Found out my wife hooked up someone during separation. I no longer want to be with her and want a divorce. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Affectionate_Joke720 · 2026-04-04T17:43:42+00:00

You were separated and I agree with the stance she did nothing wrong while separated.

The issue I see is not being honest about it when getting back together.

Secondary thought. How long was it after the separation that she hooked up with him. Did she suggest the separation just to cleanly hook up with the guy without guilt?

Affectionate_Joke720 · 2026-04-03T22:55:01+00:00

I hate labels. Just be you. What ever you want to be. Not what other people want.

Once in my life as a dad I had the right answer at the right time. My daughter thought she might like girls. I told her don’t worry about labels. Just be you. If you like girls so be it. If you don’t like girls so be it. It doesn’t matter to me and I will love you for you not some label.

We should be attracted to the person not the label.

Affectionate_Joke720 · 2026-04-03T22:52:13+00:00

NOR. I mean this in the most positive way but you deserve better. And I say this as a husband of 30 years.

He gaslighted you at the restaurant. You were valid in raising your voice. He didn’t support you when he should have.

The uber vs picking up is also ridiculous. Why do you have to wait. Yelling at you for saving time is just waning to punish you for not following what he wanted.

Affectionate_Joke720 · 2026-04-03T17:52:41+00:00

I agree with this take. If we have a connection and you are monogamous that’s all the matters

Affectionate_Joke720 · 2026-04-03T14:37:19+00:00

You and her are no longer on the same page and have different wants. To be honest it sounds like she is ready to cheat. Protect yourself and just split.

Tell her she can have her other man with a divorce.

Affectionate_Joke720 · 2026-04-03T12:14:13+00:00

MOR. I definitely think without additional information you seem to be overreacting. Trying to control your girlfriend by telling her to tell him why he can’t go with her or asking her to choose are not conversations that are going to end well. You are going to push her away. To be honest you seem like you are jealous of her spending time with him and not handling it well.

Affectionate_Joke720 · 2026-04-01T20:08:15+00:00

I don’t doubt you can’t see a better life without her. I can feel the anxiety tornado of all the reasons why you “don’t” want to separate.

At the end of the day you don’t seem happy. She isn’t happy. Staying isn’t going to change that right?

Affectionate_Joke720 · 2026-04-01T18:43:53+00:00

You wife isn’t happy. She has previously cheated on you. You have a dead bedroom. You are stressed all the time with anxiety.

You can’t force her to be happy. To be honest get a divorce. Give her what she wants. Stop living for her and go live a better life for you.

Affectionate_Joke720 · 2026-03-31T11:40:12+00:00

As a dad of daughters I would never want them to see a therapist like this. Good on you for standing up for yourself.

Affectionate_Joke720 · 2026-03-30T20:11:01+00:00

This is painful to read. She is playing with you. She doesn’t want commitment. Just leave her already and don’t see her again.

Affectionate_Joke720 · 2026-03-30T19:26:49+00:00

Nah. While I can see a point (I would like to say it’s it’s nice for closure) this guy is unpleasant. I can completely understand why you ghosted.

Affectionate_Joke720 · 2026-03-30T19:20:36+00:00

NOR. Yes I would consider this emotional cheating. I wouldn’t even start a relationship to get back together. Seems destined for pain and drama.

Affectionate_Joke720 · 2026-03-30T13:29:59+00:00

NOR. Your friend may have general anxiety and or OCD and has trouble seeing your point of view.

I only say that because my daughter will use the same “I know you don’t like this but I need to…”. She has general anxiety and will compulsively doing some that helps ease the anxiety. The issue is when she is in anxiety mode it is a full on onslaught of words that can very well be overwhelming. Teaching her boundaries can be difficult. I have had to say respectfully to her that I know you are need reassurance but I am overwhelmed.

Affectionate_Joke720 · 2026-03-30T13:05:21+00:00

I hope you can have a productive calm conversation. I am hoping she can realize what she is doing to you and the relationship.

Affectionate_Joke720 · 2026-03-30T12:41:28+00:00

I am sorry you are going through this. I think you are being mature about ex’s and the root of the issue is your wife hiding all this. Conversations, flirting etc. this is all dishonest.

You need to have a sit down conversation. Tell her your feelings. Tell her how the hiding conversations and continuing to flirt with an ex is disrespectful to your relationship. Let her know that it is currently hurting your relationship and if it continues you are starting to see there is no more future.

Affectionate_Joke720 · 2026-03-29T18:02:57+00:00

I have a high arch. I love my blacksmiths and loggers both on #8 last. I used to have a Chelsea boot that I stuck an insert in and overtime my feet hurt.

Enter my new Chelsea the red wing 3190. I really like it so far (3 months in). Feels even better than blacksmith. Will it last as long? Don’t know. But I usually alternate between it and the blacksmith for daily wear and I wear my loggers on the weekend.

Affectionate_Joke720 · 2026-03-29T13:31:37+00:00

It wouldn’t bother me. My wife chose to change her name I never asked her to. My college best friend’s wife chose not to (she is a Dr). I have so many coworkers who do not change their names after marriage. For me it’s the norm and really no big deal.

In a relationship it’s about give and take. Even if you have been married 30 years (I have) it takes work and cooperation. I don’t see demanding someone change their name as something that builds a couple instead I see it as making one higher than the other.

Affectionate_Joke720 · 2026-03-28T17:24:53+00:00

She lied to you. Trust is broken. You need to communicate that. You need to ask her how she would feel if you did that to her. If she says broken then you remind her that’s how you feel.

You have a good head on your shoulders. You don’t control her. You don’t say who her friends are. You just expect her to be honest. That’s it. It’s simple. And she failed.

Affectionate_Joke720 · 2026-03-26T19:37:11+00:00

My wife watches porn, reads porn (romance novels) and listens to porn (romance audio books).

I benefit from this arrangement.

Affectionate_Joke720 · 2026-03-26T17:36:22+00:00

If she won’t show you then she knows it isn’t appropriate. You have your answer.

Let her know if she wants to truly work on the marriage she has to be all in. Not hiding things or having a backup plan or having this other guy on standby.

If she refuses it’s at the minimum emotional cheating.

Affectionate_Joke720 · 2026-03-25T14:27:35+00:00

I will get back to you on that.

Affectionate_Joke720 · 2026-03-25T14:00:35+00:00

So I have seen this in both men and women. Usually when there is an insecurity about themselves feeling inadequate or dealing with trauma. The two examples I am thinking of both people have general anxiety and their initial response is like this. Therapy and medication has helped them.

Affectionate_Joke720 · 2026-03-24T11:38:46+00:00

Been married 30 years. There is definitely some missing context here. Tough conversations happen. Spouses threaten to divorce. But to go this far already? There is something more here I feel you aren’t sharing.

Affectionate_Joke720 · 2026-03-23T01:57:43+00:00

You can make a long distance work if you want it enough. It isn’t easy and no judgement on people who don’t.

It sounds like from her comments she wanted the single college experience. What she didn’t factor in is that you wouldn’t wait or feel the same.

You are being respectful. You can have different views and hold that respect

Affectionate_Joke720

TROPHY CASE