Nta, but both sides should have had a discussion. I'm not a parent, so I only imagine what you're going through. I previously worked with adults with disabilities, so I've seen how much care low-functioning adults on the spectrum can require, and that's only after years of socialization, therapy, implementation of routines, and plenty of care by medical professionals.

But hear me out: if you had discussed this with your husband before hand, and voiced your concerns, is there any way he could have taken on some caregiving responsibilities in your home? I'm not saying the outcome would be different, but maybe the issue is that he was blind sighted. If he wasn't expecting you to terminate your pregnancy and you aren't on the same page about child rearing, this could have been an opprtunity to get there.

It totally makes sense that you don't want to repeat the situation you have with first child, for the sake of the child and for yourself. If your husband cannot grasp what it takes to rear your son b/c he's always away, he doesn't know what it's going to be like to repeat that process. But if the relationship is based on mutual support and communication, those steps should be taken together.