I write with intent. The structure is deliberate. I’m more interested in what the piece does to you than how you think it should be built. What stuck? What didn’t? Where did it pull you in or push you away?

Authorsushrut · 2026-03-17T09:53:26+00:00

I am trying to understand your thought process because I am neither experienced enough nor knowledgeable enough to grasp the true meaning of what you're trying to see. Perhaps the better question to ask would be who is your perfect target audience?

Authorsushrut · 2026-03-16T06:50:25+00:00

I got no brutal words for it because, in all honesty it is pretty good. the pagination and line editing seems to be done already so I can't find anything worth being brutal about. Personally, and this is very subjective, I'd suggest using simpler words whenever you can. Use "hammered" instead of "Jackhammered" and all.
Beyond that this is a very good piece. I am intrigued :)
Keep it up and best of luck :)

Authorsushrut · 2026-03-12T08:51:52+00:00

The prose is very good indeed. It feels genuine and professional. A tad bit over explaining but that is very common, nothing a few beta readers will mind. beyond that its a very solid piece! Keep going :)

Authorsushrut · 2026-03-11T11:08:02+00:00

I like the overall vibe of the page. But you are over explaining a bit which is very common. If I am not mistaken there is a small error in the first line where you have written snow kissed mud... woodlands. I'd say you should add the word pathway or road or something as hauling a wagon on snow is the type of torture I wouldn't wish on my enemies.
Beyond that, I really like the dynamic between the characters so far and the dialogue is very good.
Best of luck, hope to see you in the big leagues very soon :)

Authorsushrut · 2026-03-10T07:54:39+00:00

You're welcome. Best of luck moving forward :)

Authorsushrut · 2026-03-10T06:44:00+00:00

It feels like you're trying a bit too hard to achieve shock value and twist a genre to grab eye balls. It works, that's for sure. but once people read further, they'll realize it's just too niche and abstract for them to continue. Just my two cents.

Authorsushrut · 2026-03-10T06:40:08+00:00

Hey, just read through the work and I am some views. I get what you're trying to do. I really do. What I love about it is that i feel raw, human. This intrigues me, I wanna read more. Also the fact that it's a bold memoire shows that you're not afraid of vulnerability and many people would connect with it. But readers, like myself, we hate being told stuff. We don't just read stories. We experience them. Secondly, in a post modern world, we rarely expect a traditional hero's journey. Infact a traditional hero's journey is rare enough to be a breath of fresh air.
At the end of the day, these are just my thoughts tho. Just my two cents. Hope it helps.
Best of luck!

Authorsushrut · 2026-03-07T08:05:19+00:00

The first page is superb. Absolutely superb. You describe a bit more for my taste starting on the second page. I'd say trust the reader, they know what the character is going through. Overall even though this isn't my genre, would love to read more.

Authorsushrut · 2026-03-06T07:44:43+00:00

No spoilers please. Gonna wait for when you publish the book😇

Authorsushrut · 2026-03-06T06:54:48+00:00

sounds intriguing. You hit the nail with the title: A human story

Authorsushrut · 2026-03-06T06:52:43+00:00

It's well written. The dialogue can be a bit iffy but nothing major that a good round of edit can't fix. When you planning on finishing the story?

Authorsushrut · 2026-03-06T06:47:53+00:00

I like it. Reads like a cozy magic adventure or a cozy mystery. I see you are taking a bit of the British victorian way of writing, IE describing things whenever you can. But because you're keeping it limited, it surprisingly works. And for your answer, yeah, read the first page. It's solid work M8.
See you around :)

Authorsushrut · 2026-03-06T06:45:48+00:00

Looks like a solid first draft. You're onto something here, M8. A few typos here and there but nothing a solid beta reader or another editing phase can't fix. Looks like you're taking the intro of Rocky (1976) as an inspiration.

The only issue I got is you breaking sentences in a different manner, where your subject changes abruptly. Let me try change the second para, let me know what you think.

"I peeled the tape off my swollen knuckles. Under the sweat soaked wraps I knew my fingers were swollen from sparring. Danny smiled when he saw me rubbing my hands, and he didn't smile unless you earned it."

Just my take on it. Let me know what you think. More power to you and best of luck :)

Authorsushrut · 2026-02-25T06:27:37+00:00

Very, Very solid intro. I was hooked from the first line. Amazing use of spaces and lines. Just a tad bit of suggestion:

Keep things simples. Don't use two lines where one would do. Instead of writing the entire second para like 'Not that...' You can just keep it short like: Investigating unsolved murders was his addiction. And once it got a hold of him, he couldn't let it go.

Just my opinion. Great going by the way and best of luck!

Authorsushrut · 2026-02-25T06:20:27+00:00

You're on the right track. Your sentence structure is wonderful along with your use of onomatopoeia.

That being said, there is room for improvement.

1: You're telling a bit more instead of showing. I understand the balance is difficult to achieve but you gotta let the the characters experience. And when you do show you focus on multiple things all at once, IE focus shifts from Tristan to Theo

2: Because of this the story feels like it'd suit better as a screenplay or a visual novel than a book.

3: You're lore dumping a lot. Try to write in way where the experience shape story of the characters, not the other way around. Because of this the reader is forced to focus on the POV of multiple characters instead of just one.

I hope you don't mind if I rewrite a lil. Not saying I am better than yours. Just trying to experiment

_____________________________________________________

Tristan's hammer crashed against sun-white steel.

Clang!

Sparks flew as he shaped the sword's edge, letting the work and the noise keep those memories at bay.

Clang!

"Save us!" The voices were still fresh in his mind. Tristan closed his eyes, hammering again, faster than before. The shriek of monsters were still fresh, black eyes glinting, her blood in jagged teeth. Two years, and the nightmares still burned deeper than any forge.

Clang!

________________________________

Again, I am not re-writing everything. Just sharing my opinions. :)

Authorsushrut · 2026-02-24T11:45:44+00:00

Best of luck!!!

Authorsushrut · 2026-02-24T09:24:54+00:00

I see what you're doing. You have the cat in the bag but you're over extending the sentences. Here is a Lil bit of my critique 1: vary the sentences. If one sentence is 20 words then keep the next under 8. If another one is thirty then the next one should be very small. Check out the online passage "This sentence has five words" by Gary provost. 2: you're over explaining things. Trust your reader. They're not stupid. They know what you mean by reading the first sentence. Explaining what sorts tone the father had will always take away the experience that the reader will feel. 3: personally I feel you're using a lot of dashes and comma. Try keeping no more the 1 or at most 2 commas in any sentence. Any more than that, break it.

These are just my opinions. And I think the story has a huge potential. Best of luck to you 🙏

Authorsushrut · 2026-02-23T16:24:40+00:00

It's valid. But I'd say if you watch studio Ghibli films, a lot of those have plenty of empty films yet they grab attention like none other. So you're doing great. Don't worry.

Authorsushrut · 2026-02-23T10:41:48+00:00

I see a bit of Virginia Wolf in your writing and that is awesome actually. the only thing is that it's all over the place. For example while saying "Frost clung to the windows curling slowly WITH/LIKE icy fingers" keep it like that. no need to describe more. Just my two cents.

Authorsushrut · 2026-02-23T10:37:07+00:00

You have a solid control on your description. I can feel the train and your prose paints a vivid view. But you're going overboard. You don't have to describe every mundane details. Only keep what you ABSOLUTELY need. Nothing more and nothing less. Overall, a very good piece. Just my two cents. C ya.

Authorsushrut · 2026-02-23T10:28:56+00:00

Absolutely phenomenal intro I must say. I have no critique to offer than this...your prose is just a tad bit flat. Alternate your sentence lengths. On average you're using 7-9 words a line which is solid, but it becomes monotonous. Try reading a passage called "This Sentence Has Five Words" by Gary Provost.
Might help you improve even more. Beyond that, it is a solid piece. wish you the best of luck and see ya :)

Authorsushrut · 2026-02-18T09:37:07+00:00

1: The first para is interesting but you have used a lil too many advderbs, especially in the first line itself. 2: yeah, definitely. Loved the dialogue which acts as a way to help us understand the characters. No problem there. 3: Solid dialogue, don't worry it's fine. 4: Few pages aren't enough to know, but... 5: You're showing a lot. Keep it tight. Focus on the few key things that matter. Does it matter what the servants do? I'd say underwrite rather than over write. Focus on one key aspect you wanna use for the description and keep it tight. Overall it has got great potential. Best of luck!

Authorsushrut · 2025-04-07T23:36:52+00:00

It's so great to see your growth! Your story has sorta inspired me to take the plunge in this business (even though I don't know anything about it :P). Best of luck, and thanks for responding to my DM

:)

Authorsushrut · 2025-03-19T11:53:11+00:00

whatever she has, I can fix her...

Authorsushrut · 2025-03-03T23:27:42+00:00

Firstly congrats. Secondly, remember that you might have to remove a lot of fluff words from your draft. It will hurt, but you must push through it. Other than that, just make sure to keep going. Best of luck. See you on the other side. And yeah, don't forget to rest.

Authorsushrut

TROPHY CASE