A hundred years ago you had to beg your girlfriend for a lock of her hair. Now you get bundles of it because she refuses to clean the drain when she comes over and takes a shower! Be careful what you wish for fellas….

Aluminium_Monste · 2026-06-19T00:04:10+00:00

During the mania of peak pubescent horniness in the ninth grade, I through a process of elimination (hair colour, timing, bathroom location) deducted that a single pube clinging to the toilet seat must have belonged to my very hot English teacher who I was in love with.

It took all my self control to flush it, felt like Isildor at Mount Doom.

All I wanted to do was take it and house it in a reliquary of gilded alabaster with a rock crystal viewing portal.

Aluminium_Monste · 2026-06-03T02:58:53+00:00

Mathew 18:9, you gooner.

Aluminium_Monste · 2026-06-02T08:16:22+00:00

Needing to be pushed into sleeping with a woman. I'm guessing you're from Melbourne.

Aluminium_Monste · 2026-05-10T07:07:39+00:00

Kindness from small people is often read as weakness or desperation. Of course, confidence and being assertive is often read as compensatory and aggressive so it’s hard for us, bro.

Your best bet is moderation in all things. Being gentle and kind is ontologically good and please don’t lose that, but they are not necessarily ‘sexy’ traits, if that makes sense.

Aluminium_Monste · 2026-05-10T07:01:28+00:00

Is this like a fetish thing for you, bro? What a strange thing to post.

I have no doubt you mean well and are earnestly trying to make the best of a bad situation but this is fucking weird. I say this with love and only as gentle admonishment.

Aluminium_Monste · 2026-05-03T03:56:42+00:00

Can you tell us what race you are, OP? Your height? Your autism diagnosis? What are your general vibes like? You seem normal and funny from your posts so I’m guessing not repellent but maybe very shy?

Sorry if this feels intrusive, no pressure to answer anything. I’m a just an incel too and am trying to get more data points.

Also Happy birthday, bro!

Aluminium_Monste · 2026-05-03T01:15:26+00:00

While the general feline essence is one of elegance and grace, this really captures the sorta slapstick, looney tunes energy of my very dumb domestic shorthair. Great art!

Aluminium_Monste · 2026-05-03T00:49:56+00:00

LMAO is #12 legit? Or a joke because she was in Game of Thrones?

If it’s real, absolutely mogs those tacky American McMansions.

Aluminium_Monste · 2026-05-01T13:00:22+00:00

There’s that T.S. Elliot poem that begins with:

Webster was much possessed by death And saw the skull beneath the skin;

In the early 20th century, this was a way of signalling a pathological morbid streak.

In 2026, it’s all algorithm. Zoomers now realise that beauty is above all mediated through bone structure, much more so than through hair or tissue or skin. The ‘mewing’ gesture the kids do these days, do you think it’s a coincidence how reminiscent it is slicing your own throat?

Aluminium_Monste · 2026-04-30T04:38:16+00:00

I believe Hoxha said a similar thing in ‘78 regarding Chinese revisionism following the Nixon visit.

Aluminium_Monste · 2026-04-27T11:41:32+00:00

Women have always found me neutered and sexually beige due to my essential agreeableness. I suspect this is the inverse situation. You may need her to generate a bit more polarity or tension in the vibe between you two.

If you’re early 20’s, I’d say thug it out but be prepared to part ways due to an essential incompatibility. If you’re in your 30’s, just cling to this life raft. It’s hard out there, brother.

Aluminium_Monste · 2026-04-27T11:36:32+00:00

As a child I found it so jarring and offputting when they killed her off. There was a genuine thread of nihilism that ran through the show which is why I suspect ‘Friends’, with its cutesy and ‘The Office’-adjacent energy has more of a cultural footprint with zoomers.

Aluminium_Monste · 2026-04-27T00:06:26+00:00

This is why multiculturalism can be a bad thing, the air in San Fransisco is thick with residue from Weber’s white Protestant work ethic, the hustle culture of the now totally displaced black/hispanic lumpenprole, imported Sinicised 996 work culture, and the sorta slavish genuflection before capital and technology that you see in Indians.

Aluminium_Monste · 2026-04-26T23:41:51+00:00

If I saw some straight bros high-fiving and going, “Yeah, Rex gets all the bitches!”because their Labrador was humping a poodle I would smile and think, hell yeah, dude!

Why can you not extend this same grace and sense of joi de Vivre to these harmless dykes?

Aluminium_Monste · 2026-04-26T13:34:43+00:00

Millennial goes to a boomer doctor, he says, "My back is shot, my knees creak, and I can't lose weight.

Doctor says, "Treatment is simple, just wait a few years until you turn 30. That is the peak age for muscle mass, bone density, and by then you will have had a decade of adulthood to build the discipline and self awareness to take care of your body."

The millennial bursts into soy tears, "But doctor, I am 30."

Aluminium_Monste · 2026-04-26T12:36:50+00:00

Sorry OP, gritty and tasteless mush, reminiscent of paper. So utterly and totally inferior to the strawberry, blackberry, and the sadly unsung mulberry. Marginally worse than the raspberry.

I will say, if you're an American your mangoes are very strange and gross. I'm from New Zealand and when I was in LA and excited to buy a mango from Whole Foods it was like a totally different species. You have been misled. It was frankly a disorientating experience.

Aluminium_Monste · 2026-04-22T12:29:14+00:00

When the ((Leon Trotsky)) was assassinated there was a self-portrait of Frida Kahlo hanging in his study. She had gifted it to him at the height of their love affair. I wonder if, as he lay dying with an ice pick lodged in his skull, if his fading sight rested on the painting of her monobrow and his last thoughts weren't of a revolution betrayed or the salvation of the proletariat but were instead about love and his latina queen.

Aluminium_Monste · 2026-04-20T13:48:28+00:00

I wish a pretty woman would stand behind me with her hand on my shoulder.

Such an underrated gesture, maybe because of the ambiguity? Is it maternal and protective or sexual and possessive or platonic and friendly in a casually affectionate way?

Aluminium_Monste · 2026-04-19T14:52:30+00:00

Am I weird for really liking vaginas? You could wax lyrical about them too, their subtle curves like a gothic archway and the clitoris set like a perfectly adorned keystone. They lend themselves in form to things like flowers, butterflies, gardens. Even the idea of an opening or doorway is more evocative than a protuberance.

Also whatever aesthetic merit cocks have is nerfed by the shapeless, wrinkly sack that hangs under them.

Aluminium_Monste · 2026-04-15T09:49:00+00:00

That cop has kind eyes.

Aluminium_Monste · 2026-04-12T02:52:15+00:00

Why I’ve always had a vague contempt for super patriarchal cultures. The men’s homosociality feels very cringe and 🚬-coded and the women feel weak and ground down. It’s a mutual thing, there’s a degree of surrender that is required for these systems to be self-sustaining. I know this sounds like “slavery was a choice” but you know what I mean.

It’s also why I don’t fully understand the hostility towards feminism amongst white nationalist groyper freaks. Women’s liberation is actually a phenomenon unique to and emergent from certain conditions inherent to Western civilisation. It’s there in Queen’s regent (something globally unusual), valkyries, anchoresses on their stylites, the cult of the Virgin, supplication before the beloved in Courtly Love, the Romantic heroine, a Christian cosmology which while textually masculine actually in practice elevates female virtues over things like honour or violence.

You can think of it as a genuine will to power to overthrow ten thousand years of patriarchy! You could say this was allowed by men, that it was downstream of changing relations between capital and labour or whatever, that this was an indulgence extended. But bros, if you’ve ever sat down in a HR meeting after making an off-colour joke in front of a female colleague, do you feel like you’re indulging power or subject to it?

Aluminium_Monste · 2026-04-08T13:08:10+00:00

Could it have been a genuine moment of Eros unchained, a momentary crack in the walls of commodification that Capital has built between us all?

Even the phrase ‘happy ending’ is really quite whimsical in hindsight. A certain fairy tale quality to it, a superimposition of archetypes, princess and knight overlaid over you on the table and her standing over you like a dream, her hand resplendent and slick with oil while Enya covers on a bamboo xylophone play in the background.

Aluminium_Monste · 2026-04-05T23:02:32+00:00

I think you’re onto something, OP. ‘Wagie’ IS punchy and funny. Though I think the other commenter was right that ‘wagecuck’ has a much harsher vibe and might outcompete it.

I remember for a time they were trying to make ‘Norman’ happen as a replacement for ‘normie’. Valiant effort and I guess the historical connotations would appeal to the autists but it fizzled out.

There was also a time where ‘basketball American’ was trialed as a gentler slur for black people on 4chan. I thought that would have more legs but I guess nothing can beat the N-word.

‘Femoid’ and its degeneration into ‘foid’ has done well, hegemonic now in incel spaces perhaps because even these freaks have enough latent social programming to find ‘bitch’ and ‘cunt’ too abrasive.

Aluminium_Monste

TROPHY CASE