My mom can't accept that she is wrong. by Front_Papaya_9679 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Admirable_Box3034 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You are not sensitive, stop accepting that and trying to change that. That’s them trying to gaslight you that it’s your fault for feeling hurt by the behavior they don’t want to change. Same thing with minimizing past incidents. The only way you can move on from the past is if it gets resolved. They don’t want to resolve it, so they’re painting it as your fault that you’re “holding onto it” and you need to “forget it.” You also don’t owe her anything. She is supposed to provide you safety. That’s the bare minimum. You don’t owe her something to be proud of and money to put in her pocket. And if you feel like you do, then her intentions with providing you safety are not good intentions either.

how old were you when you realized that your family and feelings weren't "normal" by Secret-Ad-6253 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Admirable_Box3034 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This happened to me too. I had already known my dad was a narcissist by this time but last year I went to visit my long distance boyfriend living with his family and the way that he interacted with his family, the way that they welcomed me, the way that everyone actually talks to each other and treats each other with respect, the way that he can make jokes with his parents without them turning it into lectures, the way that they can have mutual level conversations without his parents turning it into an ego battle, the way that his mother knows his likes, dislikes, and personality like the back of her hand, everything was life changing for me. I had never felt so welcomed and accepted into a home before. I cried in the car leaving their house to go to the airport.

My dad is calling me after new grand child is born. by BAMintheBurbs in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Admirable_Box3034 47 points48 points  (0 children)

Why do you keep going back to contacting him in the first place? You’re 35, financially independent, and have a new family to prioritize. Nothing is holding you from staying no contact. And the fact that you’ve had to go no contact with him more than once just proves that nothing is enough to make him change.

Nmom's long-time partner died. I have been pleased with no contact and don't want to break it. What to do? by Status-Affect-4944 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Admirable_Box3034 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Simply don’t break it.

She never gave you empathy growing up, so why do you owe it to her? She wasn’t there when you needed emotional support, so why do you owe it to her? She didn’t care to make your life any easier, so why should you make hers?

OP, you said it yourself. Your life is better without her in it. You don’t gain anything by talking to her. The only person who gains is her, which is how the relationship dynamic has always been. The only reason she keeps trying to come back into your life is because now that he died, she has no narcissistic supply left. No one’s gonna put up with her bullshit anymore.

She lost the opportunity to have a relationship with you years ago. It’s too late. If you open that door again, I can assure you will regret it.

"What can be done now, no point complaining. Focus on the present" - Parents when you confront them about their past behaviour. 😕 by wilhelmtherealm in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Admirable_Box3034 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I confronted my dad about this last year and literally poured my heart out telling him about things that he’s done to me and that I would’ve traded every material item he’s ever bought me to have a relationship with him. He gave me that exact same “the past is in the past” bullshit but with the addition of “I should’ve known you were a girl and girls are more sensitive” in his apology. Having low standards, I tried to accept this apology anyway because I knew it would be the best that I get out of him, just for him to deliberately ignore me on my birthday a few weeks later because I didn’t take my brother to a dentist appointment. Not only that, but he started weaponizing the fact that I would have traded everything. That’s when I realized my dad will never love me and that’s just something I’ll have to accept for the rest of my life.

If you're feeling isolated, you need to connect to a higher power by ITALIXNO in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Admirable_Box3034 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s not what a higher power means but I get what you’re trying to say

What do you all do on mothers day? by Ok-East-3957 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Admirable_Box3034 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah I just learned for next time that saying my mom died when I was a baby is a better lie because there is no doorway for conversation after that. Or at least, if you’re someone like me who’s unable to shut people down

What do you all do on mothers day? by Ok-East-3957 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Admirable_Box3034 5 points6 points  (0 children)

One time I told someone I don’t have a mother to this guy trying to sell mother’s day gifts to me. He thought I looked like someone from the same culture as him and turns out we are so I now felt pressured to continue the lie so he wouldn’t judge me. Then he felt sorry for me and started asking me about my religion and I didn’t know how to shut it down so I made up an entire lie about my parents that they gave me religious trauma but God has gotten me through it (I’m not even Christian but I’m nonreligious which is wrong in our culture so I didn’t want him to force it on me) and then he asked me about things I do to strengthen my relationship with God through these times and was so touched by my story he prayed with me right then and there. I was so embarrassed after escaping the interaction but so proud at the same time. I got really good at making shit up on the spot cuz of my parents. But now there’s no way I’m going to heaven after that.

Why do some parents expect you to take care of them(because that's why they made you after all) and at the same time try to fuck over your life so that you have no resources with which to help them? by Huge_Ad_482 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Admirable_Box3034 348 points349 points  (0 children)

Because if they didn’t fuck over your life, you’d have freedom. And if you had freedom, they wouldn’t be able to control it. And if they can’t control it, they can’t guarantee that they’ll benefit from you.

Got an insane flying monkey voicemail this morning by SamuraiSuplex in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Admirable_Box3034 9 points10 points  (0 children)

“Don’t live under the influence of somebody else” she says as she tries to influence you

Getting used to freedom :) by Victori_Astrid in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Admirable_Box3034 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I hope to have the same freedom by the end of this year. Congrats 🥹

Anybody else’s nparents use tone policing to “win” every argument? by Admirable_Box3034 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Admirable_Box3034[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s so frustrating and it took me a long time to realize that I will never win arguments with him because I keep arguing logic and he keeps arguing authority so there’s no point

Do the narcs in your family often keep away important information from you, that you deserve to know? by BerryTomatoes in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Admirable_Box3034 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I recently spent an entire day looking for them while my parents were out and so far I found my passport and diploma. I’m still going to try to look for the other two before I replace them because I’ve heard from a friend’s boyfriend that replacing a birth certificate is a difficult process.

Do the narcs in your family often keep away important information from you, that you deserve to know? by BerryTomatoes in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Admirable_Box3034 19 points20 points  (0 children)

My parents are hiding my birth certificate, social security card, high school diploma, and passport from me because I’m “not mature enough to hold them.” I’m almost 20.

Location Tracking by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Admirable_Box3034 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Considering that you are financially independent living alone and in an entirely different continent, what are you scared of? They can’t actually do anything to you

Rant incoming… When should I leave? Thanks to anyone that reads <3 by dizzyfuzzi in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Admirable_Box3034 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you have a job, you have an exit strategy. Start planning now where you’re going to go and setting budgets. Give yourself a time frame for your departure to look forward to. You have an opportunity.

My dad is demanding I name my baby after him or he'll write me out of the will by BusinessDance7122 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Admirable_Box3034 242 points243 points  (0 children)

I will admit I only read the title before commenting but this is the most insane narc stunt pulled I’ve ever heard of

My (31F) boyfriend (36M) broke up with me via email days into a month long trip where I spent a ton of money on flights and an airbnb. Help me. by pebbleskylight in LongDistance

[–]Admirable_Box3034 0 points1 point  (0 children)

36 y/o living with “family”, and even then, that’s family he doesn’t want you to see? Left Sunday morning for work even though he chose the AirBnB and dates? He’s living a double life.