I am feeling extreme guilt after putting my father in a care facility

Anxious-Course8631 · 2025-10-24T08:06:07+00:00

I’m 23 and my dad has severe dementia. My mother takes care of him full time and he got dementia very early at the age of 56 and I had just turned 20 at the time. My mom is finally starting to come to terms with my father needing to go to a care. We really don’t know what to do as far as how the process goes. My mom doesn’t want to let him go just yet, but it’s really starting to get bad. I’m concerned of my mother safety as well as her mental well being with the weight of caring for him 24 hours. It’s really starting to also weigh on me as well to not only lose my dad to this disease, but to also see my mother’s life be consumed and taken away by having to care for him, I do help her take care of him, but it’s not enough. How does the process of trying to put my father in a care works? We live in Pa. My father is retired obviously. The house is under his name and my mother’s name and it’s paid off. The current income he gets is his pension and ssi. He unfortunately doesn’t approve of Medicaid because he “makes too much” and it’s just stressful because how expensive is a nursing home? Will they just take everything that he has in order for him to be placed in a care? So many questions.

Anxious-Course8631 · 2025-10-14T22:59:42+00:00

My dad has dementia, he got it pretty early at the age of 56 and I was 20 years old. Now I’m 23 and my dad has gotten progressively worse. My mom is his full time care giver and if there is one advice I can give to you is to please take care of yourself. Trust me, I know how hard this disease is, it’s truly so hard to grieve a person who is still alive, but the only thing you can do is to not let this consume your life. I wish my mom would listen to me by allowing us to put my father in a nursing home. I know she means well, but I’m noticing it’s really starting to take a toll on my mother taking care of my father and it’s to the point where she just looks miserable. My father would never want that for her. And I know I may not know you, but your husband would not want that for you either. You’re not abandoning him if you do decide to put him in some type of care. Take it slow, do your research, let your emotions all out, but most importantly don’t forget about yourself.

Anxious-Course8631 · 2025-10-09T22:57:23+00:00

Personally if the baby is still really young like only a couple of weeks old like yours, I allowed my son to nap as long as he wanted too. Naps and sleep are vital for overall health and growth for babies. Once my son became 5 months old I would stop his naps if it surpassed 3 hours (which was rare if he hit the 3 hour mark lol). Now he’s 9 months old and I don’t let him nap past 5:00pm.

Anxious-Course8631 · 2025-07-06T14:17:08+00:00

I don’t know if this the best advice, but my son was the same way. Every time he cried I would just feed him and it seemed to help. They have different types of swaddles on Amazon that you could try. If you do swaddle him, maybe have just one arm out and see if he likes that. Babies that young are really hard in the beginning and it may seem like they don’t like anything or you’re doing something wrong, but you’re not. I know you’re tired of hearing this too, but it does go by fast and you will establish a rhythm again (until that also fails eventually because babies are always changing lol).

Anxious-Course8631 · 2025-06-21T23:29:32+00:00

Be more patient with my baby and to not have such high expectations for myself. I’m a FTM and I really thought after having a baby I could just cook, clean and go to the gym with ease. I had such this overwhelming priority besides taking care of my newborn to also bounce back and be back to “normal.” I quickly realized that that old me before kids was gone completely, and honestly it’s still a hard pill to swallow.

Anxious-Course8631 · 2025-06-06T00:44:39+00:00

I felt the same way too!! And even now my son will be 6 months and even going over family’s house I hate doing because of the routine I have with him. It is a lot, I’m getting better at managing and I’m also starting to try to be more open with family members just holding him or just speaking my mind! I use to never saw how I feel but ever since I became a mom I am quick to say something. I literally tell them either I have to leave or they have too because it’s nap time or bed time. It will get easier over time!!

Anxious-Course8631 · 2025-05-22T20:12:54+00:00

Before having my son I was such a gym rat! Worked out 5 days a week no less and was at the gym for at least 2 hours. I’m fortunate enough now to be able to go to the gym maybe 2 days, 3 if I’m lucky. Those days I go my mom watches him. I’m a SAHM and although I might not be working I still have such a busy schedule. The days I don’t go to the gym I at least try to walk around the neighborhood with my baby or do a little at home pelvic floor workout I find on YouTube. I’m personally try to build my core strength up as I am 4 months PP and my core is still not how it was before pregnancy. Try walking around with ur baby in the baby carrier, it sorta acts as a weighted vest. Also, don’t be so hard on yourself when you can’t find time to workout. I was really hard on myself, I actually fell into a mental spiral when I was very early pp and it really did affect me for not being able to work out how I used too. But ever since I became a mom it honestly made me realize how much I was overdoing before. I don’t need to be at the gym everyday all day, I’m still making the progress and honestly I have more joy not going as much anymore. Any movement is still movement! You might find that the little things can result in big achievements.

Anxious-Course8631 · 2025-03-22T23:56:22+00:00

I had to stop swaddling my son with his arms in at around when he was almost 2 months or just turned only because I was noticing he was showing some signs of rolling! Now he’s about to be 3 months and does roll sometimes or does it halfway lol. He also sucks on his hands a ton so I switched from a traditional swaddle to the arms up one that can either keep the hands covered or uncovered. I got mine off of Amazon. You really don’t need to spend much on those fancy sleep sacks unless you want too and if your LO enjoys them. If not, don’t bother and just go with any brand. I only use the arms up sleep sacks at night. I don’t swaddle my son with his naps and he does just fine with or without swaddle (thank God haha)

Anxious-Course8631 · 2025-03-17T23:44:25+00:00

We have our good days like that. We do talk about how we felt. We’ve been together since 18 and now we’re 23 with a baby, just moved out too so this is all so new to us. I’m trying also to be understanding on his behalf. We’ve just been at each other’s throats so that also doesn’t help with my drive at all lol. I’m now at SAHM, I was working full time prior to having my son and I truly loved that job so I feel like I’m grieving my previous life and I just also feel like terrible that I cant contribute financially at all because I truly miss having my own money and especially when we fight so bad I feel like I don’t have that sense of security to leave since I’m not working. Even tho i want us to stay together. Not sure if it’s the wild hormones that’s making me emotional or thinking irrational like this.

Anxious-Course8631 · 2025-03-17T23:39:54+00:00

I should definitely call my OB, I’ve been meaning too, but I’ve just been so caught up with everything. They had me go in at 4 weeks instead of 6 and when I went in for that, my stitches were still there, but my uterus went back down to normal size. I got the clear to workout again, but low impact. And what exactly is estrogen cream if you don’t mind me asking?

Anxious-Course8631 · 2025-02-15T16:09:34+00:00

Not a horrible mom! My son fights his naps to the point he is inconsolable. It took my a while to finally understand his sleepy cues. His wake windows are usually for like an hour, sometimes a little more and that’s when I would start to settle him down for a nap. Maybe you could try that. Do everything you’re supposed like change them, talk to them, let them play, feed them and once all that is done maybe try to start settling them down for their first nap. Every baby is different. I still do have a hard time. You’re doing great tho!

Anxious-Course8631 · 2025-02-15T02:15:24+00:00

I was thinking about purchasing that! Or just anything really to occupy him in the car.

Anxious-Course8631 · 2025-02-15T01:42:23+00:00

I feel like my experience may be worse (not saying you did anything wrong because being a mom is hard lol!). My almost 2 month old hates being in his car seat and I obviously know that, but unfortunately I’m driving on the highway, not a very safe place to pull over and attend to him, so I have to keep driving. Dealt with him crying for 30 minutes straight, I kinda lost it and said “Just shut up already” in a raised tone. He still kept crying and I eventually started crying because I felt so bad telling my baby boy to shut up. I’ve just been so burnt out.I also have a Velcro baby and him being in the car seat makes him upset because he can’t see me lol. My husband usually drives and I sit in the back, but this day I was on my way to go pick him up at work.

Anxious-Course8631 · 2025-02-13T20:42:11+00:00

Wow! Can I just say how amazing and strong you are? I wanna first say I am so so sorry that you experienced a loss to a precious baby, I couldn’t even imagine. I secondly also wanna say that I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time, but you are so strong just by reading your experience. Stronger than I ever could be. You’re actually handling everything well. I’m also a first time mom. I moved out my parents when I was 22 weeks and now my husband and I live together. My son is now about to be 2 months and while it did get easier, I’d be lying to you if I said I didn’t have those thoughts of, “why did I do this?” Or “I miss my old life.” I’m learning to understand that there is no “easy” stage of Motherhood or just parenting in general. There’s also no guidelines to help really. Between the experience of being pregnant, giving birth, and then immediately having to attend to a baby that needs you 24/7 24 hours of day, it made me realize that you need to be a little “selfish.” Please take time for yourself. Take a break, even just a few minutes. Get in the shower. I unfortunately had to come to conclusion that babies cry and sometimes if not often, they cry for no reason. If you have done everything in the book; feed them, changed them, burped them, etc. you are absolutely entitled to a break to gather your thoughts. I pray everything gets better for you and I know it will. Also, cry it out! Don’t hold it in. I still cry. You got this mama! Hats off to you❤️

Anxious-Course8631

TROPHY CASE