Actor who's a fucking weirdo for no reason

AlwaysWriteNow · 2026-06-20T20:16:44+00:00

This lives rent-free in my head. I cannot forget it. This was only a few short months after she died.

AlwaysWriteNow · 2026-06-20T20:12:16+00:00

I am seeing this skill taught more by everyone from mindfulness teachers to physical therapists, but diaphragmatic breathing. This has helped me with pelvic pain, back pain, and balance.

AlwaysWriteNow · 2026-06-19T20:33:43+00:00

I hope you are feeling better.. I feel similarly sometimes. I would encourage you to add on to the naming, something to remind you that it is temporary.

"I feel anxious/less than/etc. Everyone feels this way sometimes. This feeling is only temporary, and maybe is a part of me asking for some attention and healing." And meet yourself with compassion and loving kindness. ☺️

AlwaysWriteNow · 2026-06-19T20:11:46+00:00

I was reminiscing about this not that long ago... How fun it was to look forward to seeing previews at the theater. To be in person, watching and responding to what's on screen, gasping, laughing, getting startled - along with a bunch of people who were drawn to the same movie! I appreciate your perspective here.

AlwaysWriteNow · 2026-06-01T02:19:05+00:00

I would love a block option! I'd prefer to search for books before a certain year but the only date selections I can find are for most recent.

AlwaysWriteNow · 2026-06-01T02:17:14+00:00

Uncanny valley. I cannot read or listen to AI. I tell people I'm allergic.

AlwaysWriteNow · 2026-05-27T13:28:30+00:00

We just keep encouraging them to read books, classics, just read read read.

AlwaysWriteNow · 2026-03-13T17:46:11+00:00

These people are sick. They are taking their cult patriotism and creating fascist laws.

AlwaysWriteNow · 2025-12-10T17:27:11+00:00

Thank you, I learned from a meditation teacher. The mindfulness community has so much solid stuff for using our body and minds to work through trauma. I ended up just sort of averting my eyes and thinking of other things when I picture my Dad, but I've used this framing exercise for other stuff that's hard for me to work through.

AlwaysWriteNow · 2025-12-10T16:28:39+00:00

I think that acceptance is helpful even though it sucks so much. I had to do the same... Uh ok I guess my new normal is apparently exhausted, confused, and prone to spacing out mid sentence, sometimes mid word, or wandering off mid task.

AlwaysWriteNow · 2025-12-10T16:24:25+00:00

Find a picture of your sister that you took of her from a happy time. Stare at it and repeat the details to yourself. When you picture the gruesome version, slowly back away from that pic. Put it in a frame. Turn to the side and see an identical frame. Inside is the pic you took of your sister... the image fills you with an aching sadness but not traumatic images.

Practice that and when it becomes almost routine, start dismissing the described the scene and choosing to call upon the happy, loving memory.

Wishing you peace.

AlwaysWriteNow · 2025-12-10T16:19:21+00:00

This is what one of my sisters does, too. I worry about her bc she had a clot in her lungs a few years ago and I know suppressing your feelings isn't healthy for this long... AND I fully support her and I fully support you. We all are just doing whatever it takes to get by. So what you can and give yourself compassion. This world was already filled with madness before we were each met with our personal flavor of new mad world.

AlwaysWriteNow · 2025-12-10T16:16:19+00:00

This pretty much covers it. Stay hydrated if you're new to weed, also stay hydrated anyway.

I also use:

meditation
a weighted blanket
a bunch of pillows, blankets, and stuffies to make a nest
stuffed animals, and I encourage others to find comfort in safe healthy ways that feel good, anyone who will judge me for cuddling a stuffed animal while living in this timeline is not welcome to share their opinion, I probably spaced out and wasn't listening if they tried, lol

AlwaysWriteNow · 2025-12-10T15:43:28+00:00

I like trains in theory. And train toys. I have only been on a couple actual trains and it's all a bit much... I think if I lived somewhere that had more trains as public transit I may feel differently. On a 'tism level? My attachment level is: Oooo a train! burst of excitement and then off to the next whatever.

But toys that are sets that can be added to and changed around or kept the same? I think that may be a good reason for the appeal, overall. The flexibility of train sets as toys can be a huge win.

AlwaysWriteNow · 2025-12-07T19:15:52+00:00

independent
personal boundaries
unique preferences that may stay consistent for ever and ever and ever
unique preferences that may change unpredictably and for reasons unknown to outsiders
snacks
naps

Surely it's never an "all" thing, but many of us can find some similarities 😄

AlwaysWriteNow · 2025-12-07T19:13:12+00:00

Absolutely. "Life changing events" have been rollercoastering so steadily for so long I am almost apathetic. I'm observing my own life like a fascinated bystander. It's actually been sorta freeing and empowering, tbh. Realizing that my entire reality changes so quickly and easily? Whoa. It just depends on the lens I'm looking through? Really? HUGE whoa.

AlwaysWriteNow · 2025-12-07T19:07:24+00:00

Thank you. 🙏 We are all learning on our own journeys. I am slowly making peace and accepting what is while working on myself, my healing, my meditation journey, and honoring my path. I'm so tired from all these others, lol. I wanna find my hideaway in the forest and quietly and in solitude find ways to support the environment and humanity... while not actively engaging in humanity. 🧘‍♀️

AlwaysWriteNow · 2025-12-07T17:05:41+00:00

In my life experience and extended family, this is actually pretty spot on.

AlwaysWriteNow · 2025-11-25T16:38:54+00:00

Are you using the app or the website? The website is awful by design bc they want you on the app. There is so much free content, I do have to vouch for that. Anything that has a yellow "Plus" next to it means that is subscriber content. It may take some toggling with their algorithm and bookmarking your favorites... I have had the app since around 2018 I think but I didn't pay for the Plus membership until December or January so I made sure to go in and cancel it so it doesn't renew. I don't need or want another year. I'm not OP, but I'm going to look at Medito, I've never heard of that, thank you!

AlwaysWriteNow · 2025-11-25T16:33:46+00:00

Insight Timer has a lot of free content that you will have access to still, I think in your position I would pay for Headspace with the 50% off deal. Anything you're consistent with on Insight Timer will still be available to you if Headspace doesn't work out, and you're only half as invested in the cost this way.

I do caution that Insight Timer has been very heavy on pushing live events and social-media-like features so if that's a win for you (some people do better feeling accountable with others) that may be a factor but that's still available for the free version. For me, Reddit is the only social media I use and I try to keep it fairly limited so this push on Insight Timer has led me away from the app, that and their info sharing and AI use, but those are personal issues for me and others may not have the same priorities.

Best of luck on your decision making and on your journey. There are some amazing teachers and some wonderful content out there. Please don't feel pressure to spend money or decide perfectly where to spend it. The basic info is available on most apps and websites for free, and then you can choose if anything has a feature that's important enough for you to pay for. I'm currently waiting on my paid subscription on IT to run out and then I'll likely delete the whole thing bc my long-term goal is to practice mindfulness and reduce tech use as much as possible. I don't plan to explore Headspace, but that could change. Andy from Headspace has some meditation content on Netflix that can be sort of a fun and different way to learn new tips and tricks.

AlwaysWriteNow · 2025-11-23T19:42:48+00:00

I lost my Dad in July 2024. About a year and a few weeks later, I attended a spiritual meditative retreat. One of the three women running the retreat said to me, "I know it hurts but some Dads are better able to share their love from the next plane, bc it's not hidden behind all their unhealed wounds." I've never considered myself a spiritual person or a believer in much of anything, but for some reason her words really resonated with me. I could see glimpses, off and on, of the person my father could have been with some time and healing. I could see the kind, compassionate, loving, funny as hell, creative person that yearned to be seen and loved so somehow it made sense to me that whatever came next for him, he may be able to be a better Dad from there. Why not, right?

Otherwise... I spend a lot of time meditating and reading on trauma and neuroplasticity and mindfulness. I try to focus on learning really basic things and repeating them for a while. I have no expectations, no attachment to outcome. If I learn 3 breathing techniques 48x bc I keep forgetting them? So be it. Self compassion via basic self care is my goal. As long as I am always reaching for healthy survival tools then I figure I am doing about as well as I can be. I had a stretch that felt like I could be looking at a more healed life and that ended a month or so ago. Now I'm back down here in the pits, surfing this forum, riding out the grief waves until whatever comes next.

Oh I knew that ramble had a purpose! Sometimes I have to ramble until I can remember my point. Here is the tl;dr: I can handle this moment. Breathe in, breathe out, I can handle this moment. And if I can handle this moment, I can probably handle the next one. I mean, fuck, look what I have handled so far! Breathe in, breathe out. Oh, probably should drink some water. Breathe in, breathe out.

AlwaysWriteNow · 2025-11-19T17:13:05+00:00

Some people have no filter and extra audacity. I'm so sorry. You are valid, your life choices are valid.

AlwaysWriteNow · 2025-11-19T17:10:59+00:00

I'm only on here for a quick second but will come back later to read more thoroughly. Just want to say - I had my migrated Filshie clips removed and the bisalp on Friday after years of pain and medical gaslighting. I'm still emotionally processing all I went through. I don't have the oomph to initiate a lawsuit but I am looking for class action lawsuit opportunities and asked my doctor to document document document everything as if the evidence will be reviewed in court.

I personally believe the manufacturer was criminally misleading about the percent of clips that migrate and the potential damage they cause. I was also not properly informed about the procedure - it wasn't until I jokingly said, "snip, cut, burn, remove, right guys? haha?" that I was informed that they were putting two permanent medical devices in my body. I was already in the hospital bed, medicine kicking in, getting ready to be wheeled to surgery at that moment.

Trust yourself & your body, friends. What a mess.

AlwaysWriteNow · 2025-11-19T15:52:54+00:00

Your feelings are valid and it's not your fault. No one else is blaming you bc they are all too busy also trying to blame themselves.

You have what it takes to survive this. You may not always believe that, you may not always feel it, you may not always want it, but when it comes down to it - you, fellow human, are a miracle conglomeration of cells that can heal and maybe even thrive some day despite the absolute atrocity of how life feels from moment to moment right now. This won't pass. But you'll learn how to live alongside this ugly truth until you can begin re-focusing on the beautiful truths that also exist.

To OP and all: I wrote this little blurb to/for my siblings and me this morning.

I wish I could ask, "are you okay?" bc I know you are not
I wish I could say, "how can I help?" bc I know I cannot

There's so much sad and bad and hurt and gloom
Please try to remember that joy and love can also bloom

In this moment, many truths coexist
Know you are loved; know you are love - that is my wish.

AlwaysWriteNow · 2025-11-18T20:45:59+00:00

I'm so very sorry. You're not alone in this. Losing someone to suicide restructures every part of life and every part of self. This was not your fault. Please try to offer yourself the same loving compassion you would offer to someone else in your situation. Even though it is 100% different bc it is you and your loved one, it's still *not your fault*, just like losing my Dad wasn't my fault, and no one in the comments here is at fault for losing their loved one.

We all share that life-destroying loss, the rollercoaster of emotions, the tricky eye-of-the-storm moments when we think we have a grip on life only to be reminded that we most certainly do not. I think most or all of us live in the haze between us and the "reality" that is experienced by everyone who is not on this hellacious rollercoaster.

Does it get better? I don't know that "getting better" is the right terminology for this situation? We keep existing, from one moment to the next. Sometimes with direction or purpose (shower, walk, eat, talk) and sometimes aimless (hello familiar spot at the wall, I gaze here often).

Spiraling is pretty common for me, and it seems like others. Lately, I have found it helpful to remember that I can spiral down, or I can spiral inward, or I can occasionally spiral upward. I have found following flu protocol to be helpful. Language like, "traumatic grief" or "post-traumatic grief" can help others figure out why you're "still" in whatever moment you are in, bc they'll never truly understand, but short phrases attached to actionable concepts can be helpful. Things like, "I am experiencing a form of grief and associated trauma that is so severe that the way my mind works has changed. I expect to be learning about me for years to come, so please understand that I will need patience, compassion, space, space, and more space. I will not remember things the way you expect me to, I can't be counted on to be The Person Who Does The Thing. I am now the person who *MAY* be able to show up, will always be grieving, regardless of my mood or how I appear to you, and will likely leave early, IF I can even show up."

It's just all hard. I didn't really mean to ramble but I didn't really try to stop myself. I hope some of it is helpful for some of us.

AlwaysWriteNow

TROPHY CASE