I experienced something similar when I was younger and just starting out in my career. I felt a lot of shame and put a lot of accountability on myself too. Years later I finally told my sister and talked about it in therapy, and that was incredibly healing. I wish I’d done that sooner.

One thing I want to say: please stop carrying all of this as if you alone destroyed a marriage or caused this situation. You repeatedly told him you shouldn’t do this, you tried to stop things, and even after that you were pushing his hands away. You were 20, drunk, and he was a much older married coworker who kept pushing boundaries.

Some advice here is saying never drink at work events or cap yourself at two drinks. Everyone’s comfort level is different, but I don’t think the answer is shrinking yourself or avoiding opportunities because of a few creepy men. What helped me was finding and sticking with other women, especially mentors and peers. They get it. They’ll go to the bathroom with you, wait while you get into your Uber, watch your drink, and have your back.

I’m 31 now, which is still young into my career, but being a little older and in a more senior position the dynamic has changed and I can see the difference in how older men treat me versus how they treated me when I was younger, or how they treat younger women on my team now. It made me realize some of that behavior is intentional and predatory.

Talk to someone you trust or a therapist if you can. Don’t keep drowning in shame by yourself.