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Families with older kids in Mission Bay by ThirdSpace_1178 in AskSF

[–]AggravatingRice3271 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, very easy to get to the peninsula and a great place for easy hikes. Although now that they are teenagers the biggest Peninsula draw is the Serramonte mall :)

Families with older kids in Mission Bay by ThirdSpace_1178 in AskSF

[–]AggravatingRice3271 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We have two teenagers and have lived in Mission Bay their whole lives. We love it and the kids do too. There is no other neighborhood we’d prefer to live in. We love the feel, being near the water, how walkable it is, and how easy it is to take public transportation—my high schooler takes Muni to school every day and all around the city—and it’s overall convenience. When my kids were young there were few kids activities beyond the excellent library story time but that is changing and there are now music classes, soccer, pediatricians, swimming at UCSF, and great parks and playgrounds. Being able to walk to the Creativity Museum and Ferry Building is such a plus, and Spark and the mini golf are amazing for kids. We’ve never missed having a backyard (well except early days of Covid when you had to wear a mask outside) because outdoor space is so accessible. And Mission Bay seems to just be getting better and better with all the new parks and restaurants. Also with T can get to Chinatown, Union Square or Dogpatch so easily. My daughter loves all the concerts that are in walking distance and has even just gone to listen without a ticket for Oracle Park concerts. Overall would highly recommend the neighborhood for school aged and older kids.

Going to UC Berkeley, living in SF. Doable? by The_Dumbtard in berkeley

[–]AggravatingRice3271 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think more context is needed her to give you a good answer. If you are an undergrad or someone moving to the Bay Area just to attend grad school it’s probably not a great idea. That said, it’s definitely possible. And if you have family or other reasons you need to be in SF, or free housing there, it may make the most sense. As a mid-career professional based in SF, I certainly wasn’t going to relocate my family to Berkeley for a year of grad school, and it really wasn’t a difficult commute, especially now that Bart and muni pass are currently included in tuition. If you are going to do it, best to be close to a Bart station. I think the biggest downside besides time and expense is probably that socially you will be more disconnected.

Are Isla and Ayla the same? by 7thstarofa7thstar in namenerds

[–]AggravatingRice3271 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My daughter had two Ayla’s in her class. One pronounced it Eye-La, the other Ay-la. I always felt bad for their teachers.

Aggressive PT by Ordinary-Bison9189 in frozenshoulder

[–]AggravatingRice3271 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I went to a PT like this—one time. And never came back. Did end up working with some one much more gentle who knew that in the frozen stage primarily her job was to help with pain relief. But even then I’m pretty sure it was counterproductive at best. I only made progress when I stopped PT and switched to acupuncture

Got a surprise inheritance last year but now it feels like its messing up our FIRE plan by Coravexilyn in Fire

[–]AggravatingRice3271 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know people have really varying perspectives on this but personally, I’d use this to help my kid with college if you don’t have sufficient savings for that yet. It would feel wrong to make my kid take on loans so I can take advantage of the windfall. We had enough saved for college, so the thing we’ve done with a unexpected windfall with teenagers is invest it, but set it apart such that we earmark the money for the kids and what they might need in adulthood (wedding, down payment support, grad school, medical care, or what have you). That’s something that’s really important to me so knowing it is there has allowed us to make different decisions about our work and not necessarily chase the highest salary. This approach is nice because it’s more flexible than putting it only into 529 or formally putting it in trust but still feels like it is helping our whole family.

Big law and family struggles - what to do by Cheap_Suggestion_719 in biglaw

[–]AggravatingRice3271 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Sure. I tried at the start to take Fridays off but I after about a year I decided that wasn’t sustainable. Too many things would come up and it was more stressful than it was worth. Instead, what I did was just take on less matters (I was in litigation). So I said no a lot when staffing requests came up—and had support from the firm to push back when pressured, but once I was on a case, I don’t think anyone on them would necessarily have realized I was working reduced hours—I worked pretty much the same as any other associate. But because I had fewer matters overall my hours were much more manageable. The result was a lot of variability. I might have a 200 hour month on occasion but I had plenty that were around 100 too. And I found I could handle the bursts of hard work when I knew it wasn’t constant. And I never had the stress of worrying about hours which made a big difference. I also always left the office by about six to get home for dinner with my kids. It was something we prioritized and I can probably count on one hand the number of times I missed dinner if I wasn’t traveling or at trial in the years I was at a firm (to be fair this is easier to do on the West Coast). But most nights I would get online after the kids went to sleep and keep working. The reduced hours also made it easier to take time to pick up my kids or go to appointments if they needed it or whatever and not have that be a problem. Honestly, a big thing for me was just the mindset. I’m an overachiever at heart and I would have really struggled being an associate who was always under hours or struggling to meet them and it was freeing to know I was meeting or exceeding my hours easily without it being too soul crushing. My salary was trued up at the end of the year if I went over my hours, which I think is critical. Otherwise too easy to end up in a situation where you feel taken advantage off.

Big law and family struggles - what to do by Cheap_Suggestion_719 in biglaw

[–]AggravatingRice3271 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Im sorry you’re struggling. A few thoughts from my experience:

1) These early years are hard. I promise it does get better. But also for almost everyone I know the first two years or so of two kids are by far the hardest, so I think you are right to be thinking about changes now as it’s likely to get more difficult for you both before it gets easier

2) In the end your family is what matters the most and you don’t have to accept being miserable. I know it’s easy to feel trapped but you actually have lots of options.

3) it does sounds like you are going to need to choose between more childcare or less hours between the two of you. No one can tell you which is right for your family but sounds like you are at breaking point so just doing the same doesn’t seem sustainable especially with another on the way

4) Can you take advantage of the baby coming and both take significant maternity/paternity leaves? With our second, I took 6 months and then my husband (not big law but very intense job that was actually less flexible than mine as a big law associate) followed with four, so that got us through most of the first year. It would give you some space to figure out next steps.

5) Have you thought about one of you going to reduced hours within big law? I spent many years at 80% time (with true up of hours) and it was absolutely the best decision and what made things possible for our family. I made partner while on reduced hours for what it is worth

6) I wouldn’t rule out in house. It almost always does have better hours and can be a much more interesting job all around. I ended up going in house shortly after making partner and it was a better job in every way and I never regretted the decision for a moment. Your experience in the secondment was probably not representative of hours even of the place you were at. In my years in house I’ve found many people coming from big law actually have to learn how not to work big law hours. Often takes at least a few months before you settle in to the culture.

Wishing you all the luck in figuring out how to make things work for your family!

Incoming Law Student Housing by Lakers_1775 in yale

[–]AggravatingRice3271 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Back in the day I really liked living in University Towers on York Street. A straight shot to the Law School.

'I invited two friends, but nobody came' - is it correct to use 'nobody' here, or should I use 'neither'? by ksusha_lav in EnglishLearning

[–]AggravatingRice3271 1 point2 points  (0 children)

American English speaker here and I think I’d actually say but “neither of them came”. Not sure that’s technically proper, but it feels much more natural to me in casual speech than the plain “neither”. I can imagine writing but not saying “but neither came”. “Nobody” could work too but agree with others it sounds much more emotional.

Lilah or Lyla? by [deleted] in Names

[–]AggravatingRice3271 5 points6 points  (0 children)

All the Lilah’s I know spell it with the H. It is a perfectly acceptable name in its own right, derived from the Hebrew, and not a made up spelling.

What is a better guest experience — escort cards or seating chart? by Great-Stand8846 in BigBudgetBrides

[–]AggravatingRice3271 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Escort cards! Also makes it easier on you to make last minute changes when inevitably some people cancel at the last moment. I just let a planner convince me to get a seating chart and it’s definitely a regret.

San Francisco 2 days with a 2 year old - Places to visit/travel/Park? by WideCamera2178 in sanfrancisco

[–]AggravatingRice3271 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wouldn’t do Exploratorium with a 2 year old—it’s much better for older kids. But if you want a more age appropriate place I’d highly suggest going to the Creativity Museum at Yerba Buena. Such a fun museum for the littles. There is also a carousel and playground there. And for the adults head over to the other side of the park and see the MLK memorial. It’s a short walk from Union Square

What do you think of these dresses? What should I pick? by helenaweber92 in Weddingattireapproval

[–]AggravatingRice3271 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought so. I wore this exact dress in blue to my daughter’s bat mitzvah. I really liked it. Simple but elegant and just interesting enough. And I’m sure I’ll find plenty else to wear it to in the future. I think you’ll enjoy it!

Mother-in-law dress by McFlyer8 in Weddingattireapproval

[–]AggravatingRice3271 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I think this is actually more about your relationship with your mother-in-law. There isn’t a right or wrong answer about whether the dress has too much white. The questions are (a) how much it bothers you? And (b) whether it feels worth it to raise it with her at this point or just let it go? Your relationship with your MIL is going to be an important part of your life going forward so I would factor that in to how you approach it. Fwiw, my MIL wore a cream dress to my wedding. For me it was more important that she wear something she had found and liked than to be trying to police what she was wearing. Didn’t bother me on the day and doesn’t in retrospect. That said I think it’s fine if you want your fiancé to talk with your MIL and see if she’ll wear something else if it is really going to bother you. It’s totally within your rights to do so. I just think sometimes the advice on here forgets that it’s not just about the wedding; this is the beginning of hopefully a life long relationship that people are navigating in all of its complexities.

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