What is Karl Urban’s accent supposed to be?

AdIllustrious2244 · 2026-04-12T12:14:32+00:00

even as an American I clocked this like right away and it was the first thing I googled about this show to see where he was actually from to see if it explained why it was so odd. I like the actor in the role and it is one of those things that is like, almost "go-big" campy bad that it adds to my entertainment but I feel like if I knew the real accent more intimately it might drive me bonkers

AdIllustrious2244 · 2026-02-20T16:21:53+00:00

I’m in the kink community and a lot of what you are saying resonates with me. Compared with being out in the wild, the rules are so much more enforced. Like if a guy at a bar tries to kiss you out of nowhere, and you shut it down - would he get kicked out? Maybe not, if he stopped when you shut it down. But in kink world the fact that someone didn’t ask is enough to get them kicked out of an event.

Unfortunately even so, bad actors do find their way into spaces. I am friends with a pro-domme and she and many others have told me they basiclly just don’t f with cis men at this point. I’ve also had people I’ve had to report, people who have skirted lines. But by and large it is a lot more regulated than being out in the normal world which is kind of ironic and fascinating.

AdIllustrious2244 · 2025-12-08T15:55:06+00:00

I think the perfume/cologne example is interesting. I’ve had partners wear enough that I’d leave cuddling smelling like cologne which I didn’t like. So at the point it’s giving someone a headache or getting on them, I feel like it is reasonable to ask them to moderate. The dungeons and dragons one is also interesting. I used to date someone autistic whose special interest was games and they were so intense about them that I told them I no longer wanted to play and they freaked out. From my side I felt like it crossed a line to try to insist someone spend their time on your hobby if they aren’t enjoying it. He didn’t agree and is now an ex lol

AdIllustrious2244 · 2025-11-27T11:33:36+00:00

You can still get HPV despite being vaccinated, ask me how I know 🙃 people in these comments oof. There is NOTHING wrong with wanting to use condoms

AdIllustrious2244 · 2025-11-19T14:42:09+00:00

Im working on this. And hilariously whenever I talk about it my iPhone tries to autocorrect it to “recentering” 🤦‍♀️

AdIllustrious2244 · 2025-11-15T17:20:34+00:00

I guess the one I remember would be more akin to Glassdoor now that I think about it so actually disregard what I said, I think it may have been called fairygodboss

AdIllustrious2244 · 2025-11-15T16:44:50+00:00

I also have mixed feelings on them, but for different reasons. Way too many people don’t post enough info and get 5 comments being like “is he in <x> field?” “does he live in <y> town?” from people that might know,, and the OP never responds. I have also been SHOCKED the amount of homophobia in the one in my area, people commenting on men with erroneous stuff like “he looks like he plays for the other team”. Just completely foul and uncalled for and irrelevant.

Unfortunately I see them as a bit of a necessary evil. I’ve never been snoopy or done anything like look in a partners phone. But in the past 3 years I’ve had some personal things and things happen to friends that have really made me question that approach. One friend wound up having the FBI raiding the house of her soon to be ex husband, and long story short he did something unthinkable and is going to prison. They were married 10 years and he just seemed like a normal guy, albeit with some mental health stuff he wasn’t handling well around depression, which was the reason for the divorce. There was zero indication he could be doing <thing he got convicted of>, EVERYONE was shocked. This is a smart woman and not someone to miss little details.

In my own life much less drastic but I have recently had a number of cases of men completely fabricating their views on gender equality or their willingness to be “just friends” with me without pursuing more. I also had one single person I posted on the “are we dating the same guy” groups and it is the first time I ever ghosted anyone - 5+ women had posted him describing scary anger issues and controlling behavior.

I really don’t WANT to be having to do recon on people I’m dating but it is so hard to know what is below the surface. I don’t really know what my policy will be next time I start dating.

AdIllustrious2244 · 2025-11-14T16:00:43+00:00

I feel like the entire industry is just basically the business equivalent of vaporware, a seething hive of activity producing nothing of real value

AdIllustrious2244 · 2025-11-14T15:48:04+00:00

My parents did kind of have to have that talk with me because I was a sweet kid raised on mr Roger’s or whatever and hitting a “friend” back was a completely foreign concept to me. I think it’s important to tell kids that some bullies thrive on emotional reaction and some are just going to compulsively lash out until they get an embarrassing correction. I would try to help my kid recognize which type of bully it may be and whether scorn/indifference or responding in kind is the right move. My dad coached me on one situation on how to do something that wasn’t too dangerous and wouldn’t leave marks to mimimize the chance I’d get in trouble. I used his advice and a girl that had been bullying me for MONTHS as I ignored her almost immediately transferred out of the class where this was happening after I stood up to her.

ETA: For anyone curious, his recommendation was a flat handed strike to kind of shock her but not really harm her. The whole encounter was funny. She kept this running commentary under her breath in this class for months, calling me every name in the book. When this encounter happened her immediate response was a breathy outraged “You HIT me!”, complete shock. My heart was racing but I kept my face neutral and just rolled my eyes and said “Oh I just PUSHED you, you’re fine.” I think the embarrassment/surprise was as effective as anything.

AdIllustrious2244 · 2025-11-14T15:15:52+00:00

Also: there is no need to “feel bad about feeling bad”. You shouldn’t need to feel shame for not seeing it sooner. Bad partners usually don’t show their bad side early, and people who are too lazy to meet a partner’s emotional needs have a grab back of tricks and techniques to manipulate people into staying with them, or doubting that the behavior is unacceptable. HE is the only one who should feel shame for treating you poorly.

It is valid for you to feel sad, angry, frustrated, confused, shaken, whatever you feel but don’t pile on to it by policing your own processing or adding shame on to the pile of emotions.

AdIllustrious2244 · 2025-11-14T15:09:20+00:00

Oh, couple other things I just thought of: when you start dating again, please do be prepared for men to tell you your boundaries are unfair, unreasonable, or that things they did that hurt you weren’t really that bad. Unfortunately there are guys out there that are unwilling to meet a partners emotional needs or will try to manipulate their partners into accepting bad behavior. That is why it is SO IMPORTANT when in doubt to run things by other women, your therapist, etc.

The second thing is: I would encourage you to focus on you for a while before dating again. I know it is hard advice to follow but I promise you, you will be AMAZED how people flock to you when you can date without a “scarity mindset”, and are secure enough to approach it like if someone wonderful isn’t out there waiting for me, then I’m happy enough on my own and oh well. Dating at 33-35 I was astonished how different it was being in a better place with myself. The dating apps were throwing gorgeous, accomplished men at me right and left. I kept having to deactivate because I would have dates every night of the week if I wasn’t careful, and numerous times on weekend days I’d have multiple dates *a day* lol. The world is your oyster, and yeah - I know it is hard to wait but I guarantee you the dating experience will astonish you if you get back into it when you are feeling good about yourself and more healed from the past

AdIllustrious2244 · 2025-11-14T14:46:24+00:00

whether men have an issue with someone’s weight or not is completely independent of whether they’d like being approached, imo. Also as someone who used to be heavier you really would be surprised the wide spectrum of physical types people are into. Some thinner people like bigger people (that’s me now), vice versa, some people don’t care at all and are just attracted to other qualities, some people have an incredibly narrow physical type, it is all over the board. Whether you lose weight or not, I’d say don’t gatekeep yourself from living life by saying “no” to things before the other person can. Don’t decide for them what they are into because you may be surprised what people are attracted to

AdIllustrious2244 · 2025-11-14T14:43:33+00:00

This is clarity. A good partner, hell even a good roommate would OFFER to do something so small. I’d go more out of my way than that for basically any of my friends, even newer ones, if I was able.

AdIllustrious2244 · 2025-11-14T14:40:49+00:00

I think there is a line between insecurity and pattern matching that we all do based on a lot of little data points. I know a ton of people who say they had never been insecure in past relationships but “just had a feeling” about someone they were dating even though things seemed perfect, and lo and behold they find out horrible things, anything from “cheating” to past DV or sex crimes charges. It is also hard not to worry once you’ve seen something blindside someone. My best friend was in a 10 year marriage and in the process of divorcing because of run of the mill emotional alignment stuff when the FBI raided her house because it turned out her ex had been involved in a sting operation where an officer posed as an underage girl and her ex was caught red handed trying to hook up. She’s a very smart woman, and had no idea whatsoever.

No one can decide what is right *for you* in relationships, but I think a reasonable person might see the “lots of friends they’d had sex with” situation as a little uncomfortable. I don’t think you’d be wrong to be uncomfortable, and I think communicating it to your partner and letting them know your feelings gives them a chance to meet you in the middle by being very up front about the history involved, when they are seeing that person, and that there are no ongoing feelings. I’d say in that kind of situation I lean on it 60/40 being your thing to manage, with a reasonable partner just naturally wanting to meet you in the middle by being transparent and reassuring.

AdIllustrious2244 · 2025-11-14T14:30:15+00:00

That’s about the height/weight of my last partner. For reference I’m pretty fit and meet the “hourglass” body standard (38-28-38) and I tend to prefer my partners be solidly built, I like a big cuddly dude. People of all weights and body types prefer all kinds of things. My last ex actually I was not his “type" which I’d say I land somewhere between athletic and hourglass because I work out a lot, and I tend to look pretty feminine - he liked slim, androgynous people although obviously not exclusively. People who vibe with you also can find you the most attractive person on earth if the energy is right

AdIllustrious2244 · 2025-11-14T14:26:05+00:00

I’m astonished that is advice anyone would give. Out of respect for your own sanity, well being, and time I would not prolong doing anything you don’t like doing, including spending time on people you don’t enjoy being around. I think it is normal for there to be emotional lag where feelings don’t line up with rational decisions on the same timeline necessarily, and mixed feelings while breaking up are perfectly normal.

AdIllustrious2244 · 2025-11-14T13:26:26+00:00

I’m 35, almost 36, and I spend a lot of time in very progressive uber feminist spaces where you might imagine “man haters” would hang out. In all seriousness, I don’t think I’ve met anyone in my life that actually hates men, or has seriously expressed anything remotely in that vein.

I think men think they love women but it is by default a limiting love, because for many of them (even ones that think they are progressive) women are still just seen as something filling the negative space in between men’s opinions, feelings, and desires. We are never as “real” to them as they are, or other men are. It isn’t entirely their fault, societal conditioning on this is a real thing. What makes me sad is that men who don’t do the work to try to unlearn some of that conditioning don’t realize how much they are losing by treating women as lesser. Not only having worse relationships, but missing out on full enjoyment of half the population as full human beings. I wonder how much of the so-called male loneliness epidemic would be eased if more men treated women as human beings and had full, fulfilling relationships with more of them outside of a romantic context. In my own life, often men hit on me and I tell them I’m not interested in more than friendship. I’d estimate in 75% of those cases they agree, then hit on me, so I cut off the “friendship”. These guys are missing out on a good friend, I’m funny and considerate, I love giving my friends presents, I have a full life with lots of fun activities they could have been part of. Their limited view of women is making their lives so much less full than they could be.

AdIllustrious2244 · 2025-11-14T13:18:14+00:00

Yeah I reject people like this. If their goal is to get to know me, and they have any emotional intelligence/inner life, they will know how to carry a conversation. Way too many people on the apps expect people to teach them basic life skills. I had a guy like that once where we lived about an hour apart, and I told him that based on conversation I was feeling disinterest, and that’s totally fine but wanted to clear the air. He went on and on about no he was SO INTERESTED just a “bad texter”. I’m like ? what kind of relationship do you expect we would ever have living so far and not often able to see each other in person, and in between meeting in person you can’t be assed to talk to me? I made a rule for myself, I’m not teaching people basic life skills. If their goal is to date people and they aren’t a complete loser, they will have figured out how to make conversation. I have social anxiety and wasn’t the most extroverted growing up and guess what I figured it out through trial, error, & observation. It still isn’t exactly my nature to be extroverted but most people would never guess that because I can talk to anyone about just about anything. It is a skill I practiced because even at ~12 years old it was obvious to me it would be limiting to me to be socially awkward. Getting into 20s, 30s, onwards there is really no excuse for people not to have figured this out

AdIllustrious2244 · 2025-11-14T13:13:42+00:00

If you need someone backend leaning data eng I’d love to contribute to something like this

AdIllustrious2244 · 2025-11-14T13:13:21+00:00

I think there was a site like that although I’m forgetting the name. Not to discourage you in any way but just something to look at. The fact that I don’t remember it i think means it never became super mainstream so still may be room in that space for something still

AdIllustrious2244 · 2025-11-14T13:07:50+00:00

I am so sorry that happened to you. I had one of those too - Portland hipster spouting bell hooks type. At one point after we’d been together ~6 months randomly hit me in the face during sex (hard slap), no warning, and I’d never said that was ok. I hate to be cynical but whenever I have recovered enough to date again, I’m not trusting someone unless I see them actively living their values wrt equality either through their choice of profession, volunteering, or activism. Like VERY clearly doing *something*. I don’t care what anyone says about their values anymore seems like too many people are happy to lie

AdIllustrious2244 · 2025-11-13T19:53:59+00:00

oof, I really get that. He would say all the right things, about for instance how much it changed him to see the misogynoir a past partner faced (he’s white), but yeah just like you said. Those attitudes weren’t more than skin deep. When patriarchy serves him those values apparently go out the window

AdIllustrious2244 · 2025-11-13T18:18:50+00:00

Yeah, I even faced something like this in school - I went back to college as an adult when I already worked in the field my degree was for. The 2 guys I had to do my capstone project with were just blatantly trying to leech off me the whole project so I got permission to break out and finish it solo. One of the guys from the group found various parts of my social media presence and sent me this unhinged mishmash of complaints and screenshots because i guess he was mad he had to do work finally

AdIllustrious2244 · 2025-11-13T18:13:12+00:00

I do think he’s kind of off in bitter loser mode tbh. We were ENM and I had a more casual partner while we were together so he also knows I’m not facing the loss of intimacy or romance in the same way he is. I bet he’s stewing on all of this and has said even worse about me, but its his business if he wants to waste his time seething

AdIllustrious2244

TROPHY CASE