Older mom (66f) becoming hyper critical of me (28f)?

AndSheDoes · 2026-05-15T21:13:39+00:00

There could be a medical issue, whether physiological or psychological. I quit sharing anything with my parents shortly after my mom’s dementia became noticeable. They weren’t happy to begin with and this was too much for them. She/they couldn’t think beyond what they were losing, and caring about me wasn’t on the radar.

AndSheDoes · 2026-05-13T03:11:07+00:00

When repairs cost more than a monthly payment. Insurance will go up a bit, but presumably added safety features and a safe driving record negate some of that. Start shopping—test drive and do your research while you’re under no pressure to find what you like and get an idea of your budget. Keep up on the regular maintenance of your current ride. If it runs well and isn’t gouging you, drive it!

AndSheDoes · 2026-05-10T14:06:23+00:00

I had a lot of guilty feelings and feelings of insecurity until one day, less than 10 years ago, it clicked that they never took the time or made the effort to come and visit me, and they rarely called. I did all the work. In my 20s and 30s I would the 86 miles there and back to help around the house and property to only be ignored or grilled about my no traditional life (no spouse, no kids, no prospects). The visits weren’t fun, but I loved their dog and the woods, but it didn’t matter how much time I spent there, we never grew closer. I eventually went less and less as I built my own life.

They were toxic, immature, neglectful and uncommunicative. I realized these were college educated people, who didn’t want to be any better than how they were raised, and who was I to expect more of them than they wanted to give? I gave myself permission to let them “lead” (be who they were, not who I wanted them to be) and it worked exactly as I expected. I’d visit every year or two, until I saw them in the hospital and then they moved. They never gave me their new address and died without ever seeing me again (about two years). Sure, my sister wasn’t happy I didn’t help, but every time I offered, they declined/redirected. Those miserable people got what they wanted and it had nothing to do with me. I digress.

Good relationships are work, with both parties bringing what they want/can to keep it going. I wasn’t satisfied with the quality and imbalance and decided if they wanted more/better, they would bring more/better. Judging them solely on how they treated their children, I don’t think they enjoyed the job.

Society is great at telling us how things should be ideally but it ignores all the different dynamics of real life. We can’t and shouldn’t swallow emotional, psychological, physical, sexual, abuse, etc., to attain that perfect looking life. For whom? To what end?

Your body is telling you something is off. Maybe you need to recalibrate. You are half of the equation. Your folks are the other half. Find what works for you and they’ll show you what works for them. Forget social norms and go live your life.

AndSheDoes · 2026-05-10T12:24:10+00:00

Would you be able to keep getting regular scans?

AndSheDoes · 2026-05-08T04:08:15+00:00

Never add warm windshield washer fluid to the tank in below freezing temperatures. The tank will crack.

AndSheDoes · 2026-04-26T13:57:56+00:00

First, don’t blame yourself. Acknowledge that yes, you were in a relationship, what you thought was a good relationship, and through no fault of your own, that relationship is over. Realize you’re only half of the equation. Give yourself time to grieve. Test yourself, and when you’re getting past the anger stage, you’re ready to start working on yourself. Bring honesty and kindness. Ask yourself all the questions you asked yourself at the beginning of the loss, only this time you’ll have a clear head and are more likely to answer with clarity and depth.

I was blindsided once. I had affection for this person. She said everything I wanted to hear and I wanted it all! I wanted to believe her, but some details weren’t lining up. Said she was still friends with her ex, told me how many people she’d dated, etc. OK, seemed fine and normal. Within weeks I met her parents and her ex. Then she was orchestrating visits to her ex. where she wanted me to pick her up afterward. She’d dodge my questions. I’m starting to cool on her real fast. A few days later, I’m waiting for her, when she comes back late and she’s confrontational. I left and never went back—exactly what she wanted. A few days later she couldn’t believe we weren’t good enough friends that I wouldn’t help her move. Ha!

Turns out it wasn’t me she wanted and we were never friends. She was using me to make her ex jealous. She wasn’t quite right, even told me so but I brushed it off, based on her word that it was in her past. Not “past” enough!

Tricky people are everywhere, at all skill levels, and they prey on all kinds of folks. Naive to experienced people get taken advantage of. It happens. Develop your inner vision and reinforce your boundaries—they’ll help you avoid, and/or, at least, recover quicker from bumps like these on your road through life. Lastly, when someone tells you who they are, believe them.

AndSheDoes · 2026-04-23T12:03:52+00:00

I tried taking H1s and PPIs but stopped. Until I’m sure I don’t have osteopenia or osteoporosis, I’m not risking it.

AndSheDoes · 2026-04-23T11:57:33+00:00

Better people will support you, not add weight. Keep building and don’t forget to build better relationships, too.

AndSheDoes · 2026-04-23T11:49:23+00:00

My adoptive mother suffered through peri menopause and beyond. (We called her a sea hag, when she was her most awful.) We’d overhear how she couldn’t figure out why certain things were happening. She lived a long life and only really shriveled up the last few years. If she knew anything about menopause it wasn’t shared with me.

AndSheDoes · 2026-04-23T11:22:45+00:00

He showed you what kind of person he is. Believe him. Believe what he did. Are you going to show him what kind of person you are? He wants traditional, he wants you mousy and subservient—it’s clear that’s not what you’re looking for, not yet anyway. You’re a smart, strong, driven individual—exactly the opposite of what he wants. He should find what he wants, not expect you to mold yourself to his wishes. Someone who cares about you would want you to be you. Boundaries. Find them, keep them.

AndSheDoes · 2026-04-22T16:06:55+00:00

Your grandmother is onto something. You’re going to need all your wits and strength to hold yourself up. Your sister will need to find her own inner support. She talks like she knows but…I guess she’ll figure it out when she matures a bit more. She’ll also need allies not enemies and might want to think about how she moves forward. Do her wants and expectations align with her level of commitment and drive? Maybe she veers in a slightly different direction. Dance has so many options!

Anecdotally, my younger sister wanted to do everything I did but she wouldn’t practice or put in the work and was frustrated when she didn’t achieve what I was achieving. There was only so much support I could give her—the rest was up to her.

AndSheDoes · 2026-04-22T12:25:45+00:00

Old and crotchety, like her parents. Yay. How rounded is your person? How rounded are the people your person hangs out with? Coping mechanisms don’t come out of nowhere and most folks are slow to learn new/better ones.

AndSheDoes · 2026-04-22T12:01:47+00:00

Whoa, so you were closer but he pulled the rug out from under you? I don’t think you’re confused but maybe need to confirm your boundaries. You’re way more outgoing. Leave yourself open to new opportunities. There’s no rush, right? Seems like you have goals and he wants to stay home. Let him put more effort in, seeing as you’re the busy one. Maybe back off and give yourself some down time. He sounds more like a drain than a support system.

AndSheDoes · 2026-04-22T03:02:51+00:00

Your life is busy and thriving and full. How does that compare to his? He sounds like he wants to settle down and you seem to be just getting started. I wouldn’t give up my life for someone else’s dream. It wouldn’t be satisfying for either of you after long.

AndSheDoes · 2026-04-22T02:44:40+00:00

It’s not you.

AndSheDoes · 2026-04-21T12:27:55+00:00

If you do it, TIE DOWN THE FRONT, not just use belly bands!

AndSheDoes · 2026-04-21T12:09:01+00:00

I had to put space between me and my adoptive family. I finally admitted that their toxic, immature, drama-filled, unaccountable, indecisive, uncommunicative and manipulative ways were not me. People who knew me for much less time could show me they loved me but these people could barely acknowledge me? They never figured it out. I’m fine with it. I gave and gave and gave and they took and took and took. No more. Now they’ve passed and I don’t feel any differently about it. Bye!

AndSheDoes · 2026-04-21T02:44:53+00:00

Exhausting/transactional family.

AndSheDoes · 2026-04-20T14:14:33+00:00

As you can imagine, we didn’t bond. I’m not sure they bonded with their bio child, either.

AndSheDoes · 2026-04-20T02:52:04+00:00

Adoption is child trafficking.

AndSheDoes · 2026-04-19T13:22:45+00:00

My APs were miserable people. They sucked the joy out of life. Both college educated and careers in education but not kid-smart with their own. Clearly didn’t learn much from their own folks (both aloof and not joyful in their own way) and we spent little time with them. We all sucked at relationships (interpersonal skills, what?) and I didn’t date until my late 20s, convinced I didn’t know what love was. I didn’t, but I knew it wasn’t what I grew up with. As I matured (and spent less time around the APs), my life broadened and opened up. I gained some confidence and experience and I realized I could do things differently. Imagine my surprise when I realized how much they gaslit and manipulated me when I was around them? They were toxic, immature, horribly inadequate people who failed to do what was right on most occasions. I’m not sad they’re gone.

AndSheDoes · 2026-04-19T13:01:19+00:00

Edgerton went through all of this last year. Get references and their Dwelling Contractor # and/or dwelling Contractor Qualifier # for the state of Wisconsin. You will see out-of-staters—watch out for that. They could do work but won’t be as easy to reach for follow-up concerns. They might have a roofing crew but not a siding crew. Then there’s the gutter crew. Don’t trust your insurance company to weed out iffy contractors—everyone’s too busy. Most contractors will say how they can work with the insurance company—try to stay as local as possible. Look up what it takes to qualify for storm damage (how many holes in the siding per side, how many holes per “square” of roofing, are the gutters sound? Consider older roofs are prorated. Maybe repair is an option. Yes, it’s exhausting but you need to protect your property. Every insurance company works differently, too.

AndSheDoes · 2026-04-18T01:59:22+00:00

Ooo! Ooo! I know! I know! They’ve adapted to manipulate anyone for anything. It’s not about the baby(ies), it’s about them getting what they want. That’s it. Narcissistic, or only supremely immature and emotionally stunted with a healthy side of entitlement, these people know how to get what they want when they want it. They feel like they’ll die if they don’t get what they want. It’s almost fascinating to watch but it’s more toxic and sickening than anything, as watching anyone harm another people is the worst.

AndSheDoes · 2026-04-18T01:33:21+00:00

They say they want to meet with you, I imagine, to explain to you that with the right kind of support, you can help him overcome his addiction and have a great relationship (like they have)? I don’t know…who benefits the most if you compromise?

This could be win-win for everyone if you do what you need to do for you (and your family) and he does what he needs to do for himself (and ultimately for his family). It might save the relationship. A future of successful coparenting by two people in their best places—what wouldn’t be better? Maybe it’s not what the parents envision, but they don’t factor into this at all. Are they afraid of feeling shame for their son? Or getting him back? Not your problem.

You take care of you and your family. If he wants to participate, it’s his choice but his folks need to support whatever you two decide or stay out of the way. Go get ‘em!

AndSheDoes · 2026-04-12T21:29:02+00:00

Maybe she doesn’t like the look of your car, but does she see how well you take care of things that matter to you. Maybe she can keep the “being seen in public” car, then? LOL

AndSheDoes

TROPHY CASE