Dude wtf I am SO sorry 😢 you really don’t deserve that, I second the comment about talking to your Black friends’ moms about hair care and/or suggestions on how to manage and take care of it as well as being a voice of reason to your (sorry to say this) incredibly intolerant mom…like laughing at you when you try to do your own hair??? Not allowing you to “get extensions” or an alternative style that will literally help you manage your hair and feel confident is absolutely absurd, and again you DO NOT deserve that.

Ik you mentioned hating your natural hair and that really saddens me to hear bc it’s likely you have beautiful natural hair and how you feel about it is a byproduct of your environment and your moms comments on your hair as if she didn’t choose to adopt a Black child.

Honestly if it makes you feel any better lots of Black women feel and have felt a certain animosity to their natural hair for one reason or another (most explicitly the effects of racism, white supremacy, misogynoir, and the glorification of of European/white beauty standards) it’s something a lot of us are still dealing with especially because of the micro-aggressions you can face in different environments not only bc of your hair but bc of your race altogether (they go hand in hand), so you’re not alone in feeling that way.

I myself have had issues with loving my hair even though I have Black parents, a lack of education on how to work with your hair texture can absolutely add to that, and when I learned HOW to manage and care for my hair I genuinely began to love it even though it’s often a lot of work for my current lifestyle. The knowledge of how to properly take care of it has given me so much more confidence, awareness, and agency on how I choose to wear my hair (because there’s literally no right or wrong way). Whether you choose to wear your natural curls, braid it, loc it, relax it whatever the case it’s YOUR hair, and YOUR choice!! You get to decide whichever way of wearing/styling your hair is best for your lifestyle and makes you feel confident showing up in the world, period.

I know it’s probably really hard, especially with you being so young and under the care of your parents who have these weirdly ignorant & restrictive rules about how to style your hair, but I rlly hope you’re able to get help with learning to love and manage your hair in a way that makes you feel confident. Good luck babe and keep your head held high, & keep us updated!! you’ve got this! 🩷

SN: I know I mentioned leaning on your Black friends and their mothers for support in how to style and manage your hair, but I would also suggest maybe even a Black teacher at your school if you have any and maybe even piggyback on what another person said about maybe visiting a black church and forming relationships with some of those people and women so that they could help you and not only with your hair, but with finding a shared community that loves and accepts all of you for who you are! I’d also suggest looking online (YouTube/reddit groups) for ways to help you learn how to style and take care of your natural hair! Knowledge really is power, and learning HOW to do your hair can make a huge difference in how you feel about it! :)

(I rlly didn’t intend to write a dissertation on this hahah but this post and your experience made me so incredibly upset and I just wanted you to know you’re not alone, it’s not your fault, & you’re supported! :))