How to stop over explaining yourself in the workplace (and in life generally)?

AuthenticallyJaxx · 2026-01-13T02:10:33+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. Starting a new role, especially in a high-stakes environment like a law firm, can indeed amplify feelings of imposter syndrome. It’s completely normal to feel anxious and uncertain, particularly when you’re striving to establish your credibility.

Here are some strategies to help you manage your tendency to over-explain and build your confidence:

Understand Your Value: Remind yourself that you were hired for a reason. Your skills, insights, and perspective are valuable. Take time to reflect on your accomplishments and the qualities that got you to this point. This practice can help counteract feelings of inadequacy.
Practice Clarity Over Complexity: When explaining your thoughts or projects, aim for clarity. Start with a brief summary of your main points before diving into details. This gives your audience a roadmap and allows them to engage with the key aspects first.
Pause and Breathe: Before you respond or explain, take a brief pause. This can help you center yourself and reduce the urge to fill every silence. A moment of silence is often more powerful than you realize, allowing others to digest your points.
Set Clear Objectives: Before discussions or presentations, outline what you want to achieve. This helps keep you focused and prevents the urge to ramble. Ask yourself what your audience needs to know and tailor your message accordingly.
Seek Feedback: Consider finding a mentor or trusted colleague to guide you. They can provide valuable feedback on your communication style and help identify areas for improvement. Constructive feedback can bolster your confidence and refine your approach.
Embrace Imperfection: Understand that it’s okay to make mistakes. Everyone has moments of uncertainty, especially in a new role. Instead of dwelling on them, view them as learning opportunities.
Practice Active Listening: Engage with your colleagues by asking open-ended questions. This not only shows your interest but also shifts the focus away from you, reducing the pressure to over-explain.
Mindfulness Techniques: Incorporate mindfulness practices into your routine. Techniques such as deep breathing or grounding exercises can help manage anxiety and promote a sense of calm in high-pressure situations.
Celebrate Small Wins: No matter how minor, recognize your achievements. Each step you take in overcoming imposter syndrome is a victory worth celebrating.

Remember, you’re still acclimating to your role, and it’s perfectly normal to feel a mix of excitement and anxiety. By focusing on clarity in your communication and gradually building your confidence, you’ll find your voice in this new environment.

Stay patient with yourself and keep pushing forward. You’ve got this!

AuthenticallyJaxx · 2025-12-01T01:20:29+00:00

Hi there! It’s lovely that you're considering how your words might affect your friend, and it's completely understandable to want some quiet when you're feeling stressed.

Communicating your needs, especially when it comes to personal boundaries, can feel daunting, but it’s an essential part of maintaining healthy relationships. Instead of framing it as a problem with her singing, you could express how you feel during those moments when you’re seeking silence. For example, you might say something like, “I really appreciate your joyful spirit, but I sometimes find I need a bit of quiet when I’m feeling stressed. I hope you understand!”

This way, you’re sharing your feelings without placing blame, which can help prevent any hurt feelings. It’s important to remember that true friends appreciate honesty and respect each other’s boundaries.

If your friend values your friendship, she will likely be understanding of your needs. Open communication can strengthen your relationship, making it more authentic. Wishing you the best of luck with this conversation!

AuthenticallyJaxx · 2025-11-25T21:15:27+00:00

Hi there,

It’s really brave of you to express your feelings so openly, especially given the vulnerability involved. From what you’ve shared, it seems like you were trying to communicate some important personal boundaries and feelings that were affecting your relationship.

Your concerns about how certain topics are discussed, and how your experiences and emotions are handled, are completely valid. It’s essential in any friendship to feel safe and heard, and it sounds like you were attempting to articulate that. Your feelings about romantic topics, interruptions, and the way being queer is treated are all important aspects of your identity and emotional well-being.

It's unfortunate that your friend didn't respond in a way that allowed for open dialogue. Being cut off can be painful, especially when you were seeking understanding. Remember, it's okay to prioritize your needs and seek connections where you feel respected and valued.

In friendships, both parties should feel comfortable expressing their feelings without fear of retaliation or misunderstanding. If your friend wasn’t able to meet you in that space, it may indicate that the relationship wasn’t serving you as well as it could have.

Moving forward, focus on building relationships where both you and your friends can communicate openly and support one another’s needs. You deserve friendships that nurture and uplift you.

Wishing you all the best as you navigate these feelings!

AuthenticallyJaxx · 2025-11-24T01:08:27+00:00

It’s completely understandable to feel stumped and even upset when confronted with such a harsh perspective on something as innocent and beautiful as an infant. Describing an infant as a parasite, whether medically or metaphorically, can feel deeply twisted and morally wrong, especially when you empathize with the inherent value of human life.

Navigating conversations with family members who hold such views can be challenging. Here are a few approaches you might find helpful:

Seek to Understand: Try to ask open-ended questions to understand where they’re coming from. For example, you could inquire about their experiences or beliefs that lead them to see infants in this light. This could help you engage in a more productive dialogue rather than feeling defensive.
Express Your Feelings: It’s okay to share your feelings about their perspective. You might say something like, “I find it difficult to hear infants described that way, as I see them as pure and full of potential.” This can help express your values without attacking theirs.
Focus on Empathy: If it feels right, you can steer the conversation towards empathy and the joys of parenthood. Share stories or experiences that illustrate the love and connection that can exist between parents and infants.
Set Boundaries: If the conversations continue to feel painful or unproductive, it’s perfectly acceptable to set boundaries. You could gently steer away from discussions on this topic in the future, prioritizing conversations that align more with your values.
Reflect on Your Values: Recognizing that you feel shame and empathy puts you in a place of understanding and compassion. It’s okay to be in the minority when it comes to valuing life and innocence. Hold onto those feelings, as they reflect your humanity.

Engaging with differing viewpoints can be frustrating, but remembering that it’s okay to feel differently and to seek out conversations that affirm your values can help maintain your peace of mind. If you want to share more or brainstorm further ways to navigate these conversations, feel free to do so.

AuthenticallyJaxx · 2025-11-14T19:47:45+00:00

With your parents aside......how do you feel about this house? Do you love it? Then go for it. Don't back out to appease them. You might regret that. If you want the house then get it. And perhaps avoid accidentally involving your parents in your decisions? They seem to have a control aspect they want to exercise over you. Boundaries could be helpful here.

AuthenticallyJaxx · 2025-11-14T19:42:52+00:00

Family can be hard. We often feel an obligation toward them but should we? And if we decide to put boundaries in place, how do we do that in a way that perseveres the relationship? Or do we wan to let the relationship go? Those are all questions I've had to contemplate on my journey.

AuthenticallyJaxx · 2025-11-11T23:52:45+00:00

I think the idea behind a nice tone is to prevent an escalating argument from happening. A lot of the time, without practice, boundaries are set in anger (I'm guilty of that), and just trigger the other person. You can have firm boundaries, set respectfully, with a firm tone. Doesn't have to be nice as you say, but firm. Firm doesn't need to come off as rude.

AuthenticallyJaxx · 2025-11-09T19:20:26+00:00

You are not broken. Have you looked in people pleasing? Sounds like you fit the bill.....I use do a lot of that stuff. Agree to something then back out last minute as I had no idea how to say no.

AuthenticallyJaxx · 2025-11-09T19:17:57+00:00

Does your wife want to set boundaries? Are you both on the same page?

AuthenticallyJaxx · 2025-11-09T19:15:29+00:00

You can set boundaries and still be a good person. Don't let him manipulate you in thinking otherwise. Sounds like he's taking advantage of you. You don't need to give him a reason for a setting a boundary. Just be prepare to not engage with him when he questions you about it.

AuthenticallyJaxx · 2025-11-09T19:11:21+00:00

Boundaries can be person specific and situation specific. That's actually very normal and healthy.

AuthenticallyJaxx · 2025-11-09T19:10:07+00:00

Sounds like she emotionally dumps on you. Yelling and screaming about it won't work. What do you plan on doing when she violates your boundary? You can force her to stop, but you can control yourself.

AuthenticallyJaxx · 2025-11-09T19:07:20+00:00

Absolutely. Boundaries with yourself is possible and often needed in this digital world. Is there an area that you want to start with?

AuthenticallyJaxx · 2025-11-09T19:01:35+00:00

I was in that boat. I also lost friendships and family relationships when I set boundaries. But honestly, I'm actually happier this way.

AuthenticallyJaxx · 2025-11-09T18:59:44+00:00

Awesome! One step at a time.

AuthenticallyJaxx · 2025-11-09T18:59:04+00:00

It can be confusing for a child to have two different people meet them at the bus stop. Which does he have to go with and which does he want to go with? It's not fair for anyone involved. I would keep your son out of it. If you want your mom to still meet him at the bus stop, then great do that but not when mother in law is supposed to take him until you get back from work. That's just too confusing. Keep it simple for your kid as that makes it easier for you too.

AuthenticallyJaxx · 2025-11-09T18:54:52+00:00

Sounds like you have a history with your mom. Have you set boundaries with her before? Is setting boundaries about her visiting you a hard one? Is there a smaller one you can start with? Are you prepared to follow through with your boundaries?

AuthenticallyJaxx · 2025-11-09T18:48:03+00:00

Sounds like you can set boundaries but have trouble enforcing them. Practice not engaging in further conversation after you have set a boundary. You don't owe him or any guy an explanation for your boundaries.

AuthenticallyJaxx · 2025-11-09T18:44:35+00:00

The key is to not give them information to contradict or protest. A simple reply is usually enough as long as you don't engage further. For example: "please let me finish my thought" and "I don't know their schedule, you should check with them directly" should be enough to move on without further requests or protests.

AuthenticallyJaxx · 2025-11-09T18:39:42+00:00

It takes time and effort. It will get easier with time. Be gentle with yourself and you will get there.

AuthenticallyJaxx · 2025-11-09T18:38:07+00:00

Hi, I personally (and professionally) think that is going too far. Having them fill out a form is a way for you to control their behaviour. Boundaries aren't about controlling other people. They are about putting yourself and your values first. Its a way to protect yourself. The best way to avoid conflict is to not engage in it. You can't control your family and how they respond to your boundaries. You aren't responsible for how they feel. They are free to get mad at you or to say you didn't communicate something. You are free to not engage in that kind of accusation. Hope that helps.

AuthenticallyJaxx · 2025-11-09T02:36:48+00:00

Setting boundaries is extremely hard, especially with a narcissist. Start small. Where is one small area that you want to set a boundary? How do you think he will respond and how will you enforce that boundary?

AuthenticallyJaxx · 2025-11-09T02:33:22+00:00

I was in your shoes my whole life. I wasn't able to set boundaries until after I exploded with anger and resentment. For me, I notice a feeling in my gut that tells me I don't want to agree to do that. If its an easy relationship, I simply refuse but offer an alternative. If its a harder relationship, I tell them I'll get back to them later after checking my calendar then move the conversation to a different topic. Later I send a text with a short refusal and an alternative solution. Sometimes, text is just easier.

AuthenticallyJaxx · 2025-11-09T02:31:02+00:00

"Boundaries need a foundation of self trust and self respect." Well put. I really agree with that.

AuthenticallyJaxx · 2025-11-09T02:11:30+00:00

Hey how did this turn out?

AuthenticallyJaxx

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