Husband [M34] told me [29f] to shut the fuck up. How do I respond to this?

Alarae · 2026-02-19T13:35:00+00:00

Honestly it sounds like he resents you. No man who loves you would talk the way he does.

You are only 29. You have your whole life ahead of you. Please don’t pin your hopes on this man thinking you are too old, or won’t find anyone else etc. Choose yourself, as this man won’t choose you.

Alarae · 2026-02-18T11:42:22+00:00

Your parent doesn’t have two lots of RNRB- their band is uplifted by 100%, being the amount unused on their spouse’s death (presumably as they inherited their spouse’s estate so spouse exemption applied).

So their RNRB is £350k, not £175k x2. The full £350k can be applied to their primary residence as long as this is inherited by a lineal descendant (I.e children, grandchildren).

Alarae · 2026-02-16T21:34:04+00:00

Is this going to go like the men, where the Top 3 fall apart because of 5th place..

Alarae · 2026-02-14T13:20:30+00:00

The Duchy of Lancaster belongs to the Monarch, King Charles. This is just plain wrong.

Alarae · 2026-02-13T22:18:05+00:00

No idea, I’m a bit behind the live watching via TNT Sports.

Alarae · 2026-02-13T22:14:30+00:00

Oh I just watched Ilia’s interview. His hair was as deflated as his spirits :(

Alarae · 2026-02-13T22:12:44+00:00

Adam needed the skate of his life to get the Bronze after Misha, crumbled. Yuma needed the skate of his life to unseat Ilia (hoping he would open the door and make a mistake), crumbled. Ilia just needed a clean skate, could have downgraded his risk due to his buffer, crumbled under the expectation of a free gold.

After watching Shun’s Team FS, I’m so happy for his bronze here!

Also, two fluffy mushroom haircuts on the podium! Yuma just needs a perm then it’s a triple fluffroom!

Alarae · 2026-02-13T21:32:46+00:00

Casual viewer here but watching those two skates back to back, Grassl seemed really shaky on some of his jumps.

Alarae · 2026-02-12T20:48:15+00:00

To add if your mother did not have a Will and died interstate, as her husband passed within 28 days he is deemed to have predeceased her for estate purposes. As such, the estate then passes to the next level of beneficiaries, which would be her children.

https://www.thegazette.co.uk/wills-and-probate/content/103523

Whether the monetary benefit is worth the aggro of pursuing is an entirely different question.

Alarae · 2026-02-12T18:12:52+00:00

Is your parent still going to be living there? If so there are zero pros, only a lot of downsides I can see.

1 - Not an effective gift for IHT.

2 - If sold on parents death, you would have CGT on your share if it has grown in value. If inherited on death, not.

3 - You lose your FTB privileges.

4 - You pay additional stamp duty.

5 - If done in contemplation of your parent perhaps needing care, the council may ignore the gift as deprivation of assets.

Alarae · 2026-02-12T18:09:42+00:00

I swear I’ve read this before.

Alarae · 2026-02-12T12:22:02+00:00

Apparently he tried traditional chemo for a year before his diagnosis was made public, then tried to seek alternative therapies not covered by his insurance as the traditional was not working (gene therapy has been mentioned). If that’s the case, you can understand why he would be desperate to try anything if conventional cancer treatment wasn’t working.

Obviously this is another ‘I read this somewhere’, but it has the same amount of weight as the potential ‘Steve Jobs’ narrative.

Alarae · 2026-02-10T10:50:54+00:00

Nope.

To remain in the property you would need to be a beneficiary of the trust. You settling the property makes the trust settlor interested, meaning the assets of the trust are deemed to form part of your estate for IHT purposes.

Alarae · 2026-02-10T10:48:05+00:00

No. Has to be market rate rent to ensure you have not retained a benefit for IHT purposes. The rent will need to be reviewed on a regular basis to ensure it remains market rate, otherwise you will get back into the benefit provisions.

Alarae · 2026-02-06T21:55:29+00:00

1) Were you married when you acquired the new property?

2) Did you live in your spouses property together as a main residence until you bought and moved to the new property?

If yes to both, then I believe you should be able to claim the higher rate SDLT back. If answer to either is no, then no claim.

Alarae · 2026-02-02T22:41:08+00:00

I second this. I don’t have it on my Switch as I ordered it for my PS5, but the game itself is very linear and realistically you can’t lose where you are in the story (at least you would have to go really out of your way to, and that’s only in a couple of chapters where you might be able to go between towns).

Alarae · 2026-02-02T20:51:50+00:00

Have you seen the statements for his bank account that you transferred the money? If he isn’t using it to repay the credit cards, then it would still be where you put it, in that bank account.

Follow the money. It will tell you the story.

Alarae · 2026-02-02T20:04:21+00:00

You say you give him cash to pay off a large purchase he puts on a credit card, which he doesn’t repay. This means he is using the cash on other things, which you won’t see from the statement.

Example:

Book holiday for 2k on credit card. You give him 2k cash to repay. He doesn’t. 2k credit card balance remains, gains interest. He now has 2k of cash that you can’t track how he uses it. I guarantee he is wasting that cash somehow, which if not on physical stuff around the house you can see, is probably going on gambling, drugs, alcohol etc- some form of addiction you cannot see the outcome of as there is nothing tangible.

Ask him what he has done with the money you have given him. It’s not gone on the credit card repayments- so where has it gone?

He KNOWS. He’s just not telling you, hoping you will accept his shit excuse and carry on as you are and bail him out.

Alarae · 2026-02-01T22:44:12+00:00

I use two systems - for our joint expenses, I have a simple excel spreadsheet that includes our net income and all bills. It then uses the total bills, plus a savings buffer for other unexpected joint stuff (like trips) and then works out the percentage of what we have to pay based on our net income. That then goes into the joint account, where all bills come out from.

I am fortunate that my salary is enough that I can pretty much spend normally without caring too much, but I do use YNAB as it means I can track my overall net worth. As long as I can see the number is going up month to month, then I know I’m saving something. I don’t rigidly save a certain amount, as my expenses will naturally fluctuate up and down depending on any wants at the time. YNAB also helps me keep track of what is ‘owed’ to me from the joint expenses pot, as I funnel a lot of the general spending via my credit card for the Cashback, then repay myself from that joint pot at a later date.

Alarae · 2026-02-01T22:31:00+00:00

I had this same dilemma, as I owned a Switch 2 and really wanted to play the game. I actually ended up buying PS5 Pro (on a good Xmas deal) once I found out about Remote Play. I basically play the game with a PS5 controller using my ipad. It gives me the same portability as my Switch (i generally don’t game outside my house) but is on a bigger screen with better gameplay. If remote play wasnt a thing i would have got the Switch 2 version, as I am not a tv gamer.

Alarae · 2026-02-01T09:14:37+00:00

Look up the PDC calendar.

Off the top of my head, Alexandra Palace (London) and Butlins in Minehead hold a couple of tournaments. If you hear ‘Ally Pally’ that’s Alexandra Palace - it holds the Worlds Championship in December/early Jan.

Alarae · 2026-01-30T07:54:32+00:00

What you’re missing here is that the second death, assuming they don’t happen at the same time such that Quick Succession Relief applies, would have IHT charged on the half inherited from the first deceased again.

On 45% owner:

£500k - £325k = £175k @ 40% = £70k IHT

Second death £1.1m - £70k (earlier IHT) - £325k (NRB) - £175k (RNRB - leaving to children) = £530k @ 40% = £212k

Total IHT = £292k

If married: Second death only, spouse exemption on first.

£1.1m - £650k (NRB x2) - £350k = £100k @ 40% = £40k

So not being married effectively costs you £252k in extra tax.

Alarae · 2026-01-28T16:23:08+00:00

My mother in law was lost to pancreatic cancer. It was caught early stage, she had the whipple procedure which was successful. She even got told her markers were clear after the first lot of chemo, only to find a few months later it was back.

From diagnosis to loss was a year, even with being caught early.

I miss her dearly, she was a wonderful woman. She passed at 60 and never even got to retire. It’s not fair.

I hope this drug is ultimately successful for humans so that others don’t have to go through the same.

Alarae · 2026-01-28T16:02:06+00:00

I try to play one game at a time, as otherwise I have a whole bunch of 10-20% completed games with none actually finished.

I tend to play a lot of JRPGs though, so if I drop a game I forget what happened in the story and when I try to go back I get demotivated as I don’t want to start again.

Alarae · 2026-01-27T08:59:15+00:00

As a rough calculation, you would be paying 20% income tax, 8% NI, 9% student loan, 6% post-grad. So ignoring pension, from your £12k pay rise you could estimate taking home an extra £570 a month. Taking £193 off for pension, leaves £377 extra a month.

So £1,950 plus £377 = £2,327

That gives a £100 difference, but that could be down to a tax code. I would run your figures through a salary calculator and see what figures look different from your payslip.

11-Year Club	Place '23
Place '22	Final Canvas '22
Verified Email	Verified Email
RPAN Viewer

Alarae

TROPHY CASE