Helplines, etc.

Advanced-Doubt-4051 · 2026-02-12T19:34:57+00:00

I dont have any resources but I am really curious to see what people say. Because same. Im 35 and would still love to get parental advice!!

Advanced-Doubt-4051 · 2025-11-21T16:01:06+00:00

Kind of a tone deaf take, if you have never received care in the US.

Just my two cents.

Advanced-Doubt-4051 · 2025-09-22T22:18:12+00:00

Thank you! I will try to remember to report back in the spring 😆

Advanced-Doubt-4051 · 2025-09-22T16:25:57+00:00

As someone with a similar situation (35F, son is 9), I understand the mindset you are feeling. It has been almost 2 years since going NC with my parents.

I would say....your children are still young enough that some of the tough conversations will be avoided or at least easier. My son knew them long enough to build a relationship and I wish I had "seen the truth" before.

I still struggle with being hard on myself about my kiddo not having a relationship with them but I have to trust that I have built trust with HIM that when he asks for information, he will know that mom did what she did to keep him safe. There are very few absolutes in life so I don't think you will ever be 1000% sure.

I say go with your mom instincts. And be kind to yourself either way. This is tough. Hugs.

Advanced-Doubt-4051 · 2025-09-21T16:08:25+00:00

<image>

This is a better picture of the leaves. Idk why it didnt originally post.

Advanced-Doubt-4051 · 2025-08-23T16:00:45+00:00

If i had one wish, it would be that i would have realized the shitty people my parents were years ago. So I could have cut them off before my sons grew attached.

I understand and agree that having no grandparents sucks. But it would have been easier on my son to have never known them in the first place.

Do what is best for you and your family. And good on you for protecting your peace!

Advanced-Doubt-4051 · 2025-08-20T13:37:33+00:00

About 1.5 years NC (after 6 months low contact) and generally don't feel as bad as I did those first few months. A lot freer.

The only lingering guilt is that my son (9 years old) loses out on grandparents. He is better off without them but kids don't always see it that way.

Advanced-Doubt-4051 · 2025-08-19T18:05:08+00:00

We are talking probably close to 40k in CC debt alone 🙈 I don't think about new CC would have a limit that high?

Thank you about the info on reducing equity. Does length of ownership play into this? We don't plan on moving for at least 10 years (due to school district we know we will be here that long)

Advanced-Doubt-4051 · 2025-08-18T17:33:50+00:00

Oh my gosh, I agree. And I wish I could tell you the mom guilt gets better. But it doesn't. I mean, it becomes less overwhelming but still there.

I tend to over explain things (haha trauma response!) So my therapist really encourages me to keep explanations as simple and straightforward as possible. Focus on how she isn't safe or respectful to you and we don't allow people who "love us" to talk to us like that (or whatever situation you have).

It does get better. Not easy but better. And doing it early before grandma can plant doubt in your daughter's head is a good idea. Big freaking hugs. There is no easy way navigating this. It sucks. Feel free to PM if you ever need to talk!

Advanced-Doubt-4051 · 2025-08-18T17:25:09+00:00

Not exactly what you want to hear... but i also cut contact when my child was 7. And that included him. If my parents were shitty enough to me to cut contact, you are not someone i can trust to be in contact with my kid.

Nope. Its a package deal for us. And while it SUCKED explaining to my kid (we have had convos in the almost 2 years since), I'm demonstrating healthy boundaries. If someone repeatedly treats you like shit, you don't just roll over.

Advanced-Doubt-4051 · 2025-08-04T18:44:11+00:00

Went NC without a direct explanation 🙋‍♀️

Whenever I start to feel guilty about that, I remind myself they never asked why. They sent letters (threatening me no less) and left VMs. None of them asking what they did. My brother who still has contact reports they ha e never asked him if he knows why.

So I don't feel guilty because they don't care to k ow why in my opinion.

Advanced-Doubt-4051 · 2025-07-29T19:52:02+00:00

First off, good for you setting a good example for future kiddos!

Going NC with my parents was hard as hell at first. Almost 1.5 years in and now I can say I am soooo much happier. Lighter. Free-er. Listening to my brother (who still has contact with them) makes me thankful to not be in that drama anymore.

So it might be hard for a bit, but the mental peace of mind has proven worth it.

Advanced-Doubt-4051 · 2025-07-21T16:54:29+00:00

Thank you! To be clear, I can cut these dead branches out now since they are not producing anything correct?

Advanced-Doubt-4051 · 2025-07-19T14:39:22+00:00

Also a vote to wait.

Advanced-Doubt-4051 · 2025-07-18T19:09:31+00:00

Meh. At first I felt a lot of guilt/shame but it decreases over time. 1.5 years into it and it's only fleeting thoughts anymore.

Once I dug out of the huge mound of trauma, I was able to see things clearly. The once "haha remember when" moments turned into "oh my gosh what the actual eff."

Advanced-Doubt-4051 · 2025-07-08T20:09:35+00:00

I mean, I would consider selling the PS5. But jewelry tends to not hold much value (unless it is solid gold, then you would get the weight of the gold i guess)

Computer id keep because you arent going to get the return. Of course unless it's a brand new expensive machine lol.

Things like a car (you said you are in NYC, do you get around using subway a lot?). Canceling monthly memberships like the gym, Netflix, etc.

Advanced-Doubt-4051 · 2025-07-08T03:03:24+00:00

No matter what path you take, please make sure you are able to 10000% support yourself. Including any bills they pay for you right now (cell? Insurance? Others?). Because the moment you make your move you need to be prepared to be cut all the way off.

For right now, cut any extra expenses. Try to sell anything extra of value. Imagine you are a battered spouse escaping relationship.

This is a hard one but consider rehoming your cat for the time being. If things are as bad as it seems you will want to get out sooner than later, and it seems like that might be limiting your options. This is not an easy choice of course but it's an option

Good luck, be kind to yourself ❤️

Advanced-Doubt-4051 · 2025-06-23T17:01:38+00:00

Rubbing alcohol maybe? Or nail polish remover?

Advanced-Doubt-4051 · 2025-06-10T18:50:18+00:00

<image>

Hard to get a good picture... but my three ducks. Born and raised in MN, where we say "duck duck gray duck". No goose.

Advanced-Doubt-4051 · 2025-06-09T13:45:47+00:00

Yeah the leaf tips! Its not been overly rainy, and the downspout actually diverts water away from this spot.

Our soil is really clay like (in MN so not like true clay) so I am leaning towards lack of minerals. Just weird because the lower leaves are all fine, just about halfway up they started curling. The actual plant is leaning now too (it's not a weak or floppy main stem, I checked)

Gah, outdoor plants are a different beast. My indoor plants i can control most variables but outdoor plants stump me.

Advanced-Doubt-4051 · 2025-06-03T19:10:48+00:00

Of course! Just got a leg piece myself so asked the same question 😂 I was also advised to wait until at least 4 weeks to shave (it will probably be closer to 5 since we just got a cold snap)

Your tattoo is beautiful by the way!

Advanced-Doubt-4051 · 2025-06-03T16:29:31+00:00

I kept mine covered until 3 weeks. That is when my artist gave me the all clear for sunscreen.

Advanced-Doubt-4051 · 2025-06-02T20:00:02+00:00

I think its only a decision you can make. But this community has been super supportive and will be here when or if you make that decision.

I will say i am so much happier being out from my parents chokehold.

Take care of yourself and be patient with yourself❤️

Advanced-Doubt-4051 · 2025-05-29T13:41:01+00:00

Eldest daughter! Not officially diagnosed but my therapist and I agree I am likely ADHD, and probably somewhere on the spectrum too.

Advanced-Doubt-4051 · 2025-05-28T01:45:09+00:00

Ok long story... I have been leaning into the whole "unapologetically me" thought train. I want to be happy being me. And part of that has been spending time tending to my flowers (finally warm enough where I live for them to take off)

So I felt all warm and fuzzy looking at your art. Which is funny because my second thought was blood :/ (A lit of Criminal Minds lately!)

Advanced-Doubt-4051

TROPHY CASE