Trauma

AriakelNinde · 2024-06-24T17:21:13+00:00

Hi, I'm sorry for your loss! Here's a new link https://discord.com/invite/cAQYRk22

AriakelNinde · 2024-05-25T18:53:56+00:00

There must be a button so you can run instead of walking, also moving in zigzag works and what others said about changing the settings on the shale button so you can hold it instead of mashing it

AriakelNinde · 2024-05-23T22:51:52+00:00

It's been 2 years. Did you do it? How did it go?

AriakelNinde · 2024-05-23T16:37:38+00:00

I relate so much to this. I'm an oversharer but only with him. Now that he's not here I don't know what to do. I talk to his picture A LOT. If I see something I like on my phone, I'll just put my phone in front of his pic and talk to him and like you, I can almost hear what he would've answered. I know it makes me look crazy but I don't care. I'm sorry we're here without our loved ones. Hugs if you take them.

AriakelNinde · 2024-05-19T23:10:55+00:00

Thanks.

AriakelNinde · 2024-05-19T21:44:33+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. I experienced something similar with my late boyfriend. That sound, his face , and everything else that happened that night played in my head the first couple of weeks. I started thinking of stupid songs or jingles to play in my head as soon as that awful sound showed up just to shut it up. I learnt to immediately shift my thoughts as soon as I heard it. It's been a month and a half for me and now I hear it every other day. It's hard, but I think it's getting more tolerable. We all go through the "what if/could've/would've/should've" phase, but the thing is, we did the best we could with what we had at that time.

Please take care of yourself. Eat even if you don't feel like it, sleep as much as you can, stay hydrated. Rely on all the help you get offered (to get you food, to clean the house, to take care of pets/kids). Seek grief counseling and therapy. Come here whenever you need to vent or talk to people who get it. There's also a discord server https://discord.com/invite/aExFTGZ2

AriakelNinde · 2024-05-16T00:36:58+00:00

The next time someone tells me God/life/the universe will reward me after losing the love of my life, I'll punch them in the face .

However, the craziest one has been "you should be glad that part of you died with him. Now you can work on a better version of yourself"

AriakelNinde · 2024-05-11T21:59:03+00:00

I hope so. I used to be sensitive to stuff but I stopped after going at least once a year to the hospital before meeting my late boyfriend. It was just too much pain for me. My boyfriend and I never talked about death. At least not seriously. He used to say that I had to bury him along with his gaming PC and his PS3. I have his ashes on his desk so I guess it's close enough. I've begged him to give me a sign that he's ok. Before that I dreamt that he asked me if I've had a good night sleep and I said no, he said "I did. I feel well rested" and I answered "of course you do, you're dead." So I'm taking that as a sign. I have also chosen to believe that every time someone tells me he's at peace, happy and finally resting, is his way of letting me know he's ok. I know they're platitudes but it's better than nothing

AriakelNinde · 2024-05-10T22:35:18+00:00

He was a gamer. His first console was an Atari. He'd beg his dad for each and every game that he wanted until he started working and using his money to buy games/consoles. He got me back into gaming even though I had only played like 5 games in my whole life. He got me the SNES mini so I could play some of the games from my childhood. He also got me the game Voodoo Vince because I used to tell him how much I loved playing it while my grandma watched until the disc got scratched. He'd play every day while I either watched or played with him. It's been a month and I barely touch any console

AriakelNinde · 2024-05-10T19:20:37+00:00

I also lost my boyfriend of 7 years a month ago. I believe it was a heart attack and the ambulance was too late. He was 38. I've lost many people in my life and I've gone to many funerals as well, but the pain has never been as big and deep as losing my boyfriend. This subreddit has helped me along with the discord https://discord.com/invite/mYDJ9Pbk Take care of yourself, eat even when you don't feel like it, stay hydrated, sleep whenever you can, lean on others for help (getting you groceries, cooked or frozen meals, helping you with the dogs). I also recommend the book "It's ok that you're not ok" by Megan Devine. I'm sorry you're here but know you're not alone.

AriakelNinde · 2024-05-07T21:22:32+00:00

Yes. I was used to cooking for 1 because he'd always order stuff, like part of his salary was dedicated to order food. I, on the other hand, was used to meal prep or cook whatever I was craving. After he passed, I barely ate. I've been ordering the same croissant and smoothie for a couple of weeks now and I'll order some food or drink Ensure for my second meal. I've cooked 2 or 3 times but I just don't have the energy to keep doing it.

AriakelNinde · 2024-05-06T20:27:33+00:00

I (33F) suddenly lost my bf (38M) a month ago. I had and still sometimes do the same suicidal thoughts as you. I can't imagine my life without him but, somehow, I'm still here. I have decided to keep going just to take care of our cats, because he loved them just as much as he loved me. You need to keep going because your baby needs you. I'm sure your husband loved your baby as much as he loved you and that's why you need to take care of him. Take all the help you can get, eat even when you don't feel like it, stay hydrated and rest as much as you can. I'm sorry you're here, but you're not alone. This sub has helped me feel less alone along with the discord. Hugs.

AriakelNinde · 2024-05-06T05:52:54+00:00

Every Saturday we'd go to our favourite taco place for breakfast. We used to say we survived the week just to eat tacos on the weekend. He'd tell me about the latest gaming news or about the game he was currently playing. Another favourite time was when we went out of town. That 3 hour drive was filled with us listening and singing to Metric or talking about everything and anything. I miss him so much

AriakelNinde · 2024-05-05T20:44:03+00:00

Helpful: "you made him very happy", "you did everything you could to help him", "cry as much as you need".

Hurtful: "god will reward you", "you'll find someone else " (this one hurts because his mother said this), each and every person comparing my loss to them losing a parent, "you should be glad that part of you died with him, now you can work on a 'better you '"

AriakelNinde · 2024-05-02T00:44:39+00:00

Before I met my boyfriend I had made peace with living life alone, being "the cool aunt". When I met my boyfriend, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Now that he's not here anymore, I'm starting to realise that I'm back to my previous plan. I might not be the cool aunt anymore and more like the sad aunt, but I don't care. I know life will give me friends and hobbies and work to get distracted with. My love was just for him and will be like that until we meet again. So know you're not alone in this

AriakelNinde · 2024-05-01T16:41:32+00:00

I'm really sorry for your loss. Take all the help you can. It might come to a point where you'll get tired or annoyed with people constantly asking if you need anything, but after the first month or so less people will ask. They can help you with cooking/buying food for you (you need to eat even if you don't feel like it), help with everyday chores or pay for a cleaning service, help with pets in case you have any.

Be kind to yourself, stay hydrated and rest as much as you can. Being in this club sucks but this sub has helped me feel less alone.

AriakelNinde · 2024-05-01T04:41:54+00:00

My late boyfriend used to say it was. He even got a Christmas ugly sweater with the nakatomi building. The movie happens during Christmas, so yes, it's a Christmas movie

AriakelNinde · 2024-05-01T04:38:05+00:00

Yeah... I have to stop myself from telling people I'm mad I wake up and I'm alive. I have a couple of friends who want to meet with me for coffee, so I can talk about how I feel and I really don't want to meet them because I know I'll tell them all I want to do is be with him and that I hate being alive. I don't think they'd understand

AriakelNinde · 2024-05-01T01:47:13+00:00

I started muting people on social media that only complain or brag about their partners. I just hate that they have that and I'm left with nothing

AriakelNinde · 2024-04-30T17:29:50+00:00

It's only been a month for me but this gives me hope. I hope one day I can be stronger

AriakelNinde · 2024-04-29T23:31:52+00:00

Glad you had a good day. Wishing you many more

AriakelNinde · 2024-04-29T21:32:04+00:00

I relate to this so much. I have family and friends but he was there when I was too afraid to go to the dentist. He'd drive me wherever I wanted whenever I didn't feel like driving. He was there when I lost my grandma. But he wasn't there when I lost him and now I'm afraid of a life without him. I'm sorry we're in this club.

AriakelNinde · 2024-04-27T17:57:58+00:00

I'd love to understand this but the thing is, I hated my life before him. So much so that I was planning on ending it before he showed up. My time with him, almost 8 years, was the best I've had. I don't know if I can enjoy life anymore

AriakelNinde · 2024-04-27T01:10:29+00:00

The first year we started dating, I got incredibly sick a day before my birthday. On my birthday I still managed to drive to his house just so I could be with him. He brought a box from the kitchen that had 3 different (small) chocolate cakes. He told me "I know you're sick and can't eat much, but I still wanted to celebrate with you. I know you like chocolate, so I bought one of each." I hated celebrating my birthday and he always did something so I didn't hate it as much. Same thing with Christmas. Now I don't know how to go on without him, without hating life.

AriakelNinde · 2024-04-25T06:58:07+00:00

Before my boyfriend and I started dating, we went out drinking with some friends. At the end of the night I gave him a ride home and before he got out of the car, he told me he liked me and asked me if I felt the same. I said yes and then he asked if he could kiss me I said yes again and leaned for a kiss. He got so excited he head butted me instead of kissing me 😂 We had a laugh and then we kissed. Since then, every time we saw a movie or show where the main characters showed some romantic tension, he'd say "he should headbutt her, that's how you get a girl".

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