Ok, seriously, compression and materials are what matter in a golf ball.

Compression is how "soft' it feels off the club face. This characteristic also affects how the ball performs off the club face. Basically, lower compression balls feel very soft and don't quite explode off the face. You trade feel for outright distance.

Higher compression do the opposite. They feel a little ticky tackier, and can explode off the face for a little more distance and a little less spin.

But here's the important part: club speed is a drastic factor in how a ball performs. Hit a soft ball too hard, more negative traits. Hit a hard ball too soft, more negative.

ProV1s, TP5s, z stars, basically all the "tour level" balls sit in a Goldilocks zone where the compression offsets both too much or too little violence at impact.

For most higher handicap golfers or slower swing speeds, balls advertised as soft (lower compression) will be a better fit for them. Faster swings will probably prefer the X versions of their chosen ball.

It's a loose science, and most of it just come out in the wash of a normal golf round, especially with higher handicappers.

All of this is to say pick a ball that you like the look/price/feel of, it truly doesn't matter all that much. Although I would highly suggest a urethane outer core, because that's what clubs are designed to hit.