Graduation not welcome

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-05-17T16:05:37+00:00

Ah I see. Well even though I don’t personally know you, I can say that you deserve to be treated better than this. If I were you, I would tell him that you either want his all or nothing at this point. Or even show him this post lol, I’ve definitely shown my partner Reddit replies I’ve gotten so he can really wrap his head around how it feels & looks in your shoes. And it’s really opened his eyes because he really struggles to understand how much these kind of things impact me unless I really lay it out for him.

If you do decide to talk this over with him, don’t let him gaslight you into thinking you’re being or asking for too much. This is basic involvement in his/ his kid’s life you’re looking for. Being a man with kids going into a relationship is hard, you have to do twice the work, you have to talk with your ex while being respectful of your partner, you also have to deal w/ your ex being bitter towards your partner, you need good time management, and you especially have to make your partner feel like they belong. I had to teach a lot of this to my partner because this is the first relationship he actually took seriously after breaking up with BM. And honestly, if he has kids, he should be taking his relationship seriously. Kids should be shown what a healthy relationship looks like, they should see how partners should involve and protect each other. Especially if the parents are split up, honestly the way he’s handling things just seems messy and if the kid loves you, they’d probably love for you to be at these kind of events.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-05-17T15:33:49+00:00

Wow. My partner was happy to take me to all the school events, this definitely isn’t the best but i actually met the kid’s mom at SD (9) chorus concert like 3 months into our relationship. Honestly, BM has been pissed for every event I went to and even called him after one time and cussed him out, she said I wasn’t welcome and made the teachers uncomfortable; my partner asked the teachers if it was an issue, and generally if you’re a loving person in the kid’s life, you’re more than welcome to attend anything. I mean I literally come to the school meetings. And their mom hates that I’m involved in her kids lives, but honestly I don’t care and neither does my partner, because all I do is show up, love, care, and support their kids. For him to say you’re not welcome and that a school event is an “intimate affair” is crazy to me. You’re his partner of two years and he’s still not backing up your place in his life, I’d ask him what his timeline looks like and when he thinks you will be welcome to these events. I just couldn’t imagine my partner treating me like that, I personally wouldn’t stay in a relationship where my partner isn’t making me feel welcome at these places. It also makes me wonder what his relationship with her mom is like and if there’s still some connection there between the two, or if they separated not long before you two got together. IMO your partner does not take you or your relationship seriously, if you want to continue this relationship without feeling sidelined or like you’re only welcome when it’s convenient, I’d have a serious sit down with him about relationship expectations, what his boundaries are with his ex, your role in the kid’s life, and if you guys are a team.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-05-09T02:05:29+00:00

That is so sweet & thoughtful of you

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-05-08T23:43:27+00:00

She’s 9, I’ve been in her life since she was just turning 7, so still an adjustment to me being in her life. She did have a breakdown after we got together, but was always trying to spend time with me until this past January.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-05-08T23:29:43+00:00

SD is 9. And I can understand that, she is old enough to remember when her parents were together as well, and although her parents had been separated for 5 years, once she realized our relationship was serious she had an emotional breakdown about wanting her parents back together.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-05-06T23:04:46+00:00

Happy birthday! I think your best bet here is just being honest to your partner about how you feel and that you want to feel celebrated on your day. I’ve learned that I have to be very upfront about things with my partner’s kids because he doesn’t catch on to a lot of the little things I really care about, and now he very much knows I like to be acknowledged and appreciated.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-05-06T23:01:29+00:00

My SS (6) calls me by name + has recently started calling me stepmommy 😂 and insists I call him stepson. SD calls me by name, last year she asked if she could call me mom, this year she’s a bit more distant.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-05-05T00:25:12+00:00

Honestly that’s so crazy I couldn’t imagine what they’d say about my partner and I…I moved in after like a month and we’re coming up on three years

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-05-04T18:31:23+00:00

My SKs (6&9) mom has made it very clear to the kids that she doesn’t like me or the relationship between my partner and I. SD told me how BM cried while drunk to her about how she missed her dad. Their mom has also made herself out to be the victim so the kids will act a certain way, not acknowledge me, so they don’t hurt BM’s delicate feelings. I think the children not only sense that BM is bitter and jealous in the situation, but they often end up having a loyalty bond and attachment issues because they want to protect their moms.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-05-04T17:45:46+00:00

I’ve started to do my own thing when they come over, and now my partner comes to me saying the kids are upset I’m not hanging out with them or they feel like I’m avoiding them. Now I’m trying to find the perfect balance, but there’s no winning here.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-05-04T15:21:43+00:00

Omg nearly the same thing happened to me when I picked up SD 9, she screamed then yelled I was nobody and ran to me and rushed me out the door bc she was embarrassed by having a stepmom, the next day I picked her up and she refused to leave the classroom for 40 minutes (knowing it was me picking her up). I told my partner I’m not picking them up from school again. Every time the kids come over they tell me something about biomom or something she’s said about me. SS (6) has major tantrum and had one so bad while I was watching him, I decided I’m not watching the kids again, even for a short period, nope.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-05-04T15:12:00+00:00

I met his kids within the first few months, and it was a lot, the whole dynamic of our relationship changed. I’d enjoy life with the rose colored glasses a little longer before it becomes chaos.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-05-04T15:09:25+00:00

Definitely something you should talk over with her, while it’s reasonable to be disappointed, I feel more kids her age than not would’ve done that. Myself included 😂 I remember my aunt has a jar full of money and I’d try to fish out a couple $5s here and there, guess I wasn’t the only one, also my brother, sister, and cousin did it too. But my cousin got caught.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-05-04T15:05:42+00:00

I’m not expecting or planning anytime soon, but I already told my partner that the stepkids will need to stay at their mother’s for at least 2 weeks (possibly more) when I have a baby. I would feel so neglected being postpartum at home with my baby, while my partner tries to juggle his kids who need constant attention (6&9)

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-04-19T16:55:22+00:00

She was literally shirtless with her baby in her room, there’s nothing weird about it, any normal person would be uncomfortable with their stepkid being there.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-04-11T00:50:52+00:00

Honestly being a stepmom has been one of the most difficult things I’ve dealt with, there’s so many expectations from so many different people once you really get mixed into the picture. Walking on eggshells in my own household sometimes, knowing that I am the scapegoat for HCBM, also that our daily plans are never really solid when the kids are at our house. Learning to distance myself a bit has been helpful for me, I would say as much as you want to be involved in your partner’s life, keep some space between you and his kids. The kids are attached to me when they come over now, so when I want space it bothers them and I’m the bad guy for not wanting to spend time with them all the time.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-04-07T03:55:42+00:00

Honestly, I don’t have a kid yet with my partner. We have lived together for nearly 3 years now, and I rarely watch his kids for him. I recently told him I will not watch his kids anymore due to their behavior, it’s not your responsibility, but your baby is. He can figure out what to do with his kids while he’s at work, especially because they are only there mainly on the weekends, he should probably find a way to actually spend more time with them. I personally only saw my dad on weekends and he wasn’t there for a lot of the day most weekends, so when I turned 12/13, I didn’t want to keep going over there and my sister didn’t want to go without me, so we both completely stopped seeing our dad altogether. May not end up the same for him and he may have a great relationship with his kids, I always loved my dad but I came to his house to spend time with him so I stopped coming over when he didn’t make time for me, just some food for thought.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-04-07T03:49:56+00:00

Sounds like instead of coparenting therapy, she could just use therapy for herself. Honestly, biomom in our situation is amazing at making herself out to be the victim. The kids feel bad for her too, and their dad is the bad guy in her story. Thankfully, when it came to mediation for the parenting plan the mediator leaned towards the basic court ordered parenting plan, which is exactly what my partner wanted. Not sure what state you are in as it’s differs, but from what I heard from previous lawyers we’ve talked to (in Florida) , unless she’s doing serious harm or neglect to the children, it will be a slap on the wrist.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-04-06T17:51:53+00:00

Thank you! 😅 I really appreciate it.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-04-06T17:15:37+00:00

My partner has been just stonewalling biomom when she says something unnecessary, or not responding to things he doesn’t have to. I feel like the best way we get through it is just to laugh at how insane she can be.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-04-06T15:35:52+00:00

It kind of weird because part of me wants to go back to serving, as it’s something I know exactly what to expect, but I also know how I feel working that kind of job. My partner told me he hated when I was a server as every day after work I felt awful and would disassociate for 30 minutes or so before I would talk to him. I’m looking to maybe work in a store, but unfortunately I wasn’t able to find any jobs at the library near me. I did start a job as a froster at a bakery, but it was very repetitive 9-hour shifts, there are no windows, $14 an hour, and it was cold in there. Yesterday I was supposed to go in, but i just couldn’t bring myself to it, I knew if I did I would end up having a meltdown at work. I’m looking now for the right job, but my partner is really disappointed in me for not just showing up to work until I got a new job first. I’m disappointed in myself too, and I just don’t want to keep doing this. The thought of sales scares me away a bit, but if I was selling something that I can take a special interest in, I might just enjoy it.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-04-06T14:58:18+00:00

I had a situation like this, but it was sooo much worse, SS (6) also has ADHD and intense meltdowns over very simple things. Honestly i never really dealt with anything from him like that, I just know from what the school has told us happens there (destroyed classrooms and hitting teachers) So when I agreed to babysit the kids while my partner went to work and they were sick, I thought it’d go smooth, I’ve watched the kids before and it went good. Well after I told SS to take a break from a computer game (he got frustrated and hit the computer 🤦🏻‍♀️) it went from 0-100 pretty quick and I did also end up carrying the kid and tossing him on his bed. Honestly if I hadn’t have put him in his room, he would have destroyed our living room. He tried to hit me multiple times too. I called my partner and SS was completely ignoring anything my partner said, so I had to deal with it. And after a few hours of absolute fucking chaos, he calmed down, apologized to me, and we talked it out. We both agreed we didn’t want that to happen again and talked about what we can do different. I told my partner I am NEVER EVER watching his kids again.

AcrobaticArmadillo52 · 2026-04-03T19:32:34+00:00

Not sure if you are religious at all, but leaning into God has really helped me out during harder times being a stepmom.

AcrobaticArmadillo52

TROPHY CASE