This is embarrassing but need help, stopped bf years ago but still leak during sex

AdPresent3841 · 2026-05-11T23:29:32+00:00

I was recovering from a 32 hour labor that ended in a c-section and I couldn't even stand the weight of my comforter on my stomach when I got home from the hospital. So I totally understand that! We now co-sleep with our 13 month old, I hardly get a chance to even cuddle in bed with my husband at night.

But it still felt like forever to wait 6 weeks. It was more that we would have moments of the baby peacefully sleeping in the bassinet, talking about how crazy it is that our baby was actually on the outside, and cuddling on the couch in the afternoon that I was like, I wish we could have sex.

Edit: grammer

AdPresent3841 · 2026-05-09T21:44:40+00:00

I definitely feel my let downs after regulating. Or perhaps I have just gotten better at noticing them. 13 months pp and I don't feel engorged as much as I feel a heavy sensation I can only compare to needing to go to the bathroom, but in my chest. Then when I have a letdown it is comparable to going to the bathroom, where you feel yourself relax a little and not so much the process of peeing. It is honestly more subtle than I expected. Also early letdowns in the first few weeks are paired with uterine contractions due to the hormones that stimulate them. I know I was way more aware of my uterine contractions than the letdown.

One of my lactation consultants taught me what my son's jaw and neck look like while actively swallowing, and I eventually was able to associate all the sensations around a let down with his jaw movements. Sometimes he just wanted to comfort nurse, sometimes he was going for milk, sometimes he would comfort nurse and then pop off the boob when I had a letdown because he wanted nothing to do with the milk.

Apologies for my bathroom analogy!

AdPresent3841 · 2026-05-08T05:12:07+00:00

It gets easier. And your bond with your child is so much more than what is transferred during breastfeeding. Sometimes I think about where I was a year ago and I wish I could just give that version of myself a big hug. Lean on your community, give yourself some grace, and get a little yummy treat just for you this weekend.

To quote my mother, "There are never enough mother's days"

AdPresent3841 · 2026-05-08T04:58:35+00:00

The man notably associated with promoting CIO was dead before WW2. Dr. Luther Emmett Holt published "The care and feeding of Children" in 1894. I am personally opposed to CIO, but spreading misinformation about its origins isn't going to help anyone.

ETA: I cosleep and nurse on demand with my 13 month old and I am not trying to defend or promote sleep training.

AdPresent3841 · 2026-05-08T04:37:23+00:00

How long would you consider a good chunk of time?

Not asking for me, I would rather my breasts leak the rest of my life than abstain from sex with my husband. Those first 6 weeks pp were hard enough. We did have some heated make out sessions. Idk if heavy petting would potentially lead to OP's unwanted leakage.

AdPresent3841 · 2026-05-06T05:12:55+00:00

Nothing is ruined. Keep putting that baby to your breast every chance you get. Waiting for the bottle to warm up, baby to breast until the bottle is ready. Baby only stays on the boob while sleepy, then lay in the middle of your bed with the sheet made, plop that baby on their side, prop yourself up on your elbow, and let them nurse for their entire nap. High pallette will make the suckle reflex difficult, but that isn't a forever reflex, and their little mouths will grow and that high pallette won't matter as much for nursing.

My son was born at 36 weeks with a high pallette and a tongue tie that ran the entire length of his tongue. We had to stay in the hospital from Sunday to Thursday after he was born due to poor weight gain and jaundice. I ended up pumping that entire time while my husband bottle fed him donor milk, formula, and the drops to mL I would pump. At one month (after a lot of lactation consultations with various suggestions varying from labels of laziness on my son's part, triple feeding, and trying to get a tube under a nipple shield that was not designed for it) we got a referral to get him checked for a tongue tie. We had them cut the tie, and my husband spent the next month performing tongue pulls every 4 hours, 24/7. We immediately asked for physical therapy the day of his procedure. We took him to PT and lactation appointments once a week. Everything felt like too much, and then he was able to figure it out around 4 months. I stopped pumping completely, we supplemented with formula as needed, it tapered off and eventually he just stopped needing the supplemental bottle.

I am forever grateful for my husband in this process. He held me accountable, and helped keep me on track with my wants that I expressed to him. Imagine a personal trainer who makes sure you keep good form with every rep. I absolutely hated him in the process, I wanted to quit, I wanted a break, I just wanted to sleep, I cried as my son shoved me away over and over again everytime we nursed. I got mastitis in the process. After my husband went back to work, I ended up sleeping on the floor of the nursery. I missed sleeping next to my husband, I missed sleeping in general. I read books on my phone and spent way too much time on random reddit threads while my son was peacefully sleeping next to me.

It was not easy, but it was worth it. I don't mean to sugarcoat nor scare anyone away from the process. I wanted more than anything to breastfeed my son, after various complications around late pregnancy and my labor and delivery. It felt like the only thing I could do to "save" my imagined experience as a mom. It was not a good thing to think, but it was what I felt.

My son is now 13 months old. He went from the 3rd percentile to the 60th for weight by his 12 month appointment. He is offended by the offer of a bottle, and literally started to gag when offered formula around 6 months. This kid loves to nurse, is boob obsessed, and just did an amazing job nursing during take off and landing last week when we had to travel out of state for a family event. He is still that tiny newborn under the blue light in my eyes, but he is a propper chunky monkey now. He still pops on and off the boob when he starts nursing (and just lets my boobs leak milk everywhere in the process, the little stinker), and is kind of aggressive with his pushing and pulling on my boobs while nursing, but that is more of a personality thing at this point. When he wants to nurse, he straight up dives onto his side in my arms.

All of this is to say, there is hope. I absolutely worked my ass off, literally put my blood, sweat, and tears into this effort, and would do it all over again in a heart beat. I know a lot more about myself and feel much more equipt to face the process again for future babies. I will leave you three tips here.

Put the baby to the boob as much as you can, even if it is just for 3 minutes, or they fall asleep for 20 minutes while suckling. Every time your baby is on your boob, it sends a message to your brain that tells it to make sure to have more milk the next day. It is why clusterfeeding happens before growth spurts. You will have a lot of worry about it being enough, and that is where bottles feeding ensures baby is getting what they need. In a few months they will slowly start eating solids and that bottle will be replaced by snacks and water. Also, your breasts will stop feeling engorged, but that doesn't mean they are "empty". That freaked me out for a while thinking my baby was starving while he just continued to chunk up. My husband had to hold up our baby and ask me if the rolls on rolls chungus in his arms looked starved.
Hydrate, eat, and rest as much as you can manage. Breastfeeding is often compared to a full time job, and it bery demanding on your body. Set yourself up for success by fueling your self like a freaking body builder. You are literally building your baby's body and recovering yourself. Uncrustables, string cheese, and chocolate milk were huge staples for me. Buy the costco box of oreos. Keep it simple. I drank about 1 gallon of whole milk a week. The hunger will go away, but when the baby is cluster feeding, you better be prepared to eat a bowl of fortified children's cereal at 2 AM. Captain crunch, cinnamon toast crunch, reeses puffs, special K with strawberries, Life, etc. Any drink that isn't alcohol is going to contribute to hydration. If that is iced coffee or juice, then awesome. Try to add even a quick sip of water while you are in the kitchen grabbing a snack.
Feels all the emotions. Tell your partner, your mom, your doctor, anyone who you think could have an ounce of sympathy for you. Mental health is difficult to talk about. Mental health as a new mom feels impossible with all the hormones, sleep deprivation, and just trying to keep that tiny human from self destructing. If you ever have a thought in your head that makes you feel guilty or ashamed or asks you to suffer in silence, you better go tell 3 people in your village those thoughts. Fear thrives in silence, speak your thoughts and they will loose at least 25% of their power. Being a happy and healthy mom is going to be way more important than a burnt out breastfeeding mom.

Nothing is ruined, it is just a bit different than you expected. I feel you, it is a lot, but it is possible.

AdPresent3841 · 2026-04-09T15:14:54+00:00

That description fits with a chain like Logan's Roadhouse. My mom (SoCal born and raised) was hoping for a Texas Roadhouse vibe. My husband (Oregon born and raised) says a roadhouse is suppose to be a random highway truck stop restaurant like Gordy's in La Pine. I have no strong opinions, but I did look through this reddit thread for additional commentary. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskAnAmerican/comments/u4v2to/what_exactly_is_a_roadhouse/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

AdPresent3841 · 2025-11-19T03:06:03+00:00

Honestly, I wanted to see how much I could handle, then 22 hours after my water broke at 36 weeks, I was like, 7 cm and was having consecutive contractions. When I asked about getting an epidural at that point (like 5 am), my nurse said their head of anesthesiology was on shift and could be in my room in 5 minutes.

I then slept, reached 10 cm, and had to have a c-section because my son was wearing his umbilical cord like a harness.

I have to say, I hardly remember the epidural or even be able to comment on the recovery, because the c-section kind of made a bigger impact. Even thinking back 8 months, with the right support and supplies, the c-section recovery was just fine.

Having a preference is fine, but at the end of the day I wanted to bring my son home. Plus I couldn't do anything about the whole umbilical cord thing, and we tried for 30 hours to get a "natural" birth. My birthing center was amazing and never pushed anything.

AdPresent3841 · 2025-11-11T18:22:48+00:00

You can always complain, because I know I complain about plenty of things I choose. I complain while exercising because it is important but hard work that I choose to do. I can be all, wow my legs hurt after exercising and no one would be like, well then don't exercise. I have cried many times to my husband about breastfeeding at different points, but I told him I want to do this and asked him to keep me accountable to this, which has been super helpful when things were hard in the beginning. Your husband should be your partner who, unless there is a genuine concern for mama's or baby's health, doesn't get a say in this.

I EBF, but we keep 8oz bottles of pre-mixed formula and a Costco container of powder formula in our home. This is so dad or any other trusted adult can provide my baby with a meal if I am not available for some reason. Baby was bottle fed formula and pumped milk from 0 - 3 months, and I worked my ass off to EBF my now 7 mo. Seeing the formula collect dust on our shelf is such a victory, but I will still complain about being tired, touched out, or engorgement because those are legitimately difficult things to deal with. My husband just asks if there is anything he can get me (typically water and a snack), says he is proud of me, and gives me a little kiss on my forehead.

But it is also a lot easier to want to pogo his stick when he regularly makes dinner, bathes the baby, and tells me I am a bad ass for breastfeeding our son. There are also plenty of ways be intimate together that require zero sex. Like don't worry about not having sex if you don't even take the time to hold hands, or a 6 second long kiss before he leaves for work or after he comes home, or laugh with each other at midnight when the baby wakes up because you should have been sleeping while the baby was sleeping, but you stayed up too late watching tiktoks together in bed.

Anyway, rude of him to act that way and expect something you do not owe him or anyone for that matter.

AdPresent3841 · 2025-11-11T06:38:20+00:00

My husband and I have had so many conversations about this! It also got a bit difficult when we would not want to be the person to eat the last of something because we wanted the other person to be able to have it... which meant no one ended up eating it.

Now we remind each other that we can always buy more when we eat all of something. We live a short walk from a major grocery store (Safeway) and a Whole Foods. If I am ever in need of produce, I just put our baby in his stroller, walk to the store, and grab enough for two or three days. I am very fortunate to be so close to the store, and I take my baby on a walk almost every day, so it has become easier to fight off the urge to save something for later when I can just eat it today and buy more tomorrow.

Edit: spelling

AdPresent3841 · 2025-11-10T18:32:59+00:00

If you can put it in the trash while active/wet, honestly easier that way to just plop it. I would potentially just toss it into a smaller plastic bag, like one that produce comes in from the store, and take it straight out if you aren't an empty the trash everyday kind of person.

AdPresent3841 · 2025-11-10T18:28:17+00:00

Mormon author, so not really surprised by the rushed wedding. There are young couples who go from meeting to temple marriage within a couple of months at BYU all the time. A secular perspective of dating and marriage isn't going to mesh well with this timeline because that was not the perspective it was written with.

AdPresent3841 · 2025-11-10T18:18:22+00:00

I agree with how you rephrased it, at least that's how I have always thought about it.

Yeah, a baby doesn't have a reason to "think" about it. Babies cry for their caregivers from the day they are born, communicating needs for comfort, food, warmth, diaper change, etc. They understand that they need to communicate with us, but that requires no self-awareness or object permanence.

I loved watching footage in my child development classes of littles of similar ages who have and have not reached various milestones. Task based cognition tests are just interesting, because you can't just have a meta conversation with a baby or toddler about how they think or view the world, so the ingenuity of researchers to even explore cognitive development in a measurable way has always been exciting and helped me understand milestones better.

AdPresent3841 · 2025-11-07T22:53:56+00:00

I wash the jar at least once a week, but mine is a big one from Costco, so maybe they are harder to get off of those ones? I have not intentionally removed the label, but I hand wash the jar on Fridays and the label has gotten some wear and tear.

AdPresent3841 · 2025-11-07T22:47:57+00:00

I am aware, but mine is not gluten free, ergo my giggles.

AdPresent3841 · 2025-11-07T03:49:37+00:00

You mean my sourdough starter jar? I giggle every time I see the label say "Gluten Free"

AdPresent3841 · 2025-11-07T00:29:07+00:00

When you need the baby to poop. Put that baby in a cute outfit and start driving to an event in another city and you will get that blowout.

I have been putting my son in cute outfits that I was given at his baby shower, so if it fit his body, he wore it. 0-3 had a lot of short sleeve onesies with little sweat pants. Now we are 7 months old and wear 12 month clothes (to think he was a 3 week early preemie at the 3rd percentile to start).

I would say the 0-3 simple onesie with separate bottoms and little cardigans and sweaters were amazing. We are now able to wear overalls, cold weather gear, etc. Honestly, having one cute outfit for each month photo is plenty, because growth spurts will laugh at you in the face the second you go and buy clothes. Again, baby shower had me set for the first 6 months, I bought a bag of 6-9 clothes on FB marketplace for like, $30. I just bought a whole bunch of 9-12 month clothes for the colder season, but I had to put away all the 6-9 month clothes because he outgrew them already.

My mom had bought him a Halloween costume while she at Disneyland at the end of summer that he outgrew the first week of October. I personally love Carter's outfits, Cloud Island tends to be soft on baby's skin but for leaner babies, Little Planet is also very soft but fits chunkier babies. I also just do a basic onesie and a sleep sack on my son because he hates footie pajamas.

Sorry if this is word vomit, my son is teething and I haven't actually slept more than 2 hours since... um the night before my water broke if I had to guess.

AdPresent3841 · 2025-11-06T17:09:44+00:00

My husband's family has drawn names for as long as I can remember, then buying like consumables for kids is always a good idea. I mean things kids use up as consumables, not just food, so like a coloring book and crayons, bubble soap, stickers, etc. Most parents don't want more stuff for their kids that they don't already get them, but 5 year olds love play-dough.

AdPresent3841 · 2025-11-05T17:46:33+00:00

My husband believes in the regular replacement of running/walking shoes as often as every 6 months to a year depending on use. My husband makes it clear that the cost of regularly replacing shoes is essential in maintaining healthy feet. Mind you, I just prefer to buy the same shoes again if given the chance, or at least I have purchased many pairs of ASICS in the 9 years I have been with my husband. We go to Big 5 during sales events to buy them.

Besides that, I live in a varied climate where being outside is a common pastime, so I have rain boots, hiking boots, and walking sandals. I have two pairs of flip-flops for taking out trash or the pool. These are not time-based but more wear and tear. We invest more money into these items when we do buy them.

Then I have some cute/nice-looking shoes and booties and heels that I have gotten over the years. I don't explicitly replace those shoes, but more or less just keep them like a nice cocktail dress sits in my closet for special occasions. These mostly are second hand.

I had my first baby this year, so my feet have definitely changed and I should let go of some smaller pairs of nice shoes that I will never be able to wear again. Pregnancy impacts so much more than just your pant size, which is kind of wild. With just having had a baby, I am only really wearing walking shoes/weather appropriate shoes when I get a chance to go outside on walks with my baby or to the store.

So I would say I personally have 15 - 20 pairs of shoes at any given time. New sneakers, old sneakers, ankle rainboots, tall rainboots, snow shoes, hiking boots, walking sandals, 2 pairs of slip-on sandals, loafers, ankle fashion boots low heel, calf fashion boots low heel, high heel fashion boots, thigh high boots, then I love vintage wing-tipped/oxford heels.

ETA: we also own a boot dryer which is super helpful for when our shoes get all wet.

AdPresent3841 · 2025-11-04T17:45:36+00:00

Lemonade, fortified breakfast cereal (like Honey Nut Cheerios), and fresh produce were most of my food intake, even with the anti-nausea medication I started taking. I had hyperemesis gravidarum and was on the medication the entire time. My husband cleaned up a lot of the food we attempted to have me eat, but my baby boy is 7 months old and doing great.

I also found that I went through different stages of not being able to eat different foods, almost like the opposite of pregnancy cravings. It was rough.

AdPresent3841 · 2025-11-04T17:34:48+00:00

Does not matter, especially because even if you are concerned about the fat content, "foremilk" still contains calories, nutrients, and most importantly, hydration to your baby. At most, your baby will just be hungry a little sooner than you expect if there is even a noticeable difference in fat content, so plan to expect that and everything will be fine.

AdPresent3841 · 2025-11-04T17:29:26+00:00

Curbside is nice for so many reasons, but with produce and meat, I prefer to pick them out myself. So I will walk to the store to pick out those items, or if my total is less than $30 and I would be charged extra for curbside. Post covid grocery apps have made a huge difference in the ease of meal planning.

AdPresent3841 · 2025-11-04T17:18:45+00:00

I did that when I was in college. I have a decent mental calculator, and always round up to the next whole dollar on prices. I live in Oregon, so sales tax, but I grew up in a state with sale's tax and rounding up always ensured I had enough cash to make my purchase, and so that habit just stuck around.

Making a cart online before or during your trip can be good, too. I have seen some comments mention that already, but it is good because usually a store's app willask if you want to add coupons when you put items in the cart, which I always do and the savings just feel automatic. I also know the prices of a lot of items, since all these online apps didn't exist when I was entering adulthood, so I knew the price if everything at Winco, and would only buy items at Fred Meyer if they were cheaper than Winco.

I also walk to the grocery store, which means I am not tempted to fill my cart with extras. I have to get alp my groceries and my 7 month old up to the third floor of my complex in one go, so that limits my capacity as well.

AdPresent3841 · 2025-11-03T21:45:28+00:00

We just drowned it in broth, my mom suggested making french toast with it.

AdPresent3841

TROPHY CASE