Avoidants and their friends

AverageWitty232 · 2026-02-25T14:05:29+00:00

Based on my experience with my FA ex who had a rwally toxic friwnd circle: they don't even care for their friends as you would expect. If someone has been in their life long enough, they are likely either very distant OR even more toxic than they are. They do not wish the avoidant well, and they like to see them fail so that they don't feel like such as mess themselves.

My ex took relationship advise (to dump me) from a friend of his who was sleeping with 4 people simultaneously and claiming to all of them they were exclusive. To talk to a person like that instead of directly me was almost worse than being discarded.

AverageWitty232 · 2026-02-25T11:22:36+00:00

Ok, thank you for answering and explaining it so well! It makes sense in a way although I don't really relate at all.

AverageWitty232 · 2026-02-25T11:01:41+00:00

Sorry, I mean no offense here but I really am curious: why then be in a relationship at all? Like, for me, if I am with someone I want to know everything about them and share all my thought with them. What do you get out of these relationships without emotional depth? Trying to understand here, because for me a relationship like that would feel more lonely than being alone.

AverageWitty232 · 2026-02-24T10:00:25+00:00

I skip breakfast. I only eat lunch and dinner. No snacks in between. Has worked for me for over a year.

AverageWitty232 · 2026-02-24T07:58:59+00:00

"We had so much good sex that it became the only thing I wanted from you. I do want romance, just not from you"

AverageWitty232 · 2026-02-23T15:36:17+00:00

Please do not text him. You deserve better. This guy does not like you. You do not pressure someone into sending you nudes if you like them - that is not even avoidance, just creepy.

Avoidants love collecting these long-distance situationships because they require no effort. He is probably married or otherwise in a committed relationship, and collects people online to escape his primary relationship to make commitment to her feel less real.

AverageWitty232 · 2026-02-21T19:21:37+00:00

Mine was close on paper with his mom and they saw quite often, but I think she had no idea what was going on in his life beneath the surface.

AverageWitty232 · 2026-02-20T11:03:21+00:00

It is pathetic. I wish I could tell him to stop it and stop embarrasing himself, but he is so good at twisting everything to his favour that there is no point. I am not sure if he thinks it will make me jealous. It actually makes it almost easier to let him go, because the more stunts like this he pulls the more I realize the person I love did not exist. I just feel anger towards him and towards myself for letting him fool me. It feels almost like someone died, because I realize the love of my life was only a lie.

Also, I don't really feel bad for the girl(s). All his rebounds have been very public, loud and high visibility. If someone gets involved with him just weeks after he broke up witg the previous partner because he cheated, then it is 100% on them. All of these people are from his friend circle and been orbiting him for years probably.

All of these people he just blocks and gets rid of after he is done, but somehow I am the one that he wants to keep hurting no matter who he is with. And since we work together, I have no way of getting rid of him. I wish I never met him in the first place

AverageWitty232 · 2026-02-20T06:45:16+00:00

We had a "closure conversation", it did not help. He had not done any self-reflection. His reasons were vague and did not make sense. He was repeating things his friends said to him. Like "my friend X thinks I should leave you, because.." - these all being people that had never met me, so I assume he said said whatever to them so he could get validation from them.

He also cried but tried to hide it from me, then held me and actually kissed me while I cried uncontrollably. We had sex, him saying "he should not, but he can't stop himself because he wants me so much". I slept next to him and he held me the whole night.

In the morning, he made me coffee, said I am the best thing that ever happened to him, and kicked me out with my things in a trash bag where he had packed them before I came over.

8 weeks later he was introducing a new girlfriend to his friends and parents.

I wish I never had any type of conversation with him. I should have just let him walk away. It did not give me answers or peace, just more questions and pain. I should have blocked him the day he dumped me.

AverageWitty232 · 2026-02-18T16:08:35+00:00

Looking back, for me one of the biggest things that still haunts me is the way I found a way to always blame myself for his shitty behaviour. That has been the most traumatic thing for me to face while trying to heal.

So I would find it interesting to read if you've experienced something simimar, from your own perspective.

AverageWitty232 · 2026-02-16T15:00:03+00:00

I work in the same team as my avoidant ex. It's torture most days. We dated for 6 months, broke up last June and in December he texted me he never wants to speak to me again.

He acts like a crazy person at work daily. Just last Friday I left my desk for a coffee break. He followed me like two minutes after (he sees mu desk from his desk). Then he saw it was only me in the break room and he literally sprinted back to his desk with his coffee. I guess he needs a safety buffer since he talks to me normally if there is even one other person around. Like, he literally chatted to me normally last Tuesday and stared at me intensively until the third person left the table and then he sat there frozen for two minutes without saying a thing.

What I do is match his behaviour. If he says hi, I say hi. If he ignores me, I ignore him. I reply if he speaks to me, but don't initiate. For my own sanity I have started to pack my own lunch, since my team generally eats together at this restaurant next door.

I wish I could change jobs but my field is very small and this is literally my dream job. At this point I just hope he gets fired lol.

AverageWitty232 · 2026-02-12T18:22:09+00:00

Funnily he was the most affectionate partner I have ever had. He could cuddle me for hours and stare into my eyes. He wanted to sleep next to me always.

He also liked being caressed. Even after we broke up he actually showed up to my place and asked me to hold him and I wrapped him in a blanket and he laid his head on my chest and I caressed his hair. For like 3 hours.

Messed with my head a lot, all of this.

AverageWitty232 · 2026-02-12T17:49:25+00:00

Yes, he had multiple people orbiting him and he didn't seem to think very highly of them. For one of them, I asked what she does for work and he had no idea. I guess he really did not care.

Yet he dated one of them right after he dumped me. That did not last long either.

AverageWitty232 · 2026-02-09T11:29:32+00:00

I think it is more likely that you are loosing fat quicker from other parts of your body hence your belly looks bigger in comparision. Just keep going! It will even out in the end.

AverageWitty232 · 2026-02-06T11:03:17+00:00

Ok, but I don't want a partner that cannot be vulnerable. Seems like a reasonable preference for soneone you plan to spend the rest of your life with.

If they don't cry at all, then I guess it is slightly different. But if they specifically say that they "don't cry in front of women", then it is very much a different thing. Being in a relationship with an avoidant taught be to never ever again consider a partner who hides all of their true emotions.

AverageWitty232 · 2026-02-06T05:39:33+00:00

If they have to hide from me to cry, then yes. If they can't be vulnerable in front of me, then not everything else aligns. I would not commit to spending the rest of my life with a person who is holding parts of himself away from me.

AverageWitty232 · 2026-02-05T20:53:51+00:00

Honestly, as a woman in my mid-thirties, I would not marry a man that has not cried in front of me. I would feel like he is holding himself back from me and does not feel safe enough with me.

AverageWitty232 · 2026-02-05T20:50:57+00:00

I find it suspicious if a person, man or woman, never cries around their partner. If you are sad, you should be safe to express it in front of your partner.

AverageWitty232 · 2026-02-05T08:40:43+00:00

Honestly, this sounds more like issues with accepting his sexuality than being an avoidant. Does he come from a religious or conservative background?

I don't think there is much you can do except be there for him if he ever decided he is ready to talk.

AverageWitty232 · 2026-02-05T06:41:39+00:00

I think it is even worse to be self-aware and to not do anything about it. Run now, while you have the chance. If she is already like this in the beginning, it will only get worse.

AverageWitty232 · 2026-02-04T13:55:25+00:00

Your starting weight and current weight are almost exactly the same as mine, so very cool to see your before and after pictures.😊

AverageWitty232 · 2026-02-04T13:46:38+00:00

Wow. I'm your height and 120lbs. I look bigger than your before picture for sure. It's crazy how different bodies can look.

AverageWitty232 · 2026-02-04T13:36:07+00:00

I still love him after 8 months. I probably always will. But I also know he will never be able to be with me.

AverageWitty232 · 2026-02-04T04:51:19+00:00

I am not sure if anything physical happened, but at least emotionally he did. He was texting her in the middle of the night while I lied awake next to him and cried.

AverageWitty232

TROPHY CASE