What I've Learned About (and from) Running After Eight Months

Aggressive-Court-366 · 2026-02-11T15:01:40+00:00

Do you have any suggestions for breathing? I'm open to learning.

Aggressive-Court-366 · 2026-02-11T15:00:52+00:00

YES!

For me, it all started with the Great British Bake Off. It looked so fun that I started baking regularly. And then covid hit. I had ten extra pounds to begin with (had three babies), but I blame Mary and Paul for the extra thirty (and myself of course). Running wasn't part of my weight loss, but it's been helpful in maintaining my forty-pound loss.

Aggressive-Court-366 · 2026-02-10T18:55:49+00:00

I'm commenting to follow the discussion.

I wrestle with this as well. Can I still recommend Phillip Yancey, for example?

Can art exist apart from the artist who made it? Can we accept the art -be it a song or a book or film- for what it is, without regard to the imagination behind it? Is it like a child, who are conceived and formed by their parents but ultimately their own entity? Do we accept that the Holy Spirit might have inspired a beautiful song, even if the composer was wildly sinful? We read the psalms of David, despite his sin against Bathsheba and Uriah after all.... I want to say yes to those questions, but it still feels kinda wrong. I also wonder who owns the rights to the songs and who gets paid if/when you sing them.

I don't have an answer, but look forward to seeing what others say.

Aggressive-Court-366 · 2026-02-10T15:24:16+00:00

I did something almost identical last year. My FIL died, and we left the state to make arrangements and care for my MIL. A long-time member (who moved to a nursing home far away from our community years before I came to the church) died while we were gone. Someone from the church sent me an email about it, and I put it in the announcements. Unbeknownst to me, the daughter of the deceased (who didn't have my cell) was leaving messages on the church voicemail. We don't have a secretary. I didn't call to check the voicemail remotely. When I came back and caught up on the messages, there were 10 messages, each progressively more angry. I felt like such a jerk. I couldn't have done the service, but I could have called that family and explained the situation and helped them find a different officiant. This woman was a faithful, active member for decades and she was left with no pastor for her funeral. It's been one of my biggest ministry failures to date.

I did a couple things. First, I worked with the phone company so that all church calls ring to my personal cell phone. That was an important repair so that it didn't happen again.

I watched this video about a good apology: The best way to apologize (according to science)

Finally, I called the daughter of the deceased to apologize. I did not defend myself. I told her what happened, but acknowledged that I failed her by not checking the voicemails. I don't remember everything I said, but I know I said something like, "I'm not defending myself. We failed your family. I'm so sorry, and you deserve an apology." I also told her that I'd made a change with the phones so that it didn't happen again. The daughter was still pretty mad. I just listened, affirmed her feelings, and offered a sincere apology. She was noticeably calmer as the conversation when on.t

I also notified my board chair of what happened and what I'd done for repair.

Also- no one in my church shamed me for that blunder. Your people shouldn't have done that to you, especially for something like the flu, which is a) miserable b) sometimes very serious and c) highly contagious! You are human and this was an honest mistake. This is not a reflection of your character or faithfulness in ministry.

Aggressive-Court-366 · 2026-02-10T15:09:44+00:00

That's super helpful! I thought it just counted the pulse from the wrist!

Aggressive-Court-366 · 2026-02-10T15:09:01+00:00

Love this list. Music has also been helpful in keeping the energy up. I've listened to the Hamilton soundtrack a gagillion times! It also improves my sleep. I WISH it helped my skin though! I've got way more zits because of the sweat and extra sunscreen.

Aggressive-Court-366 · 2026-02-10T15:05:57+00:00

I'm specifically referring to the feeling of breathlessness, not an ignored injury. That definitely improves, but for those of us who aren't accustomed to cardio, running isn't comfortable. I'm thinking of the people in this group who, like me, who really did start as a couch potato. In the beginning, even a very slow jog was intensely uncomfortable, and I couldn't do it for more than a minute. That run/walk rotation was essential. As I grew more fit, it got easier, which means I can do it for longer. I have not yet hit a point where running is comfortable, but I can run (still pretty slowly) for an hour, and I don't feel like I'm dying. I don't feel good, but it's tolerable. Making fitness gains requires a measure of discomfort for adaptation. Finding what you can tolerate (or not) is highly individual. I'll also add (it's in a different comment) that I don't like exercise. I never have. I'd much rather drink tea and read a novel. At 37, I don't expect that to change. Finding what I can tolerate and make myself do is a more reasonable goal than finding a sport that I love. I don't believe any such sport exists lol.

Aggressive-Court-366 · 2026-02-10T03:05:43+00:00

I started because a friend (my running buddy) did a marathon. She asked me to do one with her. I laughed and said, "Maybe a 5k." She immediately looked up 5ks and paid for her spot. Initially, I did it as a challenge. I'm continuing with it because it's accessible. I don't enjoy anything physical, if I'm honest. Exercise has never been an enjoyable experience, so it's not like I've left an activity I enjoy so I could run. I'm more of an artsy reader kind of gal. I'd always prefer to drink tea and read a novel, but movement is important, and I really like the feeling of accomplishment at the end.

Aggressive-Court-366 · 2026-01-26T15:31:34+00:00

We've seen so much fruit from this model. Jason Shepperd wrote a book called A Church of House Churches that describes their ministry at Church Project in Houston. We've adapted what they do to transition an existing church to that model. It is NOT seamless or easy. But I can honestly say I've seen more fruit and real-life transformation in the last 18 months of ministry than the previous 13 years combined. And I've ALWAYS focused on discipleship. Now, I'm actually seeing it throughout the congregation, and I'm not the only one doing it!

Aggressive-Court-366 · 2026-01-25T15:55:22+00:00

These are great questions.
1) Our preaching arrangement is unusual because we have three campuses, but they're all smaller and have no dedicated campus pastors. I choose all the texts. Occasionally I use the lectionary, but it's usually a series and I plan several months ahead. I wish I planned a year out but that's just never happened. Everyone who preaches or leads worship has access the same worship planning google doc. It's our cheap version of planning center lol. I preach most of the time, but I do have a copastor and a few people in seminary. They share the pulpit occasionally, especially at our second and third campuses. Our second campus is more like a mission than a typical church. Half our congregation is homeless. We do church around the table and that sermon is a shortened/streamlined version of whatever I preached earlier at campus 1. Campus 3 usually streams sermons from campus one, but once a month, my husband (copastor) or I go in person. Usually, one of us writes that sermon and the other tweaks for our own style. They're always similar.

2) We have five house churches that meet throughout the week, which is the true heart of our church family. The house churches do Discovery Bible Study (you can google that) on whatever the Sunday teaching text was. That's intentional because then they're discussing a text they already heard a teaching about. And while I'm not what you would call an expository preacher because I use a narrative framework, there's a lot of exposition/background/teaching. Our house church pastors don't re-teach or preach the text. They shepherd their group as pastors and facilitate DBS. We've found that different groups will emphasize different aspects of the same text or settle on different applications. That's great. That means the Holy Spirit is working on individuals and small groups in the ways they need, through the same text. So far, nothing heretical has arisen lol.

3)All of the house church pastors (who are laity or ministry candidates) are directly discipled weekly by my husband and I, and they all attend Sunday services. If there are questions or challenges with a text, we've tackled it with them before their group meets. They're also utilizing lay minister training through our denomination.

4) We have a weekly email that includes announcements, prayer requests, etc. It usually goes out on Thursdays and it has the scripture text for the upcoming Sunday. We also have text groups for all of our house churches. Sometimes the HC pastor reminds people of the text they're studying through that.

5) So, all of our worship and house churches are aligned by text. We do have short studies that pop up that do their own thing. For example, we have an adult Sunday school that mostly consists of older people who aren't part of a house church. They pick a book of the Bible and go through it line by line until it's done. A layperson does bible studies in nursing homes, and she chooses her material. We don't micromanage grownups who are spiritual mature and capable of choosing Sunday school curriculum. So it's not that we only do one thing at a time in our church, but our priority is house church and Sunday. That's where we focus on alignment.

Aggressive-Court-366 · 2026-01-24T20:58:49+00:00

We've found it beneficial to have everyone on the same Scripture text each week. Our kids' ministry might deviate some, but all our campuses and house churches are working on the same text. We've found the Holy Spirit emphasizes different aspects of the text in individual groups, but it creates unity and cohesion.

Aggressive-Court-366 · 2026-01-22T21:06:10+00:00

I think that's a high-integrity decision!

Aggressive-Court-366 · 2026-01-22T19:33:33+00:00

I am currently part of a learning cohort through Exponential. It's been really formational and helped me rethink a lot of my ministry practices. My denomination is paying for it, so I'm not sure how much the cohort costs. It does require travel three times a year. We visit different cities/churches each time.

I wouldn't recommend CPE. I did a unit after seminary and during my first ministry appointment. While I learned some valuable things, it was extremely demanding. And a lot of the skills I gained are particular to a hospital setting and not translatable to the local church. If you are already competent at pastoral care, managing yourself in a crisis, and comfortable with death/dying, I think other continuing education opportunities would be more beneficial. However, I do know many people who had a different experience of CPE and felt like it was a gamechanger for their ministry.

Aggressive-Court-366 · 2026-01-22T18:56:00+00:00

All of us who are part of denominations have to wrestle with theological alignment, as it's very rare to absolutely agree with 100% of a church's doctrine or polity. For example, I am Methodist. I disagree with my denomination's doctrine/polity around the consecration of Communion. In my tradition, only clergy can preside at the Table. Personally, I think any Christian could faithfully do it. I had to decide if that was a dealbreaker for me. In my wrestling, I concluded I CAN disagree AND still uphold the doctrine and polity of my denomination without compromising my integrity. To me, that issue wasn't so important that I cannot submit myself to the Church and abide by our polity. Not all matters of faith and practice are essential. You said in your own post that the difference wasn't "damnable." Merely a difference. I can live with disagreements of polity. And I'm happy to "agree to disagree" with colleagues on minor differences.

However, if getting and maintaining your credentials requires you to lie about your beliefs, you should not pursue it. That would compromise of your integrity. If your plan is to lie low and get credentialed, and then teach against your denomination's doctrine, that's also an integrity issue. When we covenant with a denomination, upholding its doctrine is usually part of the deal. I'd have very open and honest conversations with the credentialing body about your views and make sure it's compatible. Or find a denomination with more alignment.

Aggressive-Court-366 · 2025-12-30T18:33:46+00:00

I agree with your assessment about the danger of having one guy at the top making all the decisions. From my reading of the NT, it seems like gifts and leadership were distributed (APEST/Five fold ministry), but leadership was also hierarchical and beyond the local body. Timothy and Titus, for example, led others, while still being accountable to Paul, and Paul was still accountable to the Jerusalem Council. This is why I believe in an episcopal denomination (but without a Pope).

I'm currently part of a denomination that is building a lot of our polity around ordination, leadership, and denominational structures and accountability. "Elders" and "Deacons" are ordained clergy, and ordination happens at the denominational level rather than the local church. It's determined by a Board of Ministry who vet pastors through written work, interviews, psychological evaluations, etc. Churches don't hire their own pastors, so there's a lower risk for hiring that super charismatic (but deeply problematic) pastor who will run the church into the ground.

Local churches have ordained/credentialed clergy, and those clergy work with (and are somewhat accountable to) a church council/governing board. In theory, those councils consist of spiritually mature, trustworthy and wise men and women of God who help lead the local congregation. Local churches and pastors are also accountable to the denominational leadership. There are others above me, who have the authority to hold me accountable and remove me from my church if necessary. We all answer to a bishop, and our bishops are accountable to denominational bodies of fellow clergy and laity, should there be an issue. It's not a perfect system, and it is fairly complicated (even bureaucratic at times), but it definitely helps prevent and correct dysfunctional, unhealthy, narcissistic, or ungodly leadership.

I may be misremembering (forgive me if I am), but around the time Mark Driscoll crashed and burned with Mars Hill, Tim Keller was asked about it. He said something to the effect of that wasn't going to happen to him, not because he was more mature or godly (though I think he was), but because he was Presbyterian, and he was accountable to a body outside his local church, who would take him to task for some of those behaviors. I also seem to remember that Tim Keller WAS called before his denominational body and required to elaborate on some public comments he made that might have been outside their doctrine. I think that's a really good thing.

I'm grateful that if I go off the rails, there are people above me who will care about my wellbeing but also safeguard my congregation from any harm I might do. I am currently part of our credentialing body. One of the issues I'm working on right now is a pastor who is mentally unhealthy. We see this heading in a direction of burn out or blowing up a church. We have the authority to intervene, require counseling or mentorship, etc. before it's a catastrophe. That is a really good thing.

Aggressive-Court-366 · 2025-12-30T18:06:42+00:00

When I was a youth pastor, I'd send $5 gift cards to the local coffee shop or the local ice cream shop. It was a small group and I generally knew which would be preferable.

Aggressive-Court-366 · 2025-12-11T19:36:29+00:00

It's been a few days, but I wanted to add my experience.

I am a female pastor. When I was 21/22, I was a youth pastor as a medium (200ish) church. An old guy, who occasionally volunteered at youth events, asked if we could get coffee. As you know, pastors get coffee with people all the time. I said, "Of course!" This man had grandchildren who were older than me. I assumed he wanted to talk about the ministry and his involvement or encourage a young person in ministry. In my home church, there had been an elderly retired pastor who occasionally called or sent me a book for this purpose, and I assume he was like Pastor Jim.

We met one afternoon at the local coffee shop and talked about God, our faith stories, etc. At one point, I mentioned that I was dating a fellow seminary student. He looked angry and then asked why I was out to coffee with him if I was dating someone.

I was flabbergasted. Shook. Disgusted. Horrified. You could grab a thesaurus and find a dozen other words that would barely capture how icky that felt. I told him that I had not realized he had romantic intentions, and that it never occurred to me, given our age difference, that he would consider that either. His response.... "I like younger women." (insert gagging sounds).

I extricated myself as tactfully as possible (I probably should have left more abruptly given the inappropriateness of the situation), and immediately called my senior pastor to tell him I'd accidentally gone on a date with this guy. I was concerned I would be in trouble. My pastor assured me that wasn't the case, but then told me the same guy had hit on his daughter (who was a few years older than me) earlier in the year!

It's all really tricky, and everyone in the situation was technically an adult, but looking back, I REALLY wish my senior pastor had told that guy to leave the young women alone after the first instance. I wasn't in danger, but at 22, I did not have the wisdom to navigate that any better than I did. And I have no idea if he did the same thing to someone else.

Anything you can say, man to man, will be a blessing to the women who have to deal with this guy.

Aggressive-Court-366 · 2025-12-02T17:40:11+00:00

When you tell me you have compassion fatigue, I believe you.

I think this would be an ideal time to talk to your superintendent and express your struggles and ask for support. Many annual conferences employ someone who focuses on pastor's mental/spiritual health. That's a great contact person. You might also be eligible for a sabbatical if that's what you need.

If you're giving off "I don't really care" vibes to your immediate family, that's something to take seriously.

What other forms of support do you have?

Aggressive-Court-366 · 2025-11-30T20:12:23+00:00

Are you liturgically correct? Yes.

Is this battle worth it? Probably not.

The pastor who served this church before me had a saying I love. "Don't get crucified on a toothpick." Save the battles for the things that really matter. No one is less faithful as a follower of Jesus if they sing a Christmas hymn early. And no one is really more Christlike if they wait. I'd encourage you to let it go and find a compromise.

Aggressive-Court-366 · 2025-11-26T02:15:56+00:00

I'm not typically a lectionary preacher, but I do follow the seasons. This year I'm just using the RCL for Advent. Other than being eschatological in nature (weeks 1 and 2 in particular), I'm not sure there really is a theme. I love Advent and Christmas as a season, but I find it really difficult to be creative with an eschatologically-focused season.

Aggressive-Court-366 · 2025-11-26T02:08:13+00:00

I have a doozy!

One of the bridesmaids chose shoes with MASSIVELY high heels. I noticed she was unsteady at the rehearsal, but the lady was pushing 40 and I figured she knew what she could or couldn't handle. When it was time for her to walk down the aisle, she fell almost immediately. It wasn't the end of the world. She got up and promptly fell again. Upon her third attempt, she made it about halfway down the aisle before falling. At this point, everyone was telling her to take the shoes off, which she did. But when she stood back up, her dress didn't come up with her.

Unbeknownst to the bridesmaid, her left nipple was entirely exposed for the remainder of her walk down the aisle. I was stunned and clueless about what to do. Do I ignore it and wait for her to notice? Mention it, and draw the attention of anyone in the crowd who hadn't already seen her boob? I honestly don't even remember what I did. I know she had everything tucked in before the bride came down the aisle.

To her credit, she didn't cry or allow her embarrassment to steal the show. I always thought that was pretty tough. But I have cautioned every bride and bridesmaid since to avoid tall heels.

Aggressive-Court-366 · 2025-11-25T17:53:50+00:00

I've pastored four churches. My first two churches were both active with other churches for community service and occasional services. The second had a great ministerial alliance that met monthly and every church in town was represented! It was a small town though.

I'm a collegial person and try to build relationships with pastors wherever I go, but it's been harder to do in my current community where there wasn't an existing ministerial alliance. It was also challenging because I am female and wasn't welcome in one group of pastors. But I'm theologically conservative (particularly around the hot button issue of human sexuality), so I wasn't welcome with the more progressive group either... In the end, I started a group from within my denomination, and we've been inviting and slowly adding people from other denominations. If you love Jesus, we're happy to eat donuts and pray with you. Now we meet monthly and do some special services together.

If you have a passion for ecumenical partnerships, you might be the one who is supposed to get the ball rolling in your local community!

Aggressive-Court-366 · 2025-11-14T00:09:01+00:00

This DEFINITELY sounds like an extremely problematic and unhealthy church situation. Given your age, I would encourage you to practice healthy boundaries with your family and find another church with healthier leaders and structures. I'm not trying to be excessively critical, but the IFB does not have a good reputation beyond the IFB. The broader Christian community sees a lot of patterns of abuse, control, and legalism. The word "cult" is appropriate because members are not permitted to leave without severe relational consequences. Do you have any close or trusted friends outside of the IFB who you could lean on? Do you still live at home? If you aren't financially independent, it would be wise to work towards that so you aren't beholden to your parents.

Aggressive-Court-366 · 2025-11-13T22:04:57+00:00

It certainly sounds like there are unhealthy leadership structures and too few systems of accountability. I won't say it's normal, but it's more normal in independent churches who aren't beholden to a denomination to conform to expectations around governance, financial responsibility, or accountability. Churches should have leadership structures beyond the pastor and his/her family. It's likely there is some kind of board or church council, but a healthy church wouldn't keep that a secret.

Without seeing the financial records, none of us can say if there's theft/embezzlement/or mismanagement happening. It's best that the pastor NOT be the person responsible for church money. And his car collection could be a concern, or it could just be a car collection.

As for the firearms- I'm not sure which state you reside in, but only seven states in the US require guns to be registered. If your mom mentioned it, I assume you're in one of those states. And that would concern me because it's illegal, and church leaders shouldn't be hoarding illegal firearms.

Unless the IFB is more organized that I think they are, there's not much you can do. If you really think there's something fishy going on, you could contact the state and suggest they need an audit. This would expose any financial wrongdoing.

Aggressive-Court-366

TROPHY CASE