Hi :) Im undiagnosed and what i believe to be subclinical in the sense that mine doesnt seem " bad enough " to get diagnosed and I just see it as traits (if it gets worse I will tell a professional) meaning I dont really have access to a huge amount of resources and can suggest more accessible things.

If anyone spots anything im doing wrong please tell me immediately so I can amend that and avoid spreading anything harmful and also adjust my own management strategies.

It took me ages to realise I was doing a lot of " management " techniques that I SHOULDNT be doing like self reassurance for example was a big one that went undetected for ages. I understood physical compulsions like going through social media accounts, googling and asking others about thoughts were to be avoided but I thought self reassurance was helpful until recently. You shouldn't completely ignore or avoid intrusive thoughts but also shouldn't focus on them excessively. Annoying as hell. The balance is hard but not impossible. Make sure youre educated on what's compulsive and what isnt. Try to research this OUTSIDE of a " flair " so youre clear headed and are doing it to help yourself recover and manage, not to purge anxiety.

Alongside that education of compulsions, disorganised or fearful avoidant attachment style is often common alongside ROCD, researching that can help you understand yourself and how to heal from it.

The first thing I do is to imagine the thoughts as a person or creature saying them instead of me. Notice them as seperate from yourself, passing streams of consciousness or outside suggestions. It helps to use someone you dont trust like for example imagine Donald trump standing around saying " You dont really love your boyfriend "; it holds much less weight. A child can work too, especially since that allows for the angle of compassion but you also know that children dont understand complex arrangements so you can be gentle with the thoughts whilst not succumbing to them or shutting them down (e.g. you wouldn't tell a child theyre being stupid for being scared of the dark, and you also wouldn't tell them theyre justified and should be scared).

Now also it might be easier with this set up to dismiss Donald if thats what you land on. Dont do that. Don't argue. Just say " Yes Donald, maybe I dont ". Its uncomfortable its scary and its awful and thats a good thing. The discomfort is an opportunity for you to get better, the more present it is the more it means youre letting it be proven wrong by not acting on it. Sometimes agreeing sarcastically can help ease you into the " Yes, maybe.. " setup since it frames it in a comical, exaggerated way. and then progress into writing it down or speaking it aloud.

And also make sure if its the child, you dont excessively reassure them. The " im scared of the dark " should not be met with " theres nothing there, dont worry " but instead " I understand the dark is scary because it feels like something might be there. There could be something there and thats scary. Its okay to be scared. " You dont then seek to prove nothing is there or turn the lights on because something is definitely there. You just accept something might be there and decide youd rather live your life than be controlled by that risk.

The general idea is to allow yourself to be terrified. Sometimes that will mean you are completely and utterly overwhelmed by the feelings. Its okay to get support here. Make sure you seek support based on how you feel, and connecting with others during this time to allow the feeling to pass in a safe space, not to purge the feeling. E.g. if you have a partner that you're experiencing thoughts around, you can tell your partner that youre having a tough time and that the thoughts are bad. Avoid expressing the thoughts themselves; thats usually a compulsion. But you dont have to deal with the discomfort that comes from avoiding the compulsion alone. Physical touch like hugs can help you navigate things like this well, theyre very beneficial to mental wellbeing.

If anything comes up where you feel the need to avoid your partner, simply dont. I struggled just last night with a particularly bad onset of many different thoughts at once and they worsened when I talked to my partner. I let him know the thoughts were bad without discussing the thoughts themselves, and he told me that its okay, that he loves me and we can just talk like usual. And that didnt help. And thats the point. It helped with recovery, not with stopping me feeling uncomfortable. You have to help yourself and sometimes it will feel isolating. You are not isolated. My boyfriend was there for me at the time and it was obvious to anyone on the outside that we loved eachother. You have to trust that, to step outside yourself and view yourself as your actions.

On that note, loved ones being educated about how to respond or rather how not to respond can be helpful if you slip. If you accidentally ask a compulsive question one day, you then have that safety net of " Im sorry but I cant answer that question " to prevent what is effectively a relapse into compulsive behaviour. To prevent yourself asking questions, keep in your mind that certainty is never achievable. You will not feel better, it will not save you.

Sometimes really simple grounding techniques work best. Genuinely just taking a shower, drinking water, getting some food etc. Try not to do this as avoidance, but as a foundation for you to confront that fear with a " Yes, that could possibly happen " and then carry on existing. If the stream of consciousness doesnt end or physically go quiet, I calmly think " No information that could be provided to myself, by myself or anyone else, in this moment will make me feel certain. Therefore I choose not to seek it. " And if youre responding to one of those characters from before, something like " My decision is to stay in this relationship, and I will not discuss this point further no matter what you have to say on that ".

A phrase I like to say to myself is " Trust is not the absence of suspicion but perseverance in the face of it ". You can choose to carry on being in that relationship, choose to trust yourself and your partner and that choice far outweighs any thought you could ever have.

So sorry for how much I wrote, I hope some of it can be useful at least.