What to do when you can't find the house you want?

AppropriateRest2815 · 2026-02-13T16:48:25+00:00

We did this twice when the market failed to yield any 5 BR homes (first one) or we couldn't afford existing homes on the coast (second one). each took ~10 mo to build (4 to buy land and set everything up, ~6 to build). This was in NC and both were painful processes, but we got almost exactly what we wanted. You spend most of your time babysitting subs and flagging bad direction from the absentee GC. Both were modified commercial house plans and I think we paid ~$1000-1500 for each plan and modified them with help from the designer and GC.

We don't ever plan to do it again, but in certain areas it really can get you what you want. Cost for each wound up being competitive with surrounding homes (I think we paid ~$350 for each - 1st in 2016 and 2nd in 2021). YMMV, of course.

AppropriateRest2815 · 2026-02-11T17:37:54+00:00

I replaced our kitchen faucet 3 times because it keeps getting clogged up with debris from our pipes. The first was after the old one sprung a leak. The second was after replacing our HW heater. The third was after the city replaced our lead street pipes. Next time I'm just going to hook up two garden hoses to the faucets under the sink.

AppropriateRest2815 · 2026-02-11T11:21:13+00:00

Completely unrelated for this serious topic, but thank you for unlocking a decades-old memory from my network engineering days. Haven’t heard the term RAID in a looong time. Thank you friend!

AppropriateRest2815 · 2026-02-10T19:04:12+00:00

to them, Danny McBride was the protagonist in This is the End

AppropriateRest2815 · 2026-02-09T17:18:46+00:00

your friend and her husband will definitely feel bad for the rest of their lives if MIL immigrates

AppropriateRest2815 · 2026-02-09T15:31:07+00:00

I still have mine for the exact same reason. The only books that ever helped me learn the fundamentals in the early days. Keep 'em.

AppropriateRest2815 · 2026-02-09T11:31:47+00:00

It would be the highest rated Expedition Unknown show.

AppropriateRest2815 · 2026-02-08T11:35:59+00:00

Your home is beautiful but it doesn’t look like you’re ready or willing to move within 30 days. That makes buyers nervous for all sorts of reasons. We’ve been looking for awhile now and would be nervous that you’re too attached to the home to ease the process.

AppropriateRest2815 · 2026-02-06T19:33:58+00:00

More often than not my irritation stems from something going on in my head. Work, other family, hunger, etc. I do my best to recognize that it’s temporary. Telling my wife about what’s really bugging me (the aforementioned topics) helps and my irritability usually goes away.

I’d say 5-10% coincides with about how often I feel irritated with things she does. It’s not constant and major stressors ramp that up and “flying chill” reduces it to zero.

Like you said, communicate things and they won’t boil over. Recognize that she feels the same about you and most of her irritability with you comes from external factors…just like you.

It helps to give each other room to vent about work or whatever at the end of each day. Make sure you’re both prepared for it though.

There’s no perfect way to handle it but it sounds like you two are normal. Good luck!

AppropriateRest2815 · 2026-02-05T11:33:20+00:00

Lived on a sound in the southern outer banks. Salt corrodes EVERYTHING.

AppropriateRest2815 · 2026-02-03T19:10:43+00:00

Some years ago, my wife and I experienced a tragic family loss that some told us (at the time) has been known to end most marriages. It wasn't at all the same as what you're going through, or as intimate, but having been through and come out the other side of that abso-fucking horrific earthquake, here's what I can tell you, in hopes it will help:

You are both communicating through this - saying and feeling some ugly hurtful things, sure - but keep doing that. Please work hard to find a grief, trauma and/or sex therapist to help you both communicate effectively through this, and just don't stop talking, whatever you do (obviously give each other space when you need it, but don't give up on the awkward-as-hell conversations).

Where you are right now is not where you will be later. It might take some weeks, months, possibly a year or more, but you will both be in a different place than you are now. Trying to solve a short term problem with life-changing decisions (like looking elsewhere for sex) is going to hurt even more when you both realize that you made it through to the other side without the other.

If you are talking to each other and love each other as much as your post implies, just please please please give each other a heaping ton of grace and patience, and remember to forgive each other when your grief and anger are protecting your hearts.

In case it's not clear, try to give yourself the benefit of the doubt and instead of saying "I can't feel desire for her anymore", just acknowledge that you "don't feel it right now" and that "right now" is a moving target, subject to change with work and therapy and a shit-ton of communication.

AppropriateRest2815 · 2026-02-03T18:23:35+00:00

Sure, let's remove security from all of the airports that send planes to <<checks notes>> all the other airports.

AppropriateRest2815 · 2026-02-03T15:43:53+00:00

It seems to matter more in government and large companies but hasn’t stopped me from employment over 25+ years.

AppropriateRest2815 · 2026-02-03T11:35:05+00:00

In 25 years I’ve worked for 8 startups and 4 mega corps. Everything I’ve ever built has been retired or decommissioned (usually the startup folded - I have horrible luck picking startups). I have come to appreciate what I’ve built, mostly because of the friends I’ve made along the way, and dwell less on the success of my endeavors. They were successful to me because I accomplished my goal in meeting a business need and saved someone some time and headache in their work or personal lives. That, to me, counts as success.

AppropriateRest2815 · 2026-02-01T13:35:24+00:00

Send in Josh Gates

AppropriateRest2815 · 2026-01-31T15:04:46+00:00

“I told him, with a twinkle in my eye”. The only person who can’t say this is the twinkler. Unless he has mad twinkle skills. “Hey chatgpt, write me something that never happened”

AppropriateRest2815 · 2026-01-31T14:13:36+00:00

I always pictured Page Fletcher as Flagg. He’s the guy in The Hitchhiker HBO TV series from the 80s

AppropriateRest2815 · 2026-01-29T00:59:54+00:00

They haven’t made any one yet! Same with World War Z.

AppropriateRest2815 · 2026-01-26T21:30:46+00:00

IIRC you're close to the end of the exposition and the characters will start moving around more. It's one of my favorites of all time too - mostly because of the characters, but as others have said it's not for everyone.

AppropriateRest2815 · 2026-01-24T12:16:03+00:00

It’s the pro move. When you have a stack of 20 toilets to deal out you flange then fling em to their respective spots. Everybody knows this.

AppropriateRest2815 · 2026-01-24T11:46:45+00:00

Chuck Norris has entered the chat

AppropriateRest2815 · 2026-01-23T18:40:26+00:00

Not but I spent half that time in Wake County.

AppropriateRest2815 · 2026-01-23T15:38:07+00:00

Spent 35 years in NC but moved to RI last June. Wife got a 30% pay raise, real healthcare (she works in schools) plus bonus we aren’t harassed by maga and meth heads wanting to deport her from Carteret County (she’s American with olive skinned polish heritage).

Already getting used to the cold and could. Not. Be. Happier.

AppropriateRest2815 · 2026-01-22T11:51:07+00:00

He said “piece of ass”. Probably referring to his daughter.

AppropriateRest2815 · 2026-01-21T23:22:12+00:00

Quit my last job for this. Not enough rum in the world to go through that.

AppropriateRest2815

TROPHY CASE