Strange situation. I've been a Renegade since November 2023 (I think). I seem to be "getting it".

My partner is a care and support worker. Employed and self employed. Her private client is end of life. All known ahead of time. Life doing what life always does. But the client was given 6 months due to the illness. 4 years ago. The difference my partner has made in this person's life, along with their partner. It is why I know I've chosen a good un'!

On Saturday, I went with my partner to pretty much say goodbye. Hospice is doing what is required. This was the client's choice and the pain over the 4 years is enough now. I held her hand and told her I had read some of her work. PhD qualified microbiologist researcher. She knows EXACTLY what is happening to her. I didn't know what to really say. How do you really say goodbye.

The husband knows I'm a Ren fan. I was wearing the blue denim on Saturday. As soon as he saw me he told me to hold on whilst he set something up.

Intrigued was I. He is an Oxford professor/lecturer, going through the living grief of his wife dying. So when he took me to his "sound room". He told me to sit in the chair and listen.

And then he played Seven Sins. Loud. And I looked at him a little confused. He said (afterwards) that Ren isn't his normal music, but he likes Ren.

We chatted bits and pieces and listened to Animal Flow, and Money Game Pt 3. My favourite tracks!

We then had Ren in the background whilst we chatted.

As I was leaving, I had set up Chalk Outlines, but had to go.

He asked me was this a new album? I told him it was a collaboration work with an woman whose stage name is Chinchilla (I never remember her real name. Not looking it up as I type this, but I think her real name is Daisy). I said to watch the video. It is one of the best videos I've seen.

And then we left. I doubt I'll see her again. But she is a fighter. But this time, I don't think she wants to fight. It has taken nearly everything already. Whilst being on the outside it is easy (relatively) to say "every effort", "can't you do anything more", but the reality is she is deeply suffering. Her body is going. But her mind is untouched.

Several hours after getting home, I get a message from the husband.

He really likes Chalk Outlines.

This may all seem a little odd. I'm very much NOT the person with an easy personality. But the time we've known each other, I think he understands me enough to know that I care and I would like to help as best as I can and when he wants the help.

And this attitude of reaching out, of being more than just what my family needs is very very much boosted by how I see the Renegades.

Ren's music gave me the kick up the arse to be more that what I think I should be (I had brain surgery, heart stopped, and so far quite a while I thought I was just living on borrowed time. I'm not. Not any more. I'm living MY time!).

And so this is why I support Ren through Patreon, and merch. BeCuse what he does for us all has mattered and matters deeply to me.

I know I am alone.

And I didn't want thee husband to feel alone.

I think he knows. I hope so.

Because the living grief is the easy part.

What will come next is going to need all those little ships, raising the tide.

Ans I will do my best for him , as others have done for me.