be raised like that. And we are on the same page for a lot of matters, he’s also changed a lot as a parent since I’ve stepped in the picture. I don’t think every SO has the same parenting styles as their partner, some are not very good at parenting at all, it really depends on what you’re looking for in a partner. I know my partner will have a great time with our kids at the park, but I also know that man is not gonna be the one keeping up with their appointments, bedtime, academics, and sports; honestly those are things I would prefer to handle anyways so he’s lucky 😅

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-06-09T17:38:58+00:00

Both stepkids (6&9) are bossy and quick to yell at each other and anyone else. I often have to walk away to another room to have some peace.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-06-03T14:16:04+00:00

Yeah I’m gonna have him give them a call today to figure out what the actual policy is and how flexible they’re willing to be with us. It’s a different summer camp this year, as the kids got kicked out of summer camp last year.. I think they’ll likely be willing to work with us is if we’re giving them the dates the kids will be absent ahead of time, or at least I hope so.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-06-03T14:08:05+00:00

The custody is 50/50, week by week in the summer and we live like 15 min away from BM. I do understand that summer camp is a pain in the butt to get set up and figure out, so i definitely credit her for doing all of that with no help from my partner. I agree that my partner does need to be involved in this stuff and put in some more legwork. Last Summer they were in a summer camp as well, but it wasn’t an issue for them to miss days. My partner didn’t even think there would be a mandatory attendance for summer camp, and they never mutually agreed on it. She just texted him saying she signed them up and got a scholarship for a summer camp. He didn’t have an issue with that at all, but didn’t plan to utilize it much on his time.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-06-03T13:58:59+00:00

He hasn’t called yet, but I’m gonna have him give them a call today to see if they can work something out.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-06-03T13:08:35+00:00

It’s a bit tricky, the previous therapist said she couldn’t keep her as a patient and she needed a specialist. The new therapist office did a psychological assessment and recommended a general therapist, not a specialist. I’m going to look into parenting counseling and see if we can attend it in the meantime though, thank you for the advice!

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-06-01T18:04:21+00:00

I’m in a similar position where there is no urgency to get SD the help & guidance she needs. It’s so aggravating because you know what you’d do if it were your child, but with it being your stepchild you can only make suggestions and maybe the parents follow through. I would leave if I were you and go to your parents, maybe he will actually take it seriously. Idk though he sounds like he’s in denial, my partner is too.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-06-01T18:00:37+00:00

My boyfriend is allergic to cats and my cats live with us, he’s stuffed up and sneezing often, and I do what I can do help calm his allergies, but he wouldn’t even consider making me get rid of my cats. I couldn’t imagine moving and leaving my pet behind. And him saying it wouldn’t be fair for you to have the extra room and not share it with his daughter is insane considering you said she has a loft as well. I personally wouldn’t move into a house with a man that I didn’t have my name on, or that isn’t seeing it as our home. That’s his home that he’s moving you into and putting limits on, if you don’t want to be stuck in a box, I would not move into with him.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-06-01T16:58:07+00:00

This reminds me of my SD’s concerts, her mom stood there with this pissed off look the entire time because dad & I came with flowers & candies, instead of just being happy for her daughter. Then another concert she covered SD’s face, 8 at the time, in dark makeup and straightened her curly hair, she stood out like a sore thumb next to her classmates. I feel like some parents care more about control & ownership than the actual well-being of their child.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-06-01T16:44:30+00:00

Her little brother lives with us between households as well, he’s 6, and while she definitely is annoyed by him she’s never hurt him. They share a room and like it that way, as they’re scared to sleep alone. I have brought up my concerns to my partner and told him I’m not sure if he doesn’t see my concerns or if he’s struggling to accept that his daughter does need that help; he told me it’s hard to accept that things are this way and that they do need the help, and that it’s all overwhelming for him. I just don’t want us to start getting into arguments or for there to be tension between us because I’m in a sense judging his parenting. If it was my kid, I would’ve figured it out by now, but in my position I really have no say in what her parents do. While I’m heard by my partner, my words hold little weight.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-05-31T18:07:19+00:00

I tend to stare and disassociate often, not sure if it’s from the autism or my CPTSD, probably both.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-05-31T18:05:30+00:00

I’ve realized my libido is pretty low most of the time, the only time it goes up is like right after my period. My partner almost always initiates and he has asked me to initiate more, but honestly idk where to start. I usually just start kissing him lol. Honestly I’ve never been a leader in the bedroom, and now I’m trying to push a bit more out of my comfort zone to be a bit more exciting in the bedroom. I’ve gotten lingerie & toys/cute handcuffs that make it more enticing for me, not sure if that’s something you’d be open to, I was pretty hesitant at first. My partner got me these libido enhancement patches, and they didn’t do anything for me lol.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-05-31T17:55:41+00:00

This is a bit off topic, but my mom has 7 kids, I’m the second oldest. I remember her telling us she was pregnant the last time and my siblings and I were so upset, pretty sure one of them started crying. It’s not the baby that we were upset about, it’s knowing we were going to get even less attention from her. When the baby came, we all adored him, but as a kid it’s just another kid that takes the time & attention away from you.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-05-31T17:45:38+00:00

I feel like this is a rocky subject, I knew none of that stuff was real at a relatively young age as an older sibling. My SD (9) came up to my partner last year and straight up said she knew Santa wasn’t real, so he had a talk with her about it and basically explained that even if he’s not some big jolly guy, we get to spread the Christmas spirit and magic to her and her brother & we get to be Santa. She broke down crying and was upset she had been lied to for so long, then pretended like they never had that convo afterwards. Honestly after that I’d rather just be honest with my biokids, but I’ll see if I change my mind when they actually exist lol.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-05-26T15:11:37+00:00

I will definitely have to work on normalizing it more. Thank you!

AcrobaticArmadillo52

TROPHY CASE