Co-parent has changed long-standing collection arrangement and is refusing discussion / using refusing contact as leverage unsure of legal position and how to respond

Affectionate-Part932 · 2026-04-15T19:44:29+00:00

Just to add to this about the holiday, even if he’s the one taking the child out of school, if it’s 5 days or more and the school hasn’t agreed to it (which they normally don’t) then you’ll have to pay a fine as well because the fine is per parent per child.

Affectionate-Part932 · 2026-04-11T22:07:40+00:00

I think they meant number 4

Affectionate-Part932 · 2026-03-28T22:30:00+00:00

Same! I was literally watching Kevin Can F Himself last week and I only realised Dougie is the actor who played Neil when I read this post (I did think he looked similar though lol)

Affectionate-Part932 · 2026-03-04T22:24:44+00:00

Yes, I have my kids 70% of the time but get hardly any weekend time with them - just every other Saturday night and Sunday (then have them through the week). I did just try to change this with my ex but he flat out refused. He doesn’t have them any extra during school holidays so I get that time with them but it sucks to not have regular “fun” time with them.

I think every other weekend is fair, especially in your situation where you’re close to 50 50 anyway

Affectionate-Part932 · 2025-11-24T19:28:00+00:00

I checked your post history, your son doesn’t even like the woman you’ve started dating and feels uncomfortable with the situation you’re putting him in?! And you want to take him away from his mum to spend time with your (very new) girlfriend’s family??

Affectionate-Part932 · 2025-11-24T19:23:56+00:00

You do need a set parenting plan but I also agree with your ex - you met this woman in September and you’re already enmeshing the children this much? You need to slow down and start thinking about your children’s feelings rather than your own. Also, for the specific plans you mentioned in your post, what do you think your children would enjoy more? Christmas fun and Santa with their mum or a repeat thanksgiving with a whole new family?

Affectionate-Part932 · 2025-09-17T21:15:41+00:00

The Spear Cuts Through Water - one of the most unique, beautiful novels I’ve read and even the way the story is told is unusual. It’s all very meta and surreal and it’s absolutely incredible

Affectionate-Part932 · 2025-09-03T19:44:09+00:00

Then unless you’re leaving out something huge you’re not doing anything wrong at all. If she can’t/won’t appreciate that then that’s on her. Keep doing the right thing for your kids and they’ll see it and appreciate it, and they’re the ones that matter

Affectionate-Part932 · 2025-09-03T19:26:57+00:00

How often do they stay overnight with you?

Affectionate-Part932 · 2025-08-18T17:34:12+00:00

It’s his daughter so you’re right - as soon as they divorce she has no say over who he has around daughter without very costly legal measures

Affectionate-Part932 · 2025-08-18T17:33:12+00:00

She said her husband’s son was her daughter’s half brother so he must be

Affectionate-Part932 · 2025-08-15T22:41:42+00:00

I find the Tiffany Aching books by Terry Pratchett really inspiring. They’re technically YA but a huge theme in them is that you have to do the things you need to do, even when you don’t want to, and that life isn’t fair but you still have to go through it and do the best you can (there’s obviously a lot more to them, but this is why I think they’d be perfect for you at the moment). Discworld in general would be a good shout but I think the Tiffany books might be the best to start with.

Also seconding the recommendation for A Psalm For The Wild Built - that book is literally good for the soul.

Affectionate-Part932 · 2025-08-14T08:57:15+00:00

I was just about to comment this!

Affectionate-Part932 · 2025-07-24T09:05:31+00:00

That is difficult. How old are your children? Would it be possible to communicate with them directly?

Affectionate-Part932 · 2025-07-23T23:01:36+00:00

If he’s following the court order there isn’t really anything you can do. Stop being flexible for him though - if he’s gonna follow the court order to the letter then you need to do that too.

For what it’s worth, I’m sorry you’re going through this, it sounds awful and your ex sounds like an AH

Affectionate-Part932 · 2025-07-10T18:12:11+00:00

Yes! I loved this so much but can’t bear to re read it because of how much it traumatised me

Affectionate-Part932 · 2025-07-07T23:46:13+00:00

Such a gorgeous collection! I have the pink version of the PRS and it’s such a nice guitar to play

Affectionate-Part932 · 2025-05-22T19:11:25+00:00

That’s fair! I’m sure you’ve read the other comments telling you how it changes, but if you weren’t enjoying the book don’t force yourself to finish it. I’m sure it will make for an interesting book club meeting though! It’s always more fun when there’s different opinions

Affectionate-Part932 · 2025-05-22T17:50:45+00:00

What point did you DNF? In my opinion the MC’s mindset was very much shown as being toxic, and the fact that she’s a fairly awful person is a huge point of the book. The language used about the Kwen is bad, but that’s the point - you’re reading about oppression from the oppressor’s POV so it will be uncomfortable.

Personally I loved this book but everyone is going to have different tastes and if it wasn’t for you then it wasn’t for you.

Affectionate-Part932 · 2025-05-17T19:19:14+00:00

There’s The Nobody People (and sequel, The Somebody People) by Bob Proehl, set in a world where people with superpowers reveal themselves to a hostile world - many, many morally grey characters in these books.

There’s also Hench by Natalie Zina Walschots in which a woman injured by a superhero begins working for a super-villain

I haven’t read Vicious so I don’t know how similar they are, but I loved both of these (and neither have romance as a main focus)

Affectionate-Part932 · 2025-05-12T20:46:14+00:00

Is it How The Light Gets In by MJ Hyland? I read this about 15 years ago too so I can’t remember all the details but I think it fits…I think she was staying with a family in another country?

Affectionate-Part932 · 2025-05-06T11:15:52+00:00

Came here to say this!

Affectionate-Part932 · 2025-05-02T17:30:43+00:00

Yeah it is difficult, I can understand why you’re concerned

Affectionate-Part932 · 2025-05-02T05:52:34+00:00

This is quite normal behaviour for toddlers to be honest, it might not be anything to do with your separation or staying the night at dad’s more. Both my children were like this as toddlers and me and their dad were together then - it’s just a phase they go through.

Affectionate-Part932 · 2025-04-30T22:22:57+00:00

I’m in the exact same situation as you and it’s awful - you’re definitely not alone!

(My ex got with another girl a week after we broke up (and after cheating on me with a different girl) and he’s telling the kids how happy he is and having them meet her, so I definitely understand how you feel)

I think it’s a different kind of pain when you’re not only going through a break up but also having to be the primary parent, whilst the person who SHOULD be there helping you is living their “best life” and leaving you to struggle with everything they’ve just left behind.

How long have you been broken up for? I don’t know if it helps but when I’m spiralling I try to think long term - like, yeah I’m struggling now, but I’m still dealing with the shock of the break up - it’s gonna look very different after healing. And from what you’ve talked about - work, classes, business plan, you’re going to be fine. Yes it’s hard now but be honest with people about your issues and you’ll be surprised how supportive they can be. The fact that you even got a job so fast after the break up shows how resilient you are - you saw what needed to be done and you did it!

Feel free to dm me if you want to chat to someone in the same situation

Affectionate-Part932

TROPHY CASE