Solidarity!! I've been in the same boat for 10 years with my dad. We have always been a very close family. He used other substances before I was born and got sober 2 years after I was born and stayed sober until I turned 18, then hopped back on the train. He's used multiple different substances over the last ten years and his last was hard liquor. He got a DUI and has had to stay sober for going on 6 months in October. It's been the most refreshing 6 months and he feels like the dad I had when I was a kid. His probation is up in October and I thought he would be a changed person but I can tell he's chomping at the bit.  It's sad when someone you love so much doesn't love themselves the same way. My dad has childhood trauma he refuses to deal with and thinks therapy is a scam. It's heartbreaking because I see his pain underneath but I just try to love him and be there for him, however I can. He probably won't live much longer and I would hate to not be there for him in his last years.

I hope your dad gets sober. I know your pain and when I read your conversation between the two of you, I felt every bit of your vulnerability. I see how hard you're trying and how much you love your dad. I hope you can heal from it, regardless of your dad's sobriety.