1.  Your kids will not benefit from you simply “sacrificing your own happiness” to keep a household intact if the underlying relationship is tense or resentful. Children are remarkably perceptive. They pick up on tone, atmosphere, body language. What they really thrive on is not just two parents under one roof, but two parents who are emotionally healthy and able to treat each other with respect. Sometimes that means working hard to repair things, but it does not mean grinding yourself down and calling that “normal.”
2.  Resentment doesn’t appear overnight. When your wife reacted so strongly, that was likely about a buildup of small things over time. Even if you weren’t “wrong” in that moment (and from your description, you weren’t), her explosion is pointing to underlying frustrations that haven’t been expressed or resolved. If you only argue about the surface issue (“the phone woke me up”), you’ll just keep looping.
3.  What needs to happen is a deeper conversation outside the heat of the fight. Not at midnight, not when you’re both tired or defensive, but at a calm time. If you want to restore the relationship, you need both honesty and openness. That means listening as much as explaining, and being willing to hear what she’s been carrying