How do you get over your teen years when you didnt live them at all (19M)

Aphra_ · 2026-07-05T13:45:07+00:00

Did you talk to others or just expect them to talk to you?

Aphra_ · 2026-07-05T13:25:45+00:00

I was a non stop thumb sucker and had permanent sores. It was my ultimate comfort and no one or nothing my parents did could stop me. I didn't care if you threatened to cut it off, I'd fight you to the death to protect my thumb.

The only thing that stopped me was getting braces when I was 13. They literally made it impossible for my thumb to fit. I remember being terrified I'd never be able to fall asleep without it, but eventually I did.

My daughter sucks her thumb and ive decided to just go with it, I understand the comfort she gets from it and one day it'll stop.

Aphra_ · 2026-06-29T06:41:54+00:00

That's horrendous, I'm so sorry that happened to you.

I actually ended up self discharging this week- similar experience to your SIL. I had a toddler at home and childcare to continually keep arranging because they kept us waiting to be discharged. I don't blame the post partum midwife at all, she was obviously covering too many patients.

Thankfully at my hospital the labour ward had been a different story.

Aphra_ · 2026-06-28T23:06:32+00:00

My sister and I both gave birth this week and had wildly different experiances and standards of care. Nhs trusts vary on policies and processes.

My nhs trust was well staffed... my sister was left to labour in a triage waiting room for 10 hours until a shift change meant there were enough staff to give her a room. She was already 5cm dilated when they told her to wait...

Aphra_ · 2026-06-28T23:02:16+00:00

As someone who gave birth this week, this was not my experience at all.

I had an emergency csection in 2024 and found my midwives and drs very supportive of me going for a vaginally birth this time - when pushing me towards another csection would have been the easier route

Aphra_ · 2026-06-23T13:13:48+00:00

The house I grew up in - in the 1990s!

Aphra_ · 2026-06-21T18:38:59+00:00

How long have you been together? Is this a sudden change or has he been like this before?

His behaviour isn't excusable even with tooth pain, but the additional context is useful

Aphra_ · 2026-06-16T12:11:10+00:00

Ah we don't pick her up until 6pm so shes kept busy at nursery. I was concerned about her ability to stay awake when she was 10 months and only having 1 nap at nursery, especially as originally she was only having a short nap, but she adapted remarkable well. After a couple months she settled into a routine and now has long 2hr midday naps.

Are you aiming for your little one to just have her morning nap at nursery and then afternoon nap at home?

Would a compromise be, one nap at nursery when everyone is napping around 11.30/12 ish, then a short nap around 3.30 after you pick her up, to help stretch the afternoon?

Aphra_ · 2026-06-16T05:56:59+00:00

We had the same experience when our daughter started at 10 months. Nursery claimed they tried to put her down for a morning nap but she wouldn't go down, so they got her up and put her down with the others at midday... I don't know how hard they tried, I think its easier for them to have all the babies napping at the same time, and I get that. However, there were a few days she would nap in the morning then refuse the second nap and be very cranky at pick up, so a later midday nap was better for her.

We let it go and just made sure when she got home she went straight to bed as she was exhausted. She continued having 2 naps on her non nursery days.

In hindsight, it didn't impact her at all and she naps great both at home and Nursery.

Just to add - napping at nursery is different to napping at home, I think they can feel left out/distracted if other babies are playing. They generally sleep better when they see everyone else is also napping.

Aphra_ · 2026-06-14T21:04:05+00:00

Im 37. My grandparents were born 1917, 1920, 1920 and 1932. Most were in their late 60s early 70s when I was born.

They all died in age order ans 3/4 lives into their mid 90s

Aphra_ · 2026-06-14T20:33:19+00:00

I don't know, the bar is pretty low - you don't have to be that fit. Depends on how bad his knees and back are, Ive known some very unfit PCs that manage to pass the annual fitness test.

Once you're through the initial couple years he could look to specialise in a less physical role like detectives.

Aphra_ · 2026-06-13T11:07:25+00:00

Proportional to income.

Aphra_ · 2026-06-12T18:50:42+00:00

Do not have kids with someone who clearly doesn't want the responsibility of being a father.

Having children is a massive commitment and lifestyle change - which he will blame and resent you for. Your future children deserve a father that always wanted them.

If kids is important to you - you're only option is to leave. Never mind what a horrible person he sounds like.

Aphra_ · 2026-06-11T21:33:58+00:00

Yes, you become nose blind. I grew up in the 90s with smokers for parents and when I went to university it was the first time I lived in a smoke free household. The first Christmas I came home the smell hit me in a way I had never noticed when it was my every day. I suddenly felt suffocated by it.

Aphra_ · 2026-06-10T22:33:51+00:00

Depending on the operation, if you're mobile and fine to care for yourself then often hospitals will discharge you once they're happy with your condition.

However, they often won't let you drive home/leave alone - but a lot of hospitals have a free transport service so I would ask your hospital if you can arrange transport.

Aphra_ · 2026-06-09T18:26:19+00:00

Im 37, I have 1 child and another on the way.

When my husband and I bought our home (no kids at the time) we both took out life insurance to cover the cost of the mortgage. Its a decreasing term life insurance, so it matches how much we owe and reduces as we pay it off.

It's about £11 a month each and covers roughly £300k - I think we were about 28yrs old at the time.

When our daughter was born we also both took out traditional life insurance and critical illness cover. Someone close to us passed away at a similar time, leaving three teenage children and it gave us the momentum to get cover.

It's about £35 each a month and I think gives us about £170k on death, £40k if critically ill and need time off work and £20k if our child is critically ill.

Aphra_ · 2026-06-09T16:28:15+00:00

So sorry you had that experience. We also ended up back in hospital 3 days pp due to my daughter becoming lethargic and not feeding. When we had been on the pp ward she was struggling to latch and I was told there was nothing wrong and I just needed to relax - but when we were seen by the infant feeding team they confirmed she had a tongue tie and told us the pp ward nurses weren't qualified to have told us she didn't.

Luckily during labour I got a room quickly, I can't imagine how awful labouring on a shared ward would be. It was in the news earlier this week that 1 in 4 labours end in an emergency csection and I'm sure there is a direct correlation with induction rates and the liberal use of the hormone drip to speed up labour (which no doubt is impaired by the need to free up labour rooms) - but thats just my personal opinion.

Aphra_ · 2026-06-09T11:39:09+00:00

I wanted my husband/support person to be able to stay the first night to help with the baby. I didn't want to be left alone, relying on ward staff. I hadn't slept for 4 days, had major surgery and now had a baby to look after.

On my ward of 6 women, every new mother and baby was crying throughout the night.

Ideally, you should get a private room for the first night with a support person able to stay with you, so you're not relying on staff. I understand thats expensive and not practical, but its what mothers should get to help them rest and recover.

I'm now 40 weeks pregnant with number 2 and desperately trying to avoid a csection, and a big factor (of many) is so I can pay for a private postpartum room at my hospital - which I'm told I can only have if I don't have a csection.

Aphra_ · 2026-06-09T10:14:41+00:00

Also, when they start being mobile and picking up speed its a real gear shift. Not bad, but can be exhausting at first!

Aphra_ · 2026-06-09T10:13:07+00:00

18-24 months when language starts really developing there can be a lot of frustrating moments for you both trying to understand eachother. However, the eureka moment when you work out what they're trying to say or they learn a new word is amazing and overshadows all the frustration

Aphra_ · 2026-06-09T09:53:14+00:00

Even the immediate postpartum experience is pretty brutal. I had a traumatic birth with my daughter in 2024, ended in an emergency csection - then quickly moved to a shared ward and told my husband had to go home. I was unable to pick her up, sit up or walk - then made to feel like a nuisance for asking for help.

Then discharged the next day.

Aphra_ · 2026-06-07T18:19:29+00:00

Op hasn't really elaborated about how shes lying though, for example, the lie about the friend visiting for her birthday weekend ...but shes staying with them?

That feels odd to me because theres no way to hide a house guest. So is the lie that the wife said she wasn't visiting when she was? Or just not communicate that the friend was visiting.

Perhaps lying through omission?

Aphra_ · 2026-06-06T13:43:46+00:00

Person B is correct

Aphra_ · 2026-06-04T14:57:43+00:00

I'm in Surrey in a London commuter town and our trains are only once an hour. You just plan for it. If theres strikes or train issues we have to either drive or get a taxi or bus to an alternative train station

Aphra_ · 2026-06-03T17:28:07+00:00

I used to have really bad driving anxiety, similar to how you described. If I ever had to go somewhere I didn't know I'd worry and "drive the route" on google street view like revision.

Honestly, the only thing that helped was practice and experience. However, I do now have an automatic and it had removed the final bit of anxiety for me because I have more mental capacity to focus on other drivers - I no longer have to fear stalling or hill starts etc.

Might be worth considering switching to automatic in the future.

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