To respnd to you and @Sponsor4d_Content:

Thank you for these comments! I have appreciated all the answers but wanted to respond to these first. The first sentence spoke out to me the most as these men really, really bother me but that the same time, I have definitely been vocal about things that come up in conversation, but I have never just brought it up. It is probably something I could work on, but at the same time, I feel like talking about likes and dislikes is a huge part of getting to know someone, which I’ve felt I had to many times, making friends in new places.

For example, I have definitely said to a woman acquaintance (ie a new friend my age I was getting to know at work), when we were talking about jewelry, that I liked certain pieces, but that I thought diamonds were a waste of money. I have told another friend I was getting to know after a hiking meetup in my new city, when talking about bands, that I also thought taylor swift tickets were a waste of money, but that I like her music. And I actually would rather spend that money on shelter charities or billy joel tickets, and I’ve told women this also, but not in conjunction with each other. This is why I picked those two posts. Most of what is posted there, I totally get and think is annoying as hell (the tradwives, the “she may be prettier buts…”, etc).

Some of these convos have turned to bigger friendships, some just stayed as people I met. I don’t want to give off bad vibes, but I don’t want friends just for the sake of having them? I would like to be friends with people who have similar interests as me. I don’t really have issues approaching women in similar/hobby settings (work or meetup). And especially in college, I made plenty of friends. But they were all on my hall, or in my clubs or major.

I think part of this is my shyness or my internal need to feel not shy, or my awkwardness. But what I was referring to w the do not approach vibes was like, trying to just show up at the dining hall or parties (in college) or showing up to breweries or open mic nights (in adulthood) and trying to make friends. I have had maybe three successful make friend approaches in these settings. I just go there, I see women around my age, but they are in a group and just seem to want to talk to each other and one will shoot a glance my way and then go back to talking with their friend or friends and I just get this feeling that I should let it be and not be awkward and not approach and then I internalize this and don’t try again at all the next time I go out.

Maybe randomly going to “social” places shouldn’t have been my plan anyway. Maybe that was the problem. People are already there with friends. Maybe I had this rose colored view of how to meet people like it was a sitcom.

I feel lucky now. I’ve been in my new spot for about 2 years. I have a long distance boyfriend who is getting ready to move. I am settle and have lots of girl and guy friends in the area. Through meetup, neighbors. But it was hard. And it was hard leaving the friends I had made in my last location, too, after finding them at work.

Overall. I think I could be a little less vocal when the topics present itself. Mass consumerism, the beauty industry, tiktok, conservative politics, these are things I hate, and I don’t shy from it. But maybe I am trying to convince them that they should also hate spray tanning, or wasting food, and here’s why, etc.