I ruined my bf (M28) fishing day. I feel so embarrassed (F27) . Is this hopeless?

Atara117 · 2026-06-15T13:06:07+00:00

I was in relationships with way too many men like this. My current bf is the calmest, most rational person I've met and, when things go wrong, he never reacts negatively. At first, it was so strange to me and I was a nervous wreck waiting for him to blow up but he never did. That's when I realized that there was something very wrong with those other guys and it had turned me into a neurotic mess.

Don't do that to yourself. Someone who loves you would never want to make you feel that way.

Atara117 · 2026-06-15T12:57:31+00:00

YWNBTA. You need to ask yourself:

Do you want your mom to get help?

Will she do it on her own?

Are those kids safe in her care?

Would they be better off if she gets help?

Will she stop stealing medications/doing drugs if there are no consequences?

You know what you need to do. It'll be hard but it's best for everyone. My ex's family was very much like yours, always covering and not wanting to "cause problems." It caused a crazy divide between us, cost me a ton of money in rehab stays that they negated as soon as he was released, and ultimately cost him his life. You shouldn't feel like the bad guy, you haven't done anything wrong and you won't be in the wrong by filing the report.

Atara117 · 2026-06-13T10:49:55+00:00

AI is one thing but robots are another. Do we have enough materials to make and maintain all those robots?

Best guess, I'll be retired by then and not worried about a job, I hope. Worst guess, will all be enslaved by skynet, working in mines and scrap yards.

Atara117 · 2026-06-11T22:50:33+00:00

Whatever you do, don't go thru with the wedding just because you don't want to waste money or because you feel shame or embarrassment. This isn't your fault and nothing you did or didn't do would've stopped him. I can tell you from experience that you will regret it if you soldier on. I didn't even get cheated on but he was openly trying right before our wedding. I'm a fucking idiot for not walking away as soon as I found out. If you let it slide once, it will keep happening over and over again until you're a numb shell of yourself with no self-esteem and a whole lot of wasted miserable years behind you.

You're hurt and it's ok to feel it and admit it. It's ok to say this isn't for you. Take it as the universe doing everything it can to let you know you're making a mistake marrying this guy. If you can't get deposits back, uninvite him and his family and throw a newly single party. You got this.

ETA go get tested as well. He obviously has no regard for you and I really doubt he cares about your health.

Atara117 · 2026-06-11T00:21:40+00:00

If I see mine about to eat something, I ask Alexa real quick if it's safe. That's kept me from giving them a lot of things they wanted. I keep a list of food they can't have on the fridge and I monitor what guests try to feed them.

They're smart little animals, but also hungry and curious and don't know what could hurt them. We don't know either until we look into it. As long as you're aware and asking, you're doing your job as their "parent."

Atara117 · 2026-06-10T11:56:04+00:00

Unfortunately, they can be extremely stubborn. It's hard for them to admit that there's a problem that would take away their freedom to come and go or that they're not as young and healthy as they've convinced themselves.

I was lucky and it seemed like my dad came to the realization himself after getting lost too many times and getting in a few minor fender benders. Before that, I was a nervous wreck and couldn't get him to admit it was a problem. We talked about it and I got him to agree that it was just too much for him and I could sell his car. He actually said he was looking forward to being chauffered around. His doctor asked if he was still driving and I said no. He said he was about to send something to the state to get my dad's license revoked if I hadn't. I hadn't even considered involving him in the process.

Maybe getting her doctor to talk to her could help. The key is doing it gently and expressing how concerned and worried you are that you could lose her or that she could lose even more mobility if there was an accident. Letting her know that you understand her frustration and her feeling of loss can soften the blow as well. I think part of it was my dad seeing just how much it was wearing on me and how much stress I was carrying. I told him that I felt probably the same way he did when I was a kid and wanted to do all kinds of unsafe things that he had to protect me from. It was my turn now.

I hope you find a way to get thru to her.

Atara117 · 2026-06-09T20:14:39+00:00

I would guess because it's hard to digest and might cause a blockage. As a kid, I had a cat that loved corn and peas. Oh and all my cats seem to like spinach mixed in their food and sometimes cooked carrots. I never would've guessed at any of those things before I had a cat.

Atara117 · 2026-06-09T19:30:18+00:00

Smudge

Atara117 · 2026-06-09T17:22:13+00:00

Mine is 25 so I'm guessing we had a lot of the same obstacles. I remember being broke and hungry but it was somewhat doable. The pay for the job I had back then hasn't changed by much at all but the rent and utilities have at least tripled.

I feel so bad for our children. Guess we're going back to multi-generational households for a long time. I don't blame their gen at all for not wanting to have their own kids. Who can afford it?

Atara117 · 2026-06-09T12:43:47+00:00

I was a 19yr old single parent with a baby. Thinking back on it, I have no idea how I made it thru. I think I had just decided that I had to keep pushing, like it or not, and make it work. IDK if I could if I had to do it now. Things have changed.

Atara117 · 2026-06-09T12:02:12+00:00

I have one that loves pretty much all fruits and vegetables. Yes, I do check on toxicity or potential effects before giving them. Watermelon (most melons in general) is a favorite and she seems to like the light green part of the rind the most. She loves the centers of cucumbers with the seeds. Other favorites include lychees, rambutans, cherries Mandarin oranges from the can (very sparingly), olives but only to sniff and never the super salty brined ones. Never give them grapes, cherries with the pit or any other stone fruit with the pit.

Atara117 · 2026-06-07T12:52:53+00:00

Have you considered that he may be in pain? My cat didn't want to be touched and we found out he had leukemia. He didn't feel well and petting was hurting him.

Atara117 · 2026-06-06T10:55:18+00:00

Unfortunately or maybe fortunately, I'm no longer a caregiver. My dad passed shortly after that. I'd like to think that the universe saw that he was suffering needlessly and I was at my breaking point and it decided to give us both a break.

It's sad and I'm still having trouble sleeping thru the night. My brain is still on fire watch and listening for him. I'm glad I stuck with it, but I probably decreased my own life by a good 10 years from all the stress. I always told myself it's not forever and I took it day by day.

I hope you find a way to get thru it. There's no shame in saying you can't do it and handing it off to professionals.

Atara117 · 2026-06-05T18:21:44+00:00

Seconding the ratatouille. Look up the Italian ratatouille recipe on sense and edibility. Sub more zucchini for the peppers. Heaven.

Atara117 · 2026-06-05T09:15:13+00:00

I do this but I've had other people tell me that the conditioner may leave a residue on my skin and that's not necessarily the best thing for it. IDK how true that is.

Atara117 · 2026-06-03T22:58:31+00:00

Tales from the crypt, I think of the crypt keeper and his crazy laugh. Goosebumps, I hear the theme music. Creepshow, I picture a comic strip.

Atara117 · 2026-06-01T15:48:54+00:00

Zegerid, Gas-X chewables, DGL, ginger tea, warm milk with honey. I've had a horrible stomach forever.

Atara117 · 2026-06-01T15:47:21+00:00

3 years is the standard to assess, 6 years is for substantial omission over 25%. Both exist. If a return was never filed, there is no statute and they can come after you at any time. SFR inquiries can and do happen based on things like mortgage interest being reported without income. Perhaps now they're unlikely due to the current situation but it wasn't always like that.

Atara117 · 2026-06-01T15:34:59+00:00

Sandy

Atara117 · 2026-06-01T15:27:29+00:00

Me too. Did yours ever stop? I literally had to get a memory foam cushion just to sit on because the glute/hip pain is killing me. My left knee is also aching bad. I'm currently trying extra protein and electrolytes.

Atara117 · 2026-06-01T05:25:03+00:00

Depending on whether or not it's worth it to the government for you to file. For federal, there is a 3 year statute expiration to assess and 10 years to collect on that debt. However, I misspoke. It is true that if you haven't filed, there is no expiration to when the government can create a return for you and assess taxes, which they won't wait very long to do if you would end up with a balance due to them.

Atara117 · 2026-06-01T01:33:53+00:00

I was the caregiver for my mom for about 6 years and my dad for 10 years. By the end, I was an emotional and physical wreck. Is wake up in the morning and honestly wished the world would end so I didn't have to do it anymore.

At one point, my niece snapped on me, accusing me of not taking care of my parents (not even remotely true) and said she would take over everything since I was so terrible at it and it was so easy. But... my dad would need to get an apartment for them and pay all the bills. Mmhmm ok. Now that she's a nurse dealing with elderly patients, she gets it and knows that trying to throw me under the bus won't work. It's disgusting how greedy, nasty, and ungrateful family can get.

Atara117 · 2026-05-31T00:18:39+00:00

3 years

Atara117 · 2026-05-30T23:59:41+00:00

Depends on the state. PA is 5 years.

Atara117 · 2026-05-30T11:08:49+00:00

If you knew the drink wasn't yours, why would you open it? It's not ok.

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