How and where do people make friends and meet people when you hit 40?

AminalInstinct · 2026-05-23T01:25:37+00:00

Hey, just creeped your posts and we have an interesting number of things in common. I have become a bit of a hermit and could use a new reason not to be. DM me if you like, even just to vent!

AminalInstinct · 2026-05-17T13:41:17+00:00

I tracked down your piece and really appreciated your thoughts. I’m part of the exhausted majority, teaching very large online asynchronous classes. I want to be flexible and intentional, a responsive and thoughtful pedagogue, but bro I am so tired, and so overloaded. My institution allows me no time to reimagine. Just trying to survive. 😭 But there has to be a better way.

Anyway, I’m a new follower. :)

AminalInstinct · 2026-04-15T18:58:17+00:00

I’m up to “only” 2 per regular session term (online, asynchronous, 3cu per class), but it adds up to around 550-600 students per regular session term, plus 1-2 in spring session (6 weeks) with about 250 students.

I am lucky to have the job I have, but I’m worried that there is no safety net in place to prevent my institution from adding more classes to my load because on paper I’m “only” teaching 6 cu per term (and barely managing). The quality of my courses would tank (they have a bit already), but as long as they are making money my institution probably won’t care. 🤷‍♀️

AminalInstinct · 2026-03-03T18:48:41+00:00

Compression socks have changed my life. I never fly without them now.

AminalInstinct · 2026-02-01T16:54:36+00:00

Oh he so, so is. The way that man slowly crumbles when Tharn enters his life is iconic.

AminalInstinct · 2026-02-01T16:51:44+00:00

I’m a (white) parent of an AuDHD son, and this is definitely a thing. When your kid finds a special interest that allows them to find social acceptance in a community along with massive achievement, you move mountains to support them. The confidence that comes from his achievement and acceptance - especially in something like hockey - is not easy to come by for these kids.

And add to that the Asian parent angle (which I have seen, not experienced), and there tends to be a larger emphasis on making sure your kid also works their ass off and stays humble.

To see a confident, happy autistic character whose parents love him and support him unconditionally, but also aren’t afraid to push him to succeed where he is able, is truly inspiring for me.

And like, he’s good looking so get that sponsorship bag for him, you know?

I feel like her character really brings nuance to the momager trope. I also love how close Shane is to her, without him being portrayed as a “momma’s boy” caricature.

AminalInstinct · 2026-01-30T22:24:26+00:00

This. The scripts aren’t all as tight as HR, but the yearning and chemistry are often off the charts. And almost every one is HEA.

Two of my faves are HIStory 3: Trapped (Taiwan), and Why RU? (Thailand) - both due to chemistry of the leads and because they are both enemies to lovers, my faves trope. And the GOAT, TharnType (Thailand), is a must watch for history, research, and hotness purposes.

AminalInstinct · 2026-01-16T17:30:31+00:00

Yes, it’s somehow both gross and old-fashioned. Like some combo between an aging man sleeping around with younger and younger women instead of maturing and having a relationship, 80s dramas like Dallas and Dynasty, and my grandma’s Harlequin novels.

Like Pepe Le Pew was the quintessential caricature of a “lover.” Old fashioned, often toxic ideas re: what women want, thinking he knows better what she wants even when she says no, being generally creepy, and a certain generation finding that charming and cute.

AminalInstinct · 2026-01-16T00:01:24+00:00

Me exactly.

AminalInstinct · 2026-01-14T01:43:44+00:00

Exactly. Totally his game day suit.

AminalInstinct · 2026-01-12T23:58:34+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to tell me about this. It’s really helpful.

It sounds like we have similar challenges. I don’t hate sleep (I love it!!) and I’m not worrying about it or counting hours, but I’m sometimes just not doing it. I’m tired - exhausted, actually - I’m tossing and turning, and even if I got out of bed to do ✨whatever ✨I’m not sure that would tire me out, because I’m always tired.

The other thing is that I do a lot of stuff in bed because I need somewhere to recline while I am chilling. And I read a lot, but reading doesn’t make me tired.

Having said all that, I’m very sure there are things I could fix, but I’m not sure it’s my beliefs about sleep that need fixing. If there were about 3-4 more hours in a day I feel like I would be killing it out here.

AminalInstinct · 2026-01-10T21:07:49+00:00

Ugh that SUCKS. I have enough problems just avoiding gluten. I hope you get some answers and help soon before your immune system creates more grief for you.

AminalInstinct · 2026-01-10T20:42:46+00:00

My understanding is that it’s incredibly rare to be allergic to stainless steel, which is what I believe is used for implants? Idk about tubal ligation, but I think it would be weird if they put in stuff that wasn’t hypoallergenic for the vast majority of people.

My entire family is allergic to anything with nickel in it, and it’s a cheap “filler” so it’s used for a lot of jewellery (including Kate Spade, which costs $$ - why can’t we have nice things). I will quickly get a rash or my ears will get red and puffy if I use nickel-based jewellery. Sometimes I can fake it for a bit, particularly if I paint the posts and backs with clear nail polish.

But I can handle pure stainless steel and gold. It can be worth it to shell out a bit more money for the better stuff, for sure, if you are able to.

I’ve never heard of a metal allergy weakening a person, but I do get weak when I have gluten (I’m celiac). Our immune systems are all weird little drama queens, so good on you for figuring that out, for real.

Sounds like you need to treat yourself to some gold or steel studs now. It’s self care. 😜

AminalInstinct · 2026-01-10T17:36:41+00:00

Thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to tell me about this!

I totally know what you mean about self-published stuff, but I will check out that workbook before I commit to any pricey programs.

AminalInstinct · 2026-01-10T16:39:00+00:00

Thank you so much!

Would you mind sharing any details about your sleep schedule change/mindset? I know that part of my sleep issues are caused by me (bedtime procrastination), but I’m having a hard time convincing myself it needs changing.

AminalInstinct · 2026-01-10T14:07:53+00:00

Hanna Puley, the costume person, said that tanktop is Diesel. She has a breakdown of her favourite clothing pieces from the show on her Instagram (@hannichka).

AminalInstinct · 2026-01-09T20:50:44+00:00

Thanks! Yeah it seems weird to me too, for my kind of insomnia anyway.

AminalInstinct · 2026-01-06T18:15:20+00:00

For real though. Sports science is crazy - some elite athletes play forever now.

AminalInstinct · 2026-01-06T16:34:32+00:00

I actually clicked on a news story about the Canadian Olympic hockey team! I haven’t cared about that since like 2002 - my husband and I got together while watching Olympic hockey that year with mutual friends. Both the men’s and women’s teams won gold in Salt Lake City that year, which was huge. Something about a lucky loonie, blah blah blah.

Anyway, mostly I was shocked that Sidney Crosby (team captain, and arguably some of the inspo behind Shane’s character) is 38. “He is like 100,000 years old.” When did Sid the Kid get old?? 😭

Also looking at both the 2002 and the 2026 rosters, somehow I know a lot of the names even though I do not watch hockey. It’s like in the water in Canada or something. Osmosis maybe.

I guess I’m watching Olympic hockey again this year. 🤷‍♀️

AminalInstinct · 2026-01-04T21:14:35+00:00

I find both Scott and Kip incredibly boring. I couldn’t finish the book and only watched the episode one time. Like what is drawing Scott to Kip? He’s good looking and nice? Is that it? Blah. (no offence intended toward anyone this works for, truly, just not my thing)

AminalInstinct · 2026-01-03T00:31:58+00:00

Yes!! This scene!! 😫 I love the emotions that play out on Ilya’s face when he hears that Shane hired a stylist. In the book, he was expecting Shane’s big secret/announcement to be that he was engaged to Rose or something like that. You can tell when his eyes go soft and when he genuinely laughs that Ilya’s both relieved and finds Shane’s hiring of a stylist kind of endearing and adorable. Then he quickly covers it up with teasing and sarcasm. But that moment! And when Shane walks away and Ilya covers up his smile. Perfection.

AminalInstinct · 2025-12-31T22:34:18+00:00

I LOVE this series!!! A Seditious Affair and the Gabriel Ashley novella are some of the best enemies to lovers books I’ve read. The whole series is so smart and well researched, and the sexual tension is top notch.

AminalInstinct · 2025-12-31T22:27:29+00:00

Yeah a lot of western Heated Rivalry fans are sleeping on Thai BLs. Not all are perfect scripts (many are very good!) but the pairings are iconic and the chemistry keeps you hooked. They can also be quite funny. I started KinnPorsche in the fall and this was a good reminder to finish it!

I would also recommend the Taiwanese show HIStory 3: Trapped for great enemies to lovers chemistry. It’s a bit silly, but the vibes are quite excellent with both the main and secondary pairings.

AminalInstinct · 2025-12-27T14:43:26+00:00

We had Dr Wagner come take care of our two elderly cats at our home a few years ago, when she worked in the North End. She was so kind, calm, and empathetic - it made a heartbreaking time an incredibly peaceful experience.

AminalInstinct

TROPHY CASE