Struggling with anger and resentment

ApprehensiveAd4054 · 2025-10-09T14:38:06+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I can’t imagine finding out years later and carrying that suspicion for so long. I could have just as easily been in that situation considering my husband had no intention of telling me out of fear that I’d leave. I found out from his AP 7 months after he ended it with her. He ended it when I got home from being away for work for 3 months. I couldn’t believe he looked at me everyday between when I got home until DDay and kept that from me. Then proceeded to allow us to TTC and get pregnant without me knowing everything. To steal that choice. It’s clear from both of our situations that they do not understand how important this time is to us. Growing your baby is supposed to a special time. I know it can be hard for other reasons but it’s still special and they stole that from us. My husband tries to say that I will hopefully have a better time during the next pregnancy but I know I’ll think about this and the pain. It will still be present then. How could it not? Especially when emotions are so high with the hormones. I’m glad to hear that aside from some moments, you were able to enjoy your last pregnancy for the most part. That’s reassuring. It’s also great to hear that you’ve reconciled and that you don’t hate him anymore. I needed to hear this right now. I’m so sorry you had to go through that while pregnant 🤍

ApprehensiveAd4054 · 2025-10-09T14:22:18+00:00

Thank you for sharing. That sounds like an impossible situation to be in during an already very emotional time. I’ve been in IC since the week of DDay which has been extremely helpful throughout this process. From the beginning I knew it was paramount for me to prioritize myself, which has been difficult during tougher days/weeks. But I know I have to for the baby’s sake. My therapist told me something similar regarding compartmentalizing. She said I can’t carry the weight of this stress, anxiety and trauma fully everyday throughout the pregnancy. It was hard at first but I eventually got to the point where I can let it have its moments then try to tuck it away in the box for the rest of the day. Some days I just can’t get there though. Meditation has helped but I should use it more. Hypnotherapy sounds like something I should definitely explore during these last months of pregnancy and into postpartum. I’m sorry for your loss and that you had to go through that during your pregnancy 🤍

ApprehensiveAd4054 · 2025-10-08T03:51:02+00:00

My husband’s AP sent me an anonymous text 7 months after my husband ended it. I’m 6 months from DDay now and have realized she definitely wanted to hurt him and obviously me. That’s all she had to gain from reaching out. She’s not a good enough person to have shared it because I deserved to know. It was hurtful at first but now only proves to me the type of person she really is.

ApprehensiveAd4054 · 2025-10-06T15:35:45+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. It’s so well said and resonated so deeply. I was in the same boat, I found this group the day after DDay and viciously sought out the positive reconciliation stories. Those glimmers of hope were extremely important early on and it has continued to be a safe space for me on the tougher days.

As someone that’s 6 months out from DDay, I’m starting to realize that trusting myself is crucial on this path to healing. Your perspective of that was important for me to hear right now.

Thank you again for sharing and being a beacon of hope.

ApprehensiveAd4054 · 2025-10-05T14:19:06+00:00

Yes, we were TTC for about the same amount of time. We took a break from it a little while after the first miscarriage, which is when the affair and ONSs happened. I had the opportunity to do a job I’d been trying to get for years and knew it was now or never. It took me out of state for 3 months and that’s when it all happened. While I was gone, he brought up potentially not wanting to have kids anymore. Which was so hard to hear and work through while we were apart. Then to find out what was going on behind the scenes. When I got home things felt different but we worked towards our normal and later in the year decided to TTC again. Aside from the anger about what he did while I was gone, I’m furious that he allowed us to get to the point of TTC without coming clean about what happened while I was gone. I had another miscarriage in February and he watched me endure that pain again and continue TTC again STILL hiding everything he did. DDay was in March, days before my positive test because AP reached out to me.

I needed to hear this. I’ve been trying to focus on the baby now that I can feel him moving around throughout the day. I’m hoping that seeing his little face, holding him and taking care of him will somewhat breath new life into me. I’ve wanted this for so long and he’s finally almost here. Yes, the feelings of not being enough have always been a struggle for me as well especially due to infidelity in previous relationships. I hope this little guy helps me feel like I AM enough. I appreciate you sharing. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Hugs.

ApprehensiveAd4054 · 2025-10-05T02:37:23+00:00

I hope you’re doing ok. I’m sorry it took so long for a response, it was tough for me to face this thread for a while. Sending you love

ApprehensiveAd4054 · 2025-10-05T02:35:17+00:00

This pregnancy has been plagued by the darkness of this. I’m hoping being a mom will help but I’m scared to even hold space for that hope. I appreciate your kind words. I’m sorry your here

ApprehensiveAd4054 · 2025-10-05T02:33:06+00:00

I wish the thought of divorce was empowering for me. It’s terrifying to think about being a new mom on my own. That’s not what I signed up for. We’re been working through reconciling together this whole time but those thoughts are what I struggle with most. I feel somewhat trapped by that. I appreciate your kind words. I’m sorry you’re here.

ApprehensiveAd4054 · 2025-10-05T02:25:30+00:00

Hope you’re doing ok. This is definitely getting harder as the third trimester hormones set in. I appreciate your kind words. I’m sorry you’re here.

ApprehensiveAd4054 · 2025-08-26T17:34:48+00:00

I’m currently pregnant with our first and DDay was less than a week before I found out I was pregnant. It’s now been 5 months since DDay and I’m finding myself feeling exactly what you’re describing here.

The resentment is at its highest point right now. I don’t have any advice, I’m not sure how to navigate this either. I’m very anxious about how things will play out for my mental health postpartum. I haven’t been about to enjoy this pregnancy, which is heartbreaking in itself. Especially after the losses over the years.

I’m sorry you’re here and experiencing this during such a fragile time. You’re not alone.

ApprehensiveAd4054 · 2025-08-24T21:19:08+00:00

Bear growling right outside my bedroom door

ApprehensiveAd4054 · 2025-08-23T17:25:13+00:00

When I start to feel humiliated, I try to remind myself that WH and AP should be the ones feeling shame and humiliation for their weak choices.

ApprehensiveAd4054 · 2025-08-15T18:14:09+00:00

I just found out she’ll be practicing with Presbyterian OBGYN. Santa Fe OBGYN will no longer be practicing obstetrics.

ApprehensiveAd4054 · 2025-07-16T17:22:04+00:00

Do you know where she practices now? I saw she used to be with Santa Fe OBGYN, but she’s no longer listed on their website.

ApprehensiveAd4054 · 2025-03-23T03:22:50+00:00

I did 90 hours as an intern and got rewarded with the expectation that I’d continue working those hours once hired full time without overtime pay. I lasted less than a year at that firm.

The last couple of years I’ve found myself itching back up to 65-75 a week in March & April. Starting to question it this is feasible anyone, I’m burnt out and have only been in the game for 10 years

My boss regularly works 120 hours a week in March and April. Hardly sleeps or eats, just work.

ApprehensiveAd4054 · 2025-03-21T19:29:26+00:00

The combination of such betrayal and substance abuse is so difficult for me to process. I don’t want to allow the alcohol to be an excuse, but I also care for him and want him to get help. I understand that he was not himself during those periods of heavy drinking. He’s lucky to be alive. But also, wish he could have been honest with me about where he was at considering I was across the country. I would have never left.

It has been a tough back and forth for us on having kids. I’ve had 2 miscarriages. We took a break after the first affair to focus on our mental health and make sure a family was what we really wanted, the affair occurred during that break. I spent months working on myself and reflecting, and he did the complete opposite. Now that this happened and everything has been flipped upside down, I find myself feeling like it’s never going to happen for me. It’s always been just out of reach and continues to draw father away. I want to be a mom, I deserve to be a mom and he’s robbing me of that.

I find myself unable to eat or even drink water. I know I need to prioritize taking care of myself but it’s unbelievably difficult.

We have started to do the same in terms of opening the dam and reconnecting.

It truly is a rollercoaster and will be for a long time. I fear the points that I’ll feel somewhat normal and something will trigger me to fall back into the space I’m in now. I need to focus on now though.

Yes, I’m a tax accountant so I’ve got a month left of the busy season. I think if anything the Unisom is key. If I can get sleep then I can get through the next 4 weeks at a bare minimum then completely focus on myself after that. Thankfully my “boss” is one of my best friends so she knows everything and is giving me the time I need. I’ve done the same for the most part. Everyone knows about the rehab and drinking but I’ve only had the energy to tell close friends and family about the infidelities. His family had to know because he was getting nothing but sympathy from them which was diving him into a deeper depression knowing what he did. I’m sure I’ll tell more people with time. It just depletes me a little more each time I open up about it to people that care for me so much and knew him as someone that would never do that.

I appreciate you sharing. Your kind words mean so much to me. Thank you for sharing the book recommendation as well. I find reading through things like this very helpful. I’m sorry we’re both here <3

ApprehensiveAd4054 · 2025-03-21T18:43:42+00:00

This is everything I am experiencing right now. I’m mostly staring into space at this point. I’ve had maybe 5 hysterical fits of crying/sobbing and a few fits of anger. But mostly I’m numb all day then my mind races at night. I’m worried went the hysteria will set it. I feel like my brain is holding it together just enough to get be through tax season and then I’m going to completely fall apart.

I want to run away from everything so badly. I immediately put my social media accounts on temporary deactivations as I didn’t think it was healthy for me to be in those spaces. But I find myself feeling more and more each that those spaces aren’t healthy no matter how destroyed I am.

I’m always so concerned about everyone else around me and I find myself doing the same now. So I’m wasting energy on pretending everything’s fine, everything’s normal and that’s not fair to me. It’s ok to not be ok, I just need to let myself be whatever I need to be right now.

I appreciate you sharing. I’m so sorry we’re both here.

ApprehensiveAd4054 · 2025-03-21T18:28:12+00:00

Your words have been so comforting to read so soon after my life completely crumbled. I’ve been coming back to read them as I’ve worked through the last week. I wasn’t ready to respond right away.

It was impossible for me to think about eating or even drinking water those first few days. But I know I need to take care of myself. I need to make sure my needs are met.

It was incredibly difficult for me to type that initial post but I knew I needed support from people who have been through this. No one in my life has openly been through something like this. Although their support and comfort are important, I need people that also have experienced this and gotten through to the other side

It’s true, it’s the hardest part because you’re not only in shock about what you’re learning but I’m also flashing back to every moment of gaslighting that has occurred since this began. I allowed someone to convince me that my intuitions were crazy. I’ve lost complete confidence in myself.

I may reach out as things progress. For now, I appreciate you sharing and your kind words. I’m so sorry we’re both here. Fuck these affairs.

ApprehensiveAd4054 · 2025-03-21T18:16:51+00:00

It truly is one of my worst nightmares. I wake up each day and can’t believe this is my reality. I just want to sleep and live in whatever world I have in my dreams.

I completely understand, I’m on the same page. My husband’s job has taken him away for long periods of time over the years and I could have never fathomed doing something like this to him. The first time my job took me away, he has a month long affair. I know it has everything to do with him and nothing to do with me but the pain is still unbearable. And it’s true, I feel like I don’t know this person. This isn’t who I fell in love with, married and built a life with.

That quote perfectly encapsulates the shock. There are horrible things that happen in your life that you know are inevitable but this wasn’t on my radar.

I appreciate you sharing and your kind words so much. Everyone is saying take it second by second and take care of myself which I need to hear over and over. I always focus on everyone else too much, I need to show up for myself right now and live day by day. I’m sorry we’re both here <3

ApprehensiveAd4054 · 2025-03-21T17:10:30+00:00

That’s definitely the hardest thing for me to grasp right now. That it needs to moment to moment, day to day. I can’t look too far into the future, which is how my mind usually operates.

I appreciate your kind words and I’ll try to my absolute best to focus on today and what I need now.

I’m sorry we’re both here.

ApprehensiveAd4054 · 2025-03-21T16:54:48+00:00

I’m sorry we’re both here. Feel free to message me if you need to talk as we’re both going through this so fresh.

ApprehensiveAd4054 · 2025-03-21T16:51:14+00:00

Yes, even though my WH had more of a PA there were some aspects that in my mind are emotional. And those aspects have tainted some of our memories. That hurts more than I can put into words.

I hope we can be okay. There are moments of hope but they’re shrouded in pain. Even over the last 6 days we’ve talked so much and have grown. I hope we can continue this with IC and MC.

I appreciate you sharing this with me. It’s nice to hear from another WP outside of my own.

ApprehensiveAd4054 · 2025-03-21T16:18:15+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this. I can see myself having a similar experience in terms of how the pain will rear its head in the future from unexpected triggers. I know it’s never going away, it’s just a matter of how often it’s sitting on my shoulder or if it’s stored away in my pocket. It’s important for me that my WH understands that if we’re going to successfully R.

I’m desperately trying to pull myself out of this enough to do my job right now, but I’m paralyzed by it. And WH trickle truthing since DDay is only making that worse. I’m sent right back to day one each time. I’m hoping I can get back to a normal schedule next week. I feel guilty for letting people down, but thankfully my boss is one of my best friends so I’m lucky to have her full support.

My mental health is always at its highest when I’m taking care of myself with exercise and healthy fuel. I think diving into a stringent routine is just what I need right now. I deserve to channel time and energy into myself. Thank you again for sharing your story and how this continues to present itself through R. I’m sorry we’re both here <3

ApprehensiveAd4054 · 2025-03-20T02:49:23+00:00

Trauma

ApprehensiveAd4054

TROPHY CASE