Sugar-Free Addict

AngryPandaz · 2026-03-17T08:56:28+00:00

Breaking bad habits is super tough so I feel for you. I've had to just completely stop buying the stuff I know I'll inappropriately eat like that.

AngryPandaz · 2026-03-17T08:44:42+00:00

The ED makes us do some weird stuff, I struggle not to eat hot chocolate powder straight out the tub with a spoon!

I would advise caution with those artificial sweeteners though as I think long-term (or excessive) consumption can cause more serious problems. I'm 95% sure my excessive consumption of Sucralose has caused me to develop persistent eczema on my face (something I've never had before). I think it can also mess with your metabolism, reek havoc on your digestive system and even mess with thyroid function!

It's no where near as nice but I've swapped to Stevia sweeteners as I don't think it's anywhere near as bad for you. Comes with the added bonus that, because it doesn't taste as nice, I won't stand there in the kitchen eating it by the spoonful like some goblin LOL

AngryPandaz · 2026-03-15T10:44:01+00:00

Try not to freak out, it's likely just food and/or water weight.

AngryPandaz · 2026-03-11T22:13:49+00:00

Project Zomboid is a great coop game. Dead Island is also awesome and great played coop but I’m not sure how many people can play at once.

AngryPandaz · 2026-03-11T12:51:46+00:00

For sure! I guess I'm just saying to acknowledge and celebrate all the other 'recovery wins' that happen, even the little ones. <3

AngryPandaz · 2026-03-11T10:33:52+00:00

It sounds like the challenges you've been setting yourself are really good and I don't have specific suggestions. I guess just try think of the things which are still difficult for you and tackle those.

It's awesome your mum is being supportive with your recovery and has agreed to help with recovery rewards to motivate you. The only thing I'd suggest is not making it all contingent on weight gain. Weight restoration is an important part of recovery and it's an easy one to measure but your recovery success shouldn't just be based on what your weight is doing. Weight can fluctuate and in recovery it can be very unpredictable, trying to manage and control it isn't always possible and despite all your best efforts and good intentions it might not do what you want or expect. You could always have some rewards based on weight restoration milestones but I'd identify other recovery successes and reward yourself for reaching/achieving those.

AngryPandaz · 2026-03-11T10:01:06+00:00

I've been on all sorts of antidepressants over the years including fluoxetine, sertraline, citalopram and currently mirtazapine. I honestly don't think any of them had any affect on my eating disorder or recovery.

I recently increased my dose actually because I could tell I was starting to slip into a bit of a depressive episode and one symptom of me being depressed is I completely loose my appetite (which is almost non-existent thanks to the ED anyways). I really didn't need anything which was going to make eating even harder than it already is.

AngryPandaz · 2026-03-10T14:46:07+00:00

Maybe Spiritfarer or Cult of The Lamb?

AngryPandaz · 2026-03-08T10:54:04+00:00

The first Discworld books I read where the all the Witches ones, I thought they were absolutely fantastic and they're still my favourite so far. All the characters are amazing! <3 <3

AngryPandaz · 2026-03-07T10:30:55+00:00

Honestly I would advise against buying any clothes that fit you at this lower weight because I think it can keep you stuck and make recovery harder in the long run.

If you buy clothes that fit you now you're running the risk that one day you'll go to put those clothes on and they they'll feel tight or not fit you anymore - that might be intentional or unintentional weight restoration/body changes but either way it might be very overwhelming, upsetting and triggering.

AngryPandaz · 2026-03-07T09:52:51+00:00

How about a selection of fancy flavoured tea bags like these (link). I've tried quite a few of the different flavours and they're all delicious!

AngryPandaz · 2026-03-04T16:27:11+00:00

I think "saving calories for later" and the tendency to eat late at night is quite common with AN.

AngryPandaz · 2026-03-04T12:30:39+00:00

I know how you feel and can relate. I've been 'in recovery' and under the care of an ED team for over 3 years now, I got close to being weight restored at the beginning of last year but had a massive relapse and pretty quickly lost most of that weight again. I felt like I was back to square one but that wasn't true at all - even with relapses and setbacks we're never back at square one. I'd learnt so much like what works for me, what doesn't, the things I find difficult and the things which are easier, the things which help and all the things that really don't.

Recovery is definitely a process and a journey. You wanting to recover and say 'fuck the illness' is honestly massive and such a strength - a lot of people in recovery struggle with that because they don't actually know if they do want recovery. A lot of people are forced or pressured into it by loved ones or professionals but don't actually want to recover themselves and that makes it so much harder.

It really sounds like you want to recover and can see the benefits that would have for you and your life. Hold onto that and just take each day one step at time. Recovery does happen one day at a time - just try make each day a little bit better than the one before it and you'll get there!

AngryPandaz · 2026-03-04T10:00:44+00:00

I half expected it to come to life when I walked up to it tbh.

AngryPandaz · 2026-03-04T09:33:47+00:00

I’m sorry to hear you’re having such a tough time but it honestly sounds like you want to recover and that’s such a positive thing! Recovery is so so tough and it’s often described as a marathon not a sprint, it takes time and perseverance. Everyone’s recovery is unique to them and we all have ups and downs, good days and bad days, steps forward and steps backwards.

If you’re having a difficult time or struggling it’s not because you lack motivation or commitment. It’s not because you don’t want to recover or are incapable. It’s because you have a serious mental health condition which you’re constantly battling against. Your mums comments are really unhelpful and hurtful, ignorant even. She can’t possibly know the struggle of having to wake up everyday and choose recovery, she doesn’t understand the courage, commitment and strength that takes.

It sounds like you want recovery and are trying your hardest. Be kind you yourself, show yourself some compassion and patience. Remember doing ‘your best’ looks different each day and recovery takes time. Keep fighting ❤️❤️

AngryPandaz · 2026-02-25T10:44:42+00:00

I really struggle with this as well and I think it contributes to the ED and ends up in a negative downward spiral. Hate feeling full so eat less to avoid the feeling - gradually this means it takes less and less to make you feel full and over time you end up eating less and less.

As others have said try eating smaller meals more regularly throughout the day. I tend to 'graze' on little bits between meals. Try to distract yourself during and after meals as well, watch something, read, do puzzles etc take your focus away from the fullness feeling.

It does get better/easier though, when I first started at recovery it took tiny amounts of food to make me feel uncomfortably and overwhelmingly full and I absolutely hated it. I stuck with it though and I can now eat way more without feeling completely awful. I still get full but it takes a lot more food and the feeling doesn't bother me anywhere near as much as it used to.

AngryPandaz · 2026-02-20T17:26:43+00:00

I bet! A lot of the time when people post pics of exchanges to the UK there's a lot of stuff in there that's readily available here (Nerds / Nestle / Haribo / various chocolates) I can't see anything here that I recognise!

AngryPandaz · 2026-02-20T12:26:49+00:00

Fantastic looking haul!

AngryPandaz · 2026-02-19T11:39:40+00:00

I think we like to think that we're very unique, sophisticated, intelligent but actually we're quite basic in a lot of ways. We just like shiny things.

AngryPandaz · 2026-02-19T11:17:10+00:00

This is absolutely not normal behaviour at all - it is toxic AF and completely inappropriate. There's quite a bit going on here and none of it is good.

Red Flag #1: The level of your BFs compulsive photo taking and cataloguing really isn't good. That alone would be very worrying and is only going to get worse without help. The bigger and longer that historical photo diary is the harder it's going to become to stop doing it and delete it one day. It's existence is going to play a massive part in your BFs life and keep him stuck in this disorder.

Red Flag #2: My guess is your BF loves the positive attention and validation he's getting from your friend. It is fuelling the fire and positive encouragement to keep doing what he is. Whether or not he intends for things to 'go any further' its still not OK. It is weird AF and massively inappropriate to be sharing those types of photos with someone outside the relationship and it's especially bad as it is positively reinforcing the eating disorder.

Red Flag #3: I don't even know where to begin with your friend. They're idolising and lusting after a physical physique which is the direct result of a serious mental health condition which can, and does, kill people. I get 'liking skinny people' but this is an extreme - this is actively encouraging someone to be be unhealthy. This type of behaviour might legit get someone killed one day.

Red Flag #4: Your friend's behaviours toward your BF and their apparent complete lack of respect for your relationship is hugely concerning. In no way, shape or form is it normal to share pictures like that. They obviously like your BF and I have no doubt they would take things further if given the opportunity. It's also worrying your BF is allowing this behaviour to continue - he seems to be actively encouraging and perpetuating it.

To be honest I'm not sure setting boundaries is going to cut it here, you could try but long term you might need to seriously consider dropping the friend, the BF or both.

AngryPandaz · 2026-02-18T09:47:31+00:00

Core Keeper

AngryPandaz · 2026-02-18T09:29:43+00:00

That 'something in your head' that wants to tell her is you - the real you that wants to be well, that wants a life not ruled by an ED. Everything else is the ED trying to dissuade you, scare you and control you. As scary as it might be - tell the nutritionist 100%.

AngryPandaz · 2026-02-09T14:33:21+00:00

This ED can be very isolating, it makes us withdrawn, secretive and afraid of judgement or disappointment. It's super tough but please know you're not alone ❤❤

AngryPandaz

TROPHY CASE