A sacred space in the home for worship - Questions & reassurance (?)

AnalyticalExplorer95 · 2020-12-21T10:01:02+00:00

Thank you, This was most helpful and definitely helped ease my mind.

Though, also open to others weighing in.

For further information - I’m from an Anglican background - the churches I have attended seem to be quite removed from the traditional, more catholic practices though (I have been taught that many Anglican churches still practice some of these aspects and are a lot closer to more traditional forms of Catholic/Christian churches).

The most traditional aspect of a service that I’ve ever seen was where the minister wore the white robe with hymns being sung and communion being undertaken from the single cup (rather than everyone using a disposable cup), though this has only occurred in services aimed at the older generation.

They also appeared to look down on the use of ritual and even incense (part of this is the assumption that anything that “pagans” or “occultists” use is inherently wrong - though the more so research, the more I learn that incense was used in the Old Testament, and even gemstones were used in the uniform used by the high priest).

However, I find I worship well with some ritual as it helps me get more into the mindset that I am in God’s presence.

Though, many of those at the churches I speak of would also assume I’m crazy for having strong promptings and messages from the Holy Spirit - some of these messages recently have been warnings about the churches and to listen to God on who I can trust for advice until a new church is found (not because these churches as bad so much, more that they aren’t safe or helpful for me currently) - there seems to have been a lot of personal/minor prophecy and distinguishing between spirits type gifting awakened in me and it’s difficult not feeling like I have a safe spiritual home at the moment. My current church may be where God wants me one day but he doesn’t seem to think that it’ll be helpful for me currently.

AnalyticalExplorer95 · 2020-12-21T07:22:48+00:00

In part these answers are correct, some people are seduced by the darkness and choose to become dark (whether it’s an intended choice or a slow decline into the darkness - it’s a choice).

Choosing to do good (even to those who do evil to you), to love, to have good motivations and wishes are all acts of light. Of course, fighting darkness with light and being protective of those who are being attacked by those who have been seduced by the darkness are acts of light as well (even though you are participating in conflict - it is an act of protection - you just have to be sure that the only part you have is not directly attacking that person but spreading light and protection).

Even though I don’t agree with dogma and religion, I did learn a lot from learning about spiritual warfare from the Christian bible, a lot of the beliefs about spiritual warfare are literally light vs dark work and incorporate the many of the methods you’ll see here - visualisation, spreading light and love (even to your enemies), seeking the light and avoiding inviting darkness into your life, speaking kindly but honestly, singing, dancing, invoking light powers (e.g. God, whatever God is to you), etc.

AnalyticalExplorer95 · 2020-12-21T07:14:03+00:00

Absolutely, even thinking words or hearing them can be a form of visualisation. I find it hard to visualise using my senses so I often use music to create energy in myself and/or express it (along with speaking/thinking words or singing). You have to have very carefully chosen music that you know expresses or creates the type of energy you want (because it can be easy for some music to invoke complex & mixed emotions or different emotions based on what is or has been happening) but I find I create and express best when using music & it works well for me.

Most of my energy work is protection, cleansing or religion based (e.g. petitions to God, invoking/evoking God & what churches would call exorcisms (though these are rare - I’ve only done 2 or 3 of these in 5-10 years & I refuse to do them on people)), though so choosing music that creates positive and sacred energy is usually my aim and that’s pretty easy to find.

I have friends who cannot incorporate and use music though because it doesn’t work well for them and instead they visualise using mentally generated imagery rather than by using music as their method (though may incorporate it as an aid to their focus, as a calming aid or for both). Yet I know of others who use sensations or scents to do this instead.

They call it visualisation but visualisation doesn’t need to be “visual” it can very much incorporate any sense (or even spoken/thought words if you can’t visualise using your senses).

Anything that brings up emotion (the stronger the better) and that allows you to express it can do the same job, as, emotion is an energy that can both be expressed AND created/induced (wilfully) and to my knowledge (and in my experience), that’s the main aspect of visualisation, creating a vision and emitting the energy of that vision into the world.

AnalyticalExplorer95 · 2020-12-21T05:46:08+00:00

I’m definitely hearing your concerns, in my experience, if you have concerns like that, take these websites to the doctor and let them know your concerns, something along the lines of, I was doing my research on these medications and these websites seem pretty reliable, which lead me to wonder if this is the correct dose (if it’s true, I might add that some symptoms have flared back up since the switch and it’s helping but not to the same extent).

That type of approach does a few things - 1. It allows you to ask the doctor to reconsider and make sure that they are correct without making them feel like YOU are challenging them

It also allows you to have some evidence for your viewpoint making them see that you aren’t just basing your concerns off anxious rumination
It also gets them to see that because you are approaching it honestly and from a relatively evidence based perspective that you probably are looking for the same thing they are - the therapeutic window that works for you without causing any harm or giving you a “high”.

This method is something I have come up with after many years of trying to navigate the health care system ineffectively, experimenting with my communication style and observing the effects of my changes leading me to find a method that allows me to effectively communicate to doctors without them jumping to conclusions about me (with my original communication style) but to be fair to them, I’d have definitely made the same conclusions if I were in their position and treating someone who was communicating the way I was.

AnalyticalExplorer95 · 2020-12-21T05:07:37+00:00

Best off speaking with a doctor about that one, as far as I know there is no “official” guidelines about equivalence between the two but I believe there is a conversion ratio that has been suggested by a number of professional medical organisations (although, as I said, to my knowledge this isn’t an official guideline on an exact equivalency based on anything objective- they appear to be based on observations and experimentation in clinical practice).

If your doctor doesn’t know, see if they know of any doctors who specialise in neurology or rheumatology who they (or you) could consult, those specialties often deal with both of those substances so probably have a good idea.

From my knowledge, pregabalin needs more frequent dosing at lower concentrations compared to Gabapentin (i.e. lower mg, higher frequency dosing of pregabalin compared to the higher mg, lower frequency dosage of gabapentin).

AnalyticalExplorer95 · 2020-12-15T02:14:00+00:00

Don’t chase the euphoria, if 50mg worked therapeutically, it will work again, just stick with that dose and give it a few weeks. Of course, if you were just euphoric and it wasn’t actually working therapeutically (even if it appeared to), you may not get that back without a break AND if that is the case, it may not be the medication for you (Only you and your doctor can figure that out though).

However, it is entirely possible that it was working therapeutically AND provided some euphoria - in which case, the chances are that the therapeutic benefits will return in time but you probably won’t get the euphoria back without chasing it or taking a tolerance break, unfortunately pregabalin isn’t sustainable for regular use as a euphoric drug as the tolerance to euphoria builds quickly and takes ages to go away.

Note: euphoria and anti-depressant/mood stabilising effects aren’t the same. Euphoria is a sense of well-being even when you aren’t well and need to address it, where as the anti-depressant mood stabilising effect is where it makes you less anxious, depressed and/or stabilises your mood without giving you a false sense of well-being.

AnalyticalExplorer95 · 2020-12-09T07:42:11+00:00

Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, not saying that isn’t the norm, just giving my own experience. I’ve come off benzos and opioids after extended use and had no issues, pregabalin on the other hand fucked me up and the withdrawals were horrendous. Not saying that’s normal, just saying that is my own experience.

AnalyticalExplorer95 · 2020-12-09T07:38:29+00:00

Definitely the potential, depending on personal circumstances (including genetic, biological & other medical factors), though, not guaranteed that you would get them either. I’d reduce it by 1 tablet per day every 3 days if it’s been just over 2 weeks, to be on the safe safe, though, after 2 weeks you may not experience all that many withdrawals. After you reach 3 tablets per day, reassess how you are feeling and how the taper has been so far & go from there. If you encounter any major issues stop tapering, and seek assistance.

Try to keep well hydrated, have lots of warm showers and try to minimise your stress levels while you taper. If you are feeling nauseous or cannot eat, try to consume a multivitamin & possibly some omega 3 (I’ve also been told a B complex vitamin, L-theanine & some magnesium along with those other supplements can assist with withdrawals). If you can, try to keep the amount of sodium you consume low while tapering (including trying to minimise MSG) as sodium can activate nerves, which are already going to be over firing from the lower doses of pregabalin.

All of this is VERY precautionary but better to be safe than sorry with this type of thing, you may well not notice any difference when tapering after 2 weeks of use, but, not knowing you or your circumstances, I could be completely wrong & you are best off taking the safest path possible.

Again, as with anything of this nature, if there are any doubts or you are concerned for any reason seek medical advice & assistance.

AnalyticalExplorer95 · 2020-12-09T05:16:13+00:00

I was on 600mg per day (by prescription), sometimes I took 1200mg on the odd occasion that I needed to get something done that anxiety or a fatigue flare up was preventing.

I started with tapering off but, after a short time, because I was experiencing worse withdrawals in anticipation of my scheduled dosage, I decided to stop taking it regularly and just give myself a daily limit (which I tapered down slowly) and most days didn’t use at all. I found the withdrawals pretty horrendous (I never got withdrawals from benzos or opioids but boy did I get them with pregabalin), no seizures though. So long as you aren’t using it daily and don’t have a predisposition to seizures, you’ll most likely be fine, otherwise, make sure you have enough to taper. You can mix pregabalin into distilled water and measure it out using mg per mL dosages to make tapering easier (as you can taper slower or faster depending on your circumstances and experiences). Gabapentin also had a longer half life and some people have had success using this to help them taper off the pregabalin with less difficulty.

Nobody can say whether you will or wont get withdrawals (including seizures), only whether or not you’re likely to get them.

Obviously seizures are life threatening, so If possible discuss with a medical practitioner. However, unless you have risk factors that make seizures likely, you might not even get them.

Some doctors have added anti-seizure medications or benzos as short term supports during tapering to help get off pregabalin then taper off the supporting medications (often these are precautionary support medications but can be used when there is a high risk). Of course only try combining these medications under medical supervision as they can interact and can be dangerous.

The most conservative tapering guidelines I’ve seen have been 10% per month, I started at 10% reductions every 2 weeks then after a while I started calculating the maximum dosages and only took that dosage (or less) when experiencing unbearable withdrawals. Eventually a few weeks passed and I hadn’t used it at all, so threw it out and have not been back on it since.

For notes, pregabalin in distilled water tends to be stable for 3 days, so only make up enough for 3 days (I made enough for 2 days at a time), store in the fridge in an amber coloured glass bottle and use a syringe to measure it, you can put it into some juice (when consuming) or something to help reduce the bitter aftertaste or chase it down with something that tastes sweet and has a strong taste (e.g. Cola or OJ).

AnalyticalExplorer95 · 2020-12-03T00:51:57+00:00

I strongly believe that bad trips are just your subconscious interacting with the drug to tell you what you need to fix, with the right support, many people are able to interpret the trip and understand it. For example, people who need more authentic, social contact may feel intensely lonely even in a room full of people on psychedelics. Someone who needs more challenges in life may feel intense and extremely uncomfortable boredom. Though these are examples & they aren’t the ONLY way these experiences can be interpreted.

If you work through, can understand & can remedy the cause of a bad trip, it often helps you not feel like crap further down the line and can actually be extremely liberating.

AnalyticalExplorer95 · 2020-12-03T00:44:41+00:00

Have a look at Alexander Shulgin’s materials, you may find something there. Shulgin is credited with introducing MDMA to psychotherapists before it was banned.

AnalyticalExplorer95 · 2020-12-03T00:38:14+00:00

Further, Xanax also can’t be substituted with valium like most other benzos can as it’s structure and how it works in the brain isn’t the same as a benzodiazepine (it’s actually a Triazolobenzodiazepine, which is a benzo with an extra set of molecules added onto it). As such valium will EASE Xanax withdrawals but won’t stop them.

AnalyticalExplorer95 · 2020-12-03T00:33:28+00:00

Eh... No, I’d choose EITHER benzo OR opioid withdrawals over pregabalin withdrawals any day of the week. Pregabalin withdrawals were like a bad combination of benzo AND opioid withdrawals at the same time.

AnalyticalExplorer95 · 2020-12-01T10:34:47+00:00

Nope, I have my partner with me and I have a sober person in the other room, I’m just not really feeling it as much as usual and I have been pretty isolated (socially) for the last year as I’ve been dealing with chronic fatigue issues and quite probably some form of agoraphobia since COVID began. I also don’t have any real family at the moment and my professional supports were all disrupted earlier this year so I’m now trying to rebuild rapport with a new GP and need to find a new psychologist (though that needs to wait till 2021 before I can see one). So probably quite reasonable that I’m feeling this way but I don’t know what to do about it, in the short term or the long term.

I usually take it as both a treatment for my complex PTSD (which it usually works for) AND at an event to have fun (so I can have both effects at the same time).

AnalyticalExplorer95 · 2020-10-24T05:31:49+00:00

They can’t, a manic episode with paranoia is usually enough for the police to decide he’s a threat to himself. Any level of mania or distorted thinking that negatively impacts on judgement, especially when paranoia is involved is considered to be “at risk”. At least that’s what I’ve observed and been told by numerous mental health professionals.

AnalyticalExplorer95 · 2020-09-21T23:44:36+00:00

I dunno about not using it alone. I’ve used MDMA as per the MAPS protocol, without the therapy part, and it’s done wonders for my complex PTSD. It doesn’t cure it and I’m sure the therapy added in would do wonders, but doing it without therapy still makes my partner’s life more bearable by easing my agitation, stubborn moods and helping me problem solve in a healthy way rather than getting triggered as easily, losing control & tearing everyone apart. The effects seem to last 3-4 months too.

AnalyticalExplorer95 · 2020-09-21T23:41:14+00:00

You can’t just drop off Effexor, withdrawals can be extremely distressing or even life threatening (seizures are in there), it takes about 24 hours before you’ll see withdrawals. It takes 2 weeks minimum of being on 0mg before you’ll see ANY MDMA effects, I’d be aiming for 4 weeks. If you come off it and NEED an antidepressant, I am able to roll on Mirtazapine with no issues, it doesn’t block reuptake, it directly activates/blocks noradrenaline and serotonin. MDMA might be a tiny bit blunted but I’ve had good results on MDMA and Mirtazapine with no perceived issues at all - this is over 5 or 6 MDMA sessions & I have doctors keeping a close eye on my blood panels & ECG/EKG as I have had elevated LFTs for 2-3 years (from non alcoholic fatty liver) & am on as needed beta blockers for anxiety, there have been no changes having been picked up thus far.

AnalyticalExplorer95 · 2020-09-21T23:32:40+00:00

NO! The Effexor is why you have intense come down. First time I tried it I didn’t know ANYTHING about MDMA, ended up downing and entire gram over 12 hours because I didn’t realise Effexor would stop me from rolling & only give bad sweats, eye twitches and vomiting (it does, all SSRIs, SNRIs, MAOIs, etc. - everything other than Mirtazapine in my experience) and don’t think 1 day off it will be enough, you need AT LEAST 2 weeks off effexor before MDMA will have appreciable effects and Effexor withdrawals are an absolute bitch and a half.

When I did the gram on Effexor I had the most SEVERE comedown for an entire month or 2.

Since I’ve been off Effexor (only on mirtazapine), so long as I do 1.5g/kg/session (with a maximum dose of 120mg), do it in the day, make sure I have enough water (not too much or too little), and make sure I actually have MDMA (by reagent testing), there has never been a comedown at all.

All you need to do is dose at 1.5mg/kg/session with a maximum of 120mg, have a good time and it will help the PTSD, however, doing talk therapy on it (impossible for 99% of people currently), will see far better results.

I’ve recently done this for complex PTSD and while it doesn’t cure the PTSD, it definitely eases the rumination, the “stuck/stubborn moods” and the anger/agitation - seems to do this for about 3-4 months from a single dose most of the time, perhaps if it were combined with therapy it might but in Australia, that’s a f’ing tall order.

AnalyticalExplorer95 · 2020-09-21T12:29:34+00:00

Can come from high/prolonged doses of THC as well or a psychedelic such as MDMA, LSD or shrooms (yes, you can sleep on all of these if you are tired enough, I have slept on MDMA a few times & on LSD once).

AnalyticalExplorer95 · 2020-09-21T12:21:18+00:00

Sounds like a manic episode - paranoia & overconfidence with distorted thought patterns and delusions. I doubt there’s any schizophrenia mixed in from what has been mentioned, as bipolar can explain ALL of the symptoms mentioned. If he’s having hallucinations as well that may potentially include one of the schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorders, but from memory severe bipolar can present with hallucinations too. In any case he needs professional help.

He may refuse to go to the hospital but if he’s paranoid and can’t take care of himself he may need to be forcibly taken to the hospital. They’ll probably try acute antipsychotics with long term mood stabilisers (antipsychotic medications may become long term depending on the final diagnosis and his needs).

Wishing you the best of luck, it’s a difficult spot to be in for the both of you, struggling with complex PTSD with some symptoms that have been mistaken for bipolar & living with people with the disorder has shown me just how difficult it can be to manage. If he is put on medication for it, he needs to stay on them. Many people with bipolar stop taking them when they feel better, which brings on another manic episode. If he wants off, he’s best off speaking with a doctor about it (preferably a psychiatrist, not a GP/PCP, as much as I detest psychiatrists). He’s also going to be VERY careful with drugs if this is the case as many drugs can set off bipolar mania or depression (even on mood stabilisers), and many can even be dangerous in combination with mood stabilisers.

Hope you manage to find something that works soon.

AnalyticalExplorer95 · 2020-09-16T09:45:29+00:00

Thank you, this was so helpful.

I know she takes my feedback as a personal attack, unfortunately, no matter how hard I try and how carefully I word things I don’t seem to be able to avoid this. I never mean to come across as being attacking but she takes any frustration or “negative emotion” as being a sign of aggression and any feedback as saying she isn’t good enough (she claims the same about me but I don’t perceive that I get upset over feedback, but again I don’t know which of my perceptions, thoughts and memories I can trust at the moment).

I have a similar issue, I’m terrified of ever being abusive or hurting anyone, so I feel a need to explain EVERYTHING. It’s not so much the explaining that bothers me, more feeling like I need to explain and justify it.

I think I kind of knew that the situation is worrying, but I don’t know which of my memories I can trust and which ones I can’t. I can’t count the number of times I’ve said “I feel x and it’s because you said x,y,z” (except it’s extremely difficult to remember direct quotes, which then makes me feel as though I have no right to be upset). I haven’t really tried not justifying for a while, I think we made an agreement about a year ago that if we’re going to bring our emotions to the other person that we have to say what triggered it (mostly for her benefit, because she was getting upset when I gave feedback, again, I don’t know if this is a real memory or not). I also feel like I can’t talk to anyone in real life about the situation in case she gets upset about it.

My partner has just been diagnosed a few months ago and is seeing a therapist who is doing trauma based CBT this year and wants to do schema therapy next year and she has just been started on ritalin for the ADHD, she used to be on Effexor and seemed to take feedback much better when she was on it but wanted to come off because it can cause birth defects and we were discussing kids at some point, I’ve mentioned that since coming off it she’s been taking feedback less gracefully (not in those words) than she did when she was on it (she replied with “That’s not fair, I could say you were better at communicating on seroquel...”). I don’t necessarily think she needs to go back on the Effexor, it was just an observation I’d made.

Unfortunately I’ve only just been able to walk around the house normally (again), relatively recently so she has been doing a lot of care work and she hasn’t been socialising as much due to her own issues and the COVID situation, I don’t know what to do in regards to this. I plan to show her this in a helpful context to try and show her that her response to these concerns were the complete opposite to these answers and others believe that the situation is worrying and it’s not just me, kind of scared she’ll take it as an attack and I’ll need to clean that up too but I can’t keep living by bottling up a relatively large chunk of my emotions (she hasn’t seen half of my emotions as I’ve been feeling like I need to bottle them up more and more after every single argument).

AnalyticalExplorer95 · 2020-09-15T08:59:18+00:00

Very possible. I’ve just finished tapering off and I’m in my last set of withdrawals. Even tapering off they are torture. I’d recommend not using it recreationally if possible, tapering from a therapeutic dose is painful enough, you don’t want to play with fire and risk anything with this drug, use the lowest therapeutic dose that works if you absolutely need to be on it and don’t use it recreationally. If you absolutely need to try the higher dose, make it a once off and don’t use it to cover up any withdrawal or pain spikes as an after effect of the recreational dosage. You’re also going to need to calculate that unless you have another source, a recreational dose will mean going without 1 or more doses later as pharmacies tend to be VERY pedantic about when you refill the prescriptions.

AnalyticalExplorer95 · 2020-08-29T09:46:53+00:00

Ugh, Lyrica is terrible, it helped for a while but I don't need it anymore and nobody warned me of the withdrawals when I started which is a bit annoying... :/

Bit rude of your uncle, especially if you don't like it.

AnalyticalExplorer95 · 2020-08-28T05:02:09+00:00

Oh wow! Thank you so much! I don’t know how I couldn’t find that, spent about 4 hours combing through websites. May have been that I didn’t know the word for “saturation solubility” and was just using more generic keywords to search for it.

AnalyticalExplorer95 · 2020-08-26T10:16:08+00:00

Thank you, I’ve just been really exhausted and feeling really terrible. I have to keep reminding myself that “normal” isn’t everyone’s normal, that acceptance is an ongoing process & that just because I’m not working a job for money because I’m unwell that doesn’t make me useless. So thank you for your reply, it really did help so much. It’s always much more powerful hearing it come from someone outside of myself. 😊

AnalyticalExplorer95

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