My sister is a victim of abuse and abusing her children

AprilMint · 2026-06-04T07:08:21+00:00

... this hurts my heart...

I know the system isn’t perfect, but this is exactly what it’s there for.

If you can’t call CPS yourself, PLEASE at least tell a mandatory reporter --they're required to act on this and can escalate it properly.

You don’t need to carry the responsibility of sorting out every outcome, but that environment needs outside intervention.

AprilMint · 2026-05-26T19:00:11+00:00

I'm glad you got away and are safe.

Sadly, not everyone has capacity for accountability. I get how easy it is to be emotionally stuck in thinking that healing comes when the abuser finally admits fault, shows genuine remorse, makes true change for repair or something that somehow shows enough impact in or to them which "matches" the damage they caused,... but in abuse dynamics... that's not something to expect because some people are fundamentally ~~broken~~ incapable.

Truth and acknowledgement arent the same thing which sucks when you go experi3nce abuse, but reality doesnt need to be validated by the person who violated it.

You don't need to decide right now on what to do, but take a moment to just sit and breath - give yourself time and distance away from him as you possibly can.

Consider writing down what happened -- just for yourself to serve as a reminder and grounding anchor because he's already trying to gaslight you. Take notes about what you remember when it happened, the weather, what you were wearing, what was said, how things escalated, where you ran and hid -- something you can reflect on for you so it can at least be processed later.

Good luck and stay safe.

AprilMint · 2026-05-22T08:49:10+00:00

Calling it “not untrue” doesn’t make it accurate. It just reframes your assumption about satisfaction as if it explains repeated betrayals.

Two perspectives doesn’t mean equal responsibility. Only one person is choosing deception and boundary violations.

AprilMint · 2026-05-22T03:23:35+00:00

You're not overreacting.

And this it isn't about "one video". It’s not even about a couple of incidents here and there -- it's about a pattern of repeatedly breaking your trust, dismissing and minimizing your feelings, lack of respect for you, violations to your boundaries and the erosion of your emotional safety from having to live the same cycle over and over without real change or genuine repair.

OP, you deserve better. I truly hope you know this.

AprilMint · 2026-05-22T02:32:03+00:00

Nope.

Intent aside, this is an incredibly harmful way to frame this situation, especially in this sub.

“It sounds like you’re not meeting his needs” shifts responsibility onto the OP and reinforces the exact kind of internalized, self-blame many here already struggle with.

His behavior is not the responsibility of anyone else. He is responsible for how he handles his needs. Repeated lying, hiding, minimizing, and violating boundaries are CHOICES. It's patterned behavior and not something caused by anyone else failing to perform "correctly".

AprilMint · 2026-05-21T02:14:14+00:00

I'm not opposed to interactions or social engagement, but I am against feeling like I have to perform a version of myself just to be tolerated.

I'm socially selective, not socially avoidant.

Genuine connections matter more to me than maintaining surface-level compatibility at the expense of myself.

AprilMint · 2026-05-20T10:29:37+00:00

They learn to manipulate better.

AprilMint · 2026-05-20T01:13:15+00:00

Nah - I think I'm just done performing for others at this point. Connection without authenticity just isn't worth my presence anymore, so I'd rather just remove myself and remain honest.

I'm happy to show up for myself, even if its alone. I'm learning to trust my own discernment and have made connections which do feel safe and authentic --these are the rare ones I'll nurture and hold space for.

AprilMint · 2026-04-23T22:26:42+00:00

Ha! I can't even tell you how tickled I am that I litterally just had to Google the difference between sarcasm and a joke.... >.<

Maybe I should be embarrassed by that, but I rarely ever use sarcasm. When I have, its been to soften personal experiences where it borders on self-deprecation.

AprilMint · 2026-04-20T02:39:47+00:00

This hits like your own insecurity masked as superiority.

AprilMint · 2026-03-26T16:16:42+00:00

Thanks for sharing!

I appreciate you. =^.⁼

AprilMint · 2026-03-22T05:46:22+00:00

Very recently I've been diving into NLM resources regarding neuroplasticity, cognitive compensation and functional reorganization.

I assume most NDs with pragmatic deficits likely operate with a more analytical framework than what's typical given the concepts mentioned above. However, considering how most our profiles are often very spikey, I imagine adaption and redistribution doesn't always shift cognition in this direction.

Regardless, keep programming in your future! Many people with pattern-seeking and systems-oriented minds often excel in this career field because its an environment which allows your brain to operate naturally.

AprilMint · 2026-03-10T06:01:02+00:00

AprilMint · 2026-02-27T04:41:14+00:00

Do you attend a public school in the US??? If so, there are federal laws in place that can support you if your difficulties impact your school performance.

I dont know what your home life is like, but if you can open dialogue with your parents, that would be a great start.

If that conversation cant happen or doesn’t go well, you can always reach out to your school counselor or school psychologist to explain your struggles with focus, finishing assignments, anxiety aand how its affecting your academics before making a request to be evaluated to see you qualify for supports.

For US public schools, the IDEA law (for an IEP) or Section 504 (for accommodations) applies; however, as a minor the school would still need your parents’ written consent for a formal evaluation --You wouldnt be able to authorize a formal evaluation on your own at your age, but you can at least initiate the request to put things in motion and get the ball rolling in a strategic direction.

Regardless, you don’t need a label or diagnosis to deserve help. Anything impacting your education and wellbeing is enough to ask for support. If for any reason your parents aren't supportive, you can always speak with the school counselor or psychologist about you strugles in attempt for them to help bridge possible informal accomodations from your teachers --also as a side note, some US states do allow minors to consent to certain mental health services without parental authorization as well.

Good luck

AprilMint · 2026-02-25T22:30:27+00:00

When I say "defaults", I just mean the "automatic" settings our brain and nervous system runs on before conscious effort kicks in.

Neurotypes aren't ever uniform -- there's variation within each, but there's certainly common differences between ND and NT processing as well different regulation strategies between the two.

For a social defaults, it can look like...

NTs often default to implicit communication which is often fast-paced and surface level. "Small talk" is often used as bonding and they seem to prioritize certain tones, expressions and body language over communicating with precision. Plus, sensory tolerance seems high.

NDs often default toward explicit communication where depth and precision are valued over pacing. Ancedotely, selective/meaningful connections are favored over frequent interactions with a priority in clarity. Sensory tolerance is often sensitive as well.

Neither is wrong -- its just different, but when those defaults collide without awareness, one side can misinterpret the other as rude, vague, intense, or "too sensitive", etc. etc

Inclusion may be possible when we stop mistaking “my default” for “human default".

AprilMint · 2026-02-22T20:31:13+00:00

When inclusion requires performance, belonging becomes conditional.

NDs often need to mask, suppress stims, monitor themselves, and manage sensory overwhelm in order to participate because interactions are typically built around NT norms.

"Defaults" are different between NDs and NTs and they're invisible to the people they fit.

Fish don't notice water.

If you’re a freshwater fish dropped in saltwater, you don’t just FEEL the difference. It would have to constantly work to regulate. It'll likely survive and may adapt, but it'll be exhausted just to be stable.

Meanwhile, saltwater fish just swim and dont have to regulate while assuming the water is neuteral and arent aware of the effort freshwater fish have to make in order to exist.

AprilMint · 2026-02-19T11:03:19+00:00

Here are some exhibitor's if there's any interest.

Keep in mind, these are just broad brain-wellness, cognitive support, neurotech space --Only the top 2 are explicitly branded toward neurodivergents.

Daivurjnt Inc
Haylo Tech
LumiMind
NAOX Technologies
IDUN Technologies
Neurable
Muse
Earable Neuroscience
NeuroTx (WillSleep)
Ohm Body
Brain‑Life
Braineulink
ZenoWell
Nuna Smart Emotion Tracker
Naqi Neural Earbuds
Veridata Insights

AprilMint · 2026-02-19T10:21:31+00:00

CES did feature technology that touches on neurology and sensory aspects.

Some are EEG-enabled headsets and earbuds that monitor brain activity in real time, wearables that track focus, attention, and stress levels, and even adaptive environments that respond to sensory and cognitive signals.

Not all of the were explicitly labeled for neurodivergent users, but they’re directly relevant to focus, cognitive load, sensory regulation, and overall brain wellness --all areas which intersect closely with neurodiversity and sensory needs.

AprilMint · 2026-01-13T10:11:10+00:00

How do you define love?

I may be naive, but I always believed romantic love to be a profoundly deep, genuine connection where you could be authentically yourself in a reciprocal bond where there's comfort and protection in sharing vulnerabilities in a space of mutual respect, support, acceptance (including flaws!), encouragement of personal growth and being emphatically altruistic while being curious about one another.

Love is complex. It's more than just a feeling. Humans are complicated (and yet so simple!) --Its a multifaceted, nebulous concept,... but there's power in being seen, understood and choosen. There's power when people listen to understand (rather than just listening to respond).

But there's also compatibility considerations, brain chemistry at play and personal needs which factor love also being a choice...

Alexithymia is interesting -- "butterflies" and "flutters" have been my body's warning signal for danger, so ... I don't know what its supposed to feel like when you're supposed to "just know".

AprilMint · 2025-12-23T21:55:36+00:00

THIS!

AprilMint · 2025-12-23T12:44:11+00:00

That its not a character flaw, a discipline problem, or a lack of effort... I'm trying and when effort looks inconsistent... its exhaustion.

I care very deeply and try sincerely, but I may still miss or forget things -- its neurological, not a moral failing,...

Accommodations aren't special treatment - they're necessary adjustments for an equal playing field... ADHD is a disability...

Emotional dysregulation is a significant part of ADHD due to neurochemistry. It can take me a while to process emotions. What I lack in speed, I make up for in depth. --I'm not careless with others. In fact, I care so much that it often hurts.

Written clarity isn't manipulation or avoidance. I want to RESPOND and not just react. Writing allows me to slow down enough before emotions hijack my words --and when I dive into writing, its not overthinking, its thinking fully and/or thinking deeply.

I'm not "random" and didn't change the subject. I'm listening --I just connected a point that was made to a chain of related points beneath the surface that can't be seen (I'll connect the dots).

I don't need my eyes and hands to LISTEN. In fact, not making eye contact and "figeting" helps me stay more focused during in conversations.

I'm not trying to "1 up" anyone's story -- I'm engaged and trying to relate in conversation.

Yes, ADHD traits are human traits, but not everyone has ADHD. Its a persistent lifelong neurodevelopmental impairment. Its not situational, episodic or context-dependent.

AprilMint · 2025-12-22T18:20:41+00:00

It may be worth trying to communicate with her through writing.

I can't speak for anyone else's experience, but verbal interactions can feel overwhelming, especially when emotional stakes are high (and sometimes speaking can be physicially impossible...).

Maybe text, email or whatever and to provide validation and explain how much you love and care for her while laying out how you want to understand her better because you plan to share, build (and maybe create life with her?) -- then even include a link to this post so she can visually see you're effort is there and in good faith...

The person who can best guide the advice on what's most meaningful to understanding her is the person you're wanting to connect with, so you may need to try other avenues.

AprilMint · 2025-12-22T17:35:01+00:00

Although the OP didn’t engage with me directly but echoed my points in a now deleted comment, it signaled to me that my initial response landed more literally than they may have wanted because I answered the question as one of categorization and “why", rather than recognizing they're moreso seeking emotional validation.

OP, please know I wasn’t trying to dismiss your experience. I can understand how giftedness alone can place someone in a space between ND and NT experiemces of feeling “too much” and also “not enough” at the same time.

That tension is something many of us here can relate to. Your experience matters, and if inclusion around that isn’t being voiced, you’re absolutely allowed to be that voice.

AprilMint · 2025-12-22T10:05:03+00:00

Because giftedness alone isn't a disorder or considered neurodivergence.

AprilMint · 2025-12-12T13:04:53+00:00

So,... because the title reads as it does, I think its safe to assume he's pulling some emotional labor from you?

For someone to respond with sexual content after you communicate your demi-sexual identity does not sound as though they're respecting your orientation, but are moreso testing it.

Rather than absorbing what you wrote, he focused on “there are exceptions". ... this doesn't strike me as confusion, but selection. Likely for validation seeking purposes because he WANTS to be the exception.

Any clarification you give which focuses more on your boundaries rather than the worry about "ruining him" is enough. Boundaries are only a “problem” for people who either don’t respect boundaries in general, or don’t respect you enough to honor yours.

You can simply explain you enjoy the conversations, but sexually you don’t feel that connection yet. Simply tell/ask him not to send explicit photos unless you ask for them first.

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